If you can't say anything nice...

It has been a while since I've blogged and I have a good excuse, one word....wedding. That's my excuse and I'm stickin' to it! It's not that I haven't felt the need to write or had material, just lack of time!

On this, the day after the first wedding of our year, I've had a million things running through my head. Happy thoughts and memories, the fun, the laughter, the smiles and the tears! And the best way to sum it all up is also with one word, "wonderful"!

But each year whenever graduation time, wedding season or whatever is going on is an "invitation" issue. Who is invited. Who is not. Who TO invite and who NOT to invite. It's a win-loose battle!

Yes there are those people who invite everyone they know or feel like they have to invite (your ex-brother in-law's sisters boyfriend-unless you are really close!). Then there are those who invite the people who they value, who have touched or brought meaning to their life, the ones who they are close to and have made a positive impact on. Or because you are related and to keep peace in the family. I have to admit I am not offended when I am not invited to something. It used to bother me, but honestly some people are such putz's that I am kind of relieved not to be included in their "event". Yes I have sent cards and gifts to people who I want to let them know I care, but I wasn't invited to their event. It is not going to stop me from sending a gift if I want to! Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be invited to an event, when it is someone who means a lot to me. BUT....inviting people to an event just to invite them is just dumb.

My theory is if you have not had a positive affect or impact on my life or if I have not heard from you in the past year or more then I'm not including you in my "party". If you have burned me, or been a jerk-your not worth my time or effort. If you are only are my friend when we see each other or you want attention or it works for you-your not invited. Yes I get the friends you many not talk to for weeks, months or years and when you see each other you pick up right where you left off the last time you saw one another-I have a couple of friends like that. But my theory is if you have not returned any effort to stay in touch, except when you happen to run into me then your not invite worthy. And there are also other factors....venue size, cost, or maybe it is just a small gathering. Maybe it's not my call on the guest list. But some people don't think about anyone but themselves. And everyone and their dog does not need to be invited!

I've been in those situations where I've been with other people who were invited or part of something that I was not. And when they talk about it socially when I'm around I either listen or ask questions to be a part of the conversation. I get it, I wasn't invited for whatever reason. Life goes on, my world did not stop revolving!

My whole purpose for this blog is to address the self-centered people who get offended and they say things or post snarky, crappy, immature things on social media. Here are my points on the whole situation: 1. Nice that you say those kinds of things on social media...way to hide behind a keyboard and a screen. 2. It shows your true character. Yep, people comment about it and wonder what the hell is wrong with you.They are judging YOU not the fact that you were not invited to a social gathering 3. Way to be a dark cloud on someone else's special time and occasion-very mature-no you're not. 4. I'm sorry that life is not centered around or all about you. But it is not my problem. 5. This is a reminder of maybe WHY you were not invited...I'm just making a point.

With this first wedding there were people I would not have invited, (mainly family!). But not my final call. Life goes on and no harm was done. This was NOT my party or place to have a final say. But to the individual who had to post something snarky on social media it truly showed your true colors.
There will always be "those" people, I get that. But I was always told "if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all". If the world would follow this guideline a little more it would be a lot better place or maybe the people who think they should be included need to follow this a lot more.

Okay that is off my mind! I can't wait for weddings #2 and #3. Bring them on! I'm ready!

When you can't breathe or going up a mountain

While in Colorado this past weekend our fun and loving hosts took us on a hike....up a mountain....to the most gorgeous lake! It was a blast and so beautiful to see. Plus while visiting this mountain lake in the Rocky Mountains our hosts arranged for an elk to make an appearance and entertain us while sitting along the lake, it was great timing! It was so cool and a wonderful experience. But it literally was cool...going up the temp dropped so it was ideal for hiking. And the snow melt made the clear lake water (Mills Lake) very cold. 

But I had the same experience last year as I did this year when hiking in Colorado, I struggled to start out with breathing and altitude (not attitude, altitude!). Working out three miles a day I thought I'd be in better shape. I was struggling with the breathing and wondering a couple of times if running on the flat parts would help or if I should have stayed home! Yes, one extreme to another in my thought process there. 

