I borrowed this but so true

My children ask me each year the same question. After thinking about it, I'm deciding to give them my real answer:

What do I want for Christmas or my Birthdays? I want you. I want you to keep coming around, I want you to bring your kids around, I want you to ask me questions, ask my advice, tell me your problems, ask for my opinion, ask for my help. I want you to come over and rant about your problems, rant about life, whatever. Tell me about your job, your worries, your significant other, your kids, and your pets that I hope you have. I want you to continue sharing your life with me. Come over and laugh with me, or laugh at me, I don't care. Hearing you laugh is music to me.

I spent the better part of my life raising you the best way I knew how, and I'm not bragging, but I did a pretty good job, no matter how chaotic it looked (or felt) sometimes. Now, give me time to sit back and admire my work, I'm pretty proud of it.

Raid my refrigerator, help yourself, I really don't mind. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.

I want you to spend your money making a better life for you and your family. I have the things I need. I want to see you happy and healthy. 

When you ask me what I want for Christmas, the real truth is that I want you to spend time with me.

FYI -I didn't draft this up but copied and pasted because I thought it was AWESOME. It's exactly how I feel.

Trying to understand

Loosing a loved one or a dear friend or community leader is heart breaking. But when a small town is hit hard two times with three senseless, heart breaking deaths in 24 hours, well we do not have an explanations or logic. Why? That phrase has ran through my mind a million times over the past 48 hours. Why?

They say a parent should never have to bury a child, it is not the order life should go in. And still it happens. I watched it happen with my own father and mother in-law when they had to bury their adult son. Heartbreaking is an understatement.

And today our community mourns the loss of two young people, we are in stunned disbelief. Again heartbreaking is an understatement. As a mother all I can think about is the devastating heartache not only the mother of these two boys but the dad as well, are feeling and will continue to feel all the days of their lives. It is beyond comprehensible. And regardless if your child is 14-years old or 10-years old and dies in a bad auto accident or is 25-years old and is gunned down while in the line of duty as a police officer....burying a child as a parent should not happen. But in reality it does.

We are told to put our faith in God. It is all part of God's plan. I remember my mom saying she was always kind of envious of those who died before her or were young when they passed away. She always said their work here on earth was done. They could go home and be with God in heaven. Some people get there sooner than others, other people have a lot more work and take longer to reach that goal. This was my mom's simple answer to death and life...one I've tried to keep and believe. But right now it's hard, very hard to accept this.

We are not supposed to question God's plan. But we do, when we loose faith and we can't see the light or the reason why.

I know as a mother I would give my life for any of my children, without a second thought. This is what unconditional love as a parent is. I have felt this way since the moment I found out I was pregnant with all of my kids.

I pray and try to put my fears and worries in God's hands every day as all of my kids and their spouses get into vehicles to travel to and from to work every single day. I worry and pray, God keep them safe. I don't always remember that regardless of my prayers it is truly in God's hands and he already has a plan, regardless of my prayers and useless worrying. God's plan...we struggle with this daily. Accepting it. Remembering it. And putting faith in it.

So as cruel and heartbreaking this all is for my little community remember to love one another, be kind and it's not all about one person or family but about all of us because no is is promised tomorrow.

Time will help with the pain but they will always be in our heart.

My favorite Christmas song

It's that time of year...Christmas music abounds. And if you hate it, I'm sorry. But if you love it then this time of year is all yours.

I do agree there is a fine line between too early but usually, for me anyway, Christmas music makes me feel good and brings happy memories. So I will listen to it before Thanksgiving in moderation but for the most part I'm ready for the carols after turkey day. (and if my iTunes starts to play a holiday song any other time of year because its on my playlist I shut it down.)

But choosing a favorite, well that's a whole other thing, but here I go! White Christmas by Bing Crosby makes me nostalgic and brings me happy but sad memories. The movie White Christmas was one of my mom's most favorite movies. She and I would stay up late to watch it when I was a kid as it was usually shown on Saturday nights as the late movie starting at 10:30. To this day my mom is the one person who comes to mind when I hear that version of the holiday favorite.

My favorite song to sing along to is Hey Santa, and I'm not sure who sings it, but I love to listen to it and it just makes me wanna sing along. No reasons here, just does.

The song that brings me the most peace at this time of year is Silent Night and it really does not matter who sings it, as long as it is done the way it is meant to be done then I'm good with it.

No judging here! At least two of these songs are my favorites because of my childhood and probably my mom is the biggest influence for them. I just know they make me happy!

The worse...well I've got a couple, Grandma got run over by a reindeer-not sure who sings that one, too hillbilly and corny. And the all time worse Christmas song for me-Christmas in Iowa by a girl/sister group from Iowa or Nebraska...it sours my holiday spirit on the first note!!!

Remember to keep a song in your heart!!

The best Christmas ever

What has been your best Christmas ever? I'm looking at this from a childhood perspective today.

As a kid I often was left on my own, meaning I had no one near my age to play with or hang out with. This was okay. It taught me how to be independent and I learned how to entertain myself. I also remember hearing my older siblings, mainly my sisters and mostly my second sister, comment a lot about how spoiled it was. It is what it is. I never compared myself to them or what I saw they had at my age from old family photos. So one of my most memorable Christmas's was the year I made a "haul" as a kid. I got a baby doll, a life like tall/big doll (my kids will remember this one as the doll they named Abby Donna), a kitchen set complete with a sink, stove, refrigerator, washer and dryer and.....wait for it ....a kid size ironing board and toy iron!!! YES!!! This was like dying and going to kid heaven for me. I don't recall how old I was nor if I asked for any of this. And I look back on the pictures and think wow I got a lot that year! I'm sure it was because I was soooo good!!! No comments from the peanut galley please! But I did make a haul that year. Plus my god mother, who was a wonderful seamstress, made me a ton of clothes for my big doll including a coat and matching hat and a wedding dress, pajamas and a red velvet dress-she did beautiful work. I remember being thrill with everything and I know I spent hours playing with all of these items. I had played with a lot of my sisters hand-me-downs over the years, which I was fine with. You can't miss what you've never had. But looking back that was quite the Christmas for this kid!

I enjoyed, played with and took care of my toys. My older brother always took my toys apart and could never get them back the way they were originally so I wasn't always so good at sharing after I learned that lesson the hard way in regard to the head of one of my dolls... I also had a niece, just seven years my younger and she wanted for nothing. She would often get so much for Christmas that she couldn't remember it all when they would call on Christmas day...a problem that often made this little girl jealous and at times or confused. Who needed that much stuff? And she would have the top of the line when it came to toys, clothes and such. You have to remember that I was a little uniform wearing, Catholic school kid so my wardrobe was limited to uniforms, a church or good outfit or two and play/work clothes (jeans, shorts, t-shirt and sweatshirts) which was typical farm attire. I was never neglected by any means but an over abundance always left me bewildered, lets just put it that way. And I loved playing with my nieces toys!

But that Christmas that I hit the jackpot is a fun and fond memory and I'm still not sure why I got all of that? I just know I played with and enjoyed it all and I still have some of it!


But honestly to this day what I remember more than any of the Christmas presents I ever got that year or any other year, is the traditions we had. From when and where and how we decorated the Christmas tree, to the food,  home made cookies and candy and oyster soup or grasshopper drinks (my mom's favorite), how Santa delivered the gifts to going to midnight mass as a family and the peacefulness and beauty of the season. Fond memories abound for me and I am thankful I had parents who believe in keeping traditions and if they realized that or not but how important those traditions are in my childhood and adult life today.

St. Nicholas Day!

Dec. 6-St. Nicholas day! I remember growing up and hearing my mom talk about St Nicholas day. She always spoke fondly of the memories she had as a child and when St. Nicholas would come to visit. She was a kid of the 1930's so she grew up in much simpler times and in the depression era. She told me about St. Nick leaving small treats in their shoes, fresh oranges (fresh fruit this time of year back then was limited), a big chief writing pad and a peppermint stick (candy cane) and other trinkets which were a treat back in those days. These memories mom would share always put a smile on her face and I loved hearing them.

St. Nick never came to our house when I was a kid. I'm not sure why my mom didn't continue her childhood tradition but she did not for my older sibling sand myself.

So when I started my family I decided to bring my mom's St. Nick's day tradition to my yearly holiday family traditions. I modified it a bit. I wanted to make it something my kids would remember...so "St. Nick" would leave candy, fruit and a christmas tree ornament in my kids shoes or slippers. My hope was to give my kids something they would have in the future and give them a good memory from their childhood, like my mom had-thus the reason for the ornaments. I've never been on the receiving end of St. Nicholas day I've only delivered the gifts and I hope that those who have received my St. Nick day gifts have enjoyed them and it has created special memories! I love doing it!

