It's not the item, it's the memory

We all have items that remind us of a memory or person. These items can bring us good, bad, happy or sad memories when we see them. They can be treasures or a piece of comfort.

I have a light blue and white Christmas top of my mom's that I've kept for the past six Christmas's. I find it a source of comfort, especially this time of year, when I am missing my mom- the Christmas memories of her wearing it and it makes me feel like she is close.  That top also still smells of my mom's perfume...Windsong. She started wearing it when I was in high school and I wore it too for a while. Smells bring back memories too.

I have a melancholy feeling towards Christmas this year. It is kind of over with already. We had a mini-Christmas back in November when everyone was home. The house is some what decorated but nothing like what I used to do. And I've been going through containers of Christmas decorations and sorting. Stuff to keep. Stuff for my kids to go through and take if they want. And stuff to just get rid of. It's time to clean out and down size. My kids can all take take their own Christmas ornaments that they made as kids in school and religious ed. Yes I will miss having those decorations on my tree but they all have their own lives, homes and trees now, they can hang, keep or toss these heirlooms if they want. What I would give to have an ornament that I made from my childhood or something from my mom or dad when they were children.

Tonight as I was hanging my dad's Iowa Hawkeye ornament on the tree it fell....and broke. My heart broke too, and the tears fell. I felt like I'd lost a piece of my dad. It's been 18 Christmas's without him. This was my Christmas connection to him, and now it sits in a dustpan, waiting to be thrown away in several pieces. I'm sad. It was purely an accident and it may have been better if it had been broken by someone else other than me-it would be easier to forgive. But nothing can be done to change it. I looked on ebay to find a replacement, but one like this wasn't available. It's gone.

I keep telling myself that it was just an ornament. It was just a reminder, memory and connection to my dad. I still have all my memories and nothing can shatter or break them. And life goes on. Tomorrow is a new day. I still have all my memories of my dad and they are mine, nothing can take that away from me.

I will continue to be a bit sad for the broken ornament. And if I ever find another one just like it I may or may not replace it but I'll keep the memories of my dad and his love of the Iowa Hawkeyes close to my heart.

Dec. 6, St. Nick's day

Yes, St. Nicholas day has rolled around again. And I just read my blog from last year. The basis for my tradition that I've done with my kids over the years and my memories and hopes for what this day represents for them.

Okay, truth time. I've battle with the issue of  if I should or should not continue the St. Nick's day tradition. I asked my daughter, who was no help, if I should continue it or if everyone had out grown and tired of  this? I've been back and forth with if I should keep doing this or just stop. And last week I decided to keep the tradition going. The problem is St. Nick doesn't have his act together this year! He's working on it but just didn't get it all pulled together. And all day long I've tried to figure out a way to let my kids and their spouses know that St. Nick was still around, just a little behind. Well here it is!

But I had a first tonight, St. Nick left me a gift. I've never been on the receiving end of St. Nicholas day. As I stated in my blog last year the St. Nick tradition came from the memories my mom shared of her childhood and how St. Nick would come to her house leaving small gift in their shoes or socks. This is where I got the idea and started the tradition in my house for my kids.

But tonight a phone call from my son Ranen who instructed me that he and his wife had left something in his closet....three gifts-from St. Nick!! This is the highlight of my week, I have no doubt. St. Nick left a candle that smells wonderful. A large deck of cards for someone else who lives under the same roof and the world's softest Peanuts blanket! Snoopy, Charlie Brown and the whole gang are wrapped around me as I type this. From the bottom of my heart-THANK YOU. This is the first St, Nick gifts I've ever gotten and I must say that Whitney and Ranen, I mean St. Nick, did a wonderful job and this is one of the biggest surprises I've had a in a long, long time. It has touched my heart.

So in the season of giving and the spirit of what St. Nicholas day is all about, I wish anyone reading this the blessings of the season and my you find the true spirit of what this time of year is all about in your heart.

Saving it for company

My parents grew up in the depression era and were savers. As I've learned over the years the saving my parents did was due to hard times during the depression that they went through. So I grew up with saving things for "good" or when company came. My parents did a lot of entertaining, from holidays to birthdays,  card parties and a weekly visit with cousins as each others house, there was always entertaining going on.

My mom loved to entertain. She had several sets of good dishes, which ranged from her wedding china to at least two other sets of china and later in life Christmas dishes which was something my mom always wanted. Mom and dad got each of use kids the same set of Christmas dishes as gifts for the holidays. My mom always considered having made it when they could afford the holiday dishes.

So I am reminded of my mom weekly, if not daily around my own home. I have several of her saved for company bathroom towels that I now use daily or weekly. They are pretty, but now being put to good use and are a happy reminder of my mom and growing up. Mom would never burn candles except for on those special occasions when they entertained. I vividly remember a holiday, I'm not sure which one, that I lit a set of good candles and for a brief moment my mom was a bit taken aback but smiled and made a comment along the lines that we just as well use them-a rare occasion (I was such a rebel!). My mom would put out towels on the towel racks that were only for show and never used (until they ended up in my house). And there were the towels that were only used by company. The towels we used were sometimes very ragged, towels that were wearing thin, but they still did the job, we didn't care or notice-we just used it until it wore out and had served it's purpose. I don't have company towels at my house, we use all the towels in the closet or on the self.

I have an every day set of dishes that are used every day. And I have a set of china that has hardly been used over the last 10+ years. They were a must on the insistence of my mother in-law when I got married and I received china pieces for many birthday and Christmas presents after my wedding day. Those dishes are nice, I like them. But they are too much work to use. No one really notices what you eat off of as long as it is clean and we've taken to using disposal dishes and flatware since my mother in-law has passed away. Life is too short to spend so much time doing dishes and worrying about breaking something. And someday they will be passed on to who ever wants them hardly used.

So today as I put out a new hand towel in my bathroom I was again reminded of my mom. It was one of her company towels I hung up, it gets used weekly now. I remember how proud she was of how nice her house looked when my parents entertained. But as I am now using her towels I'm reminded that every day is special and using the good towels, burning the candles or maybe breaking out the good china is okay to do any day of the week for absolutely no reason. Why save it for someone else to use? Times have changed and today we live in a disposable world where if people get tired of something they get rid of it regardless if it is still usable and in good condition.

If you come to my house to visit you won't get "good" towels, you'll get the towels that we use everyday. The candles have been burned and all I can guarantee is whatever you are eating off of is it will be clean regardless if it is china, everyday dishes or paper plates, it just has to serve the purpose! I don't want someone else using what I saved. Life is meant to be lived and used up. Use up what you've been given and make the most of it.

My last Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was last Thursday and it was great. Family and friends and food and being together. I loved having us all together. Having everyone home is the best. But here's my statement and I mean this from the bottom of my heart-it was my last Thanksgiving. Let me explain, I am done hosting and cooking and cleaning and preparing weeks and days ahead of time only to be exhausted and not enjoy the time leading up to,  much less the event of Thanksgiving.

Hosting a family event is no small undertaking. And personally I have always used holidays as a goal to get things done at my house. No matter how big or small those "get things done" items are, it gives me something to work for besides having my family home.

But working late at night, getting up early, and starting to work as soon as I walk in the door from my out of house job is exhausting and stressful and doing it alone sucks, big time it sucks.

I've thought and toyed with this concept for the past couple of years. But this year as I worked late or got up early to get things done and was frustrated and upset because of lack of help I found myself angry because I was not enjoying this time leading up and was mentally and physically exhausted during and after the holiday. This is NOT what this is all about. This is not fun. And finally THIS IS NOT HOW THIS SHOULD BE. I love thanksgiving, I mean love it. It is one of my favorite holidays because it involves food, being together and hanging out. There are not gifts or easter baskets or any other expectations gift giving-wise. You can wear elastic waistband pants because the whole purpose of the day is to eat, be together and eat. Go for a walk and eat. Hang out, talk and eat. It is not frowned upon to share a beer with your daughter in-law at 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. It's being together. Family.

Don't get me wrong, I've had great help over the years with people bringing food. The occasional forgotten relish tray by a family member or the holding Thanksgiving dinner while waiting for relatives to arrive from another family thanksgiving three doors away was a bit frustrating but everyone has pitched in to help with the food portion of the holiday over the years. We've shared some good food over the years.

This year, 2017, has been a year of cleaning out and getting rid of for me. From getting rid of stuff I no longer want, need or use to removing people who are nothing but toxic in my life. Having three weddings in five months, my sister diagnosed with cancer and go through treatment and having a sister in-law pass away has been a sort of wake up call for me in  an 18 month time span. Life is too short. If other people don't care then they are no longer my problem or concern. No more one sided. So after 20+ years of thanksgiving dinners at my house this year was the last. I'm not saying I won't ever host again, but I'm handing over the baton or turkey leg or turkey baster to someone else, whoever wants it. And after I finally said that out loud last Friday to another human, I felt a sense of relief. Traditions are wonderful, I love traditions. But working to exhaustion is not wonderful nor fun or enjoyable. How some people can be blind and oblivious to what is going on around them is beyond me. I can't change things and I only take care of me and my little world to the best of my abilities. I'll change what I can and walk away when I can't.

