Send me to my room

If I was a little kid right now I know I would be sent to my room a lot lately! And I grew up in a house where my parents didn't practice this kind of discipline. But the most annoying things bug the poo out of me lately. Santa would not be paying me a visit if I was a kid...and maybe he won't since I'm an adult!

Please see the following points!

-someone left a "you've been socked" Christmas stocking on my desk this a.m. My first reaction was and still is a bit of annoyance. Really? I have 48-hours to refill this thing and dump it on someone else. Umm...ya' right. I know it is all in good holiday fun and I'm trying really, really hard to get that into my head instead of being annoyed and to stop thinking "are you kidding me?". I guess I know what I'm doing after school today, instead of doing silly things like wrapping gifts, cleaning, cooking and other useless things...
-I made DVD copies of some VCR videos for a friend. She had one video on "modern technology" a video on the thumb drive which I threw on some DVDs and handed to her a month or so ago...now she claims she did not get them. I know I handed them to her and I carefully marked and bundled them and gave them to her to get them out of my hair. They are NOT at my house and I remember handing them to her. BUT now I have to make six more copies of the dumb video...I know it's the right thing to do. I'm trying here but come on, keep track of your stuff.
-I feel like I am the worse parent/mom in the world. I listen to co-workers talk about how much candy and cookies they have made. I've made a little but its all gone-no one got sick so it must have been good/okay. I grew up in a house where my mom had metal coffee cans with plastic lids that were lined with wax paper and each was filled with one of at least 6-8 different kinds of homemade candy. It was so good! My job was to fill the candy tray during the holiday season. I still miss some or most of those candies. But I don't make them-my kids don't know the "candy experience!" Oh well.
-Christmas cards. I don't do these any more and haven't for the past several years. I enjoy getting them from people far away that we only hear from at this time of year. But I feel guilty for the people who we only hear from once a year and I don't return the kindness..I have Christmas card guilt. 😔
-I finished my Christmas shopping last night (I hope) and I felt like I was climbing up hill through mud to get it done. I do like that feeling of being done. It's a load off of my back!
-Fog! I feel like I live in San Francisco rather than Iowa right now. We've have more foggy and gray days than we had had sunshine lately. Where is the snow and cold that we are supposed to have during the winter? We had it earlier but it has all melted. A little snow, even a dusting would be nice! Our weather is wacky.
-Fed-Ex! Why do you not deliver packages yourself but rather drop them off at the post office where they get sent back to Des Moines and your package ends up taking another week or so get arrive. Do your job-please!
-the rude people I had to deal with last night when both Christmas and grocery shopping. Yes I was a woman on a mission and yes I forgot my grocery list but I had my Christmas list in my hot little hand and I remembered all but one thing on my grocery list! I knew what I needed to get/find and that was my mission-get the stuff and get out-alive! There is plenty to go around, you don't have to cut me off, or stand right in front of what myself and three other people were trying to get to (there was plenty of hams for all of us, you don't have to hog-pun intended, the display case) or act like you were in line when you really are budging because you were still looking at stuff, all so you could check out five minutes sooner than me...we all are in this together. I found myself smiling on the outside while the thoughts of "really?"  or "are you kidding me?" were running through my head.

Okay, these are not big deals and I know there are a lot worse things in the world right now. And maybe it's the rat race of the holidays or the friends who are done with their shopping, cards and/or baking and those who are done with school today or worse yet last Friday and here we are with another day yet tomorrow. But there is no excuse for my bad attitude. I know! Send me to my room!

I keep telling myself "it's life-stop looking at it as partly cloudy or , count your blessings and remember the reason for the season". Ya' well, I forget-I'm human. So for now while I adjust my attitude and try to get a grip on my life and all around me that affects me I'm going to plead the fact that I'm a bit overwhelmed and feeling like I'm waging this war alone-it's just me that's all. Tomorrow is a new day! Right?!

Positive thought of the day: Christmas is coming!!! After tomorrow it's all downhill-right?!?!

Not all the ornaments are on the tree

I used to decorate the house from top to bottom! I mean TOP to BOTTOM. This would be from candle lights in the attic windows on timers to a favorite sports themed tree in the basement family room. Every room had a tree and/or decorations. My kids had their own little trees that were decorate with homemade and St. Nicholas ornaments they had received in their rooms. I loved how the house looked when it was all decked out!

But now, I can't even find the time, energy or desire to get all the ornaments on our big Christmas tree much less the rest of the house decorated like I used to do. There have been two containers of ornaments sitting by the tree for over three weeks. A few have made their way onto the tree. A bunch are still waiting. And to be honest that is probably where they will spend this holiday season, not unlike past holidays it seems lately.

I used to decorate and light every doorway with greenery and lights.  I had a friend make a comment to me once about over decorating...it hurt and kind of killed my desire just a little bit. A few of the doorways have gotten decorated and lit over the past few years, but I just don't think of it any more-I know I should not care what someone else says or thinks, it's not their house. But it is so much work to put up and take down. No one seems to miss it nor do they ask for it. Do I do this just for me?

Like every family several of our tree ornaments and decorations have sentimental meaning and bring back memories of both happy and sad times-those we miss. It's kind of a quick review and reflection on our lives if you think about it. But is is kind of a cool way to look at your life!

And as this week begins to shape up with three days of work followed immediately by Christmas eve and Christmas and then a weekend family Christmas I'm thinking not about the decorations still in the containers and still in the attic but more so about the gifts to still buy or wrap and then the food to plan, shop for and make. And finally when will we get family time?  All the work and things I have to get done while still going to work for three days is a challenge. Life is too crazy and busy!

I'm trying to find the true holiday spirit. And I will admit all too often I get wrapped up in the BS of life...the family who I no longer hear from, missing my parents, the negative and mean people who I let get into my head or worse yet, my heart. Walking away is a good thing but often hard to do, more so at holiday time.

And then amid all of the holiday hectics I receive news that a friend, who I once was very close with, has cancer. Stunned disbelief. This hits home. She is near my age and a very Christian and involved person. Even though we are not the friends we once were we still talk and laugh when we do get the opportunity to see each other and have time to chat, even if it is briefly. Why? I can't begin to tell you how many times this question has ran through my mind. I keep thinking God is trying to tell me something...am I missing something? I often feel like I'm oblivious to signs that I am suppose to get or be aware of. I wonder if he is saying "Wake up Lynn", I sent you several signs!

I have no idea what this week will bring life, much less Christmas-wise. And I highly doubt any more decorating will get done, but to be honest I'm missing a lot of the decorating I used to do this year more than in years past. And I don't know why? I've ventured up to the attic and peaked into containers of holiday decorations, heck I even toyed with the thought of bringing down my snowman dished I used to break out every year and use through the month of January. I love those dishes, but now it's all just a lot of work and stuff. I have other more important things to deal with I guess or that's what I'm thinking, I think.

But besides the goal of getting all the stuff I need to done, getting food bought and made and whatever else I need to get done before Thursday I am looking for the spirit of Christmas. The feelings of family, goodwill, peace on earth and love. For Christmas is not just one day or about all the decorations, the music, the food or the gifts. It's about the love-plain and simple. And that love is there every single day of the year, not just on one day. And regardless if those you love are in the same room, across the country or no longer on this earth, that is what it is all about. So Christmas is what you hold in your heart. It's not about who got what or what we did or did not have to eat. It's about love and holding on to that feeling every day of the year as it is a gift and what life is all about-with or without the decorations.

Positive thought of the day: I choose to (try) to stay focused on the love!

When all else fails, drop back and punt!

It's the week of state dance team competition for me and my team. Yes we've practiced hard. We've put in a lot of hours of dancing and sweat. I've planned, made lists, sent emails, made phone calls, and several dozen other things but even with the best laid plans there will be the unexpected that I will have to deal with. The last minute surprises used to drive me nuts. But not so much any more. I've got my ducks in a row. If it goes wrong well those things happen. Bar poor behavior or blood shed by any of my kids, I feel like I'm ready or can handle whatever happens between now and 1 p.m. on Thursday when we are done performing and can just sit back and enjoy.

Ideally the best thing in the world is bringing home a trophy-we've done that a few times! The hardware is always nice and shows how hard the kids have worked. This year's squad is without males. A first in a number of years. Graduation and poor team decision making by a couple of members last year brought the returning number to one. If you are going to let your teammates down, I don't want you and you won't get the chance again on my team. So that is the reason why there is no male dance team or coed... Life goes on. But doing their best and enjoying the time is the best part of all of this. A 1 rating is nice but even the best laid plans can go wrong and mistakes made-all the practice in the world is not going to prevent that. We are only as strong as our weakest dancer-if I had a dime for every time I've said that...you know the rest of that saying!

