It's not the item, it's the memory

We all have items that remind us of a memory or person. These items can bring us good, bad, happy or sad memories when we see them. They can be treasures or a piece of comfort.

I have a light blue and white Christmas top of my mom's that I've kept for the past six Christmas's. I find it a source of comfort, especially this time of year, when I am missing my mom- the Christmas memories of her wearing it and it makes me feel like she is close.  That top also still smells of my mom's perfume...Windsong. She started wearing it when I was in high school and I wore it too for a while. Smells bring back memories too.

I have a melancholy feeling towards Christmas this year. It is kind of over with already. We had a mini-Christmas back in November when everyone was home. The house is some what decorated but nothing like what I used to do. And I've been going through containers of Christmas decorations and sorting. Stuff to keep. Stuff for my kids to go through and take if they want. And stuff to just get rid of. It's time to clean out and down size. My kids can all take take their own Christmas ornaments that they made as kids in school and religious ed. Yes I will miss having those decorations on my tree but they all have their own lives, homes and trees now, they can hang, keep or toss these heirlooms if they want. What I would give to have an ornament that I made from my childhood or something from my mom or dad when they were children.

Tonight as I was hanging my dad's Iowa Hawkeye ornament on the tree it fell....and broke. My heart broke too, and the tears fell. I felt like I'd lost a piece of my dad. It's been 18 Christmas's without him. This was my Christmas connection to him, and now it sits in a dustpan, waiting to be thrown away in several pieces. I'm sad. It was purely an accident and it may have been better if it had been broken by someone else other than me-it would be easier to forgive. But nothing can be done to change it. I looked on ebay to find a replacement, but one like this wasn't available. It's gone.

I keep telling myself that it was just an ornament. It was just a reminder, memory and connection to my dad. I still have all my memories and nothing can shatter or break them. And life goes on. Tomorrow is a new day. I still have all my memories of my dad and they are mine, nothing can take that away from me.

I will continue to be a bit sad for the broken ornament. And if I ever find another one just like it I may or may not replace it but I'll keep the memories of my dad and his love of the Iowa Hawkeyes close to my heart.