Some years St. Nick's day would creep up on me and I'd scramble to get his trinkets in their shoes. As the kids have grown up and moved away St. Nick often put's his gifts in with mailed Christmas presents or is delivered at Christmas time with the rest of the presents! Regardless, if I've forgotten a St. Nick's day it was purely because I was too busy and/or spaced it off ( I do think maybe he delivered late a time or two!)!! But my hope was to make a memory for my kids, give them something that each year as adults when they take out their christmas tree ornaments they'd remember the day and the simple gifts of St. Nick, plus it gave them all a basis for their own Christmas trees as grownups. I tried to do a theme with the kids ornament,  Ryan would often get fishing, Cubs or sports ornaments while Ashlyn would have dancing, angels or crystals themed decorations and Ranen would find sports, nut crackers or Yankees ornaments in his shoes. I've since added significant others, now spouses to this tradition. The St. Nick gifts now are an ornament each, and a bag of candy for the couple to share. My goal with the ornaments is to try to find something that represents a happy and good memory for each.

So on this day of giving, before the holiday rush gets too wild and crazy my hope is that we remember the small, simple, thoughtful gifts that we get in life, not just today but everyday all throughout the year and appreciate the spirit in which they are given. A happy and blessed St. Nicholas day to all.

Pj's kind of day

Have you ever just hung out, not showered, not change from what you wore to bed and just been a bum?

This was my Sunday. I literally finally showered at 5:30 p.m. and I finally got out of my pajama's and put on real clothes! Yes, you could call me a bum. But honestly I did accomplish some things. I washed my face and brushed my teeth so the day was not without some personal hygiene!

And I worked on some Christmas gifts. Did a little decorating. I did some cleaning and laundry was also in there. I also put supper in the crock pot at 8 a.m. this morning so it was an easy meal this evening-thank goodness.

I drank coffee, snacked (a little), skipped lunch and took a short nap. It was a much needed break from life. I think I needed it. Okay, I really needed it-Big time.

Yes there are things that I wanted to get done and had on my "to-do" list. And yes I feel a bit guilty about not getting some stuff done. But for every time I start to feel guilty about what I didn't do I reminded myself that I needed to do this mentally and physically for my own good.

We all need these kinds of days that are a break from life. Unfortunately as an adult female and unless you live alone having a day completely without work and commitment is not a reality. Life may take a backseat on occasion, but the work of life, laundry, cook. clean, get ready for life all continue to sneak into these kinds of days off unless you are totally away from home.

But regardless of what I did and did not do today it was nice to relax and to recharge my batteries so to speak. I did some things I wanted to do and I did some things I had to do. It's life.

Here's to a batteries are recharged kind of week that is a good one for all. Remember the reason for the season but don't get so caught up in  life to take care of yourself. Life is too short.

Who's your favorite team?

Now that the Chicago Cubs have won the World Series this has me thinking....when people pledge allegiance to a favorite team what or why is that team your favorite? What prompted you to choose this team or sport as your favorite? There are a million different answers I'm sure.

I love the Yankees! And honestly I can trace it back to when I was a kid. My cousins from New York would visit Iowa and I developed a fascination with the city and all that I'd heard them talk about and read. So on my first visit to New York, I was impressed to say the least by the city that never sleeps. But I was just a small town Iowa farm girl, it didn't take much. All the sights and sounds, tastes and experiences on my first visit was wonderful. And one of the views on that first trip was the old Yankee stadium. Between the influence of my cousins and seeing the stadium I became a fan. After returning from that trip to NYC that summer I found I could pick up Yankee games on my radio in my bedroom or a battery operated transistor (a hand-me-down from my sisters which had really great reception). I'm not sure what radio station I was picking up the games on, I could also pick up a Chicago radio station and Cubs games on that old transistor, but none-the less I would stay up late at night during the summers listening to games either in my bedroom or outside on the back step.

My favorite players of those early games were Bucky Dent or Reggie Jackson. Thurman Munson earned me some respect from the male gender from a teacher as well as classmates back in my junior year of high school while playing current events trivia in an economics class. The questions were worth 20-points for your team if you answered it on your own and 10-points if you answered it correctly with help from your teammates. I got the question asking who was the NY Yankee who was killed while practice landing his airplane in 1979. I took the question on my own and my answer of "Thurman Munson" earned my team 20-points. I think every male in the room, as well as the females were shocked when I knew the answer. Even back then I had a thing for sports, especially the NY Yankees, and this was back in the day before internet. Everything I knew about current events I read from our daily paper or heard on the radio which was usually on in our household.

So now that the Cubs have ended a 108-year drought with this World Series win, it has me thinking, what makes someone a fan of a certain team? My answer is my relative connection to the city of New York. I great up with a dad who was a BIG Iowa Hawkeye fan. I too am a fan, as well as a UNI Panther fan (both Iowa City and Cedar Falls were equal distance from my home). But we cheered for all the state universities, but Iowa was always the top pick.

I know my kids were influenced by their parents as to who their favorite baseball team is. Yes I dressed my kids in Cubs gear from the time they were babies on. Chicago Cubs clothing is easy to find in the midwest, New York Yankees, not so much. But we are a house divided. One son is an avid Cubs fan. He was supposed to be named after Chicago Cubs shortstop RYNE Sandberg. But in a moment of stupidity after 48+hours of labor (I'm going to blame it on exhaustion here) I insisted his name be RYAN not RYNE...and my reasoning "everyone would get his name wrong and he'd be called Ryan even if we did name him Ryne". I still wish we would have went with Ryne. But I love the name Ryan as well.

My other son is influenced by his mom-he obviously has great taste! And I'm not sure what swayed him to follow in his mom's footsteps? He is my cohort in baseball allegiance to the Yankees. It might be because we share the same birth date, or that he has taste or maybe he got tired of the whining and complaining and loosing the Cubs fans had. While us Yankees fans take World Series appearances and wins in stride.

And child number two, well she also went to the lovable losers, the Cubs, side of the house. Although for a while she would swing her allegiance back and forth between teams. I'm betting she finally went the Cubs direction because she is a daddy's girl and the love of her life is a diehard Cubs fan too helped seal the deal. So the deciding vote in my house swayed the majority to the Cubs. And that's okay. I will cheer for the Cubs but my heart belongs to the Yankees. There have been days or seasons where I have hated the Cubs with a passion. It's not personal but because of the pity card,  the constant complaining, whining, bitching and moaning gets damn old...BIG TIME, pitch after pitch, out after out, inning after inning, game after game...all....season....long. And some people lose the perspective of the fact that this is just a game. It is a past time, just entertainment. The world is not going to end if the Cubs blow this lead or the Yankees don't make post-season play. Life goes on.

So it is always interesting to ask or listen or hear why someone is a fan of a certain team, be it a professional sports team of some kind, a college team or a high school team or little league team,(usually the last two of those is due to location or relatives playing). Some people are fans for some pretty lame reasons...but it is what it is, we are not judging here. You don't have to have a reason either. I'm sure some people are fans because of the team's colors or mascots. I have cheered for the Oregon Ducks purely for the fact that who doesn't like a duck (they are harmless, kind of cute fowl and they taste good at Christmas with sweet dressing!) and their colors are a cool dark green and gold, it looks pretty sweet!! I know lame (duck, haha!!) but hey who doesn't want someone cheering for them? We all needs fans!!

So regardless of why you choose who you do as a favorite team enjoy the ups and downs along with the good with the bad when it comes to your team. (I happened to love pinstripes, navy and gray and Derek Jeter helped the cause along the way as well over the years!) Be a good, positive fan and just enjoy. It's not a matter of life or death or world peace...it is after all, just a game.

Halloween fun!

I can take or leave halloween. It is a fun holiday but not one I've ever gotten into. I grew up with the pumpkin carving and trick or treating. But my costumes were either a store bought Cinderella (the only store bought costume I ever had) or something I'd put together. Nothing elaborate like they are now. I'm not sure I did a great job with my kids but I tried to make it fun and memorable for my kids. From little pumpkins to crayons to football players I think they had fun. We'd carve pumpkins and go trick or treating and hand out candy. It was our little family tradition.

I remember as a little kid my other brother going out trick or treating with friends and coming home with a paper grocery bag full of candy-that was a lot of candy. Considering the sweet tooth he had it was quite the haul! I don't remember having that much luck when I went out, but I remember having fun trick or treating.

This day holds other memories other than halloween and trick or treating. My dad's birthday is Nov. 1 and the story that was told is if the doctor had been able to get to the house in time he would have been a halloween baby. It was tradition back in those days to tip over or move the out houses and corn shucks. The halloween shenanigans found these items on the roads making it difficult to navigate the roadway so the doctor took longer to get to the house and my dad was born after midnight in the early morning hours of Nov. 1 instead of on Oct. 31. We always celebrated birthdays and often dad's birthday would be celebrated on Oct. 31 with my aunts and uncles in attendance. My dad would have celebrated his 97th birthday tomorrow. Dad only celebrated 81 birthdays on this earth. I still celebrate with him in some form every year. I'm told I am a lot like him, a compliment to me.