I'm not like a local dance team I recently heard about, who is waiting on costumes to arrive yet, still choreographing their dance and a few other things that should have been done by now. You learn as you go as this is very ruled and regulated event. We are a small school with a small budget and very, very limited practice time and space. Early mornings, after early outs and Sunday's find us in the gym...it is what it is. I'm used to it. I've fought tooth and nail for my kids over the years-to earn respect and space and to have every bit as much right to have the gym to practice in as the next sport. We bring money into the school district-and we take nothing out except for my poor salary. I don't do this for the money or the fame. I do it because I love dance and I love the kids (most). Yes I've had some "experiences" over the years. You learn, you deal, you get through it and you keep moving ahead. The problems I've dealt with have not been fun. And to be honest having a girl pregnant in year two as head of the  program was not fun. But the problems I've had to deal with recently are worse than I've even imagined. My girls know they mean the world to me. I will be tough on them and I will call them on the carpet if need be. Some have a special place in my heart and I still hear from some yet today. Some you make connections with, some you don't. But I am fiercely proud and protective of my kids, unless they screw up then I'm going to discipline and I hope they learn from their mistakes. Some do, some don't.

Over the years I've dealt with ice storms, keys locked in vans, parent's not allowing their kids to get in a school vehicle because the weather was iffy, forgotten items and a host of other fun things. I've had poor behavior and had to be a hard ass. I've been so proud I could cry at times and other times disappointed to tears. You see it is not about the trophies any more, I learn that a long time ago. But it is about the life long lessons these kids learn from dance and dance practice and state competition. It's learning how to get along, be a part and do what you need to do so you don't let your team down. You see if you miss a tackle in football or a basket in basketball there are other opportunities. In dance it is one shot. Do or die. If you screw up, you screw up. There is no more time left on the clock and not another down or play or quarter to get another chance or opportunity. This is it. And in reality all the coaching I can and will try to do between now and Thursday when the girls take the floor may or may not help but truthfully my work is done...they are on their own. I can't get out there and dance for them or count it out loud or have them start over. This. Is. It.  And for some of my girls this is their last time. For three seniors this is their fourth and final time. I always want the best outcome for the seniors.

I try not to let the kids know I'm nervous. I'm not getting out there to dance -it is them. They can know the dance like the back of their hand. But yes I do get nervous and I second guess myself. Should I have made it harder, change some choreography, what if the dvd does not work or play, are just some of the things that run through my mind and I worry about. And in the end it all works out-good/bad/or otherwise. We have fun-for the most part and we make lots of memories! I like to think the girls have fun and make some lifelong memories. That's what its all about in the end.

So whatever happens on the floor on Thursday, I hope this group of girls come back with great memories, know they personally did the best they can and learn something from the whole experience. 

Positive thought of the day: Have fun and make memories...time flies!

Time flies!

Since Wednesday night the past 3-1/2 days have flown by. Having everyone home is absolutely wonderful! I now know how my mom and dad felt about having us come home when the kids were little. They loved having us come home. Being the youngest my parents were retired and had time to get ready and prepare before we would go home. I have to sneak in the time to get things done and ready but all those late nights and early mornings are so worth it.

From setting a third wedding date to going out to eat Wednesday night to the games, the food, the fun, the football, the farm visit, the Christmas decorating and mini-Christmas Friday and Saturday, it truly was a great weekend.

Everyone has left and I am left with some leftovers, pictures of the weekend and tons of great memories! It was everything I'd hoped for and more! Thank you to my family for everything!

So as everyone heads back to their lives and we finish up the leftovers and I pick up, put away, wash and put back life I have great memories of my family and I am reminded how truely blessed I am. We are not a perfect family. But we have fun. We are not a high maintenance family. We just enjoy the simple things and make great memories along the way. Oh, and we eat some pretty good food! 

This is our last Thanksgiving before changes come to our family in the next year. Next year at this time two of the three kids will have spouses and our third wedding will be right around the coroner. We've had an exciting  year and we have so very much to be thankful for. And next year promises to be even better and bring us all together several times to celebrate! I can't wait!


Tomorrow Monday will roll around and will life resume, and I have new memories of this past weekend and I am reminded again how blessed I am.

Positive thought of the day: Mother Nature cooperated and decided to wait until everyone got home before she coated everything with ice and is holding off until tomorrow before she brings us more winter weather-thank you!!

The most wonderful time of the year!

The holidays, regardless of which holiday it is, takes on a whole different meaning when you become an adult. And I'm going to come right out and say this but more so if you are female than male-because if you are male then it makes no difference from being a kid to an adult! (Just my perspective here!) You see as an adult, and female, you are left with most, if not all, of the work it takes to pull off any holiday-in most cases.

I used to love Easter and the 4th of July. More so the 4th of July because it is basically eating grilled food, no set menu for that holiday and you can eat outside-no formal decorations. You don't have to clean the house within an inch of it's life. No rules to follow. You can go watch a parade or fireworks. Everyone seems to have a variety of holiday traditions when it comes to the 4th of July-anything goes.

Rules and guidelines are a little tighter when it comes to Easter and Thanksgiving. Easter=ham. Thanksgiving=turkey. Yes people play with the rules here but there are more "traditions when it comes to these two holidays as opposed to 4th of July or any of the other "less important" holidays. And Christmas...well we all know that gig. Christmas tradition in some families go a long way back. For some it is a recipe passed down from generation to generation. Then there is the gift giving thing...another traditional rule that we are told or led to believe that we must follow-we've got the whole Santa Clause thing going here.

But honestly right now, this week is my favorite time of year...the week of Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving it's self. I love the prep, to a point. (having very little help makes it stressful, but in the end it is all good as long as I'm not too tired to enjoy it). Then there is the tradition of gathering together for a meal. A traditional meal, but it is still good!  And the best part-is everyone who can be there. All the people gathered around the table is wonderful.

The Thanksgiving days of years past is long gone...family members who are no longer with us are missed. My parents used to come over a day or two early to attend grandparent's day at school with my kids when they were in elementary school and then they would be there to help celebrate, and to entertain the kids or set the table or make a dish-I loved every minute of that. I vividly remember having 20 or more people around my table to take part in a Thanksgiving meal...the best of times. Lots of great conversations happened there!

Now the number of people who gather around my table is smaller in number. But regardless of who can or cannot be there it is always wonderful to have all who can be there there! And it is okay to miss those who can not be there. It is part of life. I love the noise and banter that will come with the arrival of everyone starting tonight and reach capacity Wednesday night when all the kids and their significant others will be home. And I can't wait. This is what I've been planning for, thinking about and looking forward to for weeks. It will be a crazy busy time and there will be lots of food made and eaten. There will be fun to be had. But best of all- the memories. The wonderful memories of Thanksgiving 2015 will be tucked in my heart a week from now! No longer is my family that little group of 5 who could not get home back to my hometown back in the early 1990s because of a day-before-Thanksgiving snowstorm that left me at the grocery store buying a last minute turkey and all the fixings the night before Thanksgiving. And on that Thanksgiving day 20-plus years ago the five of us enjoyed our own turkey dinner and what would start to become a tradition-Thanksgiving at our house. Since then for Thanksgiving and any other holiday that included food, family and friends we've opened our home to others. No one should be alone on a holiday. I always like to think that if one of my kids where alone and unable to get home for a holiday someone would open their home and welcome them in for a meal and some "family" time.

So as I start the 47 layer jello salad (it's not really 47 layers but it feels like it, thanks to my mother in-laws recipe!) and make the little smokies wrapped in biscuits (a favorite of my father in-law) and life is discussed-I have a feeling that college graduations, jobs, sports and four up coming weddings will be a constant thread of the conversations, it will be wonderful and I can't wait. The new memories will be great! Because to be honest everyday should be a day of thanksgiving...except we'd all be sick and tired of turkey and weight about 300 lbs!

Oh and while we try to sandwich in a Christmas celebration in this weekend too, and eat more (good, I hope) food and make more fun memories I hope I remember to take pictures, lots of pictures with my camera and not just in my mind!

Positive thought of the day: Thankful for all I am blessed with. And the fact that Mother Nature decided to deliver our first snow of the season LAST Friday and not this week. I'm thankful for the seasons and for the little things in life! I hope you are too!

Until you've walked a mile

I think the saying goes something like "Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes". This is sound advice and often times if you try to understand this concept it is with good intentions but not yet not fully knowing what it is like.  But actually doing this is a while different ballgame-pun intended.

I recently had to "fill in" for my husband as Activites/Athletic Director. I happily did so, but I was a tad bit nervous about something going wrong. Any and everyone was gone for a girls basketball jamboree. This included normal basketball workers/volunteers/helpers and administration-I had the "B" team coming in-this included me! So if the building burnt down or the basketballs were not aired up correctly-it was all on me!

Now I know there is a lot of work long before an actual event that goes into setting up and planning. I've hosted holidays, I'm a mom and a coach. There is lots of work before hand getting ready. But getting things set up, and dealing with last minute things is always a challenge. Lots of footsteps and making decisions when needed are part of the game. And last night was no exception. A check list was helpful. Keeping track of who needed to be where or what was supposed to happen when, was a constant for me. 

