Since this is the week of Mother's day I thought I'd hit on the ups and downs, in's and out's of motherhood and being a mom. After all I've been a mom for almost 26 years, so I do think maybe I might have some experience and some insight!
Mother's day to me is an opportunity to appreciate what you have, the good and bad! I had a fantastic mom and lots of great memories. And to be truthful I appreciate mother's day even more since mom is gone, more than I ever did before. The saying, "you don't know what you have until it's gone" rings very true. That's not to say I didn't appreciate my mom before she was gone. I just find myself appreciating even more all she did, taught me and all she means to me.
I lacked experience, BIG time when it came to motherhood. I had three nieces just 7, 10 and 12 years younger than me, more like little sisters than nieces. So we hung out. I learned about caring for them and all the essential things but we had fun mostly. Yes I'm the fun aunt when it came to these three, especially the oldest! I'd like to think I still am!! I hope they have good memories of me and the laughter we shared.
So when I brought that first baby home 26 years ago and was left alone less than three hours out of the hospital I did panic a bit! Ryan was not a difficult baby (none of my kids were-thank goodness), I just didn't know all all the ropes. Did I make mistakes, you bet! I still do. But I also learned and made sure I did things differently than my parents did-and I think my parents did a pretty good job with me but there is always room for changes and improvements! I spent as much time as I could with my kids. We did craft times, we read. I made their clothes, we watched movies. We worked together. I tried to teach them manners and how to be resourceful and creative and appreciate what they do and don't have. I didn't have the privilege of having any grandparents so I wanted to make sure my kids appreciate and enjoyed and made memories with their grandparents while they had them. And I did things the same for Ashlyn and Ranen too, but there are times you customize what you do because each child is different in a variety of ways. Just because they are siblings does not mean they are cookie cutter kids and the three of them the same-no way. Each one has their talents and their weaknesses. You learn how to deal with situations with each one differently. It's what makes us each unique. I tired not to judge or compare my kids to each other. I was often compared to my oldest sister, who is a nun but NO one can live up to that. I didn't try nor did I care to try to be like her, it wasn't me. I love my sister dearly but I could never be like her-I have nothing but respect for her. She is the most like my mom-even sounds like her. We are all unique!
I try not to interfere in my kids lives now that they are adults. There are many times I want to pick up the phone and call them just to hear the sound of their voices and hear about how their day is or what is going on in their lives. But I often stop myself because I don't want to interfere or be a nosy mom and I know they are very very busy. I just want to hear their voices! Thank goodness for texting though! It's the next best thing. :)
With my kids I've dealt with colic, skinned knees, glasses and contacts, clothes they outgrew after wearing once, nasty friends and their mothers, first day of school jitters, jobs, money, career or life decisions and a whole host of other things. It is all part of life. But I am so thankful for these three, normal, healthy people that I brought into this world and had the opportunity to raise. They are God's gift to me and I was lucky enough to be chosen to be their mom.
Yes motherhood has it's ups and downs but I mostly remember the ups! The good times, the laughter and the fun. We've gotten each other through a lot. I depend on my kids as much as they depend on me. You see I've grown as much as they have and I will continue to learn, grow and change just as they are. We've grown up together. And you are never too old to learn. So whatever the future holds for all of us I am thankful for the times, opportunity and the gift each one has been in my life. I know they are gifts from God. Thank you!
No one ever said motherhood was easy but it's been the most rewarding and biggest blessing I've had in my life. Appreciate anyone who's been like a mom to you-it takes a village. I certainly didn't do it alone!
Positive thought of the day: Spring, despite it taking a long time to get here, brings to me a feeling of renewed and refreshed. Be it washing winter coats and putting them away until later this year or the new growth of flowers or the windows I've washed. Things look so much brighter! (even better when I have my contacts in or glasses on!)
Monday, May 5, 2014
Thursday, May 1, 2014
NO Filters!
Are there no filters left???? And I'm not talking about coffee filters or furnace filters, I mean people's lives, their mouths and their brains!
I am constantly surprised, maybe a bit shocked, by what people share. I grew up in a very quiet, private family. We didn't feel the need to broadcast everything. If we bought a new car we didn't share every detail of the shopping or purchasing process, we just showed up with a new vehicle-it's just a car, it's not that big of a deal. But that is certainly not the case now!
Holy cow people! With social media and the opportunity to broadcast (yes, that's the best way I can use to describe it) every and anything you want at the spur of the moment is a free for all. It seems like all filters are gone and whatever pops into people's heads comes shooting out of their thumbs or fingers and on to Facebook or Twitter. Technology is wonderful, but it seems all filters have disappeared with it.
And it's not so much the info is private, shocking or should be kept personal, its the fact that having this garbage take up our time is an utter waste of valuable time. Life if too short. And I don't want to know!!!
It's not just on social media though where the filters are gone...people talk, share and find the need to let other people know personal aspects of their lives if given the opportunity, at every opportunity. I don't care what you ate for breakfast or what you are wearing to workout in after work! Is it because of social media or because people have nothing else to do, or think people care, or need to hear or is it because we've become a society of materialist people. a ME society? I guess it could be all of the above.
I keep going back to a quote I heard Betty White, the actress, say when asked of she used facebook-"It seems like a terrible waste of time," was her comment. This from an 80+ age person who is still working and making people laugh and living life to the fullest. True! And yes I do waste time on social media-I admit it. I love to read and not so much about peoples lives but I follow pages from sources that relate or interest me.