But about a half mile up my body figured out the altitude thing and I didn't find myself with a tight chest or struggling to breath any longer. From there on the only thing taking my breath away was the sights. The river, rapids, wildlife and waterfalls. The scenery and the ability to see for miles was awesome. 

It is interesting the thoughts that go through your mind when you are out with nature, as did mine on Sunday. I rehashed some problems, trying to come up with solutions or better scenarios, I wondered about some things and people (it had been a busy and trying week), why they are they way they are, and I prayed for people who I knew needed prayers because I was in a peaceful and beautiful place, and I had a front row seat to God's handy work. Also, I didn't want to face plant and go head first in front of God and everyone! I appreciated where I was at that moment and how blessed I am.  

Honestly coming down the trail was harder than going up. The incline, keeping your footing and not tripping or sliding were challenges but it was okay-we lived to tell! And best of all nothing hurt the next day. The exhilarated feeling was worth every step, which ended up being over 14,000 steps and 101 flights of steps. 

If I lived there I would be exploring the mountains, trails and lakes every weekend. So beautiful!

So despite the fact that breathing was a struggle for a time, I lived and I'm ready for the next hike up a mountain. And I'm betting I'll struggle with the altitude on that one too!

Keep climbing those mountains!

The things you see while driving across Nebraska

...or my trip to Colorado, today!

I'm on the road today. Actually being driven, for now until my driver gives up her turn! I honestly would not be driving and typing this. The laptop gets in the way!!

So for entertainment purposes only and absolutely nothing against the state of Nebraska here is what we have seen, so far!

-A semi full of cattle that was spraying shit, literally, on our windshield. Obviously the cows were nervous. And we now smell lovely! The smell of money as my dad always said.

-We seem to be very popular as there is a lot of traffic!

-Unfortunately, unlike last year, there is no flooding for our entertainment purposes! Last year it was like the entire state was a lake and I-80 went across this enormous lake called Nebraska.

-So far no "breaks", if you know what I mean...liquid intake has been kept to a minimum.

-The rumble strips along the side of the road not only help keep you awake but when the semi in front of us keeps driving on them it makes you wonder what the heck is up with the driver? Maybe he needs a nap?

-So far our diet has consisted of party mix, water and gatorade (aka migraine relief for me) and baby carrots. Healthy!!

-I've played secretary and scheduled a bridal dress fitting for next week for my pilot (bride).

-We are about to go back in time here shortly....when we go into mountain time. I hope we gain a good hour, one that is fun and that we like!! : )

-Like my dad I have kept an eye on the crops and livestock. Yep they are all there, green and mooing!

Ummmm that's about it, for now, "pretty boring" according to my driver and we are about to stop and switch to a new driver! Me!!!!

It's Boulder or bust for us. Man I hope nothing busts! But here's to safe travels and no more livestock trucks with nervous cattle!!

Happy Friday! Watch out Colorado!

Good intentions gone bad

As someone who works with kids, I've seen a great deal from the funny and humorous to the sad and heartbreaking. I could write a book. But after 20+ years of coaching both boys and girls I am seeing a trend at all levels but more so at the high school level that leaves me angry, upset and baffled. And honestly, at times I find myself losing my love of sports because of it.

Most parents of kids who are out for sports have good intentions. The skills, interaction, and life long lessons are endless when it comes to sports. But we have parents who know it all, and only want their child to shine on a team of many. This kind of thinking trickles down to their child and has adverse effects on the team mentality and success. Just one player or their parents can ruin a team. In addition, parents think they have a license to go personally one-on-one with coaches to tell them how or ask why their kid is not....playing or starting or whatever they deem their child is not getting. These parents are bashing and bitching from "why aren't you playing my kid" to "this is what you should be doing" kind of thing. It is common for a coach to not only have to deal with kids, coaching, the day-to-day duties of coaching at a very poorly paid job to now being bashed and yelled at by parents, some who only what their child to shine, some who've never played a day of the sport or any sports for that matter. And to top it off administration seldom, if ever has the back of the coaches anymore. It has become a "bury your head in the sand mentality" for a lot of administrators, support is little, if any most days. The coaches are fresh meat for parents who want it all to be all about their child.