There were a few moments of panic...one involving ticket taking money-then I remembered, I have "the keys," meaning a master key to the whole place-problem solved!! There was an unfortunate incident of a dropped video camera by someone else, I fixed that by getting another camera. But I am not sure the dropped camera can be fixed-I'm gonna try. And a final thing on my part-I was in charge of playing the National Anthem over the sound system from off my phone...I've done it before. But guess who must have accidently deleted it off of her phone-ME!!! I frantically ran up to my office grabbed my laptop praying all the way down to the gym that I still had the song on my laptop. Yes I did-whew!

Officials got paid and fed. Coaches and workers got their free meal tickets. Players played. Basketballs had air in them and the fire alarm did not go off so the building did NOT burn down. Clean up was fairly quick other than I forgot something in my office three times and that requires three doors and locks to get through! Oh and I think I forgot to mention that in addition to doing the AD job I was also photographer for the newspaper covering four of the six teams playing. So I had to take pictures at all three half-games. It was a busy evening and I finally got something to eat and drink around 9 p.m. But all was good in the end. My intent was to never judge the duties of an AD-I KNOW the time and work it takes. But if anyone ever wants to judge someone's work duties/job then they need to DO that person's job, literally. I had no surprises in the "AD" duties. It was more the apprehension of "what if" something went wrong. But all is good in the kingdom. People got their first taste of basketball and I lived to tell, or in this case write about my adventures! All I can say is try doing someone else's job, just once! It is a learning and I'd bet an humbling experience.

Positive thought of the day: Our first blast of winter is on it's way.  So I guess regardless if I'm ready or not for snow and cold, it is coming. Just a reminder that we are not in charge but merely along for the ride. Be safe and enjoy!

Things that go bump in the night!

I will be the first to admit and leave when it comes to scary things. This world is bad enough in reality without making things even more scary!! So when it comes to scary movies or television shows I will walk out without a second thought or in the blink of an eye. Anyone who knows me very well knows this about me. I happily admit this!!

So as our high school drama department is putting on the fall "show" Waling Dead" I have absolutely no desire to see it, nor babysit kids who are watching it, or waste my time going to it (I know, that's kind of harsh but it's how I feel!). So when my principal came to me asking if I was going to the production before he could finish his question I was shaking my head "NO!". Then he asked if I would stay with any students who's parents were not letting them attend and I replied "absolutely!". Me and the rest of my chicken friends will hang out in the library, happily! We are safe from the zombies and the sun is shining and things are happy and cheery!!

I blame my "fear" of the unknown and scary things on my older siblings. Apparently is is a tried and true rule that you scare your youngest siblings-thanks a lot you guys. And yet I don't see myself as a chicken! I was willing to go out looking for a missing 10-year old in the early morning hours a couple of weeks ago which involved walking through back yards, looking in drainage pipes to find that child in the dark. No second thoughts about something coming out or after me, I was in mom mode and I would have kick the a$$ (to the best of my abilities) of anything that came out at me or after me-if this had happened. Or I would have taken off running like a girl, which I am!

I guess it all boils down to I don't like to be scared. And there are a lot of bad things going on in the world right now. And I know this stuff is not real but I sure don't want to spend my relaxed leisure time dealing with this garbage.

So I will hang out and miss the "production" and listen to people's take and opinion of it afterwards. I hope it is a success, but I'm not gonna see it. Not my thing. IF one of my kids would be in it, I would be brave, but they are not and I'm good with staying in the dark...so to speak!!

Positive thought of the day: I'd rather believe in angels than zombies. After all I've got two special angels in heaven looking after me every day!

Say yes to the dress!

Today is the day, or at least I think it will be. My daughter, my only daughter, will decide on her wedding dress! Things can change, it won't be the first time and it won't be the last time and if they do it won't be the end of the world!

This has been an exciting, fun, frustrating process. Having a low maintenance daughter has made dress shopping not a high priority. I know of one engage girl who had her church, reception site and wedding dress the Monday after getting engage on Saturday and this was a few days before Christmas! Really? This is not the case with my bride-to-be. It's not that she does not care, but she has the perspective of it's not about the dress or the wedding but about the marriage.

Our shopping has been hit or miss and going on 3 months and visits to four different bridal stores. She has went from plain and simple to lace and embellishments and has landed some where inbetween. The styles have changed along with way too. We've found out what does not look good on her small frame and what makes her look fabulous! And we've learned what bridal stores we won't go back to (if all your floor models of dresses are in size 10 and you don't allow photos to be taken don't expect us to be back with our size 0 bride). There is no way you can envision how a dress will look when it is 10 sizes too big and clipped down the back to keep it on the bride.

Our fall has been crazy busy and my daughter pretty much has decided on the dress she tried on back in August at different store, but we've had no time to go have her try on, get measured and order her dress. Except....there is one problem. Regardless of measuring and ordering her dress will still need alterations. This can get pricey. And the store where we found the perfect dress does not have anyone on staff to do alterations. So that would be another thing we'd have to run for. So we put our heads together, found out the bridal store nearby does have someone who can do alterations and has and can order "the dress"! Yes!! So we will go and try the dress on once more and see if she says "yes to the dress"! I'm excited and happy for this but a tad sad as this is my only daughter and this is the first and last for me. But that's okay. It does just seem like yesterday we were prom dress shopping!

So after today we will hopefully have a dress ordered and on to the next thing on our list! And then, if my son's want me to help, I can go with each of them to help pick out their tuxedo for their wedding!!! LOL! After all isn't that the equivalent of wedding dress shopping?!  : )

Positive thought of the day: Enjoy all that is happening around you. It is all memories that will be go and past way too quickly. 

A bitter sweet day

October 20....this day holds a lot of memories for me. It is the birthday of my kids great grandma. Grandma V was one of the sweetest, kindest ladies I've known. She raised six kids, buried one and was a farmers wife so she knew how to work. Her kids were ornery, and still are. She loved her kids, grandkids and great grandkids-she was my first and only experience with a grandparent which I inherited when I got married-she became my grandma too! She was a sweet, sweet lady. They played the song Edelweiss at her funeral-I think of her every time I hear that song and it could not have been a more fitting song for her.

This day is also filled with sadness-29 years ago today I miscarried my first baby. This is a heartache you never forget. I got to see that baby, tiny and small. I wonder and think about that little person, who never had a chance to live. I wonder what he or she would have grown up to be like? Would they have had red hair? But on this exact same day, a year after loosing that baby, I found out I was pregnant again and this time things went as planned. That baby was born, grew up and is my oldest son! There is nothing like the thrill of finding out you are pregnant but one of the worse feelings in this world is coming home from the hospital without that baby.

This day holds sadness for the community I live in as two young men were tragically killed in auto accidents on this day two years apart. Families are still healing and dealing with these losses.

I've sat with a friend and listened and shed a few tears today as she is having her dog put to sleep because of health reasons.

It amazes me how a day or date can generate so many feelings.  So here is today. A day filled with sad and sweet memories. It's all part of living and life.

There is one in every crowd! (Or put your hand down!!)

We've all been in that class where the teacher asks if there is anyone with a question 20 minutes or 10 minutes before the end of class...everyone is thinking the same thing...free time to work if you are in high school or junior high or getting out of class early if you are in college! Yes! Even 10 minutes is priceless if you can get out of class early and have extra free time!! BUT!!!!!! Then someone raises there hand and you go from feeling elation to ticked off! Really?????? Are you serious?

Now, I'm gonna apologize right now if you are or ever have been one of those people who have done this (more than once)....STOP READING RIGHT NOW and go about your day, doing whatever! For the rest of us, keep reading!

Well that happened to me today. I'm supposed to have a 4 p.m. meeting. Our check list of things to have done or get done is finished and taken care of. So a couple of committee members came and  talked me and asked why are we meeting? No idea since our list was done. I volunteered to send the group the to-do list and ask if we really need to meet and what else needs to be done? Tell me!

And I hear nothing EXCEPT for THAT ONE person...."let's meet" she replies two hours later via email. Really? So we're gonna have a meeting to plan our next meeting? Or we are meeting because we have everything done that we are suppose to be meeting about DONE? The individual that had that email reply I'm 99.9% sure is one of "those" people who raised their hands in class when you were on the verge of getting done early and probably did so often. Oblivious to her classmates-no doubt. Grrrr! And so we will meet, for little or nothing at 4 p.m.today. And to be honest I have a theory and opinion on why this person did this. 1. They have been one of those kinds of people their whole life, the ones that love to be involved, so they ask to join or volunteer for this kind of stuff. And usually they need to put their time, energy and efforts into their own business and work,  not be on another committee. They think they are being a leader.  2. They have nothing else to do after school. The other two people who talked to me have busy families and lives, most of us have things we need to do or get done but apparently not everyone.

So we will meet and I'm not sure for what, but we will meet and waste at least a half hour.  I'll show up for this lovely meeting and see what great things we accomplish-yes that is sarcasm.  I hope I'm wrong and we move mountains but if I'm not wrong and this is an utter waste then I have a solution. That is "these kinds of people" all need to be on the same committee or in the same class so they can meet for nothing or ask questions and keep everybody longer on their own time!


Positive though of the day: May all your meetings or classes be meaningful and have a purpose! Keep smiling!