I'm sure to some people I may seem cold or uncaring but life is too short. I've adopted the four question rule that I roll through my mind when I'm about to say something or when I'm feeling or bother by something-Will it matter in an hour? Will it matter in a day? Will it matter in a month? Or will it matter in a year? If I answer NO to any of these I let it go and move on.
I know there is no way I can control what people say or think or post but I can continue to walk away and live life rather than listen, read or act that what is being said is important. If you had one week to live would you stand around and listen to someone else talk about how much they've exercised or what they ate for supper last night or something else mindlessly personal? If you come to talk to me about the cure for cancer you discovered in your basement, then I'll listen!! Or if you just need someone to listen, I'll listen!
Life is too short to waste on other people's unfiltered lives! TMI (too much information)!
Positive of the day: We had a peek of sunshine for the first time in a few days! Yay!!! : )
I am constantly surprised, maybe a bit shocked, by what people share. I grew up in a very quiet, private family. We didn't feel the need to broadcast everything. If we bought a new car we didn't share every detail of the shopping or purchasing process, we just showed up with a new vehicle-it's just a car, it's not that big of a deal. But that is certainly not the case now!
Holy cow people! With social media and the opportunity to broadcast (yes, that's the best way I can use to describe it) every and anything you want at the spur of the moment is a free for all. It seems like all filters are gone and whatever pops into people's heads comes shooting out of their thumbs or fingers and on to Facebook or Twitter. Technology is wonderful, but it seems all filters have disappeared with it.
And it's not so much the info is private, shocking or should be kept personal, its the fact that having this garbage take up our time is an utter waste of valuable time. Life if too short. And I don't want to know!!!
It's not just on social media though where the filters are gone...people talk, share and find the need to let other people know personal aspects of their lives if given the opportunity, at every opportunity. I don't care what you ate for breakfast or what you are wearing to workout in after work! Is it because of social media or because people have nothing else to do, or think people care, or need to hear or is it because we've become a society of materialist people. a ME society? I guess it could be all of the above.
I keep going back to a quote I heard Betty White, the actress, say when asked of she used facebook-"It seems like a terrible waste of time," was her comment. This from an 80+ age person who is still working and making people laugh and living life to the fullest. True! And yes I do waste time on social media-I admit it. I love to read and not so much about peoples lives but I follow pages from sources that relate or interest me.
I'm sure to some people I may seem cold or uncaring but life is too short. I've adopted the four question rule that I roll through my mind when I'm about to say something or when I'm feeling or bother by something-Will it matter in an hour? Will it matter in a day? Will it matter in a month? Or will it matter in a year? If I answer NO to any of these I let it go and move on.
I know there is no way I can control what people say or think or post but I can continue to walk away and live life rather than listen, read or act that what is being said is important. If you had one week to live would you stand around and listen to someone else talk about how much they've exercised or what they ate for supper last night or something else mindlessly personal? If you come to talk to me about the cure for cancer you discovered in your basement, then I'll listen!! Or if you just need someone to listen, I'll listen!
Life is too short to waste on other people's unfiltered lives! TMI (too much information)!
Positive of the day: We had a peek of sunshine for the first time in a few days! Yay!!! : )
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Where has the time gone?
Tomorrow marks the 14th anniversary since my dad passed away and I still miss him as much now as I did 14 years ago.
It was a beautiful spring but for me it was a blur with the poor health and decline of dad. The phone call from my sister. The end was coming for my dad. We had been through a lot since February. And as we went through all of this the world continued but my life shifted into a surreal mode. Like I was watching my life from the outside looking in.
The week before dad passed we were getting minimal responses from him and I knew things were not going well. I was to be the one to take dad out of the nursing home for the last time. For a ride around town and out to the farm to familiar sights the nurses told us. He was some what lucid but what he really saw I'm not sure. The following morning I took the early shift at the nursing home. To keep dad calm and let him know we were there so he would not be so agitated. We seldom left him alone the month he was in the home or even before that, first in the hospital then to the skilled care unit at our local hospital and finally the nursing home. That early morning I decided dad and I needed a change of scenery and I pushed him in the wheel chair up and down the hallways of the nursing home. I chatted about whatever popped into my head as we cruised the hallways before 6 a.m. and at the end of one of the hallways was a sun room. I decided to stop, sit and just enjoy the sunrise, quiet and time with dad. As we sat there I wasn't even sure if dad knew who I was or if he knew that I was even there. But sitting directly across from him I broke the silence, while holding his hands and looking him in the eyes told him I loved him. Without missing a beat dad opened his eyes and looked directly back at me-eye-to-eye and told me in a loud, clear voice "I love you too Lynn". That was to be the last time dad would talk to me. I can't begin to count the number of times I've relived that moment. My heart was so filled with love and happy, but ached as I knew what was ahead. But how blessed I am to have had that moment with dad!
The following weekend when I got the phone call I went through a whole array of emotions. Denial, panic, anger, desperation. I didn't want to go home because I thought if I didn't go, dad wouldn't die. Panic for the fear that I was loosing my dad. Anger to be loosing my dad so young and my kids their grandpa-he needed to be around for football games, birthday parties and graduations-their lives. And desperation that this was the end-why? We'd had the flu at our house. The boys needed dress clothes as they were outgrowing everything- I had a whole list of things to do. Life was very busy with three young kids.
