Challenging times

The last four months have been a challenge, little did I know when I left my school on Friday, March 13 I would not return, for months. Nor did I know it would be the last time I would see or work with some students and coworkers. And little did I know our school year would not finish, like it always has, or should or how we wanted it to.

Yes, life and a virus called Covid-19 has thrown the entire world a curve ball. Pandemic, quarantine, face masks and social distancing are all common every day words that will from here on be part of our lives. 

And regardless if you believe masks or social distancing helps or not respecting those who believe it and practice it is what you do. It is there choice, their life, their health or the health of a loved one. 

In the past four months I have went from high highs, I like the alone and home time. I've gotten things accomplished, projects done and things checked off my to-do list. But never before have I recalled four months like this nor has time blurred and ran together-does that make sense? I've binged watched and read and crafted and cleaned or organized and brain stormed, journaled, exercised or cooked as I have over the quarantine months. 

But mentally some days are better than others. And I know in these times that is to be expected. Yes, I know going to work or finding a part time job in all of this would have helped me mentally more than anything. 

But to be honest not a day goes by that I don't worry about the health and well-being of my family and friends. I'm thankful my parents aren't around for this as I'd fear for their lives. When all of this started I worried and feared for two of my family members, one battling cancer, one being older. The cancer won in my brother in-laws case and I know it is a lonely struggle for my father in-law as days and time gets long without seeing or talking to someone. 

Seeing friends for me has been very limited, and family even less. My heart aches missing my family, as a mom I'm sad for this time. But I also worry and pray every day to keep all of my family and friends safe. 

When I get down or inside my own head and that voice is doing me no good I have to remind myself how blessing I am. How lucky I am to be where I am and to keep a positive outlook at life. I know things could be a ton worse, so when that negative voice starts to get the best of me I have to bring myself out of and away from the negative and look for the sunshine. Yes, these are terrible times. There are so many issues and problems in this world. And yes things could be better. People could be a hell of a lot KINDER. And yes we need to unite not divide over race, the color of people's skin, the uniform they wear, the political party they support or belong to. Common sense and ethics seem to be less and less of the norm. 

So as another day rolls through and the anxiety and apprehension starts to mount regarding go back to school as this pandemic surges in numbers I have to remind myself that it takes just one positive. One small light to bring things back into focus. To give hope and that better times ARE ahead. 

But mainly I need to remember to be kind. Be kind to the person driving slow or walking slow or who forgets to social distance. It happens. And to be kind with what comes out of my mouth but more so the voice in my head. I need to be kinder to me. Just plain be kind and hang in there. 

Off road

No I'm not going to write about off roading in an ATV or some other vehicle made for rough terrain. I'm talking about loved ones on the road. Every day, going to work. 

Four years ago had had all three of my kids driving from 20 minutes to almost an hour one way to work, along with almost all of their spouses. So every morning this mom said an extra prayer to keep my travelers safe from harm and their commute a good one both going to work and coming home. 

Slowly over the past four years my kids have all had their commute to work shortened by a significant amount. Except for one, my daughter who was driving to and from almost 50+ minutes one way on a major interstate, alone, every day. And yes this mama worried and prayed as she left for work and then drove home each day. I was always relieved to see the summer come when school would be on vacation and her long drive would pause. But each August things would resume and so would this mom's prayers and worrying. I worried even more when she was pregnant at the start of this past school year. What if....her water broke or something else happened with her and the baby. 

But today that long distance commute along with the worrying and prayers came to an end. This next school year she will have a 20-25 minute commute, much closer to home and around 2-1/2 hours more a week  she can spend with her baby! Her route will be on local roadways, and no interstate traffic and all the stuff that goes with it. 

Yes, this mom's heart is relieved and a bit more relaxed. But I will still stay a special prayer for her as she drives to and from work each day for her safety. I will text her to make sure she makes it to her desination or chat, which is what we did quite often to pass the time and keep her company.  I am a bit less worried about her traveling and safety, but I'll still worry. 

I don't care how old my kids get, regardless if they are your kids by birth or marriage, this mom will always say a prayer for safe travels and worry in the back in my mind each day. 

So for now, until the new school year starts I can rest a bit easier and relax a bit regarding my daughters commute. And I will continue to thank god each day when they all arrive home safely each day. 

Lunch with friends

Twice this week I've grabbed lunch with a friend and it's been nice. Both a friends in different aspects, one is a former coworkers and the other is a friend through marriage. 

Both lunches were completely different and enjoyable. Both at different places and both were a nice break in crazy times. 

The lunch with a former coworker was an outdoor, meet in the park thing, and it was really nice. The conversation ranged from our furry children (our cats) to work and world events. There was a little venting about our work place but for the most part it was a chance for two friends to catch up.

The other friend lunch was out of town, at a restaurant. The food was good, and the conversation ranged from family to world and local news events and again was enjoyable. 