I am not alone in this thinking of women who are tired and exhausted preparing for an upcoming holiday. I had several coworkers last week talk about being stressed or upset as they got ready for Thanksgiving and then there was the one coworker who told me she sat in her bathtub and cried because she has so much to do and had no help.

I got a case of the guilts the other night when I did a majority of my Christmas shopping online and it will all be delivered in the next week or so. I'm  for the most part done Christmas shopping. Gone are the days of buying gifts for two other adults in a family Christmas name drawing plus the three nieces or nephews names my own kids got in the name drawing, then wrapping those gifts, then trek to the post office to mail those gifts in time for the holiday. Also gone is the gift buying for parents and in-law parents (sadly, and only one parent left).  AND....the santa gifts to buy and wrap, I used to Christmas shop for 12-14 other people every year-ALONE, no help. And there was/is the food to make to take or prepare at my house and the clothes for family Christmas or church, oh and lets not forget the packing and traveling that was once part of our family holiday schedule. Those days are gone.

Holidays are about being together and I've been trying to get back to that. I've been the wet blanked with one of my families pushing for change...not more name drawing for gift giving. Setting a dollar amount and making it simple after my sister  in-law made her feelings known, in a polite way, about my gift card giving that I gave because I didn't have time to go shopping for items and it is much cheaper to mail a gift card to California or Maryland than a box of wrapped stuff. Spending time with family and doing stuff together is a lot more fun. Sitting out games because there is stuff to be done or because I'm too tired to play is not fun.

So I hereby officially resign my duties of Thanksgiving. I will help clean and prepare any food but I've just hosted my last Thanksgiving.

Missing my dad

I was a daddy's girl, I will admit it. We were a lot alike. We were both fiercely stubborn but more times than not thought a great deal alike. He and I would hang out on the back steps or watching tv. Because I was a skinny little kid I could fit next to my dad in his big chair. We'd watch tv, eat popcorn and enjoy life.

My dad's birthday was Nov. 1 and many years since his death I'd make his traditional favorite meal, roast, potatoes and sometimes I'd made a German chocolate cake-all his favorites. My dad would have been 98-years old this year.

I went through some good and bad times with my dad. He taught me how to be fiercely independent. He taught me how to do things on my own, for myself. But he also had his old school ways of thinking like I should make my brother's bed-no way, nor how was that going to happen, nor did it ever happen. Yes, dad and I butted heads at times regarding life.

I unfortunately inherited migraine headaches and dad was the one who picked me up from school the first time I got a migraine. He said he knew immediately what was wrong with me when he picked me up and I tried to put my foot in the vomit bucket instead of my shoe because I could not see! He was the one who insisted taking me to the ER on two occasions when those migraines got so bad I could not function or handle the pain and was asking if I was going to die. Heredity is not always a good thing.

I was in junior high when my dad sunk into a deep depression and ended up in the hospital. The ugly world of depression would rear it's ugly head in my life for my dad on several occasions throughout my teen years. I learned to to run a house and farm along with my brother due to dad's depression. After going to school all day I would come home and put on my farmers daughter hat then help with planting or harvesting, whatever the season it was. And the livestock chores would become part of my life, morning and night. I was helping my brother play catch up along with my mom when she didn't go up to the hospital to be with my dad. It was a tough time and made my brother and I grow up very quickly taking on adult roles and responsibilities. But I never thought of not doing the work or not stepping up to help. I never blamed my dad while doing my homework sitting in the cab of a tractor or doing hog chores at 11 p.m. at night, it's just what we did.

My dad was the handiest guy I knew. I could share an idea or vision and he usually could make it a reality. Times got better for dad after I left for college. The depression seemed to ebb and life and my dad returned to a new normal.

My dad battled Parkinson's disease in his later year, and it would lead to his death. It breaks my heart yet whenever I see someone with the shakes from this disease. It is a nasty disease that I hope a cure is someday found.

But every year as November 1 rolls around my heart remembers and is sad and I miss my dad a little bit more along with all the other days of the year that I miss him. He loved his birthday. It was a holy day he always pointed out! And he loved sharing the story of how he would have been a halloween baby if the doctor would have gotten to the house sooner but the doctor way delayed due to halloween shenanigans-outhouses turned over in the road that he had to move to get his horse and buggy through on his way to the house! My how times have changed!

So once again my heart aches a little bit more on dad's special day, and I'll wear red, my dad's favorite color on Nov. 1 and will make his favorite meal sometime soon to celebrate. It makes my heart happy to see my dad in my kids in so many ways. And I know I was loved by my dad and I loved him right back. Happy birthday Dad, I love and miss you.

Lack of sleep and dumb things are funny

I seem to go in cycles with my sleep habits, honestly I think a lot of people do this from time to time. If I get too much sleep a migraine usually hits, punishment for the over abundance. If I get 6-7 hours of sleep at night I'm just right. I've never been a "I need my sleep" kind of girl.

But I lately I seem to have gotten into a not so fun cycle with my sleep and I go from feast to famine. I get my 7 hours of sleep and then a couple of days later I'm struggling because I only get 4-5 hours of sleep. Yes I tend to get a tad bit sleep deprived and then I'm on the struggle bus. My head is foggy and I literally feel like I could curl up on the hard floor and fall asleep somedays-until it's time to go to bed, then I'm wide awake, but that's a whole other story. I'm worse than a kid, I know. I try drinking ice cold water or coffee to get me through the sleep deprived days.

Lack of sleep is often coupled with a case of the giggles. The last round of sleep deprivation for me prompted such a case of the giggles with a coworker and it was over something really dumb! And because I was tired it hit me funny, dumb funny and we laughed and giggled. But that was good for my soul! I always manage to fumble my way through a day and usually manage only a couple of really dumb mistakes. I'm glad I don't have a job where I'm not operating heavy equipment or power equipment, because I'd be wreaking things, hurting or running people over on those sleep deprived days.

So here's to a new week, one that I hope is filled with plenty of sleep and plenty of laughter and giggles to make you smile! Have a good one!

Which team do you cheer for?

I typically like college football. But there are two weeks in Iowa that are two of my least favorite Saturday's of football. It is the two weekends of Iowa teams playing each other for bragging rights or something along those lines.

I was born and raised an Iowa Hawkeye. My dad was an avid Hawk fan and I'm sure he is still cheering for them. I looked at all three state colleges and was accepted to all three but a deciding factor for not choosing two (actually three, Loras College in Dubuque also qualified) was the comment my mom made one day to me regarding she and my dad stopping by if I was in college in Iowa City, Cedar Falls or Dubuque-because they were close! Yes that was one of the deciding factors in choosing a college. I knew I needed to be far enough from home not to run home every weekend (or have my parents stopping by!).

I honestly feel an allegiance to all three state colleges for a variety of reasons, and not just because everyone else is on some kind of band wagon or some other ridiculous reason.

When I was in school I attended events at both Iowa and UNI so I grew up at and am comfortable with both. My dad, as I mentioned, was an avid Iowa fan. He was especially fond of men's basketball purely for the reason it was a winter sport and he had time to watch and attend games. Football was harvest time and he didn't have the time to watch or attend. His passion for the Hawks still warms my heart, he loved to watch them.

Iowa State is another favorite because of family and the Cyclones at times remind me of the Chicago Cubs before last year's World Series. ISU is at times the lovable losers. They are either up or down, it seems there is seldom an in-between!

UNI is a quiet force that always takes a backseat to all the hype Iowa and ISU seem to get and probably has to do with size as well. They are kind of like the forgotten little sister-you forget they are there at times.

Regardless of who is playing who I am pulling for the team from Iowa, except for the Saturday's when UNI plays ISU and Iowa plays ISU. Can't everyone win?! I do not like the crappy banter some fans post or say during these weeks of play-both before and after play. Some fans are really crappy losers. And I'm not going to bash or side with one team's fans or another. All teams have their share of crappy fans. BUT there seems to be more dip-s$@% fans for one team than the other two.teams. Regardless it is all just a game. It has notaffect on world peace nor is the cure for cancer or ends wars. We are all Iowan's, living in the same great state. It is just that, a sport, a college sport and it gives one-third of the state bragging rights for 12 months until next year.

So regardless of the outcome of last week's game or this week's game I'm still rooting for all three teams. And if you say that's not being a fan then you need to open your eyes, broaden your perspective, get a life...it's just a sport. It's just a GAME. Look that up....game-noun-1.  a form of play or sport....

Lists

Some people are list makers. My mom always wrote a grocery list. I put my grocery list on my phone and IF I do write a list I try to remember to take a picture of that list with my phone or else I forget that crazy list when I go to the grocery store. My grocery lists are a far cry from the ones my mom made. I grew up in a house that most of the food on the table was homemade. We seldom had store bought, from the cookies in the jar to the meat and side dishes at each meal, there was very little box mixes or frozen meals served.

Some people have bucket lists, and I have started a sort of bucket list. It only has a couple of things on it, nothing major or too impressive. But it's a start.