Not a gold star...when you really look

I grew up in the era where different colored stars were put on your papers and worksheets in early elementary school. I'm not sure if this method is still used today. I know hand drawn stars and smiley faces were also used. This was a way of grading the homework...blue, red, silver and gold stars. Usually a gold star meant you were golden! I don't remember if I got many gold stars as a kid. And it does not matter.

I recently read a blog by a woman who was looking at her life from the outside in. Someone had told her that her life was golden. But she felt far from golden and she went on to write about how she see's herself. She feels far from golden and feels that if people really knew her they would not see her life as golden either. What she was sharing was a lot of self doubt and fears about her self and her life. Life long fears such as a fear of thunder storms-I fear high winds with bad thunderstorms but I love a good thunderstorm! And I don't know why. I used to have a fear of the basement drain in the house I grew up in. That was because when any appliance that used water would empty the drain would gurgle. My lovely brothers told me it was some kind of monster. I would tear up those basement stairs faster than heck if that drain was making noise. I'm sure they got a great deal of enjoyment from the fear they planted in my mind! Damn brothers!!

But the woman shared a lot of personal things and it hit home with me. I share some of her same fears and thoughts:
-I was bullied as a kid (but I think everyone was at some time) and it was mostly because of my red hair and big blue eyes.
-I have a hard time letting go of people, even after they hurt me. I always expect from others what I would do for them....and you know the rest of this story.
-I try to avoid groups, big or small in order to not be the invisible one or the one ignored. It hurts and it's happened, a lot.
-I feel like I'm an easy person to walk away from in life.
- I almost always operate under the assumption that I care more about everyone else than they do about me. I'm trying to fix this and to care less.
-I struggle, every single day, with feeling like I’m enough. Skinny enough. Funny enough. Good enough. I think this is a female way of thinking in some form or another. And it depends on the day.
-I cry in the shower, usually. No one knows, can tell or can hear. It works best for me.
-I detest loud, self-centered people, of any gender-it's not all about you. Zip it, we all have our battles and success. Helping with the battles and celebrating the successes is great but it does not have to always be all about you.
 -And I dislike men who are asses and treat women like they are second class humans-this includes my bosses who have done so and men in general who treat women poorly even in a small way. Respect is a valuable thing but gender has nothing to do with it. Honestly men with this kind of behavior really piss me off. Yep, I said that out loud. I'd like to fix them but you can't fix stupid and the best thing would be a dose of reality or a kick in the nuts-but doubt either would do any good.

And I highly doubt I would get a star for any of this. I've made my share of mistakes. I always doubt myself as a mother and parent. There are times I feel like I could have/should have done more or done something different as a mom but I did the best I could at the time and often times I did it alone. That's life. Not looking for a gold star here.

We all have scars real and invisible ones. It's the scars that tell the real, true story. Scars mean we showed up for the fight, we didn't run. We lived to tell.

Gold stars mean nothing it's the purple stars in life that matter. And everyone is fighting a battle of some kind. You can see what kind of battle some people are dealing with, while others cover what is going on so well you would guess their life is golden and nothing is wrong. You can't see the scars only the gold stars.

So having self doubt and thinking we are not deserving in life I know is normal. It is part of life. Waking up every morning and living each days the best we can do is a gift from God. Because life requires guts…it requires bravery…and it requires vulnerability. It's what it is all about.

The one thing I need to remember, we all need to remember, is that we are not in this fight alone. Everyone has a story. Everyone has scars. Everyone is fighting a fight and gold stars don't matter. Living each day and dealing with those fears do.

Positive thought of the day: Give yourself a gold star, just for living today!

When you have the time

What do you do when you have some spare time? I know it is a rare thing, but what do you do when you are alone and have some time and space to yourself? When you don't have a schedule to follow, or you don't have to be some place by a certain time. No one is around to talk to or hang out with. What do you do?

I have what I call my spare or "free" time every so often after school and how long that is time is depends on when I leave school. It is MY time. And how do I spend it, well here's a list from this past week and what I did with my "free" time after getting home!
1. Did laundry-caught up/started, gather it and sort, wash, dry, hang up, fold, iron, put away.
2. Start dinner or at least figure out something to make.
3. Clean up the kitchen-dishes, garbage out, wipe down counters and put stuff away.
4. Take a short nap because I've been up since 3 or 4 a.m. and I've had a 3-day migraine.
5. Clean-vacuum, fold laundry, mop floors, dust, pick up, put away. You get the idea here.
6. Get ready for tomorrow....pack lunch, get what I need ready and lined up to go. Pick out clothes for the next day.
7. Exercise-usually a combo of things, a workout DVD, treadmill, go outside for a walk/run, do yard work.
8. Talk to my daughter-love this!
9. Sit for 5-10 minutes and pet and brush my cats-they love this and often get goofy and funny! It's relaxing and fun.
10. Sit and read or relax for 10-20 minutes to re-group from the day-too much time to think is not good but so is not having any free time.
11. Run errands.

Yes, this is pretty much the order of priority for my life with my "free" time after school. Don't get me wrong, I love "free" time. But I also know when I walk through the door at home I walk right into one of my "other" jobs. I live at one job and go to another job everyday.  (And what drives me nuts more than anything is when people are at my house, the other people who live there and they act like a guest. They sit around and do nothing or even better stand around and WATCH me work. If you want to piss me off just do this.)

But going back to what I do with "free time" I guess I look at reading, talking with my daughter or exercising as fun and not work. I have figured out that if I workout each day my headaches are less likely to happen.  But having free time on my hands is both a good thing and bad thing. Often times I have so much to do that I go into shut down mode when I get to my "free" time. It's too much and I'm overwhelmed. If I have a list and goals then things go a lot better. If I have help that is even better. I can only do so much alone, regardless of how hard I try.

But having free time is always nice. And if I get a lot accomplished or if I take a nap or watch a favorite show as long as it recharges my batteries and gets my mind on other things then it is a good thing.

As we head into the weekend I have a list of things I'd like to get done. And then there is the list of things I have to get done. Regardless the weekend is quiet and pretty stress free so I will take that!

Positive thought of the day: May your "free" time this weekend be fulfilling and relaxing. Enjoy it regardless if it is 5 minutes or 5 hours. Enjoy!

The mighty migraine and my dumb stomach

I've written about the lovely migraine headaches I get before-they are no fun, unless you like pain. If you've never had one, count your blessings. If you have, I feel your pain-literally. I've been "blessed" with these things since the age of 13. I've learned to deal with them. And I've tried a ton of different things to prevent them. I've still not figured out my triggers other than STRESS is a big trigger for me. I would not wish these on my worse enemy (well maybe I would wish ONE migraine on a few people so they would understand the hell, light, sound and smells cause for me. Being woke up while trying to stop a migraine is pure hell, I've got no other way to put it other than HELL.) Being woke up while trying to get a migraine to slow down can cause it to instead get bad very, very fast. Some people just don't understand that. But I still would not wish them on people.

Add an extremely sensitive stomach to the migraine mix and it's a a barrel of monkeys for me at times. Not really but the stomach thing does not help. I was told I have always had a sensitive stomach. Eating is always an adventure. I've had eggs, lettuce, turkey, peanut butter, milk, seasonings, dressings, sauces, and a host of other delicious food bother me at any given time over the years, including water. As an adult I'm trying the process of elimination diet. So I never know if what I'm going to eat will come back to haunt me in a variety of ways. Not fun. I often opt not to eat when my stomach is on the rampage. Or I will get so hungry that I eat without thinking-duh Lynn. I need to remember to not order things like broasted chicken, that no matter how good it will taste or that it is cheaper than the steak, that was my latest culprit...broasted chicken, do NOT order it! It was so good, but so greasy! I should have just order the steak-I've never had a problem with steak-go figure! Even one of my favorites, ham, has given me problems-that makes me sad. I've never been tested for any kind of stomach sensitivity. My mom always told me how I would curl up into a ball whenever they fed me banana baby food when I was a baby....I still can't do banana anything. See I've been at this stomach thing all of my life.

So the nasty migraine that paid me an unwelcome visit at 3 a.m. this morning had been flirting with me since Sunday. I'd taken my prescription med yesterday in an attempt to stop things-which, silly me, thought it did. And then my stomach decided to wreak havoc on my life yesterday afternoon. So while I was dealing with that and attempting to sleep peacefully that migraine hit me while I was down and out. Thanks a lot.

The best thing I've learned to do when I have either of these physical situations is to give in and let them run their course. I'm not giving up or in, I'm just being wise and letting my body deal with the problems. 

I've learned over the years my migraine triggers, they range from emotions, situations, food, lighting, weather and loud noise or people. Stress after a long time will take it's toll and sure as heck I'll get hit with a migraine often during the night-usually when I relax. A migraine during the day is something I can stop or at least deal with and slow down. I hate the night time migraines, as by the time I wake up with it I am too far into it to stop things. They are full blown-vomiting and a killer headache kind of things. I've been in the hospital twice with my migraines and the days that follow any migraine are still bad headaches but feel like a picnic compared to the real, full blown thing. I call them "headache hangovers" now-trying to find humor in not such fun situations. They can last for a day or several. I deal.