But early Sunday afternoon after my youngest son vomited once again I knew I had to leave and get home, NOW. That trip was a blur. A brief stop at a Sam's Club to use the restroom and walk for a bit and I found myself in the book department briefly and picking up a grieving book. I opened it, read a poem, closed the book, walked out of the store and back on the road. I had to get home. I spent the evening with my dad, mom and oldest sister. I was handed a booklet from hospice about they dying process which I stayed up to read. It was like I had written the booklet. It was exactly what my dad was going through and my family witnessing.
The phone call came an hour and a half after I had fallen asleep. Back to the nursing home. And this is where we stayed until 2:10 Monday, May 1, 2000. I was with dad as he took his final breath. I helped my mom tell him it was okay, he could to go, that morning. And I also told him my sister Carol was on her way but if he wanted to go she understood and she loved him very much. Ten minutes later dad left this earth with most of his family around him. The wave of grief and sorrow can not be put into words. I'd been there witnessing the birth of my three children-a wonderful experience and now I was there to help my dad make his final journey on this earth. I remember walking out of the nursing home later to a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining and birds singing. And I was shocked that everything had not came to a screaming halt. The tears, sorry and sadness was overwhelming.
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason...always have been. And it was while sitting at my dad's funeral three days later when the priest and a family friend started his eulogy and he started it with a poem....the same poem I'd read on my trip home when I stopped briefly and the only book I'd picked up, the only page I'd opened the book up to...the same exact poem.
The Dash.
It was a beautiful spring but for me it was a blur with the poor health and decline of dad. The phone call from my sister. The end was coming for my dad. We had been through a lot since February. And as we went through all of this the world continued but my life shifted into a surreal mode. Like I was watching my life from the outside looking in.
The week before dad passed we were getting minimal responses from him and I knew things were not going well. I was to be the one to take dad out of the nursing home for the last time. For a ride around town and out to the farm to familiar sights the nurses told us. He was some what lucid but what he really saw I'm not sure. The following morning I took the early shift at the nursing home. To keep dad calm and let him know we were there so he would not be so agitated. We seldom left him alone the month he was in the home or even before that, first in the hospital then to the skilled care unit at our local hospital and finally the nursing home. That early morning I decided dad and I needed a change of scenery and I pushed him in the wheel chair up and down the hallways of the nursing home. I chatted about whatever popped into my head as we cruised the hallways before 6 a.m. and at the end of one of the hallways was a sun room. I decided to stop, sit and just enjoy the sunrise, quiet and time with dad. As we sat there I wasn't even sure if dad knew who I was or if he knew that I was even there. But sitting directly across from him I broke the silence, while holding his hands and looking him in the eyes told him I loved him. Without missing a beat dad opened his eyes and looked directly back at me-eye-to-eye and told me in a loud, clear voice "I love you too Lynn". That was to be the last time dad would talk to me. I can't begin to count the number of times I've relived that moment. My heart was so filled with love and happy, but ached as I knew what was ahead. But how blessed I am to have had that moment with dad!
The following weekend when I got the phone call I went through a whole array of emotions. Denial, panic, anger, desperation. I didn't want to go home because I thought if I didn't go, dad wouldn't die. Panic for the fear that I was loosing my dad. Anger to be loosing my dad so young and my kids their grandpa-he needed to be around for football games, birthday parties and graduations-their lives. And desperation that this was the end-why? We'd had the flu at our house. The boys needed dress clothes as they were outgrowing everything- I had a whole list of things to do. Life was very busy with three young kids.
But early Sunday afternoon after my youngest son vomited once again I knew I had to leave and get home, NOW. That trip was a blur. A brief stop at a Sam's Club to use the restroom and walk for a bit and I found myself in the book department briefly and picking up a grieving book. I opened it, read a poem, closed the book, walked out of the store and back on the road. I had to get home. I spent the evening with my dad, mom and oldest sister. I was handed a booklet from hospice about they dying process which I stayed up to read. It was like I had written the booklet. It was exactly what my dad was going through and my family witnessing.
The phone call came an hour and a half after I had fallen asleep. Back to the nursing home. And this is where we stayed until 2:10 Monday, May 1, 2000. I was with dad as he took his final breath. I helped my mom tell him it was okay, he could to go, that morning. And I also told him my sister Carol was on her way but if he wanted to go she understood and she loved him very much. Ten minutes later dad left this earth with most of his family around him. The wave of grief and sorrow can not be put into words. I'd been there witnessing the birth of my three children-a wonderful experience and now I was there to help my dad make his final journey on this earth. I remember walking out of the nursing home later to a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining and birds singing. And I was shocked that everything had not came to a screaming halt. The tears, sorry and sadness was overwhelming.
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason...always have been. And it was while sitting at my dad's funeral three days later when the priest and a family friend started his eulogy and he started it with a poem....the same poem I'd read on my trip home when I stopped briefly and the only book I'd picked up, the only page I'd opened the book up to...the same exact poem.
The Dash.
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time that they spent alive on earth. And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the cash. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real and always try to understand the way other people feel. And be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile, remembering that this special dash might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy is being read, with your life’s actions to rehash… would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent YOUR dash?
How true those words were for my dad. Dad's dash was one to be proud of.
