Always remember

This date always holds a special place in my heart...it was the birthday of the only woman I've ever known as grandma...Grandma Vennick. This was her birthday. All my grandparents had passed by the time I arrive on the scene. This is what happens when  you are the youngest of two youngest kids, you miss out on the grandparent thing usually. Grandma Vennick was one of the sweetest woman I've ever known and I'm not sure how she ended up with some of the most ornery kids but she did! We'd always celebrate her birthday on or around Oct. 20.

But this date also holds sad and happy memories for me as well. In 1986 I was pregnant for the first time. It was my first pregnancy but I knew things were not going as they should on this date. A trip to the hospital emergency room confirmed my worse fears, my baby had died. I got to see that tiny baby at 14 weeks old. He looked tiny and perfect and that vision is still as clear in my head today as it was 30 years ago when I held him. That baby would have turned 30 this next spring. And yes as a mother the thoughts of what would that person be like, who would they look like or where would they live, what would they be doing, often runs through my mind. It is an awful feeling to loose a child whether it is before they are born or after. It is something you never forget.

But a I said this date also holds happy memories for me because it was 29 years ago today I found out that I was pregnant again. One year after loosing that first baby. What are the chances that I would find this out on this same exact date? I just wanted to get through this day, but finding out I was pregnant was a host of emotions. Ryan, a  healthy baby boy was born the following June and was our rainbow baby:

 A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death or infant loss.In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

Yes this was Ryan when he arrived around the same time my first baby was due. He was a blessing and reminder that life is fragile and not guaranteed. He was our hope.

My heart still misses Grandma Vennick, she was the best. And my heart is sad and misses that first baby, what would they be like? But there is happiness for this date which confirmed that there are rainbows after the storm. They are signs of hope and that things do get better.

Go away already!

I'm not trying to be rude with the title of this blog. But I'm sure everyone can relate to that statement and have thought it a time or two or three or more!!

Go away already! Today I'm thinking this about the annoying cough and gunk that is rolling around in my head right now. Go away!!! The coughing is the worse. I can handle the drainage and nose blowing. But the rest of this crap is for the birds. And I know it is annoying to those around me. I try to stifle the cough but it just hangs there...like a piece of gum on the bottom of your shoe or a pesky fly or mosquito...go. away!

And I'm betting some people around me this week have thought the same thing about me....go away already. There are the germophobes, who I know are wishing I would go away, shut up or just go home. I know, I know! But honestly I don't feel bad enough to go home. I'm pretty sure I am not contagious and I'm trying really hard to keep quiet, keep to myself and not share the germs. The last thing I want to do is give this to anyone...well there might be a person or two I'd like to give this to, but that's another story!

I'm plugging through, drinking lots of water, getting a lot of sleep and taking vitamins. What else should I do other than chicken noodle soup? I'm not sure. And I don't think this deserves a trip to the doctor. I want to build up my immunity so I can fight whatever may be ahead.

But the phrase "go away already" can bring other things to mind. Mainly I think back to when I was a kid, and an older cousin would stop by and visit my family. Honestly I'm sure she is a really nice lady but she made me uncomfortable and was a little bit strange...okay a lot strange. She would stop by and not just stay for a short visit but, for hours. My mom, being the kind person she was, used to sit and listen and talk to this cousin. But as the years went along and us kids got older, my sisters and I would tolerate maybe a half hour of these "visits" before we would just get up and start doing things or make up the excuse that we were leaving and start getting things together to leave. It was not rude but just a gentle and kind way of getting this cousin to move along. Go away already may seem a little harsh and strange but a half hour or an hour of these cousin visits and that phrase was rolling through my head. I hope I've never been "that" person, and if I have been...sorry. But as I go through day 7 of this head stuff I just want it to leave. So I don't feel so badly saying or thinking this as I battle through another day of this.

May you not be having a "Go away already" kind of day, but rather life is good kind of day. And if you are looking for a head, sinus kind of bug I've got one I'm willing to give away, free of charge!!

Overwhelmed and blessed

Well here I go again! Wedding number two in less than three months. To say I have mixed emotions would be an understatement. And things are a little crazy right now to say the least.

Rehearsal, wedding and road trip to and from will fill my 72+ hours starting today. Spending 24 hours on the road for part of that 72 hours is the least appealing part of all of this. Putting on a rehearsal dinner some place where I feel like I'm going in blind...I don't know what I'm doing and I'm hoping no one realizes that. I'm apprehensive a ton. But it is what it is.

I think I have everything I need or will by the time we take off later today. And 12 hours of driving after a full day of work is not a high point of my life, but it's what you do for people you love. And I'm betting everyone who is road tripping will have a deluxe case of jet lag come Monday, but that is okay. I get to watch my oldest son marry the love of his life and that makes all of this worthwhile.