It was 25 years ago today that a massive ice and snowstorm hit this area. I had two very disappointed trick or treaters who didn't understand when Halloween was cancelled that year. Being left without power and the inability to get out because of road conditions was not fun. It was a challenging time. We finally got out and took refuge in Des Moines with a sister and brother in-law with my two small ones. It was an adventure and memorable in both good and bad ways!

I have not given out candy for the past couple of years, but I did decorate the house a little this year. I think it helps with the holiday spirit.

So this year I will spend my evening selling books at work. Not exactly how I want to spend it but it is what it is. Here's to hoping all your trick are kind and your treats are sweet!

In a funk

Everyone has their days that they are off or in a bad mood, or things are not going like they think, plan or want. This is normal. And having off days or days in a funk is also normal.

I love to watch people and since I work with teenagers and pre-teen kids it is interesting to see and watch their behavior. You can tell a lot by how they behave and act around their friends. It is entertaining to say the least! I have one young lady on my dance squad who is a schlep (that is the only, nice way I can describe her)....she is always slopping around like she does not care...she moves at the pace of a snail, she is always complaining about not feeling good and her attitude is blah and negative. I'm not discounting that maybe she does have some health issues but her friends and teammates comment on how she can be upbeat and happy one minute and the next she feels awful and is miserable-which is more the norm for her...she is miserable to be around too. Maybe she really does have some health issues. But in the two short months I've worked with her I have to admit I read her like a book the first week of practice and could pretty much tell what she was doing. For her the cup is half empty, at best. She has poor work ethics and is always in a poor mood.

Some people make one small incident ruin their whole day. I will admit I have let this happen to me before. We all do. And I've kicked myself afterwards for wasting a day or letting some worthless individual ruin a day, when I should have just blew it off and went on my merry way. Go rain on someone else's day. I'm mad at myself for the people who I've let ruin or take the happy and fun out of my life. We only get one chance at today and no one is guaranteed tomorrow. I would not want my last day on this earth to be a crappy one because of some small negative or because of someone small and negative. I have to remind myself of this. I have to find the happy from me, not someone else or something else.

Years ago I had a really close friend. We would talk daily and our kids played together. We shared similar family values except she thought the world revolved around her kids and if things didn't go as she thought, wanted or liked, especially at school she was on a rampage. She was storming in, making phone calls, and bending the ear of anyone who would listen. It was sad because a lot of the problems were not really problems and she would make a mountain out of a mole hill in 2.2 seconds. One day she called me venting about something at school...I listened and I remember thinking she was making a big deal over nothing. I listened just to give her an ear to listen I was not offering advice nor was I going to be a cheerleader on her team for her latest issue. But I stopped listening when she made the comment that I was a lot more understanding than the previous friend she had called about this. What??? She was calling friends looking for someone to listen and be on her side. I was listening but not on her side. That day was the beginning of the end of our close friendship. We are still friends but not like we were and I'm not sure who she vented and bitched to after that day, but it wasn't me any more. It was the last time her negative Nancy behavior wasted any more of my time. I made a clear and conscience effort to close that door and be done. Life has been better without that. And I need to continue to do this for my own health and wellbeing now as well.

There is a difference between being in a funk or down and depression. I  had a front row seat to depression as a teenager when my dad was dealing with it. I don't know a lot of the information from his childhood and honestly the few things I do know makes my heart sad and I understood what he was dealing with more, and the cause of his depression. It also makes me thankful that I didn't have to deal with my grandmother...and I will leave it at that. My dad had a lot of days in a funk and I have no idea how my mom dealt with that or him.

So on those funk days...like I had earlier this week (it was one of those days I'd rather work with animals or small children if that is any indication of how it was)...I try to dig myself out, pick myself up and ignore the negative and crappy people who are in my world. Things could be a lot worse. Some of the negative and crappy people in my life  I have control of...I can eliminate, distance or ignore them. And others are there and I just have to deal with...it is what it is and I firmly believe God puts them in my life to remind and show me how not to be and to appreciate what I have. And I forget and get on that funk bandwagon sometimes but I eventually get myself off and out of that funk and come back to looking at life as half full.

Remember the fact that we should  a) be grateful we have a glass b) that there is something in the glass and c) the glass is refillable.

Make it a glass half-full, I have a glass and I can refill it kind of day!

Always remember

This date always holds a special place in my heart...it was the birthday of the only woman I've ever known as grandma...Grandma Vennick. This was her birthday. All my grandparents had passed by the time I arrive on the scene. This is what happens when  you are the youngest of two youngest kids, you miss out on the grandparent thing usually. Grandma Vennick was one of the sweetest woman I've ever known and I'm not sure how she ended up with some of the most ornery kids but she did! We'd always celebrate her birthday on or around Oct. 20.

But this date also holds sad and happy memories for me as well. In 1986 I was pregnant for the first time. It was my first pregnancy but I knew things were not going as they should on this date. A trip to the hospital emergency room confirmed my worse fears, my baby had died. I got to see that tiny baby at 14 weeks old. He looked tiny and perfect and that vision is still as clear in my head today as it was 30 years ago when I held him. That baby would have turned 30 this next spring. And yes as a mother the thoughts of what would that person be like, who would they look like or where would they live, what would they be doing, often runs through my mind. It is an awful feeling to loose a child whether it is before they are born or after. It is something you never forget.

But a I said this date also holds happy memories for me because it was 29 years ago today I found out that I was pregnant again. One year after loosing that first baby. What are the chances that I would find this out on this same exact date? I just wanted to get through this day, but finding out I was pregnant was a host of emotions. Ryan, a  healthy baby boy was born the following June and was our rainbow baby:

 A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss.In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

Yes this was Ryan when he arrived around the same time my first baby was due. He was a blessing and reminder that life is fragile and not guaranteed. He was our hope.

My heart still misses Grandma Vennick, she was the best. And my heart is sad and misses that first baby, what would they be like? But there is happiness for this date which confirmed that there are rainbows after the storm. They are signs of hope and that things do get better.

Go away already!

I'm not trying to be rude with the title of this blog. But I'm sure everyone can relate to that statement and have thought it a time or two or three or more!!

Go away already! Today I'm thinking this about the annoying cough and gunk that is rolling around in my head right now. Go away!!! The coughing is the worse. I can handle the drainage and nose blowing. But the rest of this crap is for the birds. And I know it is annoying to those around me. I try to stifle the cough but it just hangs there...like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe or a pesky fly or mosquito...go. away!

And I'm betting some people around me this week have thought the same thing about me....go away already. There are the germophobes, who I know are wishing I would go away, shut up or just go home. I know, I know! But honestly I don't feel bad enough to go home. I'm pretty sure I am not contagious and I'm trying really hard to keep quiet, keep to myself and not share the germs. The last thing I want to do is give this to anyone...well there might be a person or two I'd like to give this to, but that's another story!

I'm plugging through, drinking lots of water, getting a lot of sleep and taking vitamins. What else should I do other than chicken noodle soup? I'm not sure. And I don't think this deserves a trip to the doctor. I want to build up my immunity so I can fight whatever may be ahead.

But the phrase "go away already" can bring other things to mind. Mainly I think back to when I was a kid, and an older cousin would stop by and visit my family. Honestly I'm sure she is a really nice lady but she made me uncomfortable and was a little bit strange...okay a lot strange. She would stop by and not just stay for a short visit but, for hours. My mom, being the kind person she was, used to sit and listen and talk to this cousin. But as the years went along and us kids got older, my sisters and I would tolerate maybe a half hour of these "visits" before we would just get up and start doing things or make up the excuse that we were leaving and start getting things together to leave. It was not rude but just a gentle and kind way of getting this cousin to move along. Go away already may seem a little harsh and strange but a half hour or an hour of these cousin visits and that phrase was rolling through my head. I hope I've never been "that" person, and if I have been...sorry. But as I go through day 7 of this head stuff I just want it to leave. So I don't feel so badly saying or thinking this as I battle through another day of this.

May you not be having a "Go away already" kind of day, but rather life is good kind of day. And if you are looking for a head, sinus kind of bug I've got one I'm willing to give away, free of charge!!

Overwhelmed and blessed

Well here I go again! Wedding number two in less than three months. To say I have mixed emotions would be an understatement. And things are a little crazy right now to say the least.

Rehearsal, wedding and road trip to and from will fill my 72+ hours starting today. Spending 24 hours on the road for part of that 72 hours is the least appealing part of all of this. Putting on a rehearsal dinner some place where I feel like I'm going in blind...I don't know what I'm doing and I'm hoping no one realizes that. I'm apprehensive a ton. But it is what it is.

I think I have everything I need or will by the time we take off later today. And 12 hours of driving after a full day of work is not a high point of my life, but it's what you do for people you love. And I'm betting everyone who is road tripping will have a deluxe case of jet lag come Monday, but that is okay. I get to watch my oldest son marry the love of his life and that makes all of this worthwhile.