I also have a list on my phone of books I want to read-I'm nerdy like that. And another list of things to do...go to a friend who now coaches college basketball game, and go out to eat with another friend and his wife. That list is pretty short and not too exciting.

I have a third list on my phone, restaurants I want to try. That list mostly includes eateries in the city. And the list is compiled from articles I've read or suggestions from what other people have enjoyed and told me. That list is a bit longer and includes a variety. I hope to try most,  if not all on that list.

I some times do  "to-do" lists Usually it is things that I need to do or I'm asking other people to help me with. (It is very hard for me to ask others for help). I keep a very small list of things I'd like to get done or to do-usually things around my house or to my house. I don't share this list very often usually because the items on that list require extra help and/or man power...it's more of a "wish list" to me. Oh well.

My written lists are reminders, so are short term....lunch in the fridge or take a check for lunch money or take back pop cans and bottles to the redemption center, or meeting after school- are just a few of the things I write down to remind myself so I have a note on my counter by my keys in the morning...things that I often forget because I'm hurrying out the door in the mornings or have too many other things on my mind when I get home from school in the afternoons. They help keep me on task or at least remind me that they need to be done....that doesn't mean they get done or I don't forget!

I always make a list for holiday meals. And every time I sit down to make these meal lists I promise myself not to cook myself into a frenzy. But guess what, I start out very focused and end up with four vegetables at Thanksgiving dinner or six different desserts and three kinds of soup for Christmas eve. I want to make everyone's favorite and it becomes food overload! There are worse things-at least that's what I tell myself!

The lists I need to remember to do more often are the list of people and things I am blessed with and what I am thankful for. These are lists that help keep me grounded and more focused and certainly don't need to be written down.
I am blessed with...my family, my health, my freedom, clean water, food on the table, a roof over my head and many, many more things.
So many blessings and a list that I need to remember daily and appreciate more often.

I'm not a professional at the list making, I'm more of an on-again off-again lister, and I will admit if I write something down (rather than make a list on my phone) I am more likely to remember it! (So it is true that if you write something you remember it better!).

So with a holiday tomorrow and a short week ahead I have a list of things I would like to accomplish this week and what meetings I have to go to. And I'm betting most of the items on that list and schedule will get done and be remembered because I wrote it! Yay me!!

So to those who are constant list makers, I am in awe and bow down to your organization skills. I wish I was more like you. But for now I'll be the occasional "lister" and do the best I can when I don't make a list and forget more than I remember!

Summer thoughts and ramblings

Well, where did the summer go? I will admit that it honestly seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. But looking back it was fun.

-June included birthdays, short road trips and summer baseball. It was all part of what summer should be. A new routine and schedule took some adjustment to get used to but that's just life.

-July and the 4th kind of signifies that turning point where summer is on the down side. And yes it was. My sister was here to visit-what a journey she has had over the past year. She is a brave and independent woman. I admire her perspective on life. I wish I was more laid back and calm like she is.

My dream of road tripping and having my whole family all together without it being a wedding or a holiday came true. It was a lot of fun and we got through it with air mattresses and rain! And we made great memories. It seems like we planned that trip for a long time and it was here and then we were on our way back home. BUT...the only regret, we never got a family picture. I wanted something outside, not in front of a Christmas tree or dressed for a wedding. Next time we take the family picture on the first day...okay maybe the second day!


-August, and here we are on the verge of going back to school/work. Days of getting things done at home are all but over. The freedom of jumping in the car for a short or long road trip are done. And it makes me sad.

Our last visitor of the summer left on Saturday morning, child #3. Having any of my kids home is always great, no matter how long or short the visit is. I look forward to those visits for days or weeks and they always fly by.

My daily schedule changes tomorrow. My morning walking partner goes back to school and I will miss our a.m. walks and talks. Our walks do as much good for the heart as the mind and soul. We don't solve the worlds problems on our walks but we discuss life. And we get healthy too. Now we will have to change our walks to evenings.

So as another school year rolls around a new routine will become the norm and life will get busy with schedules and events and other things that life brings.

I'm always appreciative of summer and the freedom and quiet and the opportunities that it brings. Thank you to everyone who played a part in my summer. Slowing down, making memories and relaxing happens all too seldom it seems. Life goes by way too fast.

Looking back while moving forward

Where does the time go? This past week I have been reflecting back to this week one year ago. You see one year ago today we had our first family wedding of three in five months. And honestly those five months were some of the happiest of my life and three days in particular were some of the best days of my life. To see your kids find someone they love and those people are genuinely good people and love your kids back....well it makes this mom's heart happy, very happy.

A year ago today we celebrated the love between my daughter and her now husband. We saw friends and family we had not seen in a long time. We witnessed, we toasted, we celebrated and we made memories.

People's reactions during the past two and half years with three kids getting engaged within three months, then planning three wedding all within five months was funny and I developed a standard answer..."It is a very happy and fun time for our family," it usually did the trick of stopping further conversation! Because most people wanted to point out and talk about how overwhelming it all was. Yes it could be if I stopped to think about it, but that was not how I was going to remember or go through this fun time.

Each wedding was unique and fun. Each made my heart happy and overflow with love.

So today I once again say a prayer for the couple and in my heart ask God to bless them with many, many healthy, happy and loved filled years...the future it your's, together.

4th of July memories

I will be the first to admit that the 4th of July (followed closely by April Fools day) used to be my favorite holiday.

I grew up in a house that did a variety of things for the yearly holiday. There was not a set menu but it always included grilling and lots of delicious food. We ate outside and used paper plates-so clean up was easy. We didn't have to get dressed up-it was usually hot and we dressed accordingly and wore red, white and blue, if you had it! Friends, family, anyone was invited to the holiday meal. And of course there was red, white and blue type of food and watermelon, of course. It was just a good time, lots of great memories and no expectations like other holidays.

My hometown is known for the great festivities they put on every year for the 4th, after all it is named Independence! A top notched parade. An airshow, cookouts, ball tournaments, concerts and entertainment and the list goes on.

I was in the parade a few times as a kid. It was fun and of course always hot. But it is July in the midwest. The holiday was just fun and left me with a lot of found memories.

I've tried to carry on the same traditions as an adult. But living too far from my hometown and the closest thing to 4th of July celebration lacks...big time, and that's putting it mildly. Pathetic the best way to describe it.

The only thing I can control is the food and the together time. I try to put together a big meal for the 4th of July. Some years it has included lots of people, other days are smaller-like this year. And it does not matter how many or who, it's making the most of the day. Celebrating our independence. Good food. Relaxing and fun times spent with people.

Appreciate this day and what it means...we take our freedom for granted.

The great TP incident

I'm not too particular about somethings. Yes I am choosy when it comes to coffee or the gin in a gin and tonic or how I want my steak cooked--rare. But there are somethings in life I really don't give a second thought to..and I recently found out that maybe I do care or should care about somethings more than I should.

My lesson here came in the form of toilet paper. Yes, you read that right, toilet paper. I typically just stroll through the TP aisle at the grocery store and pick up what looks like it will do the trick and get on with life. I occasionally make this purchase through a warehouse store, meaning I bring home a ginormous amount of toilet paper and we are set for a few months or more. I've never been very particular about my purchases of this particular item. But last fall I made a purchase at a warehouse store and really didn't give it any thought to what I picked out other than it was a big package! That is until I got home and opened the huge package a few days later. Big mistake. I work for a public school system and the TP at school is like using sheets of paper...paper, like sheets of notebook paper kind of toilet paper. Well this bulk package of TP was just like the notebook paper I live with everyday at work...awful. So last fall and through the holidays I had this crappy, shitty or however you want to describe it toilet paper. It was not fun and I found myself kind of embarrassed about the whole situation as the holidays and family came home. I bought a better kind of TP putting it out when we had company and I would switch back to the notebook TP for the rest of the time. Well here I am seven whole months later and FINALLY the notebook toilet paper is almost gone-Alleluia! I'd like to do a toilet paper happy dance but it just seems a bit over the top.

So the life lesson learned here is to pay attention when making purchases that are close to you! And if you take something for granted, think again before you buy 45 rolls of it and you are stuck using it for seven blessed months...unless you are planning on handwriting a novel and want to do it on a roll...many, many, rolls!

Keeping your passion

We all have things we are passionate about. Things that we love to do. If your work is your passion and you look forward to going to work every day, then you are very, very blessed. For others passion could be a hobby like reading or fishing or mountain climbing or movie watching. We all have our "thing".

For me it is dance and it has been for years. Dance makes me happy. No I probably don't move like I used to and I've put my love of dance into coaching. I have for 23 years. I have both fond and happy memories along some less than happy memories from those years. But I'd like to think that for those few tough times I've got 100+ times and memories that are happy, the good has always out weighted the bad 100-times over. The laughter and smiles I've seen from "my kids" make those tough times worthwhile.

