My last Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was last Thursday and it was great. Family and friends and food and being together. I loved having us all together. Having everyone home is the best. But here's my statement and I mean this from the bottom of my heart-it was my last Thanksgiving. Let me explain, I am done hosting and cooking and cleaning and preparing weeks and days ahead of time only to be exhausted and not enjoy the time leading up to,  much less the event of Thanksgiving.

Hosting a family event is no small undertaking. And personally I have always used holidays as a goal to get things done at my house. No matter how big or small those "get things done" items are, it gives me something to work for besides having my family home.

But working late at night, getting up early, and starting to work as soon as I walk in the door from my out of house job is exhausting and stressful and doing it alone sucks, big time it sucks.

I've thought and toyed with this concept for the past couple of years. But this year as I worked late or got up early to get things done and was frustrated and upset because of lack of help I found myself angry because I was not enjoying this time leading up and was mentally and physically exhausted during and after the holiday. This is NOT what this is all about. This is not fun. And finally THIS IS NOT HOW THIS SHOULD BE. I love thanksgiving, I mean love it. It is one of my favorite holidays because it involves food, being together and hanging out. There are not gifts or easter baskets or any other expectations gift giving-wise. You can wear elastic waistband pants because the whole purpose of the day is to eat, be together and eat. Go for a walk and eat. Hang out, talk and eat. It is not frowned upon to share a beer with your daughter in-law at 10 a.m. on Thanksgiving morning. It's being together. Family.

Don't get me wrong, I've had great help over the years with people bringing food. The occasional forgotten relish tray by a family member or the holding Thanksgiving dinner while waiting for relatives to arrive from another family thanksgiving three doors away was a bit frustrating but everyone has pitched in to help with the food portion of the holiday over the years. We've shared some good food over the years.

This year, 2017, has been a year of cleaning out and getting rid of for me. From getting rid of stuff I no longer want, need or use to removing people who are nothing but toxic in my life. Having three weddings in five months, my sister diagnosed with cancer and go through treatment and having a sister in-law pass away has been a sort of wake up call for me in  an 18 month time span. Life is too short. If other people don't care then they are no longer my problem or concern. No more one sided. So after 20+ years of thanksgiving dinners at my house this year was the last. I'm not saying I won't ever host again, but I'm handing over the baton or turkey leg or turkey baster to someone else, whoever wants it. And after I finally said that out loud last Friday to another human, I felt a sense of relief. Traditions are wonderful, I love traditions. But working to exhaustion is not wonderful nor fun or enjoyable. How some people can be blind and oblivious to what is going on around them is beyond me. I can't change things and I only take care of me and my little world to the best of my abilities. I'll change what I can and walk away when I can't.

I am not alone in this thinking of women who are tired and exhausted preparing for an upcoming holiday. I had several coworkers last week talk about being stressed or upset as they got ready for Thanksgiving and then there was the one coworker who told me she sat in her bathtub and cried because she has so much to do and had no help.

I got a case of the guilts the other night when I did a majority of my Christmas shopping online and it will all be delivered in the next week or so. I'm  for the most part done Christmas shopping. Gone are the days of buying gifts for two other adults in a family Christmas name drawing plus the three nieces or nephews names my own kids got in the name drawing, then wrapping those gifts, then trek to the post office to mail those gifts in time for the holiday. Also gone is the gift buying for parents and in-law parents (sadly, and only one parent left).  AND....the santa gifts to buy and wrap, I used to Christmas shop for 12-14 other people every year-ALONE, no help. And there was/is the food to make to take or prepare at my house and the clothes for family Christmas or church, oh and lets not forget the packing and traveling that was once part of our family holiday schedule. Those days are gone.

Holidays are about being together and I've been trying to get back to that. I've been the wet blanked with one of my families pushing for change...not more name drawing for gift giving. Setting a dollar amount and making it simple after my sister  in-law made her feelings known, in a polite way, about my gift card giving that I gave because I didn't have time to go shopping for items and it is much cheaper to mail a gift card to California or Maryland than a box of wrapped stuff. Spending time with family and doing stuff together is a lot more fun. Sitting out games because there is stuff to be done or because I'm too tired to play is not fun.

So I hereby officially resign my duties of Thanksgiving. I will help clean and prepare any food but I've just hosted my last Thanksgiving.