Send me to my room

If I was a little kid right now I know I would be sent to my room a lot lately! And I grew up in a house where my parents didn't practice this kind of discipline. But the most annoying things bug the poo out of me lately. Santa would not be paying me a visit if I was a kid...and maybe he won't since I'm an adult!

Please see the following points!

-someone left a "you've been socked" Christmas stocking on my desk this a.m. My first reaction was and still is a bit of annoyance. Really? I have 48-hours to refill this thing and dump it on someone else. Umm...ya' right. I know it is all in good holiday fun and I'm trying really, really hard to get that into my head instead of being annoyed and to stop thinking "are you kidding me?". I guess I know what I'm doing after school today, instead of doing silly things like wrapping gifts, cleaning, cooking and other useless things...
-I made DVD copies of some VCR videos for a friend. She had one video on "modern technology" a video on the thumb drive which I threw on some DVDs and handed to her a month or so ago...now she claims she did not get them. I know I handed them to her and I carefully marked and bundled them and gave them to her to get them out of my hair. They are NOT at my house and I remember handing them to her. BUT now I have to make six more copies of the dumb video...I know it's the right thing to do. I'm trying here but come on, keep track of your stuff.
-I feel like I am the worse parent/mom in the world. I listen to co-workers talk about how much candy and cookies they have made. I've made a little but its all gone-no one got sick so it must have been good/okay. I grew up in a house where my mom had metal coffee cans with plastic lids that were lined with wax paper and each was filled with one of at least 6-8 different kinds of homemade candy. It was so good! My job was to fill the candy tray during the holiday season. I still miss some or most of those candies. But I don't make them-my kids don't know the "candy experience!" Oh well.
-Christmas cards. I don't do these any more and haven't for the past several years. I enjoy getting them from people far away that we only hear from at this time of year. But I feel guilty for the people who we only hear from once a year and I don't return the kindness..I have Christmas card guilt. 😔
-I finished my Christmas shopping last night (I hope) and I felt like I was climbing up hill through mud to get it done. I do like that feeling of being done. It's a load off of my back!
-Fog! I feel like I live in San Francisco rather than Iowa right now. We've have more foggy and gray days than we had had sunshine lately. Where is the snow and cold that we are supposed to have during the winter? We had it earlier but it has all melted. A little snow, even a dusting would be nice! Our weather is wacky.
-Fed-Ex! Why do you not deliver packages yourself but rather drop them off at the post office where they get sent back to Des Moines and your package ends up taking another week or so get arrive. Do your job-please!
-the rude people I had to deal with last night when both Christmas and grocery shopping. Yes I was a woman on a mission and yes I forgot my grocery list but I had my Christmas list in my hot little hand and I remembered all but one thing on my grocery list! I knew what I needed to get/find and that was my mission-get the stuff and get out-alive! There is plenty to go around, you don't have to cut me off, or stand right in front of what myself and three other people were trying to get to (there was plenty of hams for all of us, you don't have to hog-pun intended, the display case) or act like you were in line when you really are budging because you were still looking at stuff, all so you could check out five minutes sooner than me...we all are in this together. I found myself smiling on the outside while the thoughts of "really?"  or "are you kidding me?" were running through my head.

Okay, these are not big deals and I know there are a lot worse things in the world right now. And maybe it's the rat race of the holidays or the friends who are done with their shopping, cards and/or baking and those who are done with school today or worse yet last Friday and here we are with another day yet tomorrow. But there is no excuse for my bad attitude. I know! Send me to my room!

I keep telling myself "it's life-stop looking at it as partly cloudy or , count your blessings and remember the reason for the season". Ya' well, I forget-I'm human. So for now while I adjust my attitude and try to get a grip on my life and all around me that affects me I'm going to plead the fact that I'm a bit overwhelmed and feeling like I'm waging this war alone-it's just me that's all. Tomorrow is a new day! Right?!