There were rough times with my dad and his health but my memories are happy ones. My dad and I had
a special bond. There hasn't been a day over the past 14 years I haven't thought of him or something has
reminded me him. I see traits of my dad in all three of my kids. How proud he'd be of each of them!
I've always been told a am a mixture of both my parents and I have always enjoyed this comparison-
I'd like to think I got the best of both!
So as tomorrow rolls around I like to think dad is looking down with pride and love at his whole family.
I miss his sense of humor, laugh and deep blue eyes. Love you dad.
Friday, April 25, 2014
Where to begin!?
I should probably do a disclaimer to start this blog as this is not a reflection of our educational school system or every educator. But things are a bit stretched and people are over-worked, stressed and even more (as always) underpaid in today's public school systems all across this country. With the causes being budget cuts, mandates such as no child left behind, and all the other "programs and political BS that has filtered into our public school systems.
Good intentions-we all have them, we do things for the most part to help one another. Some days we succeed, some days we fall short. Lack of communication can cause a good intention to go bad quickly some times.
The teachers in any school systems seem to be under a great deal of stress now that there is even more demands for student performance and no more pay or help or resources out there to help them help students to reach goals. Resource and special education students are mainstreamed when possible but pulled out when help is needed. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but watching these students struggle in class to grasp a concept or learn a method and then ace a test that they were pulled out and proctored in, just blows my mind. What a dis-service we are doing to these kids when we don't teach them but "help" them instead.
I went to a private Catholic school and most of the teachers were lifetimers (now that I know what they got paid they had to have stayed only for the love of education and the students-otherwise I have no idea why-the pay stinks even more than at a public school). I was third youngest in my class so I struggled a bit at times. Math was not a favorite. My fourth grade teacher was fresh out of college, so maybe the ripe old age of 22? She was put in a classroom of 34 students to start the year. This was before the days were there special education classrooms and there were limited resource classes in which students who needed extra help were pulled out. By mid-school year our class size had jumped up to 36 students and things were interesting in that classroom each day-and not in a good way. Add to it some discipline issues and it was a train wreak most days. So by mid-year, when our numbers had jumped up to 36 students on one classroom, with a first year teacher, the students who struggled and the students who excelled were getting help they needed-either to understand and learn, or to keep moving on and ahead. Those of us in "the middle" were left to fend for ourselves for the most part. I was a "middle" student. And not to lay blame, but my math education that year went down the tubes because I didn't fit in the "struggling" or the "excelling" groups. It was a key year for fractions, multiplication and a whole host of other math skills I did not learn well. And my dislike for math grew as well because of this. So from that year on my math skills have been poor, and to this day lack. I still dislike math in gereral. I remember that poor teacher sitting there crying in frustration because of a variety of reasons-the kids who were just plain naughty and the demands and lack of help-I'm sure all big factors for this poor woman. It was her only year of teaching to my knowledge. Yes, I still feel guilty about that, even thought I was a quiet, well behaved child (I really was!). In the correct setting she may have went on to become a fantastic teacher. But neither she nor anyone in that class who were "average" had a snowball's chance in hell. Only because I loved to read did I continue to excel in English-I'd sit and read while all around me was going to hell in a hand basket! I was a nerd, who got lost in the "middle" when it comes to my math skills! Who's to blame-not sure where to go with that.
I've had some interesting experiences in my past 14 years of working in a public school system....there has been the bad
-the teacher who chewed me out and told me to stop helping a handicapped student up FOUR steps while she tried to manage snow pants, snow boots, a lunch bag, a winter coat and a backpack-she was taking one step at a time, while I stood and held a few of her items. I'd helped her three times....broke my heart to say no so I just cheered her on from there out. (I'm sure she still thinks I'm a mean person when I would not help her!) I know they were just trying to make her independent-okay I get that. But still...
Or the time I had a first grade teacher tell me her students were suppose to only get "fun" books not reading books from the library (I was helping them pick out "just right books" with the five-finger rule) "they read enough in the classroom, they only need "fun" books from the library" is what I was told. Heaven forbid we encourage students to get books they want and can read from the library in first grade! (this made me second guess my choice for a first grade teacher AFTER my son had had her!) Or to yesterday when I had two students ask me to proof a paper for a writing class. I did a minimal job as I was the third person to proof the paper for one student and there was little to fix. And the second paper was so bad I told the young man to READ his paper again and correct simple mistakes and to find someone else to proof it as the period was ending, it was a bit of a mess and I didn't have time. Then my big mistake....mentioning to the teacher, who's class these papers were for, that I had looked over two papers. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! There was swearing-on her part (the students were only to have other students from the class proof these papers NO ONE ELSE outside the class). Apologizing-on my part. And yet another lesson learned for me-I should have asked/checked/known better. But me and my stupid, "I'll help" mentality got in the way. STOP thinking with your heart Lynn!!
But now for the GOOD-the kids over the years who have loved a book I've recommended and came back to read more! The teachers who help me help students to become excited about reading-working together for the good of kids is always such a good feeling! The projects that I've helped kids with when it came to issues with technology. The students who have thanked me, and smiled because of something I did to help them from helping them with an assignment to printing something for a class. The high school English teacher who encouraged me and my writing and went on to make me the newspaper editor-I am forever grateful to. Thus the reason why I'm writing this blog. She made me realize my writing was an outlet and something I NEED for me!