It was nice to have the opportunity to see these people, catch up and talk. Neither required a lot of planning or time to prepare. And honestly both recharged my mental batteries. Both gave me an out and and opportunity to catch up and relax.

I also had coffee at a local coffee shop with my daughter and grand daughter, sitting outside talking, spending time together and making plans. It was another opportunity to spend time together and relax and give us something new to look at. 

This is what life is all about, spending time with people, talking, listening and enjoy the time together. All three interactions took very little time or effort to put together, but it was refreshing for my mind, spirit and soul. 

I highly recommend taking time to spend with people, be it coffee, lunch or a drink, stop, take the time, spend the time and love the people in your life. 

What's in a holiday

The 4th of July is one of my more favorite holidays, right with Thanksgiving. I like these two holidays mainly because there is no need for presents or special preparations, just food. And while one holiday typically has turkey and the other hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill as their centerpiece at the table, everything else is pretty much up to whatever you want. If you want to do a 5k on Thanksgiving morning, you can. If you want to watch a parade or drink coffee outside, you can. there are no "required" traditions other than eating and the rest of the day is all yours to do with as you and/or your family please. 

I feel like Christmas and Easter are both overrated. Both require a lot of preparation, for weeks ahead of time. What to wear. What gifts to get. Baking candy and cookies or boiling eggs to dye them to then hide and/or eat them! It's crazy what traditions are or have become over the years. When the mail focal point should be coming together and spending time with family. 

Whatever the holiday make it your own and make your own traditions. Last year I walked four miles and grilled steak swhile spending another holiday alone. It is what it is and it is what you make it. 

I never wanted to be that person

I grew up the youngest of five kids and because I was a tagalong I watched my older siblings leave home and become adults. Because I was the youngest of two youngest kids I never knew my grandparents, they were all passed by the time I came into the picture. But my mom, who seldom said an unkind word about anyone, and if she did it gave you an indication as to how unkind that person was if she mentioned it would tell me very little about her mother in-law until I got older, then her comment was usually how unkind her mother in-law was to my mom if my dad was out of earshot of her conversation. Gee, not something anyone would want to hang around to hear, much less spend time with.

So when my oldest brother got married, I was just a lower elementary age kid and I remember the unkind words and conversations that were had between my brother and then soon to be wife when my parents asked them to wait for a bit before getting married. It was a rough start to what would be a lifetime of unkindness dished out. What happened over the years, I'm not sure but I do know that there would be months, or more at times, that my parents would not see their grand daughters and then all of a sudden things would be okay. I'd ask my mom what was going on and her answer was always "we must have done something" because it usually meant my parents would not see their son nor grand daughters for however long someone was ticked off. Someone was usually mad and complaining about someone or something.

I saw the same scenario happen with my second brother and wife, gave the the silent treatment, and played the "you can't see your grandchildren or son" game. Things would get better than go back to the cold shoulder and moratorium.  I'm not sure where some of the individuals involved learned  to play this nasty game, but as an observer to all of this I knew I would never do this to any family, it was never anything I'd seen growing up. 

So when I got married I came into my husbands family with a guarded but lets keep this fair kind of attitude. And I got along with my in-laws, they were good to us and very supportive. I would work myself to the point of exhaustion to make holidays work so my kids would have great memories and learn traditions spending them with their grandparents. Was there a "favored" grandchild, you bet, and I bent over backwards to make sure my kids did not know this. And unfortunately a tragic accident put the favored grandchild in the front seat of all the other grand kids, but I continued to try to keep things fair and equal. One time I had to ask my husband to step up and stand up for his kids, one and only time. I always played the buffer between my kids and when things were obviously and blatantly unfair not only between my kiddos but the other grandkids. But I NEVER kept any of the grandparents from seeing their grandchildren, never or their son. My mother in-law would come to games or dance recitals in support, it was just what she did. So when she passed away suddenly while my kids were still young I knew, and I knew my kids knew how blessed they were to have their grandmother who was usually in the stands cheering. 

Yes, there were times my own parents would disappoint me or not make an effort. They grew up and had the mentality of farm comes first. No they never got to see any of my kids play a game or dance in a recital, it wasn't for my lack of trying-and yes this disappointed me. I just truly think they didn't get it, that they should have and needed to be there, every once in a while. 

So I know my own children never saw me keep them from their grandparents or not make and effort to be part of family functions and just be a family with their grandparents-I did not play the immature game  of "you can see". And I always used the examples that I saw come from my own family as examples of how not to be, I worked hard to NOT be like nor treat anyone how I'd seen my parents treated. No I don't know who did what or what was said between my parents and either of my brothers and spouses, but talk to one another instead of using poor, innocent grandkids as pawns. I also tried very, very hard to make things even on both sides of our family. I had two examples of how not to be. 

