Where has the time gone?

Tomorrow marks the 14th anniversary since my dad passed away and I still miss him as much now as I did 14 years ago. 
It was a beautiful spring but for me it was a blur with the poor health and decline of dad. The phone call from my sister. The end was coming for my dad. We had been through a lot since February. And as we went through all of this the world continued but my life shifted into a surreal mode. Like I was watching my life from the outside looking in.
The week before dad passed we were getting minimal responses from him and I knew things were not going well. I was to be the one to take dad out of the nursing home for the last time. For a ride around town and out to the farm to familiar sights the nurses told us. He was some what lucid but what he really saw I'm not sure. The following morning I took the early shift at the nursing home. To keep dad calm and let him know we were there so he would not be so agitated. We seldom left him alone the month he was in the home or even before that, first in the hospital then to the skilled care unit at our local hospital and finally the nursing home. That early morning I decided dad and I needed a change of scenery and I pushed him in the wheel chair up and down the hallways of the nursing home. I chatted about whatever popped into my head as we cruised the hallways before 6 a.m. and at the end of one of the hallways was a sun room.  I decided to stop, sit and just enjoy the sunrise, quiet and time with dad. As we sat there I wasn't even sure if dad knew who I was or if he knew that I was even there. But sitting directly across from him I broke the silence, while holding his hands and looking him in the eyes told him I loved him. Without missing a beat dad opened his eyes and looked directly back at me-eye-to-eye and told me in a loud, clear voice "I love you too Lynn". That was to be the last time dad would talk to me. I can't begin to count the number of times I've relived that moment. My heart was so filled with love and happy, but ached as I knew what was ahead. But how blessed I am to have had that moment with dad!
The following weekend when I got the phone call I went through a whole array of emotions. Denial, panic, anger, desperation. I didn't want to go home because I thought if I didn't go, dad wouldn't die. Panic for the fear that I was loosing my dad. Anger to be loosing my dad so young and my kids their grandpa-he needed to be around for football games, birthday parties and graduations-their lives. And desperation that this was the end-why? We'd had the flu at our house. The boys needed dress clothes as they were outgrowing everything- I had a whole list of things to do. Life was very busy with three young kids.
But early Sunday afternoon after my youngest son vomited  once again I knew I had to leave and get home, NOW. That trip was a blur. A brief stop at a Sam's Club to use the restroom and walk for a bit and I found myself in the book department briefly and  picking up a grieving book. I opened it, read a poem, closed the book, walked out of the store and back on the road. I had to get home. I spent the evening with my dad, mom and oldest sister. I was handed a booklet from hospice about they dying process which I stayed up to read. It was like I had written the booklet. It was exactly what my dad was going through and my family witnessing.
The phone call came an hour and a half after I had fallen asleep. Back to the nursing home. And this is where we stayed until 2:10 Monday, May 1, 2000. I was with dad as he took his final breath. I helped my mom tell him it was okay, he could to go, that morning. And I also told him my sister Carol was on her way but if he wanted to go she understood and she loved him very much. Ten minutes later dad left this earth with most of his family around him. The wave of grief and sorrow can not be put into words. I'd been there witnessing the birth of my three children-a wonderful experience and now I was there to help my dad make his final journey on this earth.  I remember walking out of the nursing home later to a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining and birds singing. And I was shocked that everything had not came to a screaming halt. The tears, sorry and sadness was overwhelming.
I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason...always have been. And it was while sitting at my dad's funeral three days later when the priest and a family friend started his eulogy and he started it with a poem....the same poem I'd read on my trip home when I stopped briefly and the only book I'd picked up, the only page I'd opened the book up to...the same exact poem.
                                                                       The Dash.

I read of a man who stood to speak
at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on the tombstone
from the beginning…to the end.

He noted that first came the date of birth
and spoke the following date with tears,
but he said what mattered most of all
was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time
that they spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved them
know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not, how much we own,
the cars…the house…the cash.
What matters is how we live and love
and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard.
Are there things you’d like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
to consider what’s true and real
and always try to understand
​the way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger
and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives
like we’ve never loved before. 

If we treat each other with respect
and more often wear a smile,
remembering that this special dash
might only last a little while.

​So, when your eulogy is being read,
with your life’s actions to rehash…
would you be proud of the things they say
about how you spent YOUR dash? 

How true those words were for my dad. Dad's dash was one to be proud of. 

There were rough times with my dad and his health but my memories are happy ones. My dad and I had

a special bond. There hasn't been a day over the past 14 years I haven't thought of him or something has

reminded me him. I see traits of my dad in all three of my kids. How proud he'd be of each of them! 

I've always been told a am a mixture of both my parents and I have always enjoyed this comparison-

I'd like to think I got the best of both! 

So as tomorrow rolls around I like to think dad is looking down with pride and love at his whole family.

I miss his sense of humor, laugh and deep blue eyes. Love you dad. 