You see among the many things you learn from being a parent is that your kids will always come first regardless of their age or your age. You may communicate with them daily, weekly or monthly but as a parent they are always on your mind, the first in your thoughts and prayers. You love, worry and fret about them from the moment you find out you are pregnant until your last breath. It's the life of a mother. You give, you do, you give up, you do without, you cheer, you feed, you sew, you wash, you buy, you love every day for your kids. And honestly I never understood all of this until I became a parent and with each stage and chapter I journey through I look back at the memories of my mom and understand how she felt. I get it now!

Watching your kids walk for the first time, go off to school, graduate, leave home, start new jobs and lives is a blessing. I'm lucky I get to watch my kids do this. Some parents do not get this opportunity for a variety of sad reasons. I am so blessed.

So this weekend's celebration will be one of fun, memories and laughter I'm sure, just like our first wedding and our third wedding. Each unique but each celebrating the love and blessings we have. I can't wait! I am so incredibly blessed but I am also overwhelmed and I need to let that part go. Things will go fine. And if they don't go as planned we will punt and see where the ball lands. It's life, and how to deal every single day.

So here is to another family celebration that will be overwhelmingly fun and blessed beyond our expectations. We are so very overwhelmingly blessed!

Walking in the dark

I am not a morning person. I never have been and probably never will be. But I do find my life and health is a lot better when I keep a regular schedule seven days a week all year long. Getting myself up and going is a challenge some days. On the weekends I'd rather not shower and instead wear sweats. I will procrastinate showering as long as I can. If I don't have any place to go I won't shower and get dress in non-comfortable clothing unless I have to!

So typically when I get up to walk/run in the mornings it is a trek that is on the city streets of my town where the lighting is the best, or on my treadmill, usually during the winter and snow. We have a high school track which is very nice, but when it is pitch black outside and you are leery of shadows or tripping the availability of lighting other than a cell phone is a luxury. 

Well someone adjusted the walking light timers at our track and all of us who choose to walk in the mornings now have lights. We can now can see where we are walking- it's like the invention of sliced bread, maybe even better! This was walking heaven! A nice walking surface that has lighting and the opportunity to enjoy the scenery, well at least the sun coming up or the moon going down. 

It is the little things in life that make us most happy, be it a smile from someone, a shared piece of chocolate (which I also had today) or a light to see where you are walking! It is all good and very much appreciated. 

The need to write

We all have those "things" that we need to do in order to deal with life. For me it is writing or sweating. The writing is purely mental, unless it is for work. The sweating from exercise is probably the best thing since it makes me sweat and gives me a mental break from things. So exercise has a two-fold benefit. But writing, like this blog, often times helps me hash out or deal with feelings. But there are those times when writing is just that, writing, and I'm not sure why or what is propelling me to write.  

I'm sure there are a million different ways to deal with life, the stress and garbage we all have on a daily basis. I had a friend tell me that her boyfriend has found a bar in Des Moines that is open to anyone for Tuesday night jam sessions. She said her boyfriend plans on making these Tuesday night jam sessions a weekly habit. He is in music education and recently was diagnosed with a life changing health issue so I get why he is doing this. It's his way of dealing and I'm betting he enjoys it and it does him a great deal of mental good. 

I have another friend who cooks and bakes, this is her stress reliever. She is a very good cook and always willing to share samples and her recipes. This is her stress reliever. Her friends and family benefit from this!

As a kid my mom always said she could tell my mood by how loud or what music I played on the piano. I would play loudly and usually it was heavy or dark music, or I would bang out scales and cadences if I was stressed or angry-making my fingers fly up and down the piano keys. Or I would play mellow, easy flowing songs with feeling if I was not stressed. I wish I still did this but I am so rusty on the piano and I can't find the time to sit down and practice. It was interesting to hear this from my mom. 

Everyone has different stress relievers and they range from reading to working on cars to chopping wood to riding dirt bikes and a million other things. I find it interesting to get to know people and hear what they do to relieve stress, whether they realize it or not. Some people shop, some read, some just sit and mindlessly watch tv-sports or scary shows or a favorite feel good movie or television show. Some people eat for relaxation, while others clean. It's what makes us tick and unique.

But the best advice I can find in all of this, as I'm writing....is do what helps you deal with life. Do what helps you de-stress or makes you feel good. Do it for you, do it for your mental health and for your physical health. But mostly do it for the wellbeing and safety of those around you! And as long as your "dealing activity" is not destructive to you or someone else, its all good. 

I'm done with writing for today...back to life!

Don't try this at home

Okay, I grew up  around fireworks so I am comfortable with them. And I have a small stash of leftover fireworks from several years ago. Every year at this time large flocks of crows like to hangout in the trees around my town. So when I came home from work the other day there were a ton of crows in my trees, making a mess-if you know what I mean. Along with their mess, aka bird droppings, the noise from the crows was loud. So I did what I always do to get these pests out of my trees...resort to fireworks.

I found an empty wine bottle. One bottle rocket. And a lighter. I went out to the end of my back sidewalk, set the bottle down and put the bottle rocket in the bottle, then angled it to make sure I would not fire it at the house or start something on fire. I fired up the lighter, yes pun intended, and I lit the fuse. Then I backed away, quickly! The swoosh of the rocket did the trick, the birds took off and were gone. And I thought for a few brief seconds that the rocket was a dud. But nope. It let off the loudest bang I've heard in a long time. And this was long after the birds had left so there was nothing to muffle the bang. It was such a loud bang it scared the monarch butterflies there were in my trees...opps, sorry guys.

I wasn't sure what to do. Did my neighbors think a gun had been fired? Was I going to get in trouble because fireworks are illegal and I did just shoot one off in town, in broad daylight! Honestly it scared the poo out of me because it was so loud!

My quick thinking was to grab the evidence...the bottle and lighter that was still in my hand and hide it in the house. I put things away and wondered what the neighbors were still thinking. It was a pretty quiet day and it sounded like a gun had been fired.

So my solution was I would not get in trouble if I wasn't home...so I took off for a three mile walk! It took me 40 minutes and as I got a couple blocks from home guess what was in the trees overhead as I tried to dodge the "droppings"? Those crows......so much for getting them to go away.

No I didn't get in trouble. And I've not had any of the neighbors ask me if I heard a loud bang, like a gun going off on Monday afternoon. Because honestly I don't know if I could keep from looking guilty or laughing and smiling.

Would I stage the bottle rocket vs crows episode again? You bet. Those dumb things are loud, nosy and make a mess. And as long as I've got the ammo and I don't get in trouble I'm gonna keep using it!

I'll just be wiser next time...one way or another!

Oh and one mishap in this whole episode...before I lit the fuse on the bottle rocket I got hit on the shoulder, hard, by a falling walnut. Maybe it was a sign from God and I should have stopped before I lit that fuse. But noooo, I went ahead and did it anyway! Yes, I'm a stubborn redhead. But my shoulder hurt for a couple of days!!

May your day be crow free and may no one shoot off a bottle rocket in your neighborhood and scare the poo out of you. Oh, and don't try this at home!!!

Time to cool off

I just put together, headed, master minded Heroes Night at our Friday night football game. And you know what....it will be the first, last and only one.
I'm not saying that with anger but I'm to the point where some things and people ruin it for everyone. And is it not worth the work I put in when people bitch, moan and complain...

I wanted to recognize and honor these people who give so much. That is all. Plain and simple. From our military to our local heroes, I wanted recognize these people.

But after dealing with shit heads, yes I just typed that, I'm done. I'm tired of the people who don't see the forrest for the trees or who only see the negative, the glass half empty, the sky mostly cloudy instead of the GOOD intentions that people have. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see how you see the world.

In a world where the nightly news is filled with death, destruction, corruption, rape, murder, disrespect for human life people need to step back and see things for what they are, the good in the world, which is few and far between as opposed to to the negative, lets complain and bitch and cause drama kind of garbage. What is wrong with people?

I would NEVER in a million years disrespect the American flag or this country. Because in my opinion despite all the garbage going on we are all pretty damn lucky to be living where we are. I used to fold the flag that flew on our flag pole on the farm where I was raised the military way...I taught myself. I have the utmost respect.

So when I hear of people complaining and bitching about the date this event, or how the flag was displayed for the national anthem or people who are upset about a version of the US flag pained on a high school football field I just want to say to them "are you flipping kidding me?". Can you NOT find something more constructive and beneficial to do with your time than to bitch and complain. We have children in our own town who are in need of food or clothes or the simple things that most of us take for granted every day. We have elderly who are lonely and have such a limited income that they have to choose between food or their medication. And for ONE flipping minute these "people" get their panties in a wad over this kind of stuff? How about we get upset with how our veterans are treated. The lack of health care or benefits. The fact that some smuck wearing a football helmet makes more money on any given Sunday and is touted as a hero while the real heroes are those who wear helmets and serve and protect our country. If anyone would think that for one minute myself or any of the paint crew who created that beautiful flag on our football field meant ANY disrespect then they need to open their eyes and see the world how it really is...wake up.