As a coach, I will admit I've lost my love of the sport I coach, a lot lately. I wonder if I should call it quits and move on some days. The passion is not there like I feel it should be. I've dealt with some pretty bad situations over the years and more so recently and had to deal with situations without support or guidance from administration. ZERO support. But there are the little things that bring me back. The success. The lessons I teach, not just about the sport but about life. The smiles and excitement my kids bring to practices and performances. It brings me back and reminds me why I do what I do. It certainly is not for the pay which is pennies on the hour. Pay has never been a reason. The kids and my passion are why I continue.

As a parent, I have watched with a frustrated and heavy heart at times as one player or a parent have made it difficult or worse yet, ruin it for the team. The player who only is looking in the stands for the attention and approval or to see what "Daddy Coach" is telling them to do...really, I've witnessed this kind of garbage, many times! I've listened to my spouse coach both from the sidelines and the stands and make it twice as hard on my kids because if he did showed any kind of favoritism others would be calling and complaining "he/she is the coaches son/daughter" is a favorite excuse and I've heard it over the years, many times as a parent, spouse and coach. (And I won't deny that there are those coaches who have shown favoritism to their own kids when more talented athletes have sat on the bench, they make it harder than hell on the rest of us and our kids. But that is a whole other blog!). Heaven forbid anyone would think for a moment my kids would be working their ass off or have the benefit of having parents who coach to help and guide them! We played with our kids, from football to golf to baseball, to running over their own makeshift hurdles down our driveway. Or yet maybe my kids were OUTSIDE or in the gym playing sports all year long, getting better, working hard, getting stronger and just plain being kids. My kids were not sitting on their butt inside watching tv or hooked up to electronic devices. Nope, that did not happen in my house.  Thankfully to those dumb ass parents who thought for sure my son was called up a level in little kids baseball because his dad was the high school coach my child, (all three of them) is now a hardworking, well educated, successful person. He's not living in his hometown working a minimal job and the umbilical cord is not stretched 30 miles from mommy, it is cut! All of my kids have learned the hard way from the stupidity of parents who thought their child was special, gifted or more talented than someone else on the team. Hard work pays off and these parents are not going to be there when junior does not get a job or gets fired from a job because he does not work or do as he is told.

All the money in the world or complaining to the administration or bashing a coach either behind their back from the stands or to in their face does not make your child a star athlete or give them the right to play before someone else who works harder, is coachable and has talent. Instead, it shows your true LACK character and maturity as the adult in this situation.

So on the days when I feel like the society is going to hell in a handbasket and people with money or bigger mouths or who complain the most bring me down I have to remember the benefits of sports and the lifelong lessons it teaches our youth under the guidance of coaches who a) know what they are doing, b) have good intentions to see everyone learn and wins are not the only sign of success.

All the talent in the world is a waste if you do not work. As that quote goes "Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard" True every single day from the baseball field to the gym to the classroom to the workforce and life in general.

Four years ago

Four years ago today I had a life changing experience. My first, ever, major surgery. That surgery had been planned for a couple of months. My mom had just passed away the month before to the day. I was dealing with that loss. But surgery was a must for me. Pre-surgery tests had shown that things looked to be benign but my tumors needed to come out regardless.

I second guessed myself the night before and even the morning of the surgery when the anesthesiologist told me I was the most healthy pre-op patient he had seen. Why was I here? I kept asking myself. Yes, I was scared. Who wouldn't be?

After running a 5K back in October I remember laying in bed that evening feeling a hard lump in my abdomen. I was a bit concerned but just put it in the back of my mind. The new year brought changes in my mom's health and things were declining. A friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in early February and I made a physical appointment with my doctor to see what was going on inside of me the day after hearing of this friend.