Our school systems are far from perfect-as is any business. And it seems like the norm is we can't see the forest for the trees because of all the politics, lack of funding, shortage of personal, the workload and the list goes on and on. But for every bad experience there are 100-good and positive experiences that our students are having in their educational careers.
We always told our kids that when the coach stops yelling at you it means he/she has given up on you-you don't want that to happen. Some kids can't handle the "yelling" or their parents come running to Bobby's rescue because we've created a society where everyone gets a trophy-everyone is a winner-both winners and losers. Not a good outlook for our future with this mentality. For some kids the yelling pushes them to work harder and reach a goal, often a goal a teacher believes they can achieve long before the kid does-these are the kids who will go on to be successful in whatever they do with their lives including being parents or teachers. We are all teachers in some form or another.
So to anyone out there who feels like they can't do anything right, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't-just remember that every time you are knocked down you need to get right back up....sooner or later life will get tired of knocking you down!
Positive of the day: It's Friday!!!! And we have a three day weekend. That's all I've got today, and it's enough!
Good intentions-we all have them, we do things for the most part to help one another. Some days we succeed, some days we fall short. Lack of communication can cause a good intention to go bad quickly some times.
The teachers in any school systems seem to be under a great deal of stress now that there is even more demands for student performance and no more pay or help or resources out there to help them help students to reach goals. Resource and special education students are mainstreamed when possible but pulled out when help is needed. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but watching these students struggle in class to grasp a concept or learn a method and then ace a test that they were pulled out and proctored in, just blows my mind. What a dis-service we are doing to these kids when we don't teach them but "help" them instead.
I went to a private Catholic school and most of the teachers were lifetimers (now that I know what they got paid they had to have stayed only for the love of education and the students-otherwise I have no idea why-the pay stinks even more than at a public school). I was third youngest in my class so I struggled a bit at times. Math was not a favorite. My fourth grade teacher was fresh out of college, so maybe the ripe old age of 22? She was put in a classroom of 34 students to start the year. This was before the days were there special education classrooms and there were limited resource classes in which students who needed extra help were pulled out. By mid-school year our class size had jumped up to 36 students and things were interesting in that classroom each day-and not in a good way. Add to it some discipline issues and it was a train wreak most days. So by mid-year, when our numbers had jumped up to 36 students on one classroom, with a first year teacher, the students who struggled and the students who excelled were getting help they needed-either to understand and learn, or to keep moving on and ahead. Those of us in "the middle" were left to fend for ourselves for the most part. I was a "middle" student. And not to lay blame, but my math education that year went down the tubes because I didn't fit in the "struggling" or the "excelling" groups. It was a key year for fractions, multiplication and a whole host of other math skills I did not learn well. And my dislike for math grew as well because of this. So from that year on my math skills have been poor, and to this day lack. I still dislike math in gereral. I remember that poor teacher sitting there crying in frustration because of a variety of reasons-the kids who were just plain naughty and the demands and lack of help-I'm sure all big factors for this poor woman. It was her only year of teaching to my knowledge. Yes, I still feel guilty about that, even thought I was a quiet, well behaved child (I really was!). In the correct setting she may have went on to become a fantastic teacher. But neither she nor anyone in that class who were "average" had a snowball's chance in hell. Only because I loved to read did I continue to excel in English-I'd sit and read while all around me was going to hell in a hand basket! I was a nerd, who got lost in the "middle" when it comes to my math skills! Who's to blame-not sure where to go with that.
I've had some interesting experiences in my past 14 years of working in a public school system....there has been the bad
-the teacher who chewed me out and told me to stop helping a handicapped student up FOUR steps while she tried to manage snow pants, snow boots, a lunch bag, a winter coat and a backpack-she was taking one step at a time, while I stood and held a few of her items. I'd helped her three times....broke my heart to say no so I just cheered her on from there out. (I'm sure she still thinks I'm a mean person when I would not help her!) I know they were just trying to make her independent-okay I get that. But still...
Or the time I had a first grade teacher tell me her students were suppose to only get "fun" books not reading books from the library (I was helping them pick out "just right books" with the five-finger rule) "they read enough in the classroom, they only need "fun" books from the library" is what I was told. Heaven forbid we encourage students to get books they want and can read from the library in first grade! (this made me second guess my choice for a first grade teacher AFTER my son had had her!) Or to yesterday when I had two students ask me to proof a paper for a writing class. I did a minimal job as I was the third person to proof the paper for one student and there was little to fix. And the second paper was so bad I told the young man to READ his paper again and correct simple mistakes and to find someone else to proof it as the period was ending, it was a bit of a mess and I didn't have time. Then my big mistake....mentioning to the teacher, who's class these papers were for, that I had looked over two papers. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! There was swearing-on her part (the students were only to have other students from the class proof these papers NO ONE ELSE outside the class). Apologizing-on my part. And yet another lesson learned for me-I should have asked/checked/known better. But me and my stupid, "I'll help" mentality got in the way. STOP thinking with your heart Lynn!!
But now for the GOOD-the kids over the years who have loved a book I've recommended and came back to read more! The teachers who help me help students to become excited about reading-working together for the good of kids is always such a good feeling! The projects that I've helped kids with when it came to issues with technology. The students who have thanked me, and smiled because of something I did to help them from helping them with an assignment to printing something for a class. The high school English teacher who encouraged me and my writing and went on to make me the newspaper editor-I am forever grateful to. Thus the reason why I'm writing this blog. She made me realize my writing was an outlet and something I NEED for me!