So despite the BS I've heard or been talked at about this...I'm sorry I would never offend anyone in regard to the United States flag, your religious beliefs or who your friends are, but not everyone thinks beyond what has them upset. I had several people thank me for putting together the evening, the recognition. I was given hugs and I saw tears of gratitude. I saw smiles and thumbs up. It made people feel good. For our little corner of this sheltered world is a pretty peaceful and for the most part safe place. And I thank God for that every. single. day. It was a great place to raise kids.

So to the haters, complainers, those bitching, well I can't put what I want here because it would put me at their level but all I can say is I respect how you feel but maybe you need to look at things in the manner they are meant. We all are part of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

It's all about the team

I am putting together an event which will culminate at Friday nights high school football game. It is an idea I borrowed from another school district early this past summer. I've tweaked and added and honestly it has kind of taken on a life of it's own. Something I never expected. And it's a pretty cool idea if I say so myself. But I never dreamed it would get rolling and take off the way it has.

Heroes Night is my baby right now and I've worked my tail off to get this event to become a reality. From flag stickers on football helmets to flag sequined dance team tops, a cool larger than life flag painted on the middle of the football field, a couple of surprises I have up my sleeve and I think it will be a pretty cool event. And my sole intention is to recognize those who put their lives on the line, are ready at a moments notice every singe day of the year to serve and protect all of us. From our military, law enforcement, emergency, paramedics and fire department members these people give selflessly. My whole purpose is to come together as a community to recognize and say "Thank You" for all you do, everyday.

I am guarded about tomorrow night as word seems to be spreading. There seems to be a lot of people who know and are excited about this. I had a stranger, who knew me but I didn't know him tell me yesterday when I was out exercising that he'd heard me on the radio. Whaaaa? This stranger was exciting about the event and told me what a good thing it was. Then it hit me, maybe this wasn't just a little thing we are doing at a football game. Maybe people genuinely are appreciative and excited to recognize these Heroes! How cool is that?!

There have been a couple of obstacles, or as I like to call them fun haters, who have rained on my parade. It comes with the territory. And it ranges from a department head chewing me out for the date I selected for the event (hint-we only have 4 homes games....the other team's colors are BLUE and our team colors are RED and WHITE...yes, it is was a deciding factor! And I'm sorry I didn't consult with your personal calendar to see what would work for you-yes essentially that is what his reasoning was.) to how the huge flag will be displayed for the National Anthem...all our heroes are invited to come down on the field to help hold the flag. Apparently, according to flag protocol, you are not supposed to display the flag laying flat (Not laying on the field or ground, which we are not, you are not supposed to hold it flat.) but the US flag is only supposed to be hanging....sorry man but when the military unit is doing this who am I to correct them? Please make sure you call the NFL, MLB and any other highly televised event who has a huge flag as part of their National Anthem to make sure they are holding correctly as well. I've had a "group" want to make it all about one military dad, a whole stadium picture and such. NOPE, not going to happen I'm not jumping on this bandwagon nor are you going to jump on ours...we are recognizing ALL Heroes not just one. It's not the Joe So-and-so night, it's HEROES NIGHT. Yes, this is the mentality of the people out there right now. It's all about MEEEEE. Not Friday night. NO WAY.

Then I've had generous offers from people to help, or lead which have been wonderful! They have added extras I would not of had time for or thought of. An offer for a cool National Anthem salute that I hope will pan out. A group of sports boosters who are generously donating food for our heroes. Radio and newspaper people who have no only just shared my press release but called with questions, wanting interviews and photos. A dance team who has worked hard to put together a patriot halftime performance that their crazy coach has put together. A football coach and activities director who have let me run amuck and helped promote this as well. A paint crew and their leader who I shared a photo and a vision with back in June...now it is a reality! And the list goes on...

How cool is that!!

So regardless of how things go Friday night. What does or does not happen, I know it is what it is and the intention which was the foundation of this effort will be recognized I hope by those individuals we are honoring. I want them to know how appreciated they are for all they do for all of us! 

Shake the hand, thank or hug a hero if you get the chance. We need them!

Small acts of kindness

Life is all about how you act and treat people. All it takes is one small act of kindness or a kind word to make someone's day. Or it can work the opposite, and a rude behavior or statement can ruin a day or be remembered for a lifetime...it's all in how you make a person feel.

I remember my mom calling me a nincompoop as a kid when I accidentally stood on the hay rope tripping the hay forks too soon as we were loading hay into the barn...it hurt me emotionally and I was well aware of the work it was going to take to fix that situation. And I remember to this day her vividly saying that to me and how it felt. Very vividly! It still hurts. And yes, it is a small thing and mild in comparison to what is said today, but still it left a lasting impression. I remember telling my mom about this incident before she passed away. She did not recall it happening nor did she have any remorse!!! What??? For a softhearted little red headed farm girl it hurt deep. I was too little to help pick up or move the hay bales without a hook and even then I was pretty much useless in the situation for lack of muscle and size. But I've carried that feeling of hurt and the lesson of how words can hurt yet to this day. I think back to that incident often before I say something that could be mean or hurtful. I'm pretty sure my mom didn't mean what she said the way I took it. But as a farm kid I knew the work I'd just caused...and I made darn sure I was NEVER standing on the hay rope ever again! Several life lessons learned for that one incident and my stupidity! Innocent but dumb non-the-less.

I've been trying harder to make eye contact, smile or verbally acknowledge students this school year. Who doesn't like to hear their name-now the task is me getting their name right and not calling them by their sibling's name or the wrong name! We don't know what some of these kids deal with at home. And you certainly can not judge a book by it's cover. Kids deal with all kinds of things in their personal lives, as do adults. There is very small window of innocent childhood it seems now thanks to technology, parents and lack of parenting and a host of other factors.

Someone made my day today with a simple act of kindness. I've been up since very early with an intense headache that comes in goes as far as intensity. It got pretty bad midmorning and as I sat at my desk trying to get computer work done a coworker came into the library took one look at me and knew immediately  what I was dealing with. Yep, a mild migraine, thanks to stress, weather or some other factor. This friend then went to their office and put the following on my desk-see picture below!

Yep, a package of colored pens made me smile. Did it make my headache go away. No. But the water and caffeine coated aspirin did the trick there, or at least made my headache manageable. Thank goodness. But you know what, those silly pens made me smile. Make me happy. And I have no idea why. They were totally unexpected. But hey, it is the though that counts. 

So every time I use these pens I will think back, for a while at least, about how that one small act made me feel, something so small and simple. 

And do you know what I'm going to do, pay it forward. Before this day is out I want to make someone feel like I did by such a simple act, and I have no idea why something as simple as colored pens made my day, but they did! 

Be kind to people, you may be the only person who is, and more than likely you will be remembered for it!

A cold (in) summer

If you read the title of this blog correctly you've probably guessed that I mean HAVING a cold in the summer as opposed to a COLD summer...either one is not popular. Yep...it has taken four days for a miserable sore throat which includes but not limited to swollen tonsils to turn into a cold. Yuck! I'm not sure what I did to deserve this but I got it! And I do admit I feel kind of like poo.

Our hot and humid summer weather went away last week, except for the humidity, so it is cool but humid-not a good combination. It is a nice weather factor to have it cooler but I am wondering if this is a contributing factor to my cold. So I've decided to write a letter to my rotten cold and sore throat, here it goes...

Dear Cold and Sore Throat,
First off thank you for visiting at one of the most inopportune times...the first week back to school. Great timing as I don't have the opportunity to nap or get caught up on the sleep that you interrupt during the night.

Secondly thank you for making me sound like a pack-a-day smoker or a man...students can't decide if I really do smoke a pack a day or if they should be scared of me or laugh.

Thirdly thank you for causing lovely sinus pain and pressure. I love the feeling of my sinus cavities in pain and feeling like they are swollen to capacity.

Finally if you could please just go away I would really appreciate it. Please take the swollen and painful tonsils and earache along with the nasal congestion and sneezing with you, this would be great. I know going from hot and humid to chilly and humid weather conditions makes for an ideal situation for you to move in. But this is NOT a good time.

I do have the names of a couple of people I would happily send you on to if you would please leave. I'm just trying to be helpful here.
Thank you for the reminder of how nice it is to feel healthy and breathe normally. Have a good day and goodbye!
Your soon to be ex-friend,
Lynn

Cold meds and the couch are going to be my goals after work today. If that does not work this the fireball whisky bottle in my freezer will be hit tonight before bed.

Here's to the ability to breathe out of my nose normally, the painless swallowing I hope to have soon and the non-smokers voice to go away, and once again appreciating good health.