Positive thought of the day: Christmas is coming!!! After tomorrow it's all downhill-right?!?!

Not all the ornaments are on the tree

I used to decorate the house from top to bottom! I mean TOP to BOTTOM. This would be from candle lights in the attic windows on timers to a favorite sports themed tree in the basement family room. Every room had a tree and/or decorations. My kids had their own little trees that were decorate with homemade and St. Nicholas ornaments they had received in their rooms. I loved how the house looked when it was all decked out!

But now, I can't even find the time, energy or desire to get all the ornaments on our big Christmas tree much less the rest of the house decorated like I used to do. There have been two containers of ornaments sitting by the tree for over three weeks. A few have made their way onto the tree. A bunch are still waiting. And to be honest that is probably where they will spend this holiday season, not unlike past holidays it seems lately.

I used to decorate and light every doorway with greenery and lights.  I had a friend make a comment to me once about over decorating...it hurt and kind of killed my desire just a little bit. A few of the doorways have gotten decorated and lit over the past few years, but I just don't think of it any more-I know I should not care what someone else says or thinks, it's not their house. But it is so much work to put up and take down. No one seems to miss it nor do they ask for it. Do I do this just for me?

Like every family several of our tree ornaments and decorations have sentimental meaning and bring back memories of both happy and sad times-those we miss. It's kind of a quick review and reflection on our lives if you think about it. But is is kind of a cool way to look at your life!

And as this week begins to shape up with three days of work followed immediately by Christmas eve and Christmas and then a weekend family Christmas I'm thinking not about the decorations still in the containers and still in the attic but more so about the gifts to still buy or wrap and then the food to plan, shop for and make. And finally when will we get family time?  All the work and things I have to get done while still going to work for three days is a challenge. Life is too crazy and busy!

I'm trying to find the true holiday spirit. And I will admit all too often I get wrapped up in the BS of life...the family who I no longer hear from, missing my parents, the negative and mean people who I let get into my head or worse yet, my heart. Walking away is a good thing but often hard to do, more so at holiday time.

And then amid all of the holiday hectics I receive news that a friend, who I once was very close with, has cancer. Stunned disbelief. This hits home. She is near my age and a very Christian and involved person. Even though we are not the friends we once were we still talk and laugh when we do get the opportunity to see each other and have time to chat, even if it is briefly. Why? I can't begin to tell you how many times this question has ran through my mind. I keep thinking God is trying to tell me something...am I missing something? I often feel like I'm oblivious to signs that I am suppose to get or be aware of. I wonder if he is saying "Wake up Lynn", I sent you several signs!

I have no idea what this week will bring life, much less Christmas-wise. And I highly doubt any more decorating will get done, but to be honest I'm missing a lot of the decorating I used to do this year more than in years past. And I don't know why? I've ventured up to the attic and peaked into containers of holiday decorations, heck I even toyed with the thought of bringing down my snowman dished I used to break out every year and use through the month of January. I love those dishes, but now it's all just a lot of work and stuff. I have other more important things to deal with I guess or that's what I'm thinking, I think.

But besides the goal of getting all the stuff I need to done, getting food bought and made and whatever else I need to get done before Thursday I am looking for the spirit of Christmas. The feelings of family, goodwill, peace on earth and love. For Christmas is not just one day or about all the decorations, the music, the food or the gifts. It's about the love-plain and simple. And that love is there every single day of the year, not just on one day. And regardless if those you love are in the same room, across the country or no longer on this earth, that is what it is all about. So Christmas is what you hold in your heart. It's not about who got what or what we did or did not have to eat. It's about love and holding on to that feeling every day of the year as it is a gift and what life is all about-with or without the decorations.

Positive thought of the day: I choose to (try) to stay focused on the love!

When all else fails, drop back and punt!