I'm not complaining about either of these physical things I've dealt with over the years. It is what it is. Would I like not to have to deal with them-you bet. But there are a lot worse things in life. It's no fun to have life interrupted by either of these, often times during big events, or take me out of things completely, but it could be a lot worse. I have learned to handle and manage, when I can, and keep moving forward. I wish there was a sure fire cure for the migraine, lots of tests and meds over the years but nothing to completely stop them.

Keeping a positive attitude, if there is such a thing with either of these two calamities that usually hit without much, if any warning is a challenge. But everyone has their thing and I'm used to it.  It's not fun, but it's part of my life. And honestly things could be a lot worse.

Positive thought of the day: Sunshine is great but on days when I have a migraine a cloudy day is a blessing-so today I am blessed while coming out of a migraine! May you find a blessing in your day too!

Take me as I am

I will be the first one to admit I am far from perfect-I make dozens of mistakes every day. Some I learn from, some I forget and do again but I'm not perfect and I never will be.

I'm the youngest child of two youngest kids and I was an opps baby, but that's okay-I'm here! I'm the youngest and I was spoiled in someways but I also grew up overnight and was doing adult work and responsibilities as a teenager not by choice but by circumstance. It helped shape me into who I am today, good, bad or otherwise.

I've been a redhead all my life, born this way-strawberry blonde! I disliked the red hair as a kid and young adult. It always brought me attention that I did not want. I'd rather slip into a room full of people unnoticed rather than draw attention to myself. But that does not happen very often when you have red hair. People notice...unfortunately. I've come to accept the hair color and it is who I am.

I am fiercely proud of my kids but I will not brag. We already have too many people in this world who want it to be all about them.  But in my own heart I am proud and will love them always.

I need to be creative. This can range in a variety of ways...from organizing things-it gives me a new, fresh outlook on life, to painting (or my attempts at painting!) or rearranging a room. It helps me release stress and fill my creative need. I have a love hate relationship with change. Something new as in as simple as a pair of earrings can make my day. But new ways often cause me stress-but I won't tell anyone that. Its my problem, I deal with it on my own.

I will stand up for someone or something that I believe in. I am fiercely loyal until a person makes me an option or a second choice then my loyalties will falter, big time. I can never learn the lesson of NOT expecting something of someone...I always expect what I would do someone else they will do for me and it bites me in the butt every time. Over and over again I'm hurt or disappointed. I'm trying really, really hard to learn this lesson. To walk away, to no longer care and let go. If you expect nothing and get nothing then life is less of a disappointment. And once I've given up on a person, and there are few in this world I have given up on, I don't look back and a second chance is not an option. I'm done.

I am used to being alone. As the youngest I grew up alone for the most part. I learned to entertain myself and use my imagination. I'm fine with being on my own.

I struggle with hair-ask my daughter! I could never do her hair for dance recital and such. I'm hair challenged with my own and with other people's hair-all thumbs and left handed! Don't ask me-your hair will look better getting out of bed in the a.m. than having me "attempt" to style it!!

I've figured out that there are a lot of foods that don't like me or I don't like them!! They will bother me after eating and that is worse than being hungry. I've had a sensitive stomach my whole life....and I don't know why. It is who I am!

I hate girl drama...and some girls create drama just because they are girls. MYOB (mind your own business) and stop being a pain in the butt! Do something more positive and productive with your time and life. Jeez!

Positive thought of the day: Expect nothing and life is a lot happier! TGIF!

For the love of reading!

I love to read. I always have and I hope I always will. As long as I can find something to read to pass the time or learn from I'm happy. I also find that I've gotten a lot more particular about what I read over the years. I used to read just about anything I could get my hands on. But now I figure out a couple chapters into a book if it is worth my time. After all, life is short, why waste it reading stuff you don't want to or trash!

I love having kids come to the library! Usually 98% of them are like kids in a candy store and love to come here. There are those few who "have a book they are already reading" or they "just can't find something they like" and there will be no pleasing them. That's life. But the excitement is fun to see and watch. I've had 5th and 6th graders in here already today and it has been a blast. The difference in one year of growth is amazing. The sixth graders are loving the library and remember how to find things on the computer and on the shelves on their own. They were very happy with the book marks I gave them and in general is was a great experience.

The fifth grade on the other hand was less fun. They are more needy and learning how to look a book up on the computer then find it in the library is always challenging for them at the start. They were asking for book marks rather than waiting until I got to them. One young lady wanted to read the first book of a series since she had book two...so she held up the checkout line so she could go look it up, or something like that rather than go back over to the shelf where she found book two. She wanted all my attention...she didn't understand there are 16 other people in the room who deserve my help as well. But most of them walked out of the library with a book or two. It is always fun to see the excitement on their faces as they start to read a new book! I love it!!

So I need to practice what I preach and do and READ more. I get too wrapped up in the work and life most days to even being to read like I wish I could. Note to self: Read MORE books!

Positive thought of the day: Reading is good for you! Sit down and read something for pleasure this weekend. I'm going to!

All is quiet in the kingdom

Quiet days are nice after things have been crazy busy. I have also learned over the years that you can tell what the weather is going to do by the behavior and loudness of kids. I guess my grandmother used to say "they've got a storm loaded" by the behavior and loudness of her kids or the kids at church. You know what, you can tell the weather by the behavior or kids and animals! They can't help it, it just affects them.

So the fact that we are on day 2-1/2 of gray skies and rain has the students a bit quiet, which I'm not complaining about. But as a mom you always wonder what is going on when the kids are really quiet. That's usually when they are getting in the most trouble! This is also true!

Before all this rain and gray skies the kids were wound for sound (I blamed it on homecoming) and I wondered about the weather. But a heavy thunderstorm that dumped an inch in less than 20 minutes AND made dismissing school around 15 later than it should be was more the reason why! 

It is homecoming week and with the dress up days things get a bit wacky and out of sorts because of all of this not normal stuff going on. Other than the one student wearing flippers and the slapping sounds they make as he goes down the hallway, it's pretty quiet around here on "beach day". The weather is far from beach-like.  And I'm going to credit the weather with the subdued behavior. We can't go out. It has rained-A LOT! And it is time for the sun to shine but tomorrow would be a good time for that to happen.

So a quiet kingdom is a good thing, unless it is too quiet. Then you know there is trouble!

Positive thought of the day: Rain is a good thing. Too much rain...not so much. But the sun will shine again!

An open letter...

Dear high school senior parent(s),
What an exciting time in your child's life their senior year is. This is the beginning of the end of a chapter for you and your child as they journey through their senior year. It is a year of a lot of decisions and growing up and changes. Things will never be the same after this year. Your child will either go off to college next year, or hopefully get a job if they don't continue their education or they will be living in your basement. College and full time work is a big change from high school as your child will find out in less than a year. A BIG change. They will be a very, very small fish in a big, big pond.

Senior year is an expensive year, from start to finish. If you have not figured this out yet, you will soon. But this year will seem cheap compared to college or your child being out on their own paying for an apartment and insurance and food. This is life.

But my purpose in writing this letter is to let you know that if your child is not chosen for the homecoming court or as king or queen of something it does not matter. It won't matter in a week, a month or a year. It's not a deal breaker if they are not chosen. It's life. Not everyone is chosen or wins at everything or gets a trophy or a crown. No one has ever gotten into college because they were homecoming queen or on the court or because they had perfect attendance for seven years straight...no one cares.

I've had the pleasure of watching high school seniors campaign their hearts out, thinking no one was noticing or wise to their actions and behavior over the years for a spot on the homecoming court or chosen as king or queen. Trust me we notice, and find great humor in it! If a young lady who has spent most of her time being snotty and mean for the past three years is all of a sudden friends with everyone, there is a reason. I've watched parents cry because their child was not "chosen" for homecoming court or something else-big deal. I've also watched parents because a real "piece" when their child was chosen or crowned....big deal. This does not gauge whether or not you are a good or successful parent. Raising a good, kind, hardworking citizens is a gauge of how you did. Not a trophy or a crown.

So enjoy this year of lasts and the memories that come with it. Your child is about to "leave the nest" and things won't be the same after this year. And it will probably take until next year before your child realizes that all the silly high school stuff does not matter because they will be on to bigger and better. Only a handful of kids still come back or care who is chosen or voted for what. They are still living their high school days and need to "put down the yearbook" and grow up.

And a final thought to the kids who let the "not being chosen" put a big old chip on their shoulder and bother them..this does not define you. But if it really bothers that much, then maybe you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and how YOU treat people. Your classmates and friends are not stupid, they have eyes and ears too and see how things are.

Positive thought of the day: It's nice to see that 99.9% of the people grow up and move on from high school...and the 1% that does not gives us entertainment by their stupidity, usually posted to social media! As they say, "you can't fix stupid" but it is fun to watch and laugh at!

Dislike!