A new year

Happy New Year!!! If you think I've lost it, you are correct but I lost it a long time ago!! Happy New SCHOOL year! Yep the new school year is officially has officially kicked off....at least day one in in the books. Only 179 days to go!

It was a pretty quiet and uneventful first day.They kids were kind of tired, as were the adults. I think a lot of napping and sleeping in is done during the summer!! I only had a few kids show up in the wrong place on the wrong day....we all forgot several times it was a Tuesday, not a Monday, thus the mix up in the schedule. The freshmen and new students walked around with that scared look on their faces for most of the day. Tomorrow with be better and by the end of the week they will be pros!

But here is a list of typical things I heard or happened today:
-a middle schooler vomited after lunch in the restroom....either it was nerves or school lunch. I'm betting it was lunch!
-I was asked about a million times "is this where I'm suppose to be?"
-I was also asked "When does this period end??"
-"Can I go to the restroom"...a phrase no one has asked me this since the last day of school. I don't miss that!
-"Could you print my schedule...I lost the one the office gave me!" I heard this at least five times!
-"Where is the restroom?" I was asked once!
And these are just a few of the questions or phrases I heard many, many times today!

Overall it was a good day, and as I left school today all I could think was 179 more days to go!!!
If they all go like today did it will be a pretty good year. BUT I work with teenage kids so I know better than to believe that!!! But we are off to a good start....lets hope we stay on this path for a few days, at least!

The last day of summer

Wow, where has the summer went? Talk about crazy busy, that is an understatement!! And it is now all but over.

I have a love hate relationship with summer since working for a school district. I thrive, no I NEED routine and schedule. I need to get up at the same time every day. I need to have reason and purpose to my day. A to-do list is must! I need to accomplish things. It's just who I am, I have no other explanation for it. Weird I know! So having summer off I struggle with not having to be at work every day. I need a reason!

And as much as I get tired and frustrated of things at my work and the politics and the people at times there are those people out there who would give anything to be going back to school/work tomorrow. They can no longer do this for whatever reason be it health, retirement, financial or another job. They are missing the chaos and confusion of these first days of school. The smells of the freshly waxed floors and clean classrooms and hallways-everything looks shiny and new. The new school supplies, clothes and shoes are always fun and exciting. It is exciting, but bittersweet time of year.

I dealt with a variety of emotions as a parent when this time of year rolled around. My first born was rather timid and shy when it came to school but he was a trooper and was off to unpack his backpack and play with his friends on his first day of kindergarten. Yes I wore sun glasses and the tears were falling as I left the building, I could not help it!!

Number two child was closing the back door and heading towards the school building as I put the car in park and yelling "bye mom" on her first day of kindergarten. No I did not let her take herself in on her first day....she was escorted just like her brother had been, even though she thought she could go trucking in on her own. Yes the sunglasses once again covered the tears as I left the building while she too was off to play with her friends on the playground.

Child number three was much like his older brother. Ready but not slamming the car door and heading to the building as I parked the car! He was ready to roll and yes the sunglasses were a blessing to hide behind for a third time. It was my last first day of kindergarten, no more kids at home. The end of a chapter.

As a parent for the first five or six years you are the main adult in your child's life. You are "the person". But sending your child off to school now puts their teacher as another main adult in their life. It's not just you as their parent, it is now their teachers, then coaches....then they graduate and are on to the next chapter of their life.

This year brings new chapters once again. Not only is a new school year but is is a first school year for my son as a teacher. I'm excited for him and I know he is doing what he wants to be doing. His students are lucky to have him as their teacher. Believe in yourself!! You are and will be great.

My daughter is no long Miss but now Mrs as she starts her second year in education. Her job is challenging daily, if not hourly.

My oldest son is about to become a home owner with his soon to be wife, another milestone and new chapter. I don't recall so many changes in such a short time before! But is is exciting!!

So as the summer of 2016 comes to a close I can't help but look back on all the fun and excitement. A month ago tomorrow we celebrated our first wedding-it was fun! And now we have two more heading our way! The moving of kids. The trip to Colorado. The baseball games. The nights or meals in the gazebos. The fun times!

And tomorrow is a new day, new chapter and a new beginning....just like each day is. Make it a good one because we only get one chance at each day.

The blessings each day

Lately I've been having a really hard time seeing the blessings in my life not just ones in general but the daily blessings for that matter.. It seems like for all the wonderful and good things going on there is a dark cloud of some kind that rains on my parade. And you know what I'm tired of it. Sick and tired of it. I know there are rough times in life.

I try to choose to see the glass half full rather than half empty most days. But honestly lately it seems like that damn glass is completely empty, not even half full or empty. I know this is part of a bigger plan and is just life. And we are not in control, just along for the ride. But at some point I'd like to have some smooth, uneventful road to travel on while on this ride. I'm tired and I don't think I'm asking too much here.

I also keep reminding myself (many, many times a day) that God is not going to give me anything that HE and I can't handle together. But I think God must think one or all of the following... A) need a kick in the ass for whatever reason  B)  to learn some life lesson here or C ) I'm a bad ass who can handle all the crap that I seem to be "blessed" with. I'd like to hope it is option C, but honestly I'm approaching things lately with the perspective that it probably is all three. Okay God I get that, I'm trying here, but could you cut me some slack, please.

But when bad things happen to good people, I mean really, really good people, I can't help but wonder why. Or in my case, what the hell is going on here? Why? Why? Why? Now I'm not trying to wish bad things on anyone, good, bad or otherwise. There are only a couple of people in this world that I would not care if a house fell on them and I'm sure there are people in this world who feel the same way about me, it's life. And I hope it is just a couple of people, not a majority.

Some of my greatest blessings:
my family
my friends
the  roof over my head and food on the table
my health (even with the challenges I've been given and I try to take care of this body, it's the only one I get)
I appreciate the ability to see a sunrise and the beauty of nature
I have a job to go to
I have some God given talents and abilities that I try to use to make this world a little bit better
I have aches and pains but I can feel them and I can swing my legs over the side of the bed each day
I am blessed in a million other ways each day...I know this

Have I mentioned my family as one of my blessings...no matter how wacky or how irritated we may get with each other, they are who God has put in our lives, for whatever reason. These are the people we've fought with as a kid or have raised to be great adults or call when we are missing our mom and dad. They are our roots and the people we started with when we came into the world. And no matter what happens or how irritated or annoying or frustrating we may get with them, they are family. So when something happens within my family it hits me too. We are in this together.

A third cancer diagnoses within my circle of family and friends within the past 10 months has me reeling-big time. I literally feel like I've been knocked on my butt. In the past I've gotten back up after getting the news and have been ready to help these loved ones kick some cancer butt. From words of support to prayer, I've been a cheerleader, whether they know it or not I've been in their corner ready to help them fight the fight. But this latest news has me feeling like I'm still sitting on the ground looking up and wondering what is going on. I'm asking what just happened here and WHY?


So as I try to wrap my brain around this latest diagnosis I need to refocus and put my energy back into to the blessings of life and get back on my feet. I need to get the pom poms out and the boxing gloves on ready to help fight this fight-if you mess with one you get the whole kit and kaboodle. And this too is a blessing. This is a life leaning lesson. This is life. We are all in this fight together regardless of what it is we are fighting. And honestly, and this sounds really odd, but this cancer is a blessing in some way, shape and form. It may heal old wounds, or bring people closer together who have drifted apart or it may bring even more memories that someday we will treasure. No one knows what is ahead on this journey. Life is taking the good with the bad blessings (yes there are bad blessings, they are usually called lessons) and making them all part of the big picture and not loosing perspective but seeing the blessings.

Keeping in check

The past three weeks have been crazy busy. And to be honest I don't feel like I had much of a summer, but that's life. It is better than having too much time on my hands, which I hate. Too much sleep and too much time on my hands is not good, at least for me it is not.

It amazes me how quick things can change...one minute you are celebrating a life event, a milestone and the next minute God gives us a challenge or test that makes you double check life. It has been a reminder to appreciate what you have and maybe rethink your priorities.

I helped celebrate a life milestone for my sister last weekend. The event and celebration were amazing. It brought back tons of memories from my childhood, and to say I was proud and happy for my sister is an understatement. It was the celebration of my sister and her commitment, that made it worth the trip.

But God gave my family a check of reality (again, for the second time this year) this past week and it has put things in perspective, but I thought we had them in perspective. Reality sucks sometimes. No matter what I do the phrase "why do bad things happen to good people?" keeps coming to mind for me.

I am trying to find faith and comfort in the fact that God has this. Putting it in his hands. But it has been in his hands all along. I know that he does not give us anything that HE and I can handle together. "Have faith," I keep telling myself. But I swing from panic to prayer to anger back to keeping the faith. I wish I could turn back time to a week ago, but time marches on.

