Home!

Home! What is home? Is it the house where you grew up? Or the place you live now, be it a tent, an apartment or a dorm room?

For me home is where you make it!

As I watched my first born child drive down the street early this morning in a moving truck towing a trailer with a car attached I watched until I could not see them any more....gone. I stood briefly in the middle of the street and look back at the house where we had carried his belongings out of yesterday to load and move nine hours away. The same house we've celebrated birthdays and holidays and came home to and left countless times-it's just a house like any other house.

I'm excited for this next chapter for Ryan, and for all of us. But on the flip side my heart ached to walk by that room knowing his visits would be fewer and short from here on out. His room will always be his room, but this is different-no longer a student but working and having a career I know life and distance will make the opportunities few and far between.

On the pillows of his bed was his teddy bear-a gift when he was a newborn and named Fischer when I walk by his room after he left this morning. Fischer was always a source of comfort for Ryan. A bed buddy for many years. He has came and went as far as appearances. He was around through the childhood and early elementary years, then kind of was forgotten and put away as the teen years rolled around. He's been washed and dried a lot and has traveled many times to various places, but he is still in great shape for a bear of 26!  Fischer resurfaced this past summer from the attic when Ranen found him and put him in Ryan's room. And now Fischer is a reminder of that tiny baby boy that I was so unprepared to take care of 26+years ago when we brought him home from the hospital and I was all alone within an hour after getting home! I remember Fischer in the school bag on teddy bear day, or always on Ryan's bed. And next to him each night when I would go into the kids room for one last look, kiss them on the forehead and a whispered "I love you" which I did for years. I still think of each of them each night and tell them I love them, even though they are not here but many miles away-that's life.

Now Fischer is a source of comfort for me. He will reside in Ryan's room and wait for his next visit when ever that will be. And if Fischer is chosen some day to make the trip to Ryan's new home in the future that is okay for he will be home where he should be, with Ryan.

So as there is a different feeling in the house with Ryan and most of his belongings gone it is okay. He's doing what HE wants!

Home for me is when ever and where ever we are all together. And the funny thing is I still find myself calling my hometown "home" even though I have no place to go, no parents to visit, no house to stay at. Home is where you make it so make it a place you love to be, make great memories and love those who are with you.

Positive though of the day: I'm so bless to have family and people who I love.