But as we all know times, kids and parents have changed. We have a society of "experts" coming in the form of kids and parents or kids who have been told they are the experts by said parents. Those who think they know better and the parents who want to run the show. I will be the first to admit that the past couple of years have been tough. From very poor behavior coming from one of my athletes to girls and their mama's who are, well....just plain mean girls. The moms are still living in their high school years...and they act pretty poorly but that is their business. The sad thing is they are raising daughters who have no values or character and continue to act just like them as adults...follow the same path. This in turns make working in education and coaching tough.

And what my coaching future holds is my decision. Yes, I have a few people around me telling me what they think I should do. But honestly none of them have walked in my shoes. I'm not going to argue with them about their perspective. But it is easy to give someone your opinion. For me walking away is heartbreaking. With 20+ years of blood, sweat, tears, laughter, smiles and happy memories it would be a tough thing to let go. Letting someone win is not how I do things. I'm not in it to win anything but I'm also not in this to let a couple of "mean girls" get their way. Yes, it's a matter of pride but it's also for all those kids who have touched my life over the past 20+ years. The girls and boys who I still see and hear from. I'm not sure what I've taught all those athletes over the years, I hope they learned something from Dance Team. But it's just as much for me what I've learned from them. The smiles when they dance in front of home fans. The pride when they earn a trophy at state competition. Or the friendships they've formed from teammates they otherwise may have never gotten to know. All these kids have crossed my path and I've lived and learned from all of them. More from some, than others.

I'm honestly torn right now...my heart and head are saying one thing while a few around me say otherwise. The lack of support is disappointing and sad to say the least. My heart is sad because of the lack of support and the fact that where I go from here I will be doing alone without support-but lack of support in education is nothing new. I avoid the subject around a few choice people because they've made their feelings know and I know I don't have the support.

The phrase "one more year" rolls thought my mind. I'd rather have six good, hard working, good hearted dancers than lazy athletes who only make things a priority when they want to. I don't want the past year or two to define me, decide for me. I also don't want to give up just because the going has gotten tough.

When I took this program over 23 years ago it was a small program with a half dozen performances during basketball season. I've fought tooth and nail for respect and a ton of hard work and I've made it a little bit bigger. Has my program run it's course? Is this just a rough patch? I don't want to give it up and hand it over to someone who will destroy it and I leave because of a few bad apples. I feel like I'm running from a fight rather than standing strong. There will always be haters. That's life.

My lack of dance in my life has made me sad and has an affect on my creativity-big time. I'm one of those people who has to create every day. I mean every single day. This can range from organizing to creating something. I need it, I live for it, it's who I am. I still 8-count music and feel the tempo. I still envision moves in my mind with music as well....

The phrase "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" just keeps coming to mind. I'm pretty sure I'm tough as I've made it through every tough day that's came my way in life so far, so I've got a pretty good track record, but so does anyone who is still alive!

What are you?

I recently read a story, more like a life lesson, about comparing a carrot, an egg and coffee beans. I like to eat all three! But this was a story about how you react. It goes like this..there are three pans of boiling water, in the first you put the carrot-strong but with the boiling water it become soft and looses it's strength. In the second pan you put an egg-a hard outer shell but liquid on the inside. In the boiling water the egg looks the same on the outside but inside becomes hard and stiff. And finally in the last pan of boiling water you put the coffee beans-the beans are hard and solid but rather than change with the water they change the water.

How do you handle the boiling water and adversity in life? Are you a carrot, egg or coffee bean?

I will admit I vary at times. I'd like to think I'm the coffee bean changing everything around me, making the boiling water smell and taste better than it did before. But I have been a carrot and an egg in the boiling water of life.

The happiest people may not have the best of everything but make the best of what they have-I love and know people like this. Too often we compare ourselves to others. I find this has become a big problem with social media. Too often we compare our lives to others. And honestly I question a lot of what people post. Some people are all perfect and happy. Others are doom and gloom. Like the lady who shared her story of her son with cancer with me a couple of years ago when I stopped in the local Walgreens, often we share our stories at strange times and with strangers because we are afraid to tell those who are close to us-I've done this. My theory is no one wants to hear all your problems and if something great happens I don't want someone to think I'm bragging or wanting attention. Stealth-mode!

Then there are those people who only see every thing as a catastrophe...it is awful and terrible. Being around this kind of person is very draining, hard and often turns people into negative people or turns them away. Life has it's good and bad. If you have a couple of good friends, someone to talk to that helps you through the tough times and laughs with you through the good times you are very blessed. The thing is you have to take the good with the bad and life is not a catastrophe unless it is something like a holocaust or some kind of disaster. Life is not that bad unless you are going through something really bad-my family has faced cancer, illness and death in the past year-the term catastrophe never crossed my mind. We had three weddings and a lot of happiness with those tough times. And we all gathered to celebrate, support and remember-that's life.

So today I'd like to think I'm a coffee bean, making the world around me more colorful, smell better (I did shower and I got new perfume over the weekend!) and full of more flavor! But I'm sure I'll be a carrot and an egg at times too, but for today I'm a coffee bean! May your day and week be boiling water free and if it's not I hope you're a coffee bean!

The fine art of people watching!

**Yes, this is my second post of the day purely because I forgot to post my blog yesterday when I was feeling inspired. So here is Monday's thoughts.

People watching! Some people love to do this but honestly I feel like this is a dying art! My dad loved to watch people-I learned from him. He would patiently wait in the car when my mom was shopping or at an appointment and watch people. He enjoyed just watching.

I enjoy doing this too. I often make up stories, situations or scenarios to go with the people I am observing. And in this day and age people are missing out as they usually have their noses buried in their electronic devices, cell phones, kindles, laptops or whatever. Look up and watch the world around you! You might just learn something!

The idea for today's blog came to me yesterday as I was eating alone at a fast food restaurant. A couple of tables over was a couple with two small children. The older of the two children liked a lot of attention and was pushing his parents buttons as much and as often as he could. The younger child was a patient child who probably was more entertain by his older brother and why he was quieter and better behaved-built in entertainment! I first listened to this young family then I started to watch them out of the corner of my eyes. The parents were patient and in good humor with the challenges of eating out with two little ones. The oldest child wanted to sit at his own table and kept making observations about what was going on outside and the people in the cars in the drive thru. It was humorous and entertaining to watch and listen to this family of four. The parents had a lot of patience with both their children answering questions, politely asking the older child to sit down and eat and praising the younger child for behaving and eating so well. It reminded me of my family when my kids were that age!

In another section of the dining area was an older couple. They took their time sitting there eating and not saying much to one another. In my mind I made them to be very comfortable with each other and not having a need to talk but just being together was enough. I've always wondered if couples every run out of things to talk about.

At a table around the corner from me was another couple, again older. With this couple the female did all the talking and the man just listened. I don't think he could get a word in! The lady was very opinionated and had a lot to say, I didn't eavesdrop but just listened to the tone, the body language of both. I kind of felt sorry for the guy but he ate and nodded and listened for the most part. I really wonder how much he heard!

It was nice to sit there and watch and listen to what was going on around me. I've learned as a parent and as someone who works in education you can learn a lot by listening and watching, sometimes more than you want to. But you can tell a lot about a person by their body language and tone.

I think we all just need to put down our electronic devices look up and watch the world and people around us. You may just be entertained or learn something or you may be able to help someone, all you have to do is watch.

Good luck grads

It is graduation time of year and as a school district employee I usually get invited to a couple of graduations every year, or several, which is the norm.

This year is an unusual year with five weekends of receptions starting the first weekend of the month and running through the first weekend of next month. Usually they are all in two-to-three weekends.

And true to form the graduation invites came from expected and unexpected graduates. It is always interesting to see who invites you because you had an impact, or because you are friends with the parents, or they just felt the need to invite every individual that came in contact with the person or because they want a gift or money or think they are popular.

This year's class was a love-hate group for me and I mean that in the kindest way. The athletes were a talented group, reaching post season in most every sport. The girls of this class were a class act, for the most part. The males on the other hand lacked and there were several  that the school staff is thinking "I'm glad they are gone" kind of guys. Some of these kids were pretty darn smart, others struggled. There is a student who has to retake a class for the third time this summer in order to get his high school diploma-but yet he got to walk at the graduation ceremony...I won't even go there. Then there is the young lady who has cruise through her entire educational career with the attitude that she was above and better than everyone, including the adults/teachers. She thinks she's God's gift to the world, which she is. But what she doesn't understand is that everyone else is God's gift to the world as well...someday someone will inform this arrogant young lady how to be a TEAM player, that your not better than everyone else and the word HUMBLE is a good word to learn about and add to your vocabulary and remember. She needs a lesson on how to treat people-all people.

Graduation this year did not include a guest speaker  at commencement who typically follows the protocol of wishing the class best of luck and offering sound words of advice for their futures. Instead this class asked each class member and "certain" adults from the school district to create a short video which was all put together for one long presentation...it's a great idea other than there were some "key adult players" left out of this farewell video. There were adults who should have been included and were not. The senior class sponsor dropped the ball as far as making this class accountable and including everyone as well as the young people who headed this well intended little project. I know some people were feeling pretty left out, and sadly after all the work that has been done for this group of kids to educate them and help them succeed, some people are more than happy to see this group to go because of this sour ending. (No I didn't get asked to make a video and  honestly I was relieved! No thank you!) This was kind of a bitter end to a group that had as many smart, good kids as to the dumb asses and lazy piles.