Where to begin!?

I should probably do a disclaimer to start this blog as this is not a reflection of our educational school system or every educator. But things are a bit stretched and people are over-worked, stressed and even more (as always) underpaid in today's public school systems all across this country. With the causes being budget cuts, mandates such as no child left behind, and all the other "programs and political BS that has filtered into our public school systems.
Good intentions-we all have them, we do things for the most part to help one another. Some days we succeed, some days we fall short. Lack of communication can cause a good intention to go bad quickly some times.
The teachers in any school systems seem to be under a great deal of stress now that there is even more demands for student performance and no more pay or help or resources out there to help them help students to reach goals. Resource and special education students are mainstreamed when possible but pulled out when help is needed. Which is great, don't get me wrong, but watching these students struggle in class to grasp a concept or learn a method and then ace a test that they were pulled out and proctored in, just blows my mind. What a dis-service we are doing to these kids when we don't teach them but "help" them instead.
I went to a private Catholic school and most of the teachers were lifetimers (now that I know what they got paid they had to have stayed only for the love of education and the students-otherwise I have no idea why-the pay stinks even more than at a public school). I was third youngest in my class so I struggled a bit at times. Math was not a favorite. My fourth grade teacher was fresh out of college, so maybe the ripe old age of 22? She was put in a classroom of 34 students to start the year. This was before the days were there special education classrooms and there were limited resource classes in which students who needed extra help were pulled out. By mid-school year our class size had jumped up to 36 students and things were interesting in that classroom each day-and not in a good way. Add to it some discipline issues and it was a train wreak most days. So by mid-year, when our numbers had jumped up to 36 students on one classroom, with a first year teacher, the students who struggled and the students who excelled were getting help they needed-either to understand and learn, or to keep moving on and ahead. Those of us in "the middle" were left to fend for ourselves for the most part. I was a "middle" student. And not to lay blame, but my math education that year went down the tubes because I didn't fit in the "struggling" or the "excelling" groups. It was a key year for fractions, multiplication and a whole host of other math skills I did not learn well. And my dislike for math grew as well because of this. So from that year on my math skills have been poor, and to this day lack. I still dislike math in gereral. I remember that poor teacher sitting there crying in frustration because of a variety of reasons-the kids who were just plain naughty and the demands and lack of help-I'm sure all big factors for this poor woman. It was her only year of teaching to my knowledge. Yes, I still feel guilty about that, even thought I was a quiet, well behaved child (I really was!). In the correct setting she may have went on to become a fantastic teacher. But neither she nor anyone in that class who were "average" had a snowball's chance in hell. Only because I loved to read did I continue to excel in English-I'd sit and read while all around me was going to hell in a hand basket! I was a nerd, who got lost in the "middle" when it comes to my math skills! Who's to blame-not sure where to go with that.
I've had some interesting experiences in my past 14 years of working in a public school system....there has been the bad
-the teacher who chewed me out and told me to stop helping a handicapped student up FOUR steps while she tried to manage snow pants, snow boots, a lunch bag, a winter coat and a backpack-she was taking one step at a time, while I stood and held a few of her items. I'd helped her three times....broke my heart to say no so I just cheered her on from there out. (I'm sure she still thinks I'm a mean person when I would not help her!) I know they were just trying to make her independent-okay I get that. But still...
Or the time I had a first grade teacher tell me her students were suppose to only get "fun" books not reading books from the library (I was helping them pick out "just right books" with the five-finger rule) "they read enough in the classroom, they only need "fun" books from the library" is what I was told. Heaven forbid we encourage students to get books they want and can read from the library in first grade! (this made me second guess my choice for a first grade teacher AFTER my son had had her!) Or to yesterday when I had two students ask me to proof a paper for a writing class. I did a minimal job as I was the third person to proof the paper for one student and there was little to fix. And the second paper was so bad I told the young man to READ his paper again and correct simple mistakes and to find someone else to proof it as the period was ending, it was a bit of a mess and I didn't have time. Then my big mistake....mentioning to the teacher, who's class these papers were for, that I had looked over two papers. WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! There was swearing-on her part (the students were only to have other students from the class proof these papers NO ONE ELSE outside the class). Apologizing-on my part. And yet another lesson learned for me-I should have asked/checked/known better. But me and my stupid, "I'll help" mentality got in the way. STOP thinking with your heart Lynn!!
But now for the GOOD-the kids over the years who have loved a book I've recommended and came back to read more! The teachers who help me help students to become excited about reading-working together for the good of kids is always such a good feeling! The projects that I've helped kids with when it came to issues with technology. The students who have thanked me, and smiled because of something I did to help them from helping them with an assignment to printing something for a class. The high school English teacher who encouraged me and my writing and went on to make me the newspaper editor-I am forever grateful to. Thus the reason why I'm writing this blog. She made me realize my writing was an outlet and something I NEED for me!
Our school systems are far from perfect-as is any business. And it seems like the norm is we can't see the forest for the trees because of all the politics, lack of funding, shortage of personal, the workload and the list goes on and on. But for every bad experience there are 100-good and positive experiences that our students are having in their educational careers.
We always told our kids that when the coach stops yelling at you it means he/she has given up on you-you don't want that to happen. Some kids can't handle the "yelling" or their parents come running to Bobby's rescue because we've created a society where everyone gets a trophy-everyone is a winner-both winners and losers. Not a good outlook for our future with this mentality. For some kids the yelling pushes them to work harder and reach a goal, often a goal a teacher believes they can achieve long before the kid does-these are the kids who will go on to be successful in whatever they do with their lives including being parents or teachers. We are all teachers in some form or another.
So to anyone out there who feels like they can't do anything right, they are damned if they do and damned if they don't-just remember that every time you are knocked down you need to get right back up....sooner or later life will get tired of knocking you down!