I dislike being cold. Read that again carefully. I dislike being cold. It does not read I dislike the cold but I dislike being cold! With warmer temps the AC is cranked at home and at school. At home I can regulate it and make it comfortable! But at school it's another story. After they cleaned the carpeting in my library over the summer they turned the AC down to get things dry. Well they've never turned things back up. I've thought about saying something but it is easier to wear a jacket or long sleeves than try to cool off. So most days I run out to the hallway between classes to warm up my hands, feet and nose! I know, life it rough. But I'd rather be a bit cool than smell sweaty, stinky kids!!

We are heading into my most favorite time of year-FALL!!!! I'm pretty sure I developed the love for this season because it was my dad's favorite season as well. Fall harvest is the best. Comfortable days and cool nights! YES! Not to mention the beautiful colors! I love it.

Now going back to my "I dislike being cold" this does not mean I don't like the cold, it's not my favorite thing but we can't control nature and the weather and seasons. (hint, hint-people please stop complaining about the weather!) I like winter and the snow and the beauty of it all, just like every other season. I like the jeans, sweaters and boots kind of thing. PLUS when working with kids, they smell less during the winter because they are not sweating as much!!! I know it's all a smell factor!!

So that is my two-cents worth as we enjoy warm weather but fall is heading our way...and I can't wait. So stay cool or warm or whatever it is you like!!

Positive thought of the day: Every season has it's good and bad aspects but the fact that we are here to enjoy it is a gift. Enjoy each day and find the good in it!

A smaller table

Okay, I have a confession to make...I don't make my dining room table smaller when there is only two of us around here. I'd like to say it's because I use it for a variety of things like...folding laundry, sorting my kids mail and such, painting (or my attempt at painting!) and a variety of other reasons. But in truth whenever I walk into the dining room and the table is out as far as it can go I think that my family will all be home soon. We will all be gathered around to eat, play games, talk, laugh and make memories.

This was the case this weekend. We gathered around that table, all stretched out since the last time all three kids were home....last December, and we all ate together. And the the additional blessing was the extra people we now add to our family, soon to be spouses, a grandparent and good friend. We were missing one. But I realized this morning as I was up before anyone else that the table has not been "small" for months. And I like it that way.

As my kids leave one by one today and I keep moving or I find myself missing them way too much and in disbelief that three days can go that fast-yes I'd planned and worked for the past couple of weeks for this long weekend-I could not wait! But I will leave the table "big". Because the next time we are all gathered together will be the next weekend or event that they all or any of my kids will come home-always great!  And for today, as they all leave I have the "next time" in the back of my mind and will plan for the next two months when we will all be together again and gathered around that table. And to be honest, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Yes they are all adults. And yes they are all living their own lives. And I'm fiercely proud of each one of them and their significant others. They are all good people. But plain and simple I love to have them home and I am so very blessed to be their mom!

As the next couple of months roll by and we occasionally use the dining room table for a variety of things, mostly an organizational place for "stuff," in the back of my mind I am envisioning the next time we are all home together and gathered around the table for whatever reason and thinking back on the hundreds of other memories and family and friends who have joined us around that table. I am so blessed and can't wait for the next time.

So the table will stay big and wait! But for now I have more great memories of having my family home and under the same roof and more memories made around the table...I am so blessed!

What a difference a year makes....or more

Every time I hear about or see pictures from the first day of school I think back to my kid's first days of school. I was one of those mom's who took the pictures-alone, with their siblings-the whole ball of wax. There is something about that first day that seems like such a milestone.

Last year at this time I was cheering on child number 2 as she entered her last semester of classes while working on her masters. She did it! Now she is about to embark on her "first real grown up job" (as she calls it) as a school counselor. She's excited, nervous and missing the people who she's been around daily for the past eight months. Living alone is always an adjustment. But this is her dream.

Child number 3 is on his first, last day of school/classes as he finishes up his degree in education. He's worked hard as well and will student teach in the spring, I'm sure that will be here before we know it too. Next year his first day of school will be as the teacher, not as a student, for the fist time in his life! Yay! What a difference a year will make for him, next year.

I remember taking child number 1 to his first day of kindergarten. This was it. Two years of pre-school was kind of a practice run for us. This was the real deal. He did better than I did and was off and playing as I was heading out the door hiding tears behind my sunglasses (thank goodness for those).

Child #2 was out of the car before I hardly got the car in park as she to headed to her first day of kindergarten, waving and calling "bye mom!". She thought she could take herself in...um, no! She was off and running shortly after we got to the classroom. No first day of school jitters there! She was, in fact,  sitting on her bed at 6:30 a.m., dressed in the little jumper I'd stayed up late making! She was excited and sure of herself. She still is!

Child #3 hung back a little bit when I took him to the first day of kindergarten. He and I had spent some time together when the two older siblings were off to school. I'd often pick him up from the babysitter and we'd have a lunch "date" before I dropped him off for preschool. But he warmed up and was off as I once again, like I did with all three kids, headed out the door wearing sunglasses as the tears stung my eyes. Yes I'm sentimental and I truly realized at that time that that was the end of one chapter and the start of another in their young lives, the first of many. I would no longer be the most important adult in their lives. They would be spending more of their day with their teacher than me. It's a tough pill to swallow, for any parent, after doing the job for the first five-plus years of their lives. But that's life and I would not want it any other way. I count my blessing every time I see a parent with a child of special needs who does not get those "normal" moments or those who can't have children and who just plain won't ever get those moments.

As I started my first day of school (again!) yesterday I found myself thinking about all the changes that had happened over the past year. I had to work with a senior girl who wants nothing but to be done regarding her senior year...."this is it," I told her, "next year will be completely different." She stopped the negative banter and I think she realized that I was right. Things were never going to be the same. Life ahead was a big bundle of changes and surprises. She left with a little different attitude, if even for a short time.

So looking back over the past year there have been a lot of changes. A LOT!! They are good and bad. No one knows where they will be in a year and that's okay. That's life, it happens. And no matter how much you plan, organize and try to control life, things just have a way of happening, and usually it is how we least expect it to go!

Positive thought of the day: Appreciate where you are at. If you are not experiencing changes then you are stuck in a rut. Keep moving, on and forward! That's life.

Stop doing for others what they wouldn't do for you

The title of this blog is tough love. Tough love for me. A lesson I have got to learn to live, practice and remember. I have got to stop doing for those who would not do the same for me. This ranges from helping to caring and loving.
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you" is a saying I grew up hearing, a way of life, live by, and still do. But I must admit I'm to the point with life and people where I think I'm done. Why bust my butt, go the extra mile, give of my time, energy, talent when these same people won't do the same for me. Much less utter the words "thank you" or "can I help you?".  I'm tired of this behavior and the treatment. Maybe my new mantra should be "NO". Plain and simple and to the point. And there are some people who are going to hear that word-NO.
I know tomorrow is a new day and I usually go back to old ways and habits. But not this time. If I'm being a b^#(@ or unchristian, well then I guess I will be. But at some point something has to give. And I'm tired.

Positive thought of the day: sorry I don't have any, other than tomorrow is a new day.

Do no harm, take no s^!#

There is a fine line between standing up for yourself and being a b!#ch. There also is a wise-ness of picking your battles. There are people who think they've gotten the best of me or a situation or have "won" because I've walked away or said nothing. But they are very wrong. Some things or people just aren't worth my time and energy. And I'm finding more and more people and situations are not worth my time as life goes on.

But one thing I won't ever get or understand is mean people. Why? Is it something you learned at home? Are or were your parents mean and nasty people? Why?

I don't get or understand the people who set up, make, watch and take great joy in watching people fail. They do everything they can to make it happen. Why? What is wrong with you? What makes these kinds of people so mean, nasty and vindictive? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I keep going back to "it was how they were raised" and blaming their parent/parents or lack there of. Their 'home" life must be pretty awful. Plus this is what must being taught at home-well they learning it some place, I'm just saying.

We've all had or been a witness to the "friend who is absolutely nothing but trouble". I think most people have had one or two during their life-a wrong choice. These are friends who do nothing but bring out the bad in us, teach us bad things and make us do bad things. I've witnesses these kinds of friends with my own kids over the years. You keep a close eye. Watch carefully and pray-a lot. You can't say anything because you know it will come back and smack you in the face and it usually just propels them towards the wrong person even more. So you just wait, and watch. And sooner or later, for good or bad, people come to their senses-usually. But what is left behind is usually not good. Either bad habits are learned and repeated. Or there is the aftermath of these so called friendships-relationships damaged or changed forever. It's life. A lesson.

I remember my mom coming right out and telling me that she didn't like a friend I had in junior high school. Mom said my current friend at the time, Christy, was not a good friend nor did she make good choices. I was hurt but it didn't stop me from being friends with Christie-one of my few rebel moments of life I guess. Mom kept close tab on my "phone time" with Christie at home and I think I got to have her over once but was never allowed to go to her house. But mom could not control our time together or behavior at school. I got in trouble for small things in class a few times because of Christie and then I started to realize what my mom meant. My friendship with Christie was short lived and she finally transferred to public school and got pregnant in high school and from there I have no idea what happened to her. Mom was right and I innocently learned how to make better choices in friends. I have no idea how or why Christie and I because friends in the first place. But I learned how to make better choices and how not to be one of "those" friends in life.