So as graduation time draws to a close it is with no regret and more of a feeling of good riddance I find myself feeling towards this class. Yes one, or two and even three bad apples does spoilt the whole bunch, which was the case with this group. I'm sure those who were successful in high school will continued to be successful in their future endeavors. You can pretty much tell those who will go far, and not look back. And regardless best of luck to all graduates. The future is all yours.

Mother's day

Another mother's day is upon us. I have a love-hate relationship with this holiday.
I loved mother's day when I was a kid. It involved making cards and small gifts made at school for my mom. Later as I got older I would pick out and give my mom gifts that I hoped she would enjoy and use.  As life got busier my mother's days spent with my mom got few and farther between. And I remember sitting in church 29-years ago on mother's day Sunday, very pregnant and wondering how I would do as a mom and when would this baby would arrive. There has been 28 mothers days since I became a mom for the first time. Good, bad or otherwise I've tried and I have a lot of wonderful memories of my own mother's days spent with my own kids.

Five years ago this weekend was one of the hardest mother's day I've ever had to go through. My mom was dying. The woman who always had an endless spirit, love and sense of humor was leaving this world. Since then my mother's days have been difficult and lonely. There is something missing every year. Plain and simple I miss my mom-a lot. And until you've walked this road you won't understand. I miss the sound of her voice-I can still hear her voice. I miss her blue eyes. Her hardworking hands her sense of humor and her kind words.

If you still have your mom...enjoy that blessing. If you don't cherish the memories.

Thunder and lightning and rain....oh my!

Do you get the play on words in this blog title? I was going to title it "When Jesus wakes you up" but I like a good play on words!

For the second time this week thunderstorms have rolled in during the nighttime or early morning-depending on how you look at it! Monday morning it was around 1:30 and again two hours later when thunderstorms quickly trekked across the area making lots of noise and retina burning lightning. I honestly think those storms had more show than rain in them.

But this morning after 4:30 a.m., or at 4:47 a.m. to be exact, Mother Nature pushed the thunderstorm button once again. And she pushed it hard this morning! This line of storms had a lot of thunder and lightning in then and rain. A LOT! A thunder clap at 4:47 a.m. was so loud and hard that it shook the windows and woke me, and probably others out of sound sleep with a startle which was not how I had planned to start the day. But after I got my heart settled down and stopped shaking I laid there listening and watching and counting. I listened to the thunder rolling in. The lightning was sharp and hard I'm sure a photographers paradise. And as I was taught as a kid I counted between the lightning and thunder to figure out how far away the storm was. And then I was thankful. Thankful for the ability to hear and see the storm. And for the opportunity to lay there and enjoy the show that was being put on. And the rain that followed.

I wasn't planning on waking up 13 minutes early but I guess someone had other plans. And despite the fact that it was a startling way to wake up it was kind of cool to see and hear the force of nature.

This is a seven image composite of a storm over Clear Lake, IA on Tuesday night. It too was loaded with a lot of lightning. You can't control nature you just have to ride the storm out and take the good with the bad!

10 things!

Okay, I read another blog and I'm using it for inspiration today...don't judge just read and...well, here it goes!

Ten things you may or may not know about me!

1. I went on a pilgrimage in high school-150 miles to see the pope. No I didn't walk the entire distance and I ended up in the ER with really bad case of strep throat when we got to Des Moines.
2. I was a premie-I was supposed to be born July 4th...but showed up a month and a day early.
3. I've been interviewed on national TV....while on the pilgrimage mentioned in #1. It was fun and I didn't mess up like my best friend did. My cousins out in New York saw me! My 60-seconds of fame!
4. I love to read! I read a ton when I was a kid. Now I struggle to find good books.
5. I have never liked being a redhead or the attention it get me. It is what it is and who I am!
6. I can't sit still. I need to be doing something, creating something or cleaning or organizing something. It drives me nuts to sit and do nothing. I. Can't. Do. It. Nor can I stand to be around people who sit and do nothing. I love to learn and figure things out!
7. Being a mom is the most important, best but hardest thing I've ever done. They are the first thing I think about every morning and last thing I think about every night and will be to my dying day.
8. I can't sleep too much or it puts me in a foul mood and/or I get a migraine. A schedule seven days a week is my best friend.
9. I'd rather be alone than in a group of people. I am not a good social person, I never have been.
10. I wish I would have kept practicing and playing piano over the years. I miss the music and I miss the therapy that comes from playing.

Okay, there it is. I thought I would have a harder time with this list and yes I did go back and change a couple. And I'm betting I will come up with a dozen more 10 minutes after I share this. But it was easier than I thought it would.

I challenge you to come up with 10 things that other people may not know about you! It makes you think! Have a good one!

Lessons learned everyday

I try to learn something new everyday! Sometimes it is a lesson. Sometimes it is something to make life easier or more productive. Sometimes it is just for me, or a thought or an idea either for me or someone else. Or how to do something new or a new recipe. But my thought is I hope I learn something new right up to and including the day I die. As my mom always said no one can take your education away from you!

Somedays you learn how to make life easier, my exciting lesson over the past couple of days was using Rain-X on my clean windows, the outside (yes my life is that dull that I get all giddy about cleaning windows...I love to do that so much-NOT!). They are, for now, crystal clear and they should now repel rain water and maybe stay cleaner, longer. We will see, but for right now they look really nice!!! I of course still have more windows to clean!

Some gadgets work, some do not. I recently bought garden gloves! I know, no big deal other than these are rubber coated PLUS four fingers on the right hand glove are like black claws! They would be great for halloween!! I do wonder why they don't make left handed claws for those people who are left handed! Yes that is discriminatory! But anyway, I bought these gloves and tried them out yesterday while working in the yard. They did pretty good. But I did switch to regular gloves in the afternoon and didn't miss the "claws"! In the right circumstances they did work pretty good! I still feel like I should chase small children scaring them with the right hand claws!! I wouldn't do that, but I'm just saying!!


Some random thoughts on a Monday....
Some people and their kindness never cease to amaze me! People who communicate or drop everything just to hang with you are priceless. Then there are those people who only do what they want and are only there when they want to be....like I said, everyday is a lesson. You learn who your friends are.

I love doing random acts of kindness....I took my sister a slice of rhubarb pie. It may not sound like a big deal but for her it was. It was something I've wanted to do for the past couple of years. You see my sister always asked for my mom to make her a homemade rhubarb pie for her birthday in April. My mom's pie was a custard-like, a two crust rhubarb pie and I will admit it was really, really good (especially after it had cooled just enough that it wasn't hot any more but was not cold from being in the fridge-there is a fine line here!). My sister was so please with that simple piece of pie! It brought her good memories of my mom and I think it made her both happy and sad. It's amazing how food can bring back memories.

And my final thought on this Monday....our spring has been wacky. It was warmer in February than it has been most of March and now April. (I keep telling Mother Nature to shape up but so far it has done no good). I use a weather app on my phone to daily check the weather. In fact it's the first thing I check on my phone before I get out of bed. (I think it's the farmer's daughter in me!). I plan what I wear accordingly. And last week my weather app (weather bug) was wrong not once BUT two times!!!! The two days I wore a dress I about froze and it was windy with a winter-like north wind. Not fun. So I'm taking the blame for the weather. We'll see today since the "bug" said it was supposed to be in the low 70's and at least the gale force winds are from the south, so I hope that means it warmer! If not, blame me!!

Have a good one and remember to learn at least one new thing today!!

Less is more!

Lent and Easter Sunday are over. I have no idea where those 40 days went, I just know they go a lot faster now than when I was a kid when that time seemed to last forever!

My goal this past lent was not to give up something but rather work on improving and doing better. I tried to do the 40 bags concept..this is a theory of getting rid of and cleaning out-40 bags in 40 days. I did not do a bag a day. And the concept does not just mean stuff. It did range from getting rid of stuff, but it also meant things like email files or files on your laptop or cell phone. I worked on this concept off and on over the course of the 40 days of lent. Somedays I got rid of nothing or very little. Other days is was a free for all. I burnt stuff, I bagged it for charity, I put stuff in the trash. I cleaned out drawers. I went through email files I went through pictures on my phone and laptop. I went through paperwork both at home and school. One day it was as simple as cleaning out the tooth brush drawer at home! One day last week my office floor at work was covered in piles and I pitched junk, big time. It was a good feeling on the days I accomplish my daily lenten goal. And on good Friday I took a load of "stuff" to a local charitable organization and dropped it all off. I left it and didn't look back. There is less stuff in my life. But I didn't stop after lent was over. I continued to clean and purge, even on Easter Sunday. I went through coats yesterday and I will hang on to that bag of coats until next fall when I can donate them to a coat drive so someone who can't afford a winter coat can home one of mine!