Our school systems are far from perfect-as is any business. And it seems like the norm is we can't see the forest for the trees because of all the politics, lack of funding, shortage of personal, the workload and the list goes on and on. But for every bad experience there are 100-good and positive experiences that our students are having in their educational careers.
We always told our kids that when the coach stops yelling at you it means he/she has given up on you-you don't want that to happen. Some kids can't handle the "yelling" or their parents come running to Bobby's rescue because we've created a society where everyone gets a trophy-everyone is a winner-both winners and losers. Not a good outlook for our future with this mentality. For some kids the yelling pushes them to work harder and reach a goal, often a goal a teacher believes they can achieve long before the kid does-these are the kids who will go on to be successful in whatever they do with their lives including being parents or teachers. We are all teachers in some form or another.
So to anyone out there who feels like they can't do anything right, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't-just remember that every time you are knocked down you need to get right back up....sooner or later life will get tired of knocking you down!
Positive of the day: It's Friday!!!! And we have a three day weekend. That's all I've got today, and it's enough!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
It feels like a Monday but really it's Tuesday!
Having a four-day weekend then coming back to a four-day work week followed by another four-day weekend and then another four-day week is a bit confusing. Yesterday felt like Sunday, Sunday felt like Sunday, Saturday felt like Sunday and Friday felt like Saturday and Thursday felt like a Friday! Confused?! So am I!
So today feels like a Monday and I've had to remind myself and others around me often today that it really is Tuesday-YAY!! And tomorrow is Wednesday-hump day!!!! Woo hoo the week will be over half over by the end of tomorrow! YES!!!
Which brings me to my whole thought process today with tomorrow being hump day and all...I ran across the coolest saying-"Be a hill seeker! Most of us avoid hills, but what's so good about flat? Think about it: flat tires, flat hair, flat returns and-the ultimate-flatlining. Life happens on the hills. They're opportunities to prove to yourself that you're stronger than you ever imagined. If you never attempt the ascent, you'll never know the thrill of swooshing down the other side." When I read this earlier today I found myself thinking about where I live in the physical aspect-I live on a big hill-and how I have the swoosh down the side as I start out rather than the ascent. Things are a bit backward here! It's always uphill going home for me, whether I'm on my bike or I'm walking or driving-going home is all uphill. Then I started to think about my life and if I approach each day or week as an uphill climb and am I so busy wishing and hoping that I'm all about the swoosh downhill what am I missing? And because none of us knows when our downhill swoosh will literally begin is it always uphill or do we plateau and then the swoosh and life is over? Regardless I think life and each day, some times several times a day, is a series of uphill ascents and then the swoosh or decent. Looking at a week it seems Monday and Tuesday are the ascent. Wednesday is the plateau. And Thursday and Friday are the swooshing decent! And well my day is still ascending. I'll plateau here after school and start the decent after I'm done with my after school stuff, dinner, clean up, getting ready for another day and sit down finally to relax. So as this wacky week gets rolling and we are already heading towards hump day I'd like to slow down, just a bit, and make the most of the ascent and be as excited about it as we are about the swoosh! But in all honesty I really could get used to the four-day weeks and four-day weekends! I know, I know-it's a scheduling thing! I'm going looking for a hill or two before today is over! And then savor the swoosh!
Positive thought of the day: So far so good! The week has started out pretty good for the most part. The weather is finally spring like and I think all the snow if finally gone! Amen! I was afraid we'd have a day or two of spring then go directly to summer but things look fairly normal! Here's to great ascents and descents!
So today feels like a Monday and I've had to remind myself and others around me often today that it really is Tuesday-YAY!! And tomorrow is Wednesday-hump day!!!! Woo hoo the week will be over half over by the end of tomorrow! YES!!!
Which brings me to my whole thought process today with tomorrow being hump day and all...I ran across the coolest saying-"Be a hill seeker! Most of us avoid hills, but what's so good about flat? Think about it: flat tires, flat hair, flat returns and-the ultimate-flatlining. Life happens on the hills. They're opportunities to prove to yourself that you're stronger than you ever imagined. If you never attempt the ascent, you'll never know the thrill of swooshing down the other side." When I read this earlier today I found myself thinking about where I live in the physical aspect-I live on a big hill-and how I have the swoosh down the side as I start out rather than the ascent. Things are a bit backward here! It's always uphill going home for me, whether I'm on my bike or I'm walking or driving-going home is all uphill. Then I started to think about my life and if I approach each day or week as an uphill climb and am I so busy wishing and hoping that I'm all about the swoosh downhill what am I missing? And because none of us knows when our downhill swoosh will literally begin is it always uphill or do we plateau and then the swoosh and life is over? Regardless I think life and each day, some times several times a day, is a series of uphill ascents and then the swoosh or decent. Looking at a week it seems Monday and Tuesday are the ascent. Wednesday is the plateau. And Thursday and Friday are the swooshing decent! And well my day is still ascending. I'll plateau here after school and start the decent after I'm done with my after school stuff, dinner, clean up, getting ready for another day and sit down finally to relax. So as this wacky week gets rolling and we are already heading towards hump day I'd like to slow down, just a bit, and make the most of the ascent and be as excited about it as we are about the swoosh! But in all honesty I really could get used to the four-day weeks and four-day weekends! I know, I know-it's a scheduling thing! I'm going looking for a hill or two before today is over! And then savor the swoosh!