Unfortunately in life, work and family you get the mean and bully kind of people who do no good and are bad news all the way around. You can't avoid them when they are members of your family, a coworker or a neighbor. You deal. You avoid. And you keep moving along. Unfortunately, these mean bullies often times seem hell bent on being jerks-its their way of life, they know no other way. My goal has always been to avoid these people, protect myself and those I love or mean a great deal to me and eliminate the negativity of these people. And another thing I've learned is if you get rid of one of these kinds of people there is always another one just like them, right behind them to take their place. Life is filled with mean people. How you react or if you do fuels their fire and gives them power.

So I guess my stand on those who are hell bent on making someones life hell or causing problems is to do exactly as this blog is titled: Do no harm, take no shit. I will stand up for the under dog, or for someone who needs my help or support against the bully or mean behavior. I always have and I hope I always will take a stand and support regardless if it is an adult friend or a student. I did it as a kid and as an adult, and I will continue to do so BUT....I will not do it in a mean manner. I will not stoop to the level of those who are being mean and a bully. If we don't help each other we are letting the bullies win. There is power in numbers.

I guess the phrase "do no harm, take no shit" is a good way to look at and deal with life. It is a positive way to deal with the ups and downs in life. It is a positive way to turn around a negative situation! There are no winners or losers in this thing called life...in the end we all die. The best legacy we can leave behind is good memories and the ability to make people smile when they think of us. Do no harm, take no shit.

Positive thought of the day: May your day be bully free! But remember to "Do no harm, take no shit"!

Finally noticing

A ritual this summer has developed with my daughter and I, walking, around 3 miles almost daily. Sometimes we walk in the morning, but usually we walk in the evening. We see some and hear some strange things some evenings. And there are times we see some pretty cool things, sunsets, wild flowers and the like! It is interesting to see the world at dusk or at nightfall. And in all honesty we talk about as fast as we walk. We've solved a lot of problems, not worldly but personally. And we've bounced some great ideas off of one another as well. It's life and great to share as well as get some exercise.

There are those nights when there are just some weird things going on. No it's not always a full moon but just a normal night. As we approached home last night I noticed the cool shadows the trees were making on the concrete from the street light above them. What I wonder is how many times I and we had walked through those same shadows and never noticed? And what made me finally notice this last night? Did I have my head down? I don't recall what we were discussing as we were almost at the end of our walking route. But it was one of those things that I turned around, went back and looked at. I stood in those shadows and then I took pictures with my cell phone so I could capture the beauty. I FINALLY noticed!

How many times do we fly by life and things that are one of a kind, and breath takingly beautiful and never even notice because we are so wrapped up in our own lives and problems? A lot!

So whatever made me notice last night, I'm glad I did.

I heard your voice today

A five-year old voice mail recently brought me a whole host of emotions that I was not planning on or ready for. A voice mail to my daughter from my mom wishing her happy birthday was bitter sweet. It made my heart ache and I realized how much I miss my mom each and every day. But it also was wonderful to hear mom's voice once again. I hear that voice in my head every day. My biggest fear-the day I don't hear her voice in my memories any more.

The conversations my mom and I had often come back to me often. Some are good, some are heart touching, some sad, some make me a bit angry (like the time she called me a nincompoop-I was a kid! Or the time she told me the word "crap" was not to be heard in her house again-what? That's crap! Sorry mom!) The jokes we shared, the fun. Mom always had a "lets do it" kind of attitude.
The words of wisdom she shared or favorite phrases or quotes she would say are treasures for me now. My kids now have mom-isms that they say and use quite often! Yes, I could return the favor but I won't.

My whole point is the voice of memories and reason that come back to you are from those who mean the most to you and are wonderful. I can still hear my dad's voice and the last thing he ever said just to me. Precious memories.

Some people flap their lips just because they don't know what else to do or they like the sound of their own voice. And what you say will be remembered but even more is how what you said made people feel. I like to sit and listen when with friends and in groups. It is great for memories and it is amazing what you can learn from and about people when you listen and learn. My dad loved to watch people while my mom would shop. I now understand why.

So I'm grateful for that voice mail and the memories and emotions it brought flooding back. And yes it makes me smile through tears but that is a good thing. I love and miss that voice. So thank you Ashlyn for sharing with me. There is no need to feel badly. It was wonderful to hear that voice once again.

Positive thought of the day: Remember your voice is the soundtrack of a lot of other peoples lives-more people than you probably realize. Value that gift!

I didn't see it coming

I'm not a good sick person. I plug through the best I can but one thing I've learn from being a migraine sufferer for a good majority of my life, and that is to stop and deal with whatever it is I've got.

I was hit with not only a bout of the flu but that would then turn into a bad case of sinus infection and double ear infection. I've never had ear infection. I don't like it.  What the heck? I don't like this inability to hear or only hear myself or hear things that are related to me-like how loud crunchy food is when your ears are shut-from the inside of my head! Or how it sounds on the inside when the water hits your head in the shower-like being under an umbrella. I'm to the point where I know I can not hear anything more than three feet away-frustrating. I'm learning to read lips!

The trip to the doctor was educational. No this is not fun and I didn't realize how sick I was, nor how it was affecting my life. A shot and some double whammy antibiotics are slowly (I think. I hope.) doing what they need to. Yes I can't wait for the day when my ears open. But I'm a bit edgy as I was told not to be surprised if my ear drum or drums burst. WHAT??? Noooo!!

It is natural to not appreciate something or someone until it/they are gone. I remember a conversation my mom and I had once about which sense, hearing or sight, we'd be more able to do without if we were to loose either ability. We discussed the pros and cons of the loss of each. What it would be like to loose either had a lot of negatives and positivies. I know now my mom had hearing loss from probably ear infections in her younger years, which I am dealing with at this time. Gee, I wonder where I got this from, along with a host of other heath related things-thanks mom!! Mom and I both agreed that the loss of hearing would be the better of the two senses to loose. Right now I'm appreciating things like normal hearing a lot more!

We have tons of things we take granted every second of every day. Be it a normal, healthy day or a sense that is compromised right now due to illness. Or a life threatening illness or some other calamity. As I've always said, I'm thankful for quiet, normal days. I find myself appreciating those dull days even more when I hear about someone's misfortune.

So with my dulled ability of hearing I'm appreciating the return to normal health! From the lack of nose blowing or return of energy and to get things done. All of these are small gifts that we take for granted until they are gone or not normal.

And I did not see any of this coming but it did and the timing was by far from great but it is what it is! And with this comes a lesson, a reminder and new appreciation.

Positive thought of the day: Listen to all that is happening around you. Stop and sit in silence for a few minutes. It is amazing to just listen to all that is going on around you. 

Looking for inspiration

I'm always looking for inspiration, be it an idea for a meal, a new recipe, what to do with my hair, garden, house, wardrobe, anything, I'm looking, watching and researching constantly it seems. It is just my nature. And I hate being stuck in a rut. I always remember my mom saying to me that she would make a lousy old person. She did not make a lousy old person and I honestly think she thought as long as she kept a young, positive mindset she would live on. Unfortunately she did not live on, the mind was willing but the body was not able. But her mind was young even when she was not. I remember my mom and I playing with my two nieces-physically playing outside, while my sister in-law, my nieces mom, just sat and watched. It was a sad statement about my sister in-law then and still holds true now. She certainly is not young at heart. But we are all different.

I have a love hate relationship with change. Yes it's hard. Some people love and embrace it. Some resist change, fighting it tooth and nail. But regardless if you love or hate it, it happens. I like change on my terms...you should be laughing now as we are seldom, if ever in charge of how things go or happen in our lives. I love to try new things, and change things up. But when you are always met with a negative response sooner or later that will dies...this is the case with me and my house. I only choose changes and projects that I know I can do on my own. Trying or every thinking about suggesting to try new things and always having a "negative Nancy" poop on my ideas gets really, really old after while. I hope I'm not one of those people. I know we all are at time or another but I try to be willing to look at, try something new.

But back to the inspiration. Yes I'm always looking for new ideas. My guilty pleasure right now is Pinterest, it has been for quite some time. I can't recommend this website enough but don't join!! I'm kidding here! When I need a quick creative break from life I go to pinterest. When I need a recipe for a mean I go to pinterest. When I have a certain colored top or pants I want to put together an outfit for, you guessed it, I go to pinterest! I have the app on my phone and I jump on there occasionally when on my laptop, but not as much. It give me so much inspiration! 

I was recently cleaning up from out musical production and about to throw out old barn boards... when what do I do but jump on Pinterest to see if there is any thing cool to do with that old barn wood. Sure enough I find a project where basement steps are re-done with old barn boards. It looks pretty cool. I love power tools and things just looks like some measuring and getting things to fit. I can't wait. The old nails are pulled out of the old boards now all I need to do is start to measure (twice) cut (once) and figure out the best way to get this attached to the existing steps. I think I will look pretty cool when all is said and done. When will it get done, well that remains to be seen. I'd like to start working on it after school, but so far my after school time has not been my own. But soon I hope. Otherwise it will be on the top of my summer vacation list.