I spent time yesterday taking down some of the decorations and belongings in one of my extra bedrooms. It is, correction, was my son's room. He hasn't been home to live full time in almost 5-1/2 years, he's now an adult, married, a college grad and working a full time job-he won't be back to live in that room any more. I struggled a little with taking down all the things that remind me of him and made that room his room.  I'm not gonna lie it made me very sad. But then in my nostalgic sadness I remembered a mom in my community who lost two of her three sons four months ago in an auto accident. She also has empty bedrooms but for a much sadder and heartbreaking reason. It made me a lot less sad but instead grateful for what and who I do have in my life. Suck it up buttercup I told myself. So my lenten cleaning continued. Today is was files on an electronic device and I will continue!

So as I head into post-lent season I hope I remember to continue to keep the "less is more" mentality and continue to clean, get rid of and pass along the "stuff" that fills my life.

Less really is more...and we can't take any of it with us.

Make your own sunshine

We had beautiful weather back in February here in the midwest. It was in the 60s and 70s for a while. We got spoiled and March was a rude awaking and reminder that it was still winter with much colder temps and a mix of rain or snow.

It is now April and we are into a very gloomy, wet, cold pattern here. We've seen very little sun over the past week or more.  Clouds and rain or drizzle have been the norm and people are getting tired of it. I imagine the farmers are getting antsy to get things dried out and get into the fields.

Yesterday was the first sunny day we've had a week. It wasn't fully sunny but we had more sun than clouds. The attitudes were much better and happier. It was nice to see the sun and smiles and see better attitudes. 

And then there is today, cloudy with a north wind. It's dreary to say the least. Everyone seems to be in a funk. I'm not sure how people is Seattle, with the rain they get, handle this but here in the midwest we are tired of this. It's April and spring time. Things should be blooming and growing and turning green. Instead we kind of sit idle, wet and muddy. The grass is turning green as are some of the farm fields, otherwise its brown. The trees are trying to bud, but they need sunshine. We need sunshine. 

So when I saw it was another cloudy, dreary day and I checked the weather app on my phone I decided to make my own sunshine and not let it get me down. I'm wearing yellow jeans/pants...a brave move for me. Black usually is my go to color, but in an effort to think spring I'm dressed like it is sunny outside. At least I'm trying. A coworker is wearing a dress with sandals....she mentioned trying to find spring as well! 

But spring also has to come with a spring-like attitude. It's easy to get sucked into the drama and negative attitude that is going around. It's darn right depressing around here some days. 

So in addition to wearing sunshine-yellow jeans I'm going to do something that makes me happy or brings sunshine-like affects for me. I'm thinking walking, even if it's on the treadmill (I'd rather be outside) but the sweating is therapeutic as much physically as mentally. And I may do something for myself like read for a while or something that brings a sunshine feeling to my world. 

I hope you find your sunshine regardless of what it is like outside today.

The world keeps spinning

Despite what happens in your life the world keeps spinning, the sun comes up and life goes on. But I am not talking about the world spinning in that sense today. I'm talking about how I'm feeling, once again!

Vertigo-I know this is a movie title but I'm talking a medical condition here. I watched my mom deal with vertigo for years. And to be honest I think it affected her a lot, and became a way of life for her-sadly. She always struggled with balance, which I had also dealt with until things got really bad about three years ago. It was so bad that I could not get out of bed or move without vomiting. And my mom always said it made her feel like she'd been drinking. That is the best way to describe it.

So guess what I woke up with this morning?! My world was and is spinning-literally. I made the discovery a couple of years ago that a visit to my chiropractor and the vertigo would improve or go away completely after an adjustment or two or three. Alleluia!!

This little medical calamity is not fun. Walking much less walking straight is a challenge. Getting up regardless if it is from a sitting position or laying down is a challenge, if not sometimes impossible. The bed may spin or levitate-yes that probably sounds like a horror movie, but that is how it feels. Using the wall to walk is normal and how I remember my mom walking, with her finger tips lightly touching the wall to keep herself walking straight and a method I use. See, I learned from the best. You also use a focal point keeping your eyes down to learn how to move and walk in order to keep going without weaving all over the place. Thank goodness for flooring with lines-it helps you walk straight.

Today's attack got progressively worse as my morning went. I could not walk straight and keeping my breakfast down was getting to be a challenge. A midmorning visit to my chiropractor required some popping and adjusting, massaging my sinus's to get them to drain and I'm back at work. And a conversation by my doctor pointing out the fact that for the third year in a row I've been in his office with this vertigo issue at this same time of year is hinting that this could be related or triggered by allergies? Perhaps we are thinking, that is the culprit! I do feel a bit better, the stomach has settled down and I'm not doing much walking or moving around purely for the fact that I'm not too good on my feet and I don't want to look like I've had a liquid lunch!

So while the world keeps spinning my world does too, but in a different way and for a different reason but, and this is big news, we finally have sunshine, and this is a good thing because we've seen little, if any sun in the past week or more! May your world keep spinning and for all the right reasons!

My mom's birthday

Today would have been my mom's 92nd birthday. I celebrated her last birthday here on earth with her 5 years ago. And to say I miss her is an understatement. My mom and I didn't always see eye to eye. I was a daddy's girl. It's not that I didn't get along with my mom growing up, but I'm a lot like my dad. So I didn't always understand or appreciate my mom's take on things until I was an adult and more so now that she is gone.

My mom was a kind, gentle soul. Forever young at heart, up to the very end. I truly believe she never wanted to die. She was fiercely proud of her kids. She hated to see us go as we grew up and left home and when we'd come to visit and left to go back to our own homes and lives. She loved and spoiled her grandchildren like a pro! She was a wonderful grandparent.

My parents had a 50/50 marriage. They argued and had their share of tough times. But they respected each other, treated each other how they wanted to be treated. They still had the newness that often gets lost and forgotten even after 50 years of marriage. They had fun together. And my dad always told my mom that he never knew happiness until he met and married her. He would bring her chocolate and flowers for no reason, a lot. She would make his favorite meals, shine his shoes and make sure the car was sparkling clean-all things my dad loved. Dad would build things for mom, including a house! They farmed together, making a living off of the land and raised livestock. And they raised five kids together! My parents would always make every birthday and anniversary a special day from start to finish for each other. It was always fun to watch and hear about.

So after my dad died I felt a responsibility to be there for mom on her birthday if I could. To help her through the tough days and the important days. This included  me often taking a day off of work, driving four hours, spending as much time as I could with mom (usually ham and pineapple pizza or Chinese buffet and of course strawberries!) and then I would drive four hours back to my home and family. I would do it all over again, in a heartbeat. Great memories.

My mom was a kind and soft-hearted soul. I only saw her angry a handful of times. She would discipline us kids but we always knew she loved us fiercely and wanted nothing but the best. We were all raised the same but all turned out differently. It's amazing how that works out.

 My heart is always a little sad and heavy when this date rolls around every year. I miss my mom, mainly to talk with, I can still hear her voice. The older I got the more I valued her wisdom, knowledge and insight. And the one thing I keep trying to strive for as I continue my journey is the phrase I heard dozens of times at my mom's visitation and funeral....grace. She was a woman of grace, without a double.

So today I'll find something to do in my mom's memory, even if it's just writing this blog, although strawberries sound good. My mom was one of my biggest fans when it came to my writing-I think it made her proud! So here's to grace, she set the bar high and I'm not sure if I can ever achieve her level but I'm so blessed that God chose to make her my mom.

Doing your best work!

I've always been a night owl-this is what my mom always called me. I guess I was not a good napper as a baby or child. I was the kid laying on her kindergarten mat fidgeting and looking around instead of resting! My favorite part of the day....the later the better. I would stay up until 1, 2 or 3 a.m. reading with a flashlight under the blankets at a kid. I loved summer time when I could do this then sleep late. And when I woke up after my late night/early morning reading binge,  I'd grab my book and pick up where I left off!

High school and college years were no better. I did some of my best work after 9 or 10 p.m. in the evening! I would pull all-nighters at semester test time in college. I don't know why but I do my best work later in the day. I've always said if I was a nurse you'd want me on the 11-7 shift or the 3-11 p.m. shift. I've always been like this.

Fast forward to adulthood/parenthood and if you think you are sleep deprived in college that's nothing compared to being a parent. Newborns are so messed up with their days and nights and I understand why. Before they are born they sleep during the day because they are lulled to sleep by the movement and sounds, at night when the mom is quiet (you are sleeping) they are up and at it! I was blessed with a colicky baby on my first round. Sleep walking became the norm for me! Things got better. Kids grow up and learn to love sleep  (most, with the exception of me!). Someone once gave me the sound advice to sleep with your baby/child sleeps...best advice ever! It took me a while to learn but I did-a rested mom is a much better parent. And life continues to move along...teenagers love to sleep late after usually staying up late. I was blessed with a child who is like her dad, she loves to sleep and requires a LOT of sleep. The other two did okay in the sleep department as well.

Now that the nest is empty I'm involved even more. I work two jobs outside my full time job and I have to have something to do. I don't like to just sit and watch tv or play games on my phone. I need something productive to do. And besides the full time job and the two other part time jobs I have a house to run and take care of with little help. I've tried and struggled to train myself to be a morning person. And honestly I keep a better handle on my migraines if I do get up seven days a week at the same time. It's tough to do this some days when I've stayed up late but I feel so much better if I keep a schedule.