Sometimes we are given news that literally knocks us on our butt. For the second time this year, I find myself picking myself up off the ground and trying to grasp the news.

But for now, I will wait and see what tests tell us and what God has planned for our lives. It seems like life is far from dull and routine lately and why it's like that I don't have all the answers. But it's life and whatever it is God is trying to tell us I'm going to try to pay attention so I understand or at least get the message.

Appreciate the moments, not matter how big or small they are. Life goes by fast and changes in the blink of an eye. Be sure to say "I love you" to the people that you love because no one is guaranteed to be here at the end of the day, next week or a year from now. As the saying goes "Life is fragile, handle with prayer".

If you can't say anything nice...

It has been a while since I've blogged and I have a good excuse, one word....wedding. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it! It's not that I haven't felt the need to write or had material, just lack of time!

On this, the day after the first wedding of our year, I've had a million things running through my head. Happy thoughts and memories, the fun, the laughter, the smiles and the tears! And the best way to sum it all up is also with one word, "wonderful"!

But each year whenever graduation time, wedding season or whatever is going on is an "invitation" issue. Who is invited. Who is not. Who TO invite and who NOT to invite. It's a win-loose battle!

Yes there are those people who invite everyone they know or feel like they have to invite (your ex-brother in-law's sisters boyfriend-unless you are really close!). Then there are those who invite the people who they value, who have touched or brought meaning to their life, the ones who they are close to and have made a positive impact on. Or because you are related and to keep peace in the family. I have to admit I am not offended when I am not invited to something. It used to bother me, but honestly some people are such putz's that I am kind of relieved not to be included in their "event". Yes I have sent cards and gifts to people who I want to let them know I care, but I wasn't invited to their event. It is not going to stop me from sending a gift if I want to! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be invited to an event, when it is someone who means a lot to me. BUT....inviting people to an event just to invite them is just dumb.

My theory is if you have not had a positive affect or impact on my life or if I have not heard from you in the past year or more then I'm not including you in my "party". If you have burned me, or been a jerk-your not worth my time or effort. If you are only are my friend when we see each other or you want attention or it works for you-your not invited. Yes I get the friends you many not talk to for weeks, months or years and when you see each other you pick up right where you left off the last time you saw one another-I have a couple of friends like that. But my theory is if you have not returned any effort to stay in touch, except when you happen to run into me then your not invite worthy. And there are also other factors....venue size, cost, or maybe it is just a small gathering. Maybe it's not my call on the guest list. But some people don't think about anyone but themselves. And everyone and their dog does not need to be invited!

I've been in those situations where I've been with other people who were invited or part of something that I was not. And when they talk about it socially when I'm around I either listen or ask questions to be a part of the conversation. I get it, I wasn't invited for whatever reason. Life goes on, my world did not stop revolving!

My whole purpose for this blog is to address the self-centered people who get offended and they say things or post snarky, crappy, immature things on social media. Here are my points on the whole situation: 1. Nice that you say those kinds of things on social media...way to hide behind a keyboard and a screen. 2. It shows your true character. Yep, people comment about it and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.They are judging YOU not the fact that you were not invited to a social gathering 3. Way to be a dark cloud on someone else's special time and occasion-very mature-no you're not. 4. I'm sorry that life is not centered around or all about you. But it is not my problem. 5. This is a reminder of maybe WHY you were not invited...I'm just making a point.

With this first wedding there were people I would not have invited, (mainly family!). But not my final call. Life goes on and no harm was done. This was NOT my party or place to have a final say. But to the individual who had to post something snarky on social media it truly showed your true colors.
There will always be "those" people, I get that. But I was always told "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all". If the world would follow this guideline a little more it would be a lot better place or maybe the people who think they should be included need to follow this a lot more.

Okay that is off my mind! I can't wait for weddings #2 and #3. Bring them on! I'm ready!

When you can't breathe or going up a mountain

While in Colorado this past weekend our fun and loving hosts took us on a hike....up a mountain....to the most gorgeous lake! It was a blast and so beautiful to see. Plus while visiting this mountain lake in the Rocky Mountains our hosts arranged for an elk to make an appearance and entertain us while sitting along the lake, it was great timing! It was so cool and a wonderful experience. But it literally was cool...going up the temp dropped so it was ideal for hiking. And the snow melt made the clear lake water (Mills Lake) very cold. 

But I had the same experience last year as I did this year when hiking in Colorado, I struggled to start out with breathing and altitude (not attitude, altitude!). Working out three miles a day I thought I'd be in better shape. I was struggling with the breathing and wondering a couple of times if running on the flat parts would help or if I should have stayed home! Yes, one extreme to another in my thought process there. 

But about a half mile up my body figured out the altitude thing and I didn't find myself with a tight chest or struggling to breath any longer. From there on the only thing taking my breath away was the sights. The river, rapids, wildlife and waterfalls. The scenery and the ability to see for miles was awesome. 

It is interesting the thoughts that go through your mind when you are out with nature, as did mine on Sunday. I rehashed some problems, trying to come up with solutions or better scenarios, I wondered about some things and people (it had been a busy and trying week), why they are they way they are, and I prayed for people who I knew needed prayers because I was in a peaceful and beautiful place, and I had a front row seat to God's handy work. Also, I didn't want to face plant and go head first in front of God and everyone! I appreciated where I was at that moment and how blessed I am.  

Honestly coming down the trail was harder than going up. The incline, keeping your footing and not tripping or sliding were challenges but it was okay-we lived to tell! And best of all nothing hurt the next day. The exhilarated feeling was worth every step, which ended up being over 14,000 steps and 101 flights of steps. 

If I lived there I would be exploring the mountains, trails and lakes every weekend. So beautiful!

So despite the fact that breathing was a struggle for a time, I lived and I'm ready for the next hike up a mountain. And I'm betting I'll struggle with the altitude on that one too!

Keep climbing those mountains!

The things you see while driving across Nebraska

...or my trip to Colorado, today!

I'm on the road today. Actually being driven, for now until my driver gives up her turn! I honestly would not be driving and typing this. The laptop gets in the way!!

So for entertainment purposes only and absolutely nothing against the state of Nebraska here is what we have seen, so far!

-A semi full of cattle that was spraying shit, literally, on our windshield. Obviously the cows were nervous. And we now smell lovely! The smell of money as my dad always said.

-We seem to be very popular as there is a lot of traffic!

-Unfortunately, unlike last year, there is no flooding for our entertainment purposes! Last year it was like the entire state was a lake and I-80 went across this enormous lake called Nebraska.

-So far no "breaks", if you know what I mean...liquid intake has been kept to a minimum.

-The rumble strips along the side of the road not only help keep you awake but when the semi in front of us keeps driving on them it makes you wonder what the heck is up with the driver? Maybe he needs a nap?

-So far our diet has consisted of party mix, water and gatorade (aka migraine relief for me) and baby carrots. Healthy!!

-I've played secretary and scheduled a bridal dress fitting for next week for my pilot (bride).

-We are about to go back in time here shortly....when we go into mountain time. I hope we gain a good hour, one that is fun and that we like!! : )

-Like my dad I have kept an eye on the crops and livestock. Yep they are all there, green and mooing!

Ummmm that's about it, for now, "pretty boring" according to my driver and we are about to stop and switch to a new driver! Me!!!!

It's Boulder or bust for us. Man I hope nothing busts! But here's to safe travels and no more livestock trucks with nervous cattle!!

Happy Friday! Watch out Colorado!

Good intentions gone bad

As someone who works with kids, I've seen a great deal from the funny and humorous to the sad and heartbreaking. I could write a book. But after 20+ years of coaching both boys and girls I am seeing a trend at all levels but more so at the high school level that leaves me angry, upset and baffled. And honestly, at times I find myself losing my love of sports because of it.

Most parents of kids who are out for sports have good intentions. The skills, interaction, and life long lessons are endless when it comes to sports. But we have parents who know it all, and only want their child to shine on a team of many. This kind of thinking trickles down to their child and has adverse effects on the team mentality and success. Just one player or their parents can ruin a team. In addition, parents think they have a license to go personally one-on-one with coaches to tell them how or ask why their kid is not....playing or starting or whatever they deem their child is not getting. These parents are bashing and bitching from "why aren't you playing my kid" to "this is what you should be doing" kind of thing. It is common for a coach to not only have to deal with kids, coaching, the day-to-day duties of coaching at a very poorly paid job to now being bashed and yelled at by parents, some who only what their child to shine, some who've never played a day of the sport or any sports for that matter. And to top it off administration seldom, if ever has the back of the coaches anymore. It has become a "bury your head in the sand mentality" for a lot of administrators, support is little, if any most days. The coaches are fresh meat for parents who want it all to be all about their child.