It's the week of state dance team competition for me and my team. Yes we've practiced hard. We've put in a lot of hours of dancing and sweat. I've planned, made lists, sent emails, made phone calls, and several dozen other things but even with the best laid plans there will be the unexpected that I will have to deal with. The last minute surprises used to drive me nuts. But not so much any more. I've got my ducks in a row. If it goes wrong well those things happen. Bar poor behavior or blood shed by any of my kids, I feel like I'm ready or can handle whatever happens between now and 1 p.m. on Thursday when we are done performing and can just sit back and enjoy.

Ideally the best thing in the world is bringing home a trophy-we've done that a few times! The hardware is always nice and shows how hard the kids have worked. This year's squad is without males. A first in a number of years. Graduation and poor team decision making by a couple of members last year brought the returning number to one. If you are going to let your teammates down, I don't want you and you won't get the chance again on my team. So that is the reason why there is no male dance team or coed... Life goes on. But doing their best and enjoying the time is the best part of all of this. A 1 rating is nice but even the best laid plans can go wrong and mistakes made-all the practice in the world is not going to prevent that. We are only as strong as our weakest dancer-if I had a dime for every time I've said that...you know the rest of that saying!

I'm not like a local dance team I recently heard about, who is waiting on costumes to arrive yet, still choreographing their dance and a few other things that should have been done by now. You learn as you go as this is very ruled and regulated event. We are a small school with a small budget and very, very limited practice time and space. Early mornings, after early outs and Sunday's find us in the gym...it is what it is. I'm used to it. I've fought tooth and nail for my kids over the years-to earn respect and space and to have every bit as much right to have the gym to practice in as the next sport. We bring money into the school district-and we take nothing out except for my poor salary. I don't do this for the money or the fame. I do it because I love dance and I love the kids (most). Yes I've had some "experiences" over the years. You learn, you deal, you get through it and you keep moving ahead. The problems I've dealt with have not been fun. And to be honest having a girl pregnant in year two as head of the  program was not fun. But the problems I've had to deal with recently are worse than I've even imagined. My girls know they mean the world to me. I will be tough on them and I will call them on the carpet if need be. Some have a special place in my heart and I still hear from some yet today. Some you make connections with, some you don't. But I am fiercely proud and protective of my kids, unless they screw up then I'm going to discipline and I hope they learn from their mistakes. Some do, some don't.

Over the years I've dealt with ice storms, keys locked in vans, parent's not allowing their kids to get in a school vehicle because the weather was iffy, forgotten items and a host of other fun things. I've had poor behavior and had to be a hard ass. I've been so proud I could cry at times and other times disappointed to tears. You see it is not about the trophies any more, I learn that a long time ago. But it is about the life long lessons these kids learn from dance and dance practice and state competition. It's learning how to get along, be a part and do what you need to do so you don't let your team down. You see if you miss a tackle in football or a basket in basketball there are other opportunities. In dance it is one shot. Do or die. If you screw up, you screw up. There is no more time left on the clock and not another down or play or quarter to get another chance or opportunity. This is it. And in reality all the coaching I can and will try to do between now and Thursday when the girls take the floor may or may not help but truthfully my work is done...they are on their own. I can't get out there and dance for them or count it out loud or have them start over. This. Is. It.  And for some of my girls this is their last time. For three seniors this is their fourth and final time. I always want the best outcome for the seniors.

I try not to let the kids know I'm nervous. I'm not getting out there to dance -it is them. They can know the dance like the back of their hand. But yes I do get nervous and I second guess myself. Should I have made it harder, change some choreography, what if the dvd does not work or play, are just some of the things that run through my mind and I worry about. And in the end it all works out-good/bad/or otherwise. We have fun-for the most part and we make lots of memories! I like to think the girls have fun and make some lifelong memories. That's what its all about in the end.

So whatever happens on the floor on Thursday, I hope this group of girls come back with great memories, know they personally did the best they can and learn something from the whole experience. 

Positive thought of the day: Have fun and make memories...time flies!