You see among the many things you learn from being a parent is that your kids will always come first regardless of their age or your age. You may communicate with them daily, weekly or monthly but as a parent they are always on your mind, the first in your thoughts and prayers. You love, worry and fret about them from the moment you find out you are pregnant until your last breath. It's the life of a mother. You give, you do, you give up, you do without, you cheer, you feed, you sew, you wash, you buy, you love every day for your kids. And honestly I never understood all of this until I became a parent and with each stage and chapter I journey through I look back at the memories of my mom and understand how she felt. I get it now!

Watching your kids walk for the first time, go off to school, graduate, leave home, start new jobs and lives is a blessing. I'm lucky I get to watch my kids do this. Some parents do not get this opportunity for a variety of sad reasons. I am so blessed.

So this weekend's celebration will be one of fun, memories and laughter I'm sure, just like our first wedding and our third wedding. Each unique but each celebrating the love and blessings we have. I can't wait! I am so incredibly blessed but I am also overwhelmed and I need to let that part go. Things will go fine. And if they don't go as planned we will punt and see where the ball lands. It's life, and how to deal every single day.

So here is to another family celebration that will be overwhelmingly fun and blessed beyond our expectations. We are so very overwhelmingly blessed!

Walking in the dark

I am not a morning person. I never have been and probably never will be. But I do find my life and health is a lot better when I keep a regular schedule seven days a week all year long. Getting myself up and going is a challenge some days. On the weekends I'd rather not shower and instead wear sweats. I will procrastinate showering as long as I can. If I don't have any place to go I won't shower and get dress in non-comfortable clothing unless I have to!

So typically when I get up to walk/run in the mornings it is a trek that is on the city streets of my town where the lighting is the best, or on my treadmill, usually during the winter and snow. We have a high school track which is very nice, but when it is pitch black outside and you are leery of shadows or tripping the availability of lighting other than a cell phone is a luxury. 

Well someone adjusted the walking light timers at our track and all of us who choose to walk in the mornings now have lights. We can now can see where we are walking- it's like the invention of sliced bread, maybe even better! This was walking heaven! A nice walking surface that has lighting and the opportunity to enjoy the scenery, well at least the sun coming up or the moon going down. 

It is the little things in life that make us most happy, be it a smile from someone, a shared piece of chocolate (which I also had today) or a light to see where you are walking! It is all good and very much appreciated. 

The need to write

We all have those "things" that we need to do in order to deal with life. For me it is writing or sweating. The writing is purely mental, unless it is for work. The sweating from exercise is probably the best thing since it makes me sweat and gives me a mental break from things. So exercise has a two-fold benefit. But writing, like this blog, often times helps me hash out or deal with feelings. But there are those times when writing is just that, writing, and I'm not sure why or what is propelling me to write.  

I'm sure there are a million different ways to deal with life, the stress and garbage we all have on a daily basis. I had a friend tell me that her boyfriend has found a bar in Des Moines that is open to anyone for Tuesday night jam sessions. She said her boyfriend plans on making these Tuesday night jam sessions a weekly habit. He is in music education and recently was diagnosed with a life changing health issue so I get why he is doing this. It's his way of dealing and I'm betting he enjoys it and it does him a great deal of mental good. 

I have another friend who cooks and bakes, this is her stress reliever. She is a very good cook and always willing to share samples and her recipes. This is her stress reliever. Her friends and family benefit from this!

As a kid my mom always said she could tell my mood by how loud or what music I played on the piano. I would play loudly and usually it was heavy or dark music, or I would bang out scales and cadences if I was stressed or angry-making my fingers fly up and down the piano keys. Or I would play mellow, easy flowing songs with feeling if I was not stressed. I wish I still did this but I am so rusty on the piano and I can't find the time to sit down and practice. It was interesting to hear this from my mom. 

Everyone has different stress relievers and they range from reading to working on cars to chopping wood to riding dirt bikes and a million other things. I find it interesting to get to know people and hear what they do to relieve stress, whether they realize it or not. Some people shop, some read, some just sit and mindlessly watch tv-sports or scary shows or a favorite feel good movie or television show. Some people eat for relaxation, while others clean. It's what makes us tick and unique.

But the best advice I can find in all of this, as I'm writing....is do what helps you deal with life. Do what helps you de-stress or makes you feel good. Do it for you, do it for your mental health and for your physical health. But mostly do it for the wellbeing and safety of those around you! And as long as your "dealing activity" is not destructive to you or someone else, its all good. 

I'm done with writing for today...back to life!

Don't try this at home

Okay, I grew up  around fireworks so I am comfortable with them. And I have a small stash of leftover fireworks from several years ago. Every year at this time large flocks of crows like to hangout in the trees around my town. So when I came home from work the other day there were a ton of crows in my trees, making a mess-if you know what I mean. Along with their mess, aka bird droppings, the noise from the crows was loud. So I did what I always do to get these pests out of my trees...resort to fireworks.

