Challenging times

The last four months have been a challenge, little did I know when I left my school on Friday, March 13 I would not return, for months. Nor did I know it would be the last time I would see or work with some students and coworkers. And little did I know our school year would not finish, like it always has, or should or how we wanted it to.

Yes, life and a virus called Covid-19 has thrown the entire world a curve ball. Pandemic, quarantine, face masks and social distancing are all common every day words that will from here on be part of our lives. 

And regardless if you believe masks or social distancing helps or not respecting those who believe it and practice it is what you do. It is there choice, their life, their health or the health of a loved one. 

In the past four months I have went from high highs, I like the alone and home time. I've gotten things accomplished, projects done and things checked off my to-do list. But never before have I recalled four months like this nor has time blurred and ran together-does that make sense? I've binged watched and read and crafted and cleaned or organized and brain stormed, journaled, exercised or cooked as I have over the quarantine months. 

But mentally some days are better than others. And I know in these times that is to be expected. Yes, I know going to work or finding a part time job in all of this would have helped me mentally more than anything. 

But to be honest not a day goes by that I don't worry about the health and well-being of my family and friends. I'm thankful my parents aren't around for this as I'd fear for their lives. When all of this started I worried and feared for two of my family members, one battling cancer, one being older. The cancer won in my brother in-laws case and I know it is a lonely struggle for my father in-law as days and time gets long without seeing or talking to someone. 

Seeing friends for me has been very limited, and family even less. My heart aches missing my family, as a mom I'm sad for this time. But I also worry and pray every day to keep all of my family and friends safe. 

When I get down or inside my own head and that voice is doing me no good I have to remind myself how blessing I am. How lucky I am to be where I am and to keep a positive outlook at life. I know things could be a ton worse, so when that negative voice starts to get the best of me I have to bring myself out of and away from the negative and look for the sunshine. Yes, these are terrible times. There are so many issues and problems in this world. And yes things could be better. People could be a hell of a lot KINDER. And yes we need to unite not divide over race, the color of people's skin, the uniform they wear, the political party they support or belong to. Common sense and ethics seem to be less and less of the norm. 

So as another day rolls through and the anxiety and apprehension starts to mount regarding go back to school as this pandemic surges in numbers I have to remind myself that it takes just one positive. One small light to bring things back into focus. To give hope and that better times ARE ahead. 

But mainly I need to remember to be kind. Be kind to the person driving slow or walking slow or who forgets to social distance. It happens. And to be kind with what comes out of my mouth but more so the voice in my head. I need to be kinder to me. Just plain be kind and hang in there.