A routine physical was anything but routine. After describing what I felt, my doctor also felt the same thing I did. Appointments were made immediately for the next day for tests which was more than unnerving. The last time I'd had an ultrasound was when I was pregnant. This time, as I laid on the table and watch the tech begin to click and label I knew something was not right. I asked the tech what she was seeing, she hesitated and finally said she was seeing multiple tumors. When asked how many she said she stopped counting and labeling around 12...
Next was blood tests to see if it was any indicator of what was going on. An appointment with my doctor confirmed that things were not normal. An immediate appointment with an OBGYN in the same building gave me more info as to what was going on.

My decision was to go to an OBGYN in Des Moines to take things further, one who had dealt with cancer, and get things checked out. I choose one and endured a biopsy appointment which was similar in the pain department to giving birth! Tests from the samples did not indicate cancer but still not a for sure answer.

So on this day four years ago I underwent surgery....one tumor was inside an internal organ and instead of weighing 2-3 oz it weighted 3 lbs. That large tumor along with an estimated 16 other tumors that day and roughly 10 lbs in all when all was said and done were removed. I had affectionally named the tumors "Benny and the Jets" from the Elton John song.

Recovery was like nothing I had ever experienced. It was rough. And honestly took me around a year before I would feel back to normal.
But what Benny and the Jets taught me is immersible:

-Take care of your body. It is the only one you get. If you don't take care of it, no one else will.
-A whole new respect for women who have c-sections then brings home a baby. Wow! (I left Benny and the rest at the hospital.)
-A lot more people care and love you than you ever realize. If losing a loved one is not enough to prove that, then major surgery will! Remember this when you are feeling down or lonely.
-Listen to your body. It is constantly telling you things like when it is hungry, thirsty or tired, hurting or things are not right, along with a host of other things. You are it's owner, listen and take care of it.

I still have a scar as proof of my battle with Benny and the Jets. It is a reminder that I am a survivor and life is a daily gift. I was so blessed that things turned out they way they did and I did not have to heal from that major surgery while doing treatments. A day does not go by that that scar does not remind me of how lucky I am. Not a day.

So on this 4-year anniversary, I find myself feeling very blessed and fortunate. I know for some people having surgery today they didn't get the good new and results that I did. Life is an adventure and a constant ride of twists and turns-hang on! God has a plan for everything. Value each and every day.

Don't judge me

I have a friend, who was having a bad day yesterday but she ask me if I was okay when we saw each other? This friend just got through the one year anniversary of her husband passing away and is still going through some emotions and tough times dealing with this. She is spending this weekend with her mom and sisters on a road trip to attend the graduation of one of her sisters and is not looking forward to the trip, the time with family nor being away from home which is the only place she wants to be right now. My friend seemed very discontent and unhappy when we saw each other and talked. So when she asked me "how I was?" I was rather surprised by her question. She then added that she was wondering by my posts that I put on social media. Really? Do you think everything I post pertains to me or someone else in particular? Nope!

I'm a quote junkie-big time! I like to be motivated. My phone's camera roll is filled with pictures of quotes that I like on a cool background. So for my friend to say this to me kind of surprised me. So I took the time today to look back at my posts, most are photos with quotes or articles that I've shared over the past month or so. I like to be motivated, plain and simple. I also like to support causes that deserve to be supported. One of my biggest causes to support is women. Women are not treated right in this day and age, YET. I work at a place where women are treated as second behind any male in the building. And if you are support staff in addition to being female....well I'll just say it's pretty poor. We have the "good ole' boys club" back in the building which is sad, to say the least. But my goal is to help women understand that they should NOT be treated like this and if ONE female recognizes herself in something I post and it helps her have a better day, become a better person then I don't care. If it's a good cause or something that I believe in then I'll share it, post it and hope someone else gets something out of it as well. But really, do you think my posts are all about me? So all the sports posts I share mean I am a parent of an athlete, I used to be. Or that I coach at the college or professional level-nope. Or that society is pretty screwed up when it comes to our kids participating in extra curricular-yep, it is. I can't change it alone nor will it change in one day. Yes, I'm a redhead and finally proud of it and embrace that fact. Yes, I'm sassy at times, who isn't?