I found an empty wine bottle. One bottle rocket. And a lighter. I went out to the end of my back sidewalk, set the bottle down and put the bottle rocket in the bottle, then angled it to make sure I would not fire it at the house or start something on fire. I fired up the lighter, yes pun intended, and I lit the fuse. Then I backed away, quickly! The swoosh of the rocket did the trick, the birds took off and were gone. And I thought for a few brief seconds that the rocket was a dud. But nope. It let off the loudest bang I've heard in a long time. And this was long after the birds had left so there was nothing to muffle the bang. It was such a loud bang it scared the monarch butterflies there were in my trees...opps, sorry guys.

I wasn't sure what to do. Did my neighbors think a gun had been fired? Was I going to get in trouble because fireworks are illegal and I did just shoot one off in town, in broad daylight! Honestly it scared the poo out of me because it was so loud!

My quick thinking was to grab the evidence...the bottle and lighter that was still in my hand and hide it in the house. I put things away and wondered what the neighbors were still thinking. It was a pretty quiet day and it sounded like a gun had been fired.

So my solution was I would not get in trouble if I wasn't home...so I took off for a three mile walk! It took me 40 minutes and as I got a couple blocks from home guess what was in the trees overhead as I tried to dodge the "droppings"? Those crows......so much for getting them to go away.

No I didn't get in trouble. And I've not had any of the neighbors ask me if I heard a loud bang, like a gun going off on Monday afternoon. Because honestly I don't know if I could keep from looking guilty or laughing and smiling.

Would I stage the bottle rocket vs crows episode again? You bet. Those dumb things are loud, nosy and make a mess. And as long as I've got the ammo and I don't get in trouble I'm gonna keep using it!

I'll just be wiser next time...one way or another!

Oh and one mishap in this whole episode...before I lit the fuse on the bottle rocket I got hit on the shoulder, hard, by a falling walnut. Maybe it was a sign from God and I should have stopped before I lit that fuse. But noooo, I went ahead and did it anyway! Yes, I'm a stubborn redhead. But my shoulder hurt for a couple of days!!

May your day be crow free and may no one shoot off a bottle rocket in your neighborhood and scare the poo out of you. Oh, and don't try this at home!!!

Time to cool off

I just put together, headed, master minded Heroes Night at our Friday night football game. And you know what....it will be the first, last and only one.
I'm not saying that with anger but I'm to the point where some things and people ruin it for everyone. And is it not worth the work I put in when people bitch, moan and complain...

I wanted to recognize and honor these people who give so much. That is all. Plain and simple. From our military to our local heroes, I wanted recognize these people.

But after dealing with shit heads, yes I just typed that, I'm done. I'm tired of the people who don't see the forrest for the trees or who only see the negative, the glass half empty, the sky mostly cloudy instead of the GOOD intentions that people have. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes and see how you see the world.

In a world where the nightly news is filled with death, destruction, corruption, rape, murder, disrespect for human life people need to step back and see things for what they are, the good in the world, which is few and far between as opposed to to the negative, lets complain and bitch and cause drama kind of garbage. What is wrong with people?

I would NEVER in a million years disrespect the American flag or this country. Because in my opinion despite all the garbage going on we are all pretty damn lucky to be living where we are. I used to fold the flag that flew on our flag pole on the farm where I was raised the military way...I taught myself. I have the utmost respect.

So when I hear of people complaining and bitching about the date this event, or how the flag was displayed for the national anthem or people who are upset about a version of the US flag pained on a high school football field I just want to say to them "are you flipping kidding me?". Can you NOT find something more constructive and beneficial to do with your time than to bitch and complain. We have children in our own town who are in need of food or clothes or the simple things that most of us take for granted every day. We have elderly who are lonely and have such a limited income that they have to choose between food or their medication. And for ONE flipping minute these "people" get their panties in a wad over this kind of stuff? How about we get upset with how our veterans are treated. The lack of health care or benefits. The fact that some smuck wearing a football helmet makes more money on any given Sunday and is touted as a hero while the real heroes are those who wear helmets and serve and protect our country. If anyone would think that for one minute myself or any of the paint crew who created that beautiful flag on our football field meant ANY disrespect then they need to open their eyes and see the world how it really is...wake up.

So despite the BS I've heard or been talked at about this...I'm sorry I would never offend anyone in regard to the United States flag, your religious beliefs or who your friends are, but not everyone thinks beyond what has them upset. I had several people thank me for putting together the evening, the recognition. I was given hugs and I saw tears of gratitude. I saw smiles and thumbs up. It made people feel good. For our little corner of this sheltered world is a pretty peaceful and for the most part safe place. And I thank God for that every. single. day. It was a great place to raise kids.

So to the haters, complainers, those bitching, well I can't put what I want here because it would put me at their level but all I can say is I respect how you feel but maybe you need to look at things in the manner they are meant. We all are part of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.