But now as a parent of adult children, all who are married and some with children of their own I find my mom's heart very sad because I'm on the receiving end of what I watched my parents go through. I'm not sure why...is my water not good enough, my bathroom or shower not good enough, no we don't have a lot of things to go do living out in a rural area, but all I want to do is see my kids, grand kids and spend sometime together. When the other side of one of the families gets visit after visit and opportunity to see and spend time with their kids and grand child I'm more than a little hurt and wondering what good it did to be an example, other than the fact to know that I was a good person when things were not always fair or even for my kids. But I played buffer to the adult behavior and life went on. I did not not allow my kids to see their grand parents and we showed up for family meals and holidays and helped out when needed. 

So as I sit here on another holiday alone without my family home to spend time and celebrate I'm sad and yes, hurt. All I want to do is see and spend time with my kids, their spouses and grandkids. I don't ask for much....other than more than 45 minutes under one roof and maybe more than once a year would be nice. 

I never wanted to be that person, instead I'm the person who is getting the same treatment my parents did for whatever reason. 

Don't stress the little things

Kids grow up fast! The changes that come in the first year are amazing. From a tiny single pound, helpless little person to a talking, walking, getting into trouble 1-year old, that first year goes fast with a lot of changes.

I have the pleasure and privilege to watch my second grandchild, a sweet little girl, grow and learn each day, and it has been a blessing and a chance to reflect. As a mom of her mom I know I was too busy trying to keep up to realize and enjoy the growth and changes that happen that first year of life. And in the past 220+ days of this little girls life I have seen her probably 210 days and it has been a joy! 

When it is your own kids you are too busy trying to live life to step back and enjoy or even realize how much your little one is changing and growing. But when it is your grandchild it is a joy to see the day-to- day changes that as parents you often don't notice. The new faces and expressions. The new motor skills that are developing, learned and growing into. Sometimes I even think this little ray of sunshine changes overnight. It's hard work being a seven month old and growing so much. But it is the biggest blessing that this little person is here, growing and thriving. Beyond blessed and my heart is happy and full when I get to spend time with this little one. 

So when my daughter stresses out (and I know I did the exact same thing) over naps or eating or a rash or if she has the right toys or one of a million other things, that all moms do, I smile and think to myself, I did the exact same thing. And as my mom told me when my oldest son was about this same age, don't stress the little things. When they are little their problems are little, the bigger they get the bigger their problems are, so don't stress the little stuff. Sit back, watch and enjoy, because they grow up so very, very fast. 

Will it matter in a day....

I recently started doing a small experiment when dealing with people. I know we all need to complain, vent and just get things off of our chest. I do it. And everyone I know has their purge and dump moments when they just spew what is bothering, bugging and putting a bump on their road of life. It ranges from flies biting their ankles to how someone is treating them.

I try to be a good listener. And I have always tried to be a listener not a source for a solution since I'm not an expert. If someone asks for help or suggestions I will cautiously share thoughts and ideas. But for the most part I listen to listen, not give advice or answers.

So lately when I've had someone dumping or complaining in my ear and I'm offering words of support I have started dropping what I call a positive bomb! Someone is complaining and spewing their frustrations and feelings, and before things get too ugly I interject a small little positive. And as I've been doing this I'm finding it almost immediately stops the purging and redirects the conversation to someone less negative and more light hearted. I try to make it positive and often humorous! This is not 100%, some people continue on their road of venting-and that's okay. But quite often they circle back to my bit of humor or positive comment. 

I'm not sure if I've just been lucky or it is the timing but the redirection does work. I have a family member who recently lost a loved one. She is sad, heartbroken and lonely. I try to be a listening ear and  a shoulder to cry one. But after she has talked, cried and shared her feelings about how sad she is, I try to offer a small bit of sunshine and it has ranged from a happy memory of her passed loved one to something positive about the world around her. Just a small instant and bit of positive sunshine to help turn things to a more positive note. 

No this is nothing genius and maybe the people I've tried this on think to them selves that I'm done listening and changing the subject (and maybe I am-and in reality that is what I'm doing, trying to redirect their enegy) but I'm trying to be a small, gentle reminder that the world is a pretty tough place right now, and yes they usually have every right to feel they way they do (I'm not going to tell someone that they can't have the feelings they are having) but I'm also trying to make them see that we are pretty darn lucky and blessed-find the sunshine (often people are angry or upset about things that just don't matter).

So if I'm doing anyone any good or not, I'm not sure. And I've tried my little experiment on the phone, in conversation and vie texting or email, and regardless it has turned the conversation from heavy/sad/ negative/angry towards a more positive direction. Try it sometime, it really does work! 

As I always said to my kids (and I'm not sure it did any good) but will it matter in a day, a week, a month or a year? If the answer is no, then is it worth your time now? Find the positive.