But to have someone say that to me that at first kind of worried me then, it I had me looking at myself through my posts. Okay, so my friend see's me how she see's me, I can't help or change that. It's her opinion and view. So what? I also know she is going through a lot of crap and her feelings are her feelings, I'm not here to judge or validate. I just support and let her deal with it how she chooses to deal with it. I have no idea what it is like to go through what she is going through. But I'm not going to judge because this attitude and behavior are not normal for my friend. But the one year anniversary of her husband's death was just earlier this week. Very, very hard, no doubt. She was not herself yesterday at all. Am I concerned about her, you bet? But it is her way of dealing and she could just be having a hard time right now. And she has every right to.

We've all read the posts or seen the photos or rants that some people post on social media who are having a bad day or things are not going right. We've all been there. It's just how life goes. But I don't judge unless it is happening all the time. Then I get a little concerned. But everyone deals with and see's thing differently. How I'd do something I know is not how the next person would do it. It is what it is. That's life.

So for today, I'm going take what my friend said with a grain of salt. Text her later to check on her and say a prayer that today is a better day for her and that life shows her some sunshine rather than rain.

If I don't like or care for what someone says or posts on social media I usually laugh at the stupidity, then either keep scrolling or hide it so I don't have to see it again. It's just social media-it's not the gospel truth and if I've learned anything in life is that you can't believe everything you read or hear.

Just checking up...

I really, really dislike when someone checks up on me, in most cases (that's my disclaimer here!). I'm an adult. I do adult kinds of things like work a job, run a house, and all the fun things that go along with being an adult. I'm pretty dull and routine.

I seldom stray from the norm and so when I do get "checked on" it irritates me at times! Today I helped a coworker for about 10 minutes deliver items from a school fundraising project during my "free period". We did what we needed to do and got back to work. It's a busy time of year, we need the room in our work area so these items had to go. Well, low and behold when we came back there was a sales person waiting for my coworker...and when I went to get water one of our school sectaries stuck her head out the office door and asked if the sales person had found my coworker. I nodded and THEN she added in a very snarky and snotty tone, "the next time you both leave, you need to let me know." Are you kidding me? This was the first and only time this had happened all school year (170 days so far!) that we were both gone-working, doing work related work. Give me a break. For Pete's sake! I think I kept myself from rolling my eyes but I did turn around and walked away-rude I know but she had no business talking to me in that way or tone. She's not my boss and I'm aware she is dong her job, but you DO NOT talk to coworkers like that. Ever! So what would happen if we both went to the restroom at the same time? She probably would have had the same snarky tone and conversation. Get over yourself already.

I dislike people asking me a lot of questions or needing to know my business or where I am or what I'm doing. Usually, for the main reason, this irritates me is I'm not doing or going any place exciting or important so why or who wants to know?! For Pete's sake, my life is boring. And there are times that what I'm doing is crap no one else acts like they know how to do, wants to do or just plain ignores. It's not like I'm going to flee the country or something! Am I a flight risk?!

I don't care about other people's business, and I know sometimes I ask questions I should not but it's purely out of a) stupidity or b) I'm concerned. I don't want to know other people's business. I don't want to be involved unless they want to involve me. The less that people know the better life is for me and others! Too often the people who complain about other people knowing their business are usually the first to have their nose in someone else's business! And they wonder why or get upset when people talk about them! This makes me laugh!

But there are, and always will be those people in our lives who will ask or want to know. My theory is "if it's not my news to tell, then I'm not gonna tell you". Plain and simple!

I have another coworker/friend who always wants to know who or what we are talking about whenever we are together or with other people or in a group setting. For a while, people would humor this person and answer her nosey questions, but now I can tell they find it darn right annoying and typically ignore her. I hate it when people ignore others or me! I try not to do this to other people, everyone wants to feel listened to, involved and included. But sometimes people are just annoying or rude.

I like to fly under the radar, so to speak, or as I jokingly told a friend not too long ago I like to be in stealth mode!

So for the rest of today, my coworker and I are being kind of snotty and poking fun at our accountability! We both know we were working and doing nothing wrong. It's just that some people think that everyone else's business is their business as well. If you can't find someone don't get your panties in a wad!

So I'm going into stealth mode to finish off my day and laugh at the nosey people of the world! I figure if people want me to know, they'll tell me!