As a coach, I will admit I've lost my love of the sport I coach, a lot lately. I wonder if I should call it quits and move on some days. The passion is not there like I feel it should be. I've dealt with some pretty bad situations over the years and more so recently and had to deal with situations without support or guidance from administration. ZERO support. But there are the little things that bring me back. The success. The lessons I teach, not just about the sport but about life. The smiles and excitement my kids bring to practices and performances. It brings me back and reminds me why I do what I do. It certainly is not for the pay which is pennies on the hour. Pay has never been a reason. The kids and my passion are why I continue.

As a parent, I have watched with a frustrated and heavy heart at times as one player or a parent have made it difficult or worse yet, ruin it for the team. The player who only is looking in the stands for the attention and approval or to see what "Daddy Coach" is telling them to do...really, I've witnessed this kind of garbage, many times! I've listened to my spouse coach both from the sidelines and the stands and make it twice as hard on my kids because if he did showed any kind of favoritism others would be calling and complaining "he/she is the coaches son/daughter" is a favorite excuse and I've heard it over the years, many times as a parent, spouse and coach. (And I won't deny that there are those coaches who have shown favoritism to their own kids when more talented athletes have sat on the bench, they make it harder than hell on the rest of us and our kids. But that is a whole other blog!). Heaven forbid anyone would think for a moment my kids would be working their ass off or have the benefit of having parents who coach to help and guide them! We played with our kids, from football to golf to baseball, to running over their own makeshift hurdles down our driveway. Or yet maybe my kids were OUTSIDE or in the gym playing sports all year long, getting better, working hard, getting stronger and just plain being kids. My kids were not sitting on their butt inside watching tv or hooked up to electronic devices. Nope, that did not happen in my house.  Thankfully to those dumb ass parents who thought for sure my son was called up a level in little kids baseball because his dad was the high school coach my child, (all three of them) is now a hardworking, well educated, successful person. He's not living in his hometown working a minimal job and the umbilical cord is not stretched 30 miles from mommy, it is cut! All of my kids have learned the hard way from the stupidity of parents who thought their child was special, gifted or more talented than someone else on the team. Hard work pays off and these parents are not going to be there when junior does not get a job or gets fired from a job because he does not work or do as he is told.

All the money in the world or complaining to the administration or bashing a coach either behind their back from the stands or to in their face does not make your child a star athlete or give them the right to play before someone else who works harder, is coachable and has talent. Instead, it shows your true LACK character and maturity as the adult in this situation.

So on the days when I feel like the society is going to hell in a handbasket and people with money or bigger mouths or who complain the most bring me down I have to remember the benefits of sports and the lifelong lessons it teaches our youth under the guidance of coaches who a) know what they are doing, b) have good intentions to see everyone learn and wins are not the only sign of success.

All the talent in the world is a waste if you do not work. As that quote goes "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard" True every single day from the baseball field to the gym to the classroom to the workforce and life in general.

Four years ago

Four years ago today I had a life changing experience. My first, ever, major surgery. That surgery had been planned for a couple of months. My mom had just passed away the month before to the day. I was dealing with that loss. But surgery was a must for me. Pre-surgery tests had shown that things looked to be benign but my tumors needed to come out regardless.

I second guessed myself the night before and even the morning of the surgery when the anesthesiologist told me I was the most healthy pre-op patient he had seen. Why was I here? I kept asking myself. Yes, I was scared. Who wouldn't be?

After running a 5K back in October I remember laying in bed that evening feeling a hard lump in my abdomen. I was a bit concerned but just put it in the back of my mind. The new year brought changes in my mom's health and things were declining. A friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in early February and I made a physical appointment with my doctor to see what was going on inside of me the day after hearing of this friend.

A routine physical was anything but routine. After describing what I felt, my doctor also felt the same thing I did. Appointments were made immediately for the next day for tests which was more than unnerving. The last time I'd had an ultrasound was when I was pregnant. This time, as I laid on the table and watch the tech begin to click and label I knew something was not right. I asked the tech what she was seeing, she hesitated and finally said she was seeing multiple tumors. When asked how many she said she stopped counting and labeling around 12...
Next was blood tests to see if it was any indicator of what was going on. An appointment with my doctor confirmed that things were not normal. An immediate appointment with an OBGYN in the same building gave me more info as to what was going on.

My decision was to go to an OBGYN in Des Moines to take things further, one who had dealt with cancer, and get things checked out. I choose one and endured a biopsy appointment which was similar in the pain department to giving birth! Tests from the samples did not indicate cancer but still not a for sure answer.

So on this day four years ago I underwent surgery....one tumor was inside an internal organ and instead of weighing 2-3 oz it weighted 3 lbs. That large tumor along with an estimated 16 other tumors that day and roughly 10 lbs in all when all was said and done were removed. I had affectionally named the tumors "Benny and the Jets" from the Elton John song.

Recovery was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was rough. And honestly took me around a year before I would feel back to normal.
But what Benny and the Jets taught me is immersible:

-Take care of your body. It is the only one you get. If you don't take care of it, no one else will.
-A whole new respect for women who have c-sections then brings home a baby. Wow! (I left Benny and the rest at the hospital.)
-A lot more people care and love you than you ever realize. If losing a loved one is not enough to prove that, then major surgery will! Remember this when you are feeling down or lonely.
-Listen to your body. It is constantly telling you things like when it is hungry, thirsty or tired, hurting or things are not right, along with a host of other things. You are it's owner, listen and take care of it.

I still have a scar as proof of my battle with Benny and the Jets. It is a reminder that I am a survivor and life is a daily gift. I was so blessed that things turned out they way they did and I did not have to heal from that major surgery while doing treatments. A day does not go by that that scar does not remind me of how lucky I am. Not a day.

So on this 4-year anniversary, I find myself feeling very blessed and fortunate. I know for some people having surgery today they didn't get the good new and results that I did. Life is an adventure and a constant ride of twists and turns-hang on! God has a plan for everything. Value each and every day.

Don't judge me

I have a friend, who was having a bad day yesterday but she ask me if I was okay when we saw each other? This friend just got through the one year anniversary of her husband passing away and is still going through some emotions and tough times dealing with this. She is spending this weekend with her mom and sisters on a road trip to attend the graduation of one of her sisters and is not looking forward to the trip, the time with family nor being away from home which is the only place she wants to be right now. My friend seemed very discontent and unhappy when we saw each other and talked. So when she asked me "how I was?" I was rather surprised by her question. She then added that she was wondering by my posts that I put on social media. Really? Do you think everything I post pertains to me or someone else in particular? Nope!

I'm a quote junkie-big time! I like to be motivated. My phone's camera roll is filled with pictures of quotes that I like on a cool background. So for my friend to say this to me kind of surprised me. So I took the time today to look back at my posts, most are photos with quotes or articles that I've shared over the past month or so. I like to be motivated, plain and simple. I also like to support causes that deserve to be supported. One of my biggest causes to support is women. Women are not treated right in this day and age, YET. I work at a place where women are treated as second behind any male in the building. And if you are support staff in addition to being female....well I'll just say it's pretty poor. We have the "good ole' boys club" back in the building which is sad, to say the least. But my goal is to help women understand that they should NOT be treated like this and if ONE female recognizes herself in something I post and it helps her have a better day, become a better person then I don't care. If it's a good cause or something that I believe in then I'll share it, post it and hope someone else gets something out of it as well. But really, do you think my posts are all about me? So all the sports posts I share mean I am a parent of an athlete, I used to be. Or that I coach at the college or professional level-nope. Or that society is pretty screwed up when it comes to our kids participating in extra curricular-yep, it is. I can't change it alone nor will it change in one day. Yes, I'm a redhead and finally proud of it and embrace that fact. Yes, I'm sassy at times, who isn't?

But to have someone say that to me that at first kind of worried me then, it I had me looking at myself through my posts. Okay, so my friend see's me how she see's me, I can't help or change that. It's her opinion and view. So what? I also know she is going through a lot of crap and her feelings are her feelings, I'm not here to judge or validate. I just support and let her deal with it how she chooses to deal with it. I have no idea what it is like to go through what she is going through. But I'm not going to judge because this attitude and behavior are not normal for my friend. But the one year anniversary of her husband's death was just earlier this week. Very, very hard, no doubt. She was not herself yesterday at all. Am I concerned about her, you bet? But it is her way of dealing and she could just be having a hard time right now. And she has every right to.

We've all read the posts or seen the photos or rants that some people post on social media who are having a bad day or things are not going right. We've all been there. It's just how life goes. But I don't judge unless it is happening all the time. Then I get a little concerned. But everyone deals with and see's thing differently. How I'd do something I know is not how the next person would do it. It is what it is. That's life.

So for today, I'm going take what my friend said with a grain of salt. Text her later to check on her and say a prayer that today is a better day for her and that life shows her some sunshine rather than rain.

If I don't like or care for what someone says or posts on social media I usually laugh at the stupidity, then either keep scrolling or hide it so I don't have to see it again. It's just social media-it's not the gospel truth and if I've learned anything in life is that you can't believe everything you read or hear.