I also love to pin crochet patterns and stitches on Pinterest. My mom tried to teach me how to crochet but my friend Nancy mastered it quickly and correctly. I was a lost cause. But I've since then, thanks to Pinterest and youtube, gotten a handle on crocheting and a variety of crochet stitches. It is a challenge and fun. I never have the correct yarn on hand but I mess around and try with the yarn I do have. I enjoy it! And I think my mom would be pleased with my accomplishments!! I'm trying.

So no matter what you are looking for inspiration for or where you are looking for it, as long as you are looking and trying and challenging yourself you are putting yourself out there and you are making a difference. Even if it is just in your little world and a small part. Enjoy the inspiration, it's what keeps us alive.

Positive thought of the day: Spring time rains. I love the smell of rain!

The one not chosen

I was a preemie and an opps baby! There was 16 years age difference between my oldest sister and I and 6 years (almost 7 years) between my next sibling. So my experience with the outside world during the first five years of my life was very limited. I was home all day, everyday with my mom. Babysitters were my older siblings and life was very protective and simple.
So going to kindergarten was a traumatic experience for me. I was a shy and quiet little person. I lacked self confidence. In addition my red hair brought me a lot of unwanted attention.
And as I progressed through my school years I lacked confidence and the know-how when it came to PE or teams at recess. I was always one of the last, if not the last one, chosen when it came to teams. It did bother me a bit but not like it probably would most kids.

And then along about my sophomore year in high school I made a new friend. Someone who loved life and loved to laugh. One of my best friends I'd have for life, Shelly was and is a sweet person. Hanging out with her made me feel good. She taught me to have confidence and I'm sure she kept me on the right track with making good choices in high school while many of our classmates chose alcohol, sex and drugs -we chose to have simple fun-eating and playing tennis or at worse driving around on Friday or Saturday nights. This fun gave me confidence. Shelly was a farm girl, just like me. She was number 13 out of 14 kids in her family. She wasn't very athletic but yet she would get out there and participate in PE-which motivated me. But more than anything Shelly taught me how to not care what others thought or said about me. I grew in high school to have confidence and make right choices because of one of my best friends.

Shelly and I became a force in PE! Those farm skills helped make us a team in the various PE activities! We could hold our own with the male members of our class and it was fun to compete. I was no longer the last one chosen. Often times Shelly or I were chosen to be team captain-and as long as we were together we worked together, competed and had a blast. Yes I went on to get A's in PE (while other girls who stood around and watched did not)!!

There always has to be the "last one chosen" but how you deal with it or how you let it affect you says a lot about your character. My character as an elementary student was that of being clueless! I was just doing my own thing. And it took a good friend to teach me that being chosen last or not being the best was okay. She always taught me to do my own thing and be my own person. And I have to say to this day being the "one not chosen" or the last one chosen is God's way of bringing me to much better things! There are better things ahead than being "chosen" for whatever it is going on in your life right now. Just wait and see....

Positive thought of the day: Let go and let God. His plans are so much better than what we think we want or need!

The last time

I love the following poem! As a parent life is so busy and crazy as your children grow up that you often don't notice how things are changing-the "lasts". And even when your kids are adults and they grow farther and farther away you don't realize the "last times" in life.  But this is okay, because if you have the opportunity to look back and reflect and remember those "last times" it means you are truly blessed beyond words-you are a parent and you have been given one of the greatest gifts of all-a child or two or three or more! I have been blessed beyond words and I look back on those "last time" memories from all three children and smile with tears, but smile! I have those "last times," others have not been given such blessings. Love you three!

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
-Author Unknown-

Holiday time!

Yep, you read this blog title correct! Today was one of my mom's most favorite days of the year! Besides the fact that it is the day before her birthday, April Fools day was a day where my mom could have fun. I mean good, clean fun. No one was ever embarrassed or anything like that-she just loved to laugh and play innocent, fun jokes. From what she told me she learned this from her dad and her brother Joe and sister, Anna, who also both loved laughter and were as fun loving as my mom. They sounded like a very happy family.

April Fool's day was always a day of laughter. We were never afraid of the pranks, just ready and on guard! Mom would play small innocent pranks on us. Turning on the windshield wipers, radio and such in our car so when we went to school and would turn the key to start the car things would be be blaring and be on in full force! Or one time it was vaseline on the stick shift of our cars. The 7Up bottle would have plain water in it instead of 7Up! A surprise when you are expecting the sweet taste of soda pop!  Or it was cold coffee in the Pepsi bottle-that one got my brother. This was back in the day when we had glass bottles of half open pop, with the lid on them to keep the fizz, sitting in our fridge! Mom once made liver in brown gravy over mashed potatoes-this looked and smelled exactly like her minute steaks! Yum!! Not a fun discovery but still all done in good humor. If you didn't like liver it was not as much fun, if you did you enjoyed the meal! I too loved the simple jokes of April Fool's day. But having willing participants makes or breaks this holiday.

Never were my mom or my April Fool's day pranks done to be mean or with harm. It was good clean humor....vaseline on your car door handle-yep, did that one to my brother! It was simple fun!

But as I said willing people or those who didn't get upset by these innocent pranks makes or breaks the holiday each year. I can't honestly remember the last time I played an April Fool's day prank on someone. My heart just is not in it any more. But I do remember my mom fondly every year on April 1st and do this with a smile and remember all her fun and how she liked to laugh.

Mom would be 90 years young tomorrow!! I'm so glad four years ago I road tripped over to see her. I took her out for Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza-her favorite. We had ice cream, another one of her favorites and we spent time together, talking, laughing and enjoy and celebrating her day-it still makes me smile. Three years ago I also road tripped over to spend mom's birthday with her-her last one here on earth. We stayed in her room. She slept a lot. I went and got the Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza and there was ice cream as well. As in past years all her birthday cards were hung so she could see them all and enjoy them. I am sooo glad I took the time and spent mom's special day with her-many of them. She loved to celebrate her birthday and April 2 holds nothing but great memories for me. I made my first communion on mom's birthday, which also happened to be Easter that year too. It was a big celebration for us! I know she is celebrating her birthday in heaven tomorrow with all those she loves. And I try to celebrate here on earth, just as she did for 87 years. But heaven help you today as I'm sure she is still playing her innocent pranks because today is her birthday eve....April Fool's day!

So enjoy the laughter and humor in today or at least laugh and find humor in something today. And tomorrow I will celebrate the life of my mom, who I miss daily, learned a ton of things from and love.

Happy April 1st :) and Happy Birthday in heaven tomorrow mom-love you and miss you!

Positive thought of the day: Laugh at the funny things in life, at yourself and because it is good for you. Laughter they say is the best medicine.

Princess for an hour

Now that I'm on the back side of our Princess Prom that we hosted last week I have to say it was one of the best experiences I've ever had. Yes, it was a lot of work. BUT it was sooooo much fun to see the faces, smiles, and laughter of the girls and their escorts. Some girls had their dad, step dad, grandpa, uncle or neighbor as their "date" for the night. But making these little girls feel special and like a princess for a couple of hours was worth all the work and worry! Every little girl, big or small deserves those moments and memories where they can feel like they are special. And make the memories with their dad/step-dad/grandpa/uncle/neighbor.

It was so much fun to see the dad's either sit and watch and enjoy seeing their daughter's dancing or see the dad's get up to dance occasionally with their daughter. No one cared about how good or bad of a dancer you were, it was just being there that counted. There was spilled punch and balloons that got away but none of that mattered. It was the time spent together that counted the most! It was a blast.

I have some special memories that come to mind when I think about my dad. They are not a princess prom, but more like simple things-sitting on the back steps talking and laughing at the antics of kittens (we both loved cats). Or working together on the farm-chasing pigs and as my dad swore at the hogs who were not cooperating he was called them a not-so-nice name. I, being a smart alec, remarked how all the pigs had the same name-my dad started laughing and the situation lightened up!! Or the time we were moving cattle and I accidentally stepped on a snake while bare footed-I know-YUCK YUCK YUCK. And as I was shrieking about the situation my dad started to yell at me to be quiet or I'd scare the cattle-we both looked at each other and started laughing as neither of us were helping either situation! It was simple fun moments like these where my mind goes back to and it brings a smile and a chuckle. There are no profound moments before a big dance or my wedding were my memories goes to when I think about my dad it's the time, usually simple, or while working that make me smile. And I am so thankful, despite being the youngest I had the time I did with my dad. While most of my siblings had 40 or 50+ years with my dad I treasure the time I did have.

So to all the dad's out there who are dad's in the sense of the word, be it biological or maybe not biological but in every other aspect-thank you for being a prince to all the princesses out there.

Positive thought of the day: It is cold and dreary and just yuck outside, but make your own sunshine-inside! Don't act like the weather!!