Positive thought of the day: So far so good! The week has started out pretty good for the most part. The weather is finally spring like and I think all the snow if finally gone! Amen! I was afraid we'd have a day or two of spring then go directly to summer but things look fairly normal! Here's to great ascents and descents!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Great memories and a little piece of my heart
What a great weekend I had!! I spent 100% of it with people I love and enjoy! And I remembered and corralled everyone for some informal family pictures and took tons of candid pictures too. Seeing my kids is such a great joy for me. I remember what my mom always said about what a joy it is to see your kids- you really don't understand that until you have kids-no matter what age they are. And despite the fact that my kids are all adults they continue to change and grow every time I see them. Each one is achieving and working on making their life-long dreams come true with their schooling and careers. I see the ever changing wisdom and knowledge every time I see any of them.
Ranen has a look of contentment and determination in his eyes now that he is at a different university and working on something I think he is passionate about and whats to do with his life and career. He is quiet but has a fun personality. Always a quiet character but very talented in so many ways!
Ashlyn is goal driven and is constantly learning about human nature and how to read and help people. Body language is something she is keenly aware of now. She is fun loving and loves life and her family. She is the family glue and wants everyone to be happy-the typical middle child and only girl behavior! She, like most women, is hardest on herself-if she only saw herself the way I and others see her-a very successful, smart and beautiful young woman.
Ryan, whom I had not seen in three long months, has grown into the career world and making his mark. Ryan is always the competitor and the responsible child. He was thinner but seemed happier and more sure and confident of himself. Ryan is the explorer and loves adventures and trying now things. Ryan loves adventures! Just like when they were little they continue to grow and change, despite their not knowing this.
Captured on my camera phone but also in my memory and heart are memories and pictures of my beautiful daughter on a swing with the beautiful sunset in the back ground. There are also the images of Ryan and Ranen standing on a picnic table trying to fix a basketball net-working together and then fiercely competing in a pick-up game of one-on-one. Coloring Easter eggs, eating a family meal, mini-golf captures everyone enjoying the opportunity.
As I settled down on the coach to sleep last night with my family all under one roof I had such a feeling of happiness and contentment. I knew it was effort for all three to be there for the weekend. And I so appreciate that. That and the fact that they still don't mind hanging out with their family and parents on occasions is a blessing! But I also know as each one moves on in the world with their careers and personal lives the family times will be less often and shared with others. So as I laid there last night listening and thinking I thanked God for the opportunity of being a parent, for the fantastic children I have been blessed with and the love we all share. If I'd died in my sleep I would have died a very happy person knowing that all three of these people I brought into the world are good people in so many ways and they know how to work, go after and make their dreams come true.
So as we left today I savored the moments with each child and the memories we made in a short time and the pictures both physically the ones we can see and share and those in our memories. And as we went our ways going south, then east and west parting in opposite directions once again, as always, I left a piece of my heart with each of them-see since they are always in my heart and are the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside and they grew under my heart, there is a special bond-whether they realize it or not.
I'm soooo thankful for the great weekend, safe travels, opportunities to make memories, great food, hang out and the pictures we have to remember and the pieces of my heart that goes with each of them each day.
One small positive: I love how each of my kids are unique and talented in a variety of different things and ways. They all have the same parents and brought up the same way but they have went out and became their own persons making the most of their talents! I love them to the moon and back!
Ranen has a look of contentment and determination in his eyes now that he is at a different university and working on something I think he is passionate about and whats to do with his life and career. He is quiet but has a fun personality. Always a quiet character but very talented in so many ways!
Ashlyn is goal driven and is constantly learning about human nature and how to read and help people. Body language is something she is keenly aware of now. She is fun loving and loves life and her family. She is the family glue and wants everyone to be happy-the typical middle child and only girl behavior! She, like most women, is hardest on herself-if she only saw herself the way I and others see her-a very successful, smart and beautiful young woman.
Ryan, whom I had not seen in three long months, has grown into the career world and making his mark. Ryan is always the competitor and the responsible child. He was thinner but seemed happier and more sure and confident of himself. Ryan is the explorer and loves adventures and trying now things. Ryan loves adventures! Just like when they were little they continue to grow and change, despite their not knowing this.
Captured on my camera phone but also in my memory and heart are memories and pictures of my beautiful daughter on a swing with the beautiful sunset in the back ground. There are also the images of Ryan and Ranen standing on a picnic table trying to fix a basketball net-working together and then fiercely competing in a pick-up game of one-on-one. Coloring Easter eggs, eating a family meal, mini-golf captures everyone enjoying the opportunity.
As I settled down on the coach to sleep last night with my family all under one roof I had such a feeling of happiness and contentment. I knew it was effort for all three to be there for the weekend. And I so appreciate that. That and the fact that they still don't mind hanging out with their family and parents on occasions is a blessing! But I also know as each one moves on in the world with their careers and personal lives the family times will be less often and shared with others. So as I laid there last night listening and thinking I thanked God for the opportunity of being a parent, for the fantastic children I have been blessed with and the love we all share. If I'd died in my sleep I would have died a very happy person knowing that all three of these people I brought into the world are good people in so many ways and they know how to work, go after and make their dreams come true.