And I've tried to train myself to go to bed earlier. I've never been a morning person and I'm still not admitting to myself that I probably never will be but I probably won't ever be "good morning sunshine" kind of person! I was recently to the point of crawling into my bed after 8 p.m. to watch a movie on my laptop or read for a few weeks. Winter was hanging around too long, it's dark out and it is good to be home. But as you can probably guess I'd fall asleep and guess who would wake up sometime between 2-4 a.m. ME!!! Ugh. So last night I had the opportunity to stay up and wait for my youngest son to arrive home. And I was amazed at how much I got done! I was more than ready for today. I had actually gotten up earlier than normal yesterday morning and got a lot done at home as well before heading into work. I've not been home much after school this week so I was not on top of things. It happens, don't judge! But back to my late night accomplishments-I impressed myself. I felt coherent (not always the case in the mornings) and I felt ready for today when I crawled into bed after midnight. I got things done that had been on my mental "to do" list all week! Yay me!

We all have different personalities and times when we do our "best work". I'll never judge someone who is a morning person or does their best work at 3 a.m. Yay you regardless! Now someone who needs 10-12 hours of sleep....I struggle with that one...but we're all different. I feel like poo if it get too much sleep-usually triggers a migraine and I'd rather eat dirt to avoid one of those.  But it is what it is! Make the most of whatever kind of personality your have, be it a night owl, an early bird or an exhausted pigeon!!

When I do dumb things

We all do dumb things. Some people do dumb things daily or several times a day. Some people rarely do dumb things. I have mastered the fine art of doing dumb things, so I'm a daily dumb things doer! I've also tried to master the fine art of covering up or ignoring my stupidity or praying no one notices! But I'll be the first one to laugh at myself.

My dumb thing today....leaving my lunch sit out on the counter all night. Duh Lynn. I sadly put it in the trash at 6 a.m. when I discovered my unthinking act. I was half mad at myself. because I was looking forward to lunch! So lunch today consisted of dry granola bar and an apple with some water. I had a perfectly delicious leftover lunch I could have been eating....but noooooo. Nice job Lynn.

The other almost dumb thing I did was wear shoes that have holes in them (not like they are worn and old but part of the design on the top of the shoe-I call them my perforated shoes!). It has been pouring rain for the past 12 hours and is sloppy and wet out. I stepped outside my back door and turned around the went in to change my shoes-at least I didn't get any farther than that! I knew it was raining, hard, but didn't give it a thought when I slipped on my shoes for the day. Another duh Lynn moment, that was like the second one within an hour this morning. Insert eye roll emoji here!

Being the youngest of five I did a lot of silly, embarrassing and stupid things. And my siblings liked to laugh and make fun of me when I did this. I get embarrassed easily and I'm still very conscience of what I say or do and try to avoid at all cost the risk of embarrassing myself. Having people laugh at you, especially when it is an embarrassing moment is not a good feeling. And especially when the people laughing at you is someone you trust or are close to and it's in public, it hurts because they are laughing at you.

I try, as I've said before, to fly under the radar. Stealth-mode, as I like to call it. I worry about having food in my teeth or saying something dumb or tripping in front of a crowd. No I have not embraced my klutziness nor my stupidity, especially in front of people I know or people who I know will be the first one to point out my faux pas. I don't need someone calling out my stupidity, I'm fully aware of it! I also try to cover when someone else makes a mistake or does something embarrassing. We're all in this together and the last thing I want to do is point out someone's screw up.

I love a good laugh, it's good for the soul, and I often laugh at myself for the dumb things I do or think or say. So when it comes to laughing at myself or a good friend for something dumb, it is truly good for the soul. But when it is an embarrassing moment I'll try to cover or ignore or help divert attention away from the situation. I'm a safety kind of person!

So I will continue to try to embrace my dumb moments and if someone points them out I will try to handle it with dignity and grace rather than turning 12 shade of red from blushing and getting flustered (this is my usual method of dealing). I'm sure I'm not finished with dumb things for today...it happens, I need to embrace my stupidity and mistakes and laugh at them rather than hid them. I'm working on it....

Have a good dumb-free day!

What are you reading?

I've been a book worm since I learned how to read! Today I'd like to call it a library/book store rat!!

I used to read any and everything I could get my hands on. I read all the books left behind by my sisters. I would go to the library on Saturday while my mom would get groceries to stock up on books for the week! I would do the reading club/challenge that the public library offered every summer. I would ask for books or use gift money to buy books. I can't imagine what it's like to NOT be able to read.

So recently I sent out an email to all female staff at my school inviting them to be part of a book club here at school. I heard back from seven other people and so we created "our little book club," as I like to call it.  We have a variety of people involved. When we met two weeks ago to discuss our first book, two members had finished the book, two of us were in the midst of reading the book, two had not gotten the book and one I'm not sure of but could not be there. The discussion was interesting and educational.

So we forged ahead to read book number two. (I still have to finish the first book-but don't tell anyone!). So I'm on a reading kick right now. I have bought a few books, after I read them I donate them to the library I work at so the book can be read by others-pay it forward. I've started the second book...and I've read at least 2-3 other books in the mean time. I used to read any and everything. Now I have a hard time finding books that keep my interest or I feel worth my time. Yes I've gotten picky.

I ordered three books from ebay last week that arrived earlier this week, they were cheap, it was a buy two get one for free deal and all were books that were on my "books I want to read" list. None of them are current or on Oprah's must-read list or the New York Times best sellers list right now. But non-the-less they were books that I wanted to read. Well guess what, they arrived, I grabbed the top book and to say I'm a little obsessed with it is an understatement! I read during the night the night before last...for 2-1/2 hours, instead of sleeping. I haven't done this for a long time. It's an autobiography by an actress and I've found it funny. Funny to the point where I've actually cried because I'm laughing so hard. That might be part of the reason why I'm enjoying it. And I'm NOT getting my book club book read, once again!

I'm a feast or famine reader. I can go months without having a book to read or take months to read a book. In the past four weeks I've read six books. I love this. Yes, there are things that are NOT getting done, but no one is going hungry and work is still getting finished. Why do I have this obsession again, I don't know. Maybe I've opened my mind or tried a new genre or two. I read a murder mystery and that genre has not been my forte for a while. It was a good read suggested by my daughter. Regardless I have enjoyed this down time, other than my lack of sleep, for the past month or so. For me reading is like exercising-it's good for my mind and soul.

We all forget and don't realize how much we read every day-it's like breathing, you just take it for granted. It's part of life!

By the way, what are YOU reading right now?

Too busy

In this day and age of technology people seem to be too busy all the time. Oh sure they take time to do the things they enjoy. To go to sporting events or a concert or go out to eat. But being too busy seems to be an excuse for everything any more.

I like to keep busy. Yes I have a hard time sitting still. For me to sit and do nothing is extremely hard to do. I love to read. I'm not a big television watcher. But reading either a book or on a device can pass my time quite easily. I will never understand those who can sit for hours glued to the television. I honestly believe it turns your mind to mush. And if you think about it unless you are watching the news or a documentary about history what you are watching is junk....television shows are made up stories. Yes it's great to laugh and be entertained or trying to figure out a mystery. Sports is entertaining but once the game is over life goes on. A lot of people forget that. They get upset or worked up about the outcome or if a call was not how they thought it should be in a sporting event they are watching on tv, or if a television program does not go as they think or expected or thought. But its not real life. And yes we all need a break from reality, to have entertainment but hour after hour of sitting in front of a tv or computer watching crap to me is an utter waste of time, of life. You're not too busy you just don't want to deal with life and reality.

I went to a movie last night with a friend. It was a movie from a book I read about animals, dogs in particular and their purpose. The movie made me laugh and cry. It was entertaining and it had me thinking as I drove home about our purpose. I called a friend to just say hi and see how their day went as I drove home. I hung up from the conversation wondering why I'd called? It had no purpose and left me feeling kind of sad. I mainly wanted that person to know I cared and was thinking about them, but when I hung up I felt my call didn't matter.

It seems that we are all too busy to call or text just to say hi and ask how someone is and really mean it when we ask "how are you"? Often times I wonder if it is an automatic question and if we really don't hear the response. Or we just reply with an automatic answer. Or in plain truth are "too busy" to reply which seems to be the case more and more with people in my life that I deal with.

I have been in those groups or situations where I've said something or asked something and no one replies....talk about making someone feel insignificant. BIG TIME. So when someone in a group says something I always try to reply or acknowledge that person and that they said something. The same goes for emails and texting. I always try to reply...I want them to know I care and I acknowledge them they are a value to me. But I'm finding less and less people are doing this and honestly I've about had it. If people can't take 5-10 seconds out of their "busy" day to reply then I guess I'm not important to them nor do I matter. What goes around comes around.

