Apparently God thinks I can handle all of this

There is nothing wrong with routine and quiet. I'll be the first to admit that. Quiet is good!

But looking back, and now once again, I've got a who load of stuff coming at me, and honestly I'm not so sure I can handle or cope. I'm tired and I just want things to settle down.

Five years ago my mom was failing and I was dealing with health issues. A month to the day after she passed away I had major surgery, and it knocked me on my butt. I dealt, survived, healed in several ways and lived.

As a kid in high school I had to grow up quickly due to illness with one of my parents. I'd always helped on the farm but I went from helping when needed to helping run the show, in this case the family farm. It was an overnight education into adulthood. Making adult decisions as a 15 or 17-year old is a bit scary. But I lived, I learned and life went on.

As a parent I watched my parents make decisions about their children as parents, meaning they did it together, I on the other had did a lot of parent decision making alone. And I did the best I could without being a pain in the butt parent. I tried, is all I can say. Life went on and I don't think I scarred my kids too badly.

It was thrilling to have all three of my kids get engaged within a three month time span. And a bit chaotic to have them all get married in less than five months. But it was fun, I lived and life was finally supposed to be settling down after the last wedding less than a month ago. But NOOOOOOO. Someone just has to throw another life changing event into my world. A major life changing event. I just want dull, routine, quiet and settled. But that's not the case once again. I never thought life would be a continuation of one major life event after another. I don't see other people having to go through or deal with this. Or maybe I just don't see it.

Do I have feelings regarding this potential change-you're damn right. I don't like the constant change. I don't like the feelings, I don't like the lack of thought beyond the moment nor do I want to be that person who stands up and says loud and clear, "NO".  I"m trying to look at this from all sides other than from one angle which seems to be the case from the individual who is bringing this to my table.

And I keep putting all of this in God's hands. And then I take it away and make it all my problem trying to handle it alone, trying to come up with a million different scenarios or ways to deal with or options. And why does God keep doing this to me...well I guess he must think I can handle it, but honestly I'm doubting my capabilities and sanity a lot, plus I'm tired and I just want things to settle down for a while. I just want a quiet routine, not my whole world turned upside down and I'm working my butt off because of someone else's choice. So God, I know because I tell myself this about a million times a day lately, must think I can handle all of this and I have to tell myself that I can handle anything that HE and I can handle together. I keep praying for peace and answers...come on God, I'm waiting.