So as we left today I savored the moments with each child and the memories we made in a short time and the pictures both physically the ones we can see and share and those in our memories. And as we went our ways going south, then east and west parting in opposite directions once again, as always, I left a piece of my heart with each of them-see since they are always in my heart and are the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside and they grew under my heart, there is a special bond-whether they realize it or not.
I'm soooo thankful for the great weekend, safe travels, opportunities to make memories, great food, hang out and the pictures we have to remember and the pieces of my heart that goes with each of them each day.
One small positive: I love how each of my kids are unique and talented in a variety of different things and ways. They all have the same parents and brought up the same way but they have went out and became their own persons making the most of their talents! I love them to the moon and back!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Yes, this is how I feel...
Social media. Yes that is what this blog could be considered, along with twitter, facebook, instagram and anything else where you can post what you feel or think-thoughts-photos-just about anything, within reason and in good taste.
Some people hate "social media". Some people are addicted. I can take it or leave it. I decided to do a blog for ME after I've read several other blogs that have made me think, or I've enjoyed or learned from. I am not doing this to be part of social media or put my feelings or opinions out there for everyone to see-read it if you want. Agree or disagree, I don't care. I've always needed the creative outlet, mainly writing for ME. That's what this is- a creative outlet for me. Do I think millions of people would enjoy or wait for each of my blogs-hahahahahaha NO! I hope not but I really don't care. I've written a great deal over the years that many people have read-working in media will do that. These are my thoughts. Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. It's not any different than talking to a group (of any age) and expressing your own feelings, thoughts and how you think things should be done-that's social media in a primitive form. I've written lots of things just in word documents via a computer or handwritten. I've deleted and destroyed most, if not all, because I don't see them as worth saving or sharing-they were just my thoughts and feelings. It is who I am. For some people their "outlet" is running or watching sports or cooking or drinking or painting and a whole array of other things. For me it is writing-plain and simple. I don't think I'm great at it but it is the best way for me to put into words my feelings and how I feel.
At times I find humor in things...we are all weird at time!
There are times where I'm frustrated-we all go through it-people, including myself, are dumb at times.
There are days where I find inspiration in things-something reminds me of a feeling or someone.
And some days I'm trying to be a cheerleader for myself-we all need a pick-me-up.
Or I'm just plain happy and life is going well-the glass is half-full! Yay!
Some days the words flow like water for me....my fingers have a hard time keeping up with my mind.
But regardless, if you are reading this, for whatever reason, I hope you take something away from my blog. Maybe a brief thought of some kind-did it make you think? I'm not here to inspire. I'm not here to make you angry. I'm not here to put my feelings out to the world, this is just how I best express myself and how I find peace and comfort at times. I try not to write in anger or the heat of a moment. But I'm sure I do. I am human.
So as this blog is titled yes, this is how I feel....no I don't see it as social media as very few, all of two of you read my blog and I'm fine with that! Do I wish more people read it-ehh, not really.
But this is who I am and how I feel!
Positive of the day: Today is my Friday!!! A four-day weekend ahead that I hope will be spent with people I love and includes lots of fun, good food and memories. I just need to remember to take pictures and not just with my mind!
Some people hate "social media". Some people are addicted. I can take it or leave it. I decided to do a blog for ME after I've read several other blogs that have made me think, or I've enjoyed or learned from. I am not doing this to be part of social media or put my feelings or opinions out there for everyone to see-read it if you want. Agree or disagree, I don't care. I've always needed the creative outlet, mainly writing for ME. That's what this is- a creative outlet for me. Do I think millions of people would enjoy or wait for each of my blogs-hahahahahaha NO! I hope not but I really don't care. I've written a great deal over the years that many people have read-working in media will do that. These are my thoughts. Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. It's not any different than talking to a group (of any age) and expressing your own feelings, thoughts and how you think things should be done-that's social media in a primitive form. I've written lots of things just in word documents via a computer or handwritten. I've deleted and destroyed most, if not all, because I don't see them as worth saving or sharing-they were just my thoughts and feelings. It is who I am. For some people their "outlet" is running or watching sports or cooking or drinking or painting and a whole array of other things. For me it is writing-plain and simple. I don't think I'm great at it but it is the best way for me to put into words my feelings and how I feel.
At times I find humor in things...we are all weird at time!
There are times where I'm frustrated-we all go through it-people, including myself, are dumb at times.
There are days where I find inspiration in things-something reminds me of a feeling or someone.
And some days I'm trying to be a cheerleader for myself-we all need a pick-me-up.
Or I'm just plain happy and life is going well-the glass is half-full! Yay!
Some days the words flow like water for me....my fingers have a hard time keeping up with my mind.
But regardless, if you are reading this, for whatever reason, I hope you take something away from my blog. Maybe a brief thought of some kind-did it make you think? I'm not here to inspire. I'm not here to make you angry. I'm not here to put my feelings out to the world, this is just how I best express myself and how I find peace and comfort at times. I try not to write in anger or the heat of a moment. But I'm sure I do. I am human.
So as this blog is titled yes, this is how I feel....no I don't see it as social media as very few, all of two of you read my blog and I'm fine with that! Do I wish more people read it-ehh, not really.
But this is who I am and how I feel!
Positive of the day: Today is my Friday!!! A four-day weekend ahead that I hope will be spent with people I love and includes lots of fun, good food and memories. I just need to remember to take pictures and not just with my mind!
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