I'm the person who will talk to the custodial staff the same as a school board member, I will take the time, I will talk to you about the weather or ask how your family is. Every one deserves this we all come into this world with nothing and leave with nothing. No one is more important nor am I too busy to talk to them.

So if someone tells me they are "too busy" to reply to my call or email or text ya' know what I say, BULL! No one is that busy, plain and simple your too busy for ME! There's the cold hard truth. Ya' I understand life is busy, but life is never too busy to acknowledge someone, reply, and sometimes it make take a bit. But I believe every deserves to be acknowledged and answered or just to be told I care and I'm thinking of you...no one is too busy for that.

You're only as busy as you want to be and if you are too busy for someone then maybe someday they will be too busy for you...

More than today

I have never been a fan of valentines day. I was not very good at making or creating or decorating valentines boxes, my elementary school years are a testament to that and probably my kid's too! And my cookie decorating skills, well they lack as well. And writing all those valentines, to me as a kid, were a pain in the butt, especially when you have 28 or 30+ kids in your class. I'm still not a fan and I honestly can't explain why other than it has always been highly over-rated.

I honestly feel like you should tell the people you love and who mean a lot to you that you love them every single day and/or every chance you get and this ranges from saying it to showing it, it's all the same difference and one day should not make a difference or be the only reason why.

I don't have a favorite valentines day memory and as an adult you want to know my favorite part of Valentines day?? February 15, when the the candy is half priced!!! I mean that, honestly.

My dad always brought my mom candy or flowers for no reason all year long for as long as he was able and as far back as I can remember. My mom was not a big candy or chocolate fan and I honestly think he did it for his sweet tooth more than anything but mom loved it anyway. But every time he went to town he would bring home candy for mom, sometimes he'd have flowers for her too, but always a bag or box of candy. Mom always had flowers in the garden or on the rose bushes during the summer, so she never lacked for flowers. I love the story of Valentines day the one year my dad bought my mom the usual beautiful heart-shaped box with yellow artificial flowers on it and filled with candy, or so he thought, until my mom opened the box and it was empty, just weighted down. It was the window display box (so it wouldn't melt) and my dad was not happy. My mom laughed and I remember her laughing and teasing my dad every time he got her candy in a box after that! My dad eventually saw the humor in the mix up but he was not happy when it originally happened. That was the difference in my parents, my mom always found humor, my dad was more serious. That memory makes me smile and is a reminder of how much my parents loved each other.

I still have the cards my kids made and brought home from school for valentines days over their school years. They are treasured, and they always will be. For a while my valentines days consisted of getting flowers which I would eventually have to go pay for....not a good thing to do guys-just a piece of advice here. I would honestly rather get flowers the 14th of July or the 21 of December, for absolutely no reason, other than someone who loves or cares about you is thinking about you. No rhyme or reason.

So regardless if you are sending a dozen roses, a text/email, card or a care package filled with a favorite candy just do it and don't just do it on Feb. 14, but any single day of the year is a great time to do these things. I see and hear of more people unhappy and hurt this day than any other day of the year.  Tell the same people you are telling and showing how much you love them today the same today and the other 364 days of the year.

Apparently God thinks I can handle all of this

There is nothing wrong with routine and quiet. I'll be the first to admit that. Quiet is good!

But looking back, and now once again, I've got a who load of stuff coming at me, and honestly I'm not so sure I can handle or cope. I'm tired and I just want things to settle down.

Five years ago my mom was failing and I was dealing with health issues. A month to the day after she passed away I had major surgery, and it knocked me on my butt. I dealt, survived, healed in several ways and lived.

As a kid in high school I had to grow up quickly due to illness with one of my parents. I'd always helped on the farm but I went from helping when needed to helping run the show, in this case the family farm. It was an overnight education into adulthood. Making adult decisions as a 15 or 17-year old is a bit scary. But I lived, I learned and life went on.

As a parent I watched my parents make decisions about their children as parents, meaning they did it together, I on the other had did a lot of parent decision making alone. And I did the best I could without being a pain in the butt parent. I tried, is all I can say. Life went on and I don't think I scarred my kids too badly.

It was thrilling to have all three of my kids get engaged within a three month time span. And a bit chaotic to have them all get married in less than five months. But it was fun, I lived and life was finally supposed to be settling down after the last wedding less than a month ago. But NOOOOOOO. Someone just has to throw another life changing event into my world. A major life changing event. I just want dull, routine, quiet and settled. But that's not the case once again. I never thought life would be a continuation of one major life event after another. I don't see other people having to go through or deal with this. Or maybe I just don't see it.

Do I have feelings regarding this potential change-you're damn right. I don't like the constant change. I don't like the feelings, I don't like the lack of thought beyond the moment nor do I want to be that person who stands up and says loud and clear, "NO".  I"m trying to look at this from all sides other than from one angle which seems to be the case from the individual who is bringing this to my table.

And I keep putting all of this in God's hands. And then I take it away and make it all my problem trying to handle it alone, trying to come up with a million different scenarios or ways to deal with or options. And why does God keep doing this to me...well I guess he must think I can handle it, but honestly I'm doubting my capabilities and sanity a lot, plus I'm tired and I just want things to settle down for a while. I just want a quiet routine, not my whole world turned upside down and I'm working my butt off because of someone else's choice. So God, I know because I tell myself this about a million times a day lately, must think I can handle all of this and I have to tell myself that I can handle anything that HE and I can handle together. I keep praying for peace and answers...come on God, I'm waiting.

When life derails you

Life happens. And for all good intentions what you have planned does not always go as planned. My 2017 plans to be a better person for me got derailed when on the first week of this new year I came down with the knock down drag out stomach flu. I will spare you the unpleasant details but it wasn't pretty. It took me 3 days to drink a small gatorade and eat a couple of saltine crackers. Water was the main part of my diet for a few days. I tried to eat...but I paid for it after eating for many days after this bug hit as well as for weeks following. I can finally eat without after meal pain. I just can't eat a lot yet. My energy levels are not where they were and my blood sugar levels are still out of whack.

My goals for this year was to make more and better healthy choices and eliminate some food groups out of my diet for a variety of health reasons. Well sugar free and gluten free have not happened and here we are Feb. 1, one month into the new year. After getting hit on Jan. 3 with that nasty bug my health, lifestyle and energy has been compromised. Working out has been a challenge to say the least-I lack energy, big time. And yes it has put me in a foul and bad mood at times. Yes I'm tired and some evenings I fight to keep going despite the fact that it is only 7:30 or 8:30 at night. I know I will be awake at 3 a.m. if I fall asleep too early. I try to keep going, get things done, get my steps in and plug away. Someday's I do it, other days, not so much.

Lack of sunshine and poor moral at work or by those around me has not helped either. And I've continued to plug way, going through the motions, showing up, doing what I have to and getting out. Not a good way to live life.

The one highlight I had was my son's wedding. I put the residual affects of the flu aside and had fun, made memories, relaxed and enjoyed.

I've tried to remember that there are people, probably some very close around me, who would give anything to even have one of my bad days....let that soak in. Lack of sunshine, the flu or the behavior of others is small potatoes compared to what some people are dealing with. I can deal with and need to get to a better place, PLUS learn to be patient with myself, something I lack a great deal.

So with the start of this new month, I'm going to pretend it is Jan. 1 rather than Feb. 1 and start again with my mission. And that is to continue to be more physically active, to eat healthier, make better food choices, eliminate the negative and do more of what makes ME happy and stop trying to please everyone else. Oh, and say NO when I want to and not feel guilty about it. It's a new day, new month and still a new year. So what if there are only 11 months left, it's better than nothing. It's time to kick some butt, and move forward, because NO ONE is guaranteed to be here at the end of the day, week, month or year. Make today count, even if its a small step. So there life, take that!

Trying something new

I've thought several times about going back to take classes in a variety of subjects. But I've never said it out loud to anyone or if I did it was more of a mention or kind of an off handed comment. I love technology and do okay working with it. And last fall I found some webpage designing classes that interested me. I bookmarked the local college class page and told myself "after the weddings I'd come back".

Well it's "after the weddings" and with time on my hands with a snow day today the thought about that webpage class popped up while I was in my computer book marks when I was looking for something else. I trolled through the syllabus, first week assignment, pre-class quiz and then the books suggested for the class. I then skipped over to amazon.com and checked out the three books the professor recommended for the class. And to my surprise they didn't cost an arm and a leg. I trolled for the best price, least amount of shipping and book description. And as I sat there with those three books in my cart I second guessed myself, told myself it was a waste of time and money, and that I had better things to pay for with the cost of the books and class. Then something clicked. Why not do this? Why not try something new and for me? So I did it. I ordered the books! And once I can reset my password for the college website (I forgot what it was!) I'm going to register and pay for that class and start class later here soon. I'm going to do it. Try it. See how I do. If I understand it. And better myself. What the heck. Just like getting a hair cut or going to the dentist, these are things we do for ourselves to make us better in some way. Why not make your mind better?

So here I go again. I love to learn and we'll see if this is really my thing or not. But at least I know I did it. I took the risk. I'm trying to better myself and who know where this could take me. But I'm going to give it a try.