Positive of the day:  It's Friday!!!! And we have a three day weekend. That's all I've got today, and it's enough!

It feels like a Monday but really it's Tuesday!

Having a four-day weekend then coming back to a four-day work week followed by another four-day weekend and then another four-day week is a bit confusing. Yesterday felt like Sunday, Sunday felt like Sunday, Saturday felt like Sunday and Friday felt like Saturday and Thursday felt like a Friday! Confused?! So am I!
So today feels like a Monday and I've had to remind myself and others around me often today that it really is Tuesday-YAY!! And tomorrow is Wednesday-hump day!!!! Woo hoo the week will be over half over by the end of tomorrow! YES!!!
Which brings me to my whole thought process today with tomorrow being hump day and all...I ran across the coolest saying-"Be a hill seeker! Most of us avoid hills, but what's so good about flat? Think about it: flat tires, flat hair, flat returns and-the ultimate-flatlining. Life happens on the hills. They're opportunities to prove to yourself that you're stronger than you ever imagined. If you never attempt the ascent, you'll never know the thrill of swooshing down the other side." When I read this earlier today I found myself thinking about where I live in the physical aspect-I live on a big hill-and how I have the swoosh down the side as I start out rather than the ascent. Things are a bit backward here! It's always uphill going home for me, whether I'm on my bike or I'm walking or driving-going home is all uphill. Then I started to think about my life and if I approach each day or week as an uphill climb and am I so busy wishing and hoping that I'm all about the swoosh downhill what am I missing? And because none of us knows when our downhill swoosh will literally begin is it always uphill or do we plateau and then the swoosh and life is over? Regardless I think life and each day, some times several times a day, is a series of uphill ascents and then the swoosh or decent. Looking at a week it seems Monday and Tuesday are the ascent. Wednesday is the plateau. And Thursday and Friday are the swooshing decent! And well my day is still ascending. I'll plateau here after school and start the decent after I'm done with my after school stuff, dinner, clean up, getting ready for another day and sit down finally to relax. So as this wacky week gets rolling and we are already heading towards hump day I'd like to slow down, just a bit, and make the most of the ascent and be as excited about it as we are about the swoosh! But in all honesty I really could get used to the four-day weeks and four-day weekends! I know, I know-it's a scheduling thing! I'm going looking for a hill or two before today is over! And then savor the swoosh!

Positive thought of the day: So far so good! The week has started out pretty good for the most part. The weather is finally spring like and I think all the snow if finally gone! Amen! I was afraid we'd have a day or two of spring then go directly to summer but things look fairly normal! Here's to great ascents and descents!

Great memories and a little piece of my heart

What a great weekend I had!! I spent 100% of it with people I love and enjoy! And I remembered and corralled everyone for some informal family pictures and took tons of candid pictures too. Seeing my kids is such a great joy for me. I remember what my mom always said about what a joy it is to see your kids- you really don't understand that until you have kids-no matter what age they are. And despite the fact that my kids are all adults they continue to change and grow every time I see them. Each one is achieving and working on making their life-long dreams come true with their schooling and careers. I see the ever changing wisdom and knowledge every time I see any of them.
Ranen has a look of contentment and determination in his eyes now that he is at a different university and working on something I think he is passionate about and whats to do with his life and career. He is quiet but has a fun personality. Always a quiet character but very talented in so many ways!
Ashlyn is goal driven and is constantly learning about human nature and how to read and help people. Body language is something she is keenly aware of now. She is fun loving and loves life and her family. She is the family glue and wants everyone to be happy-the typical middle child and only girl behavior! She, like most women, is hardest on herself-if she only saw herself the way I and others see her-a very successful, smart and beautiful young woman.
Ryan, whom I had not seen in three long months, has grown into the career world and making his mark. Ryan is always the competitor and the responsible child. He was thinner but seemed happier and more sure and confident of himself. Ryan is the explorer and loves adventures and trying now things. Ryan loves adventures! Just like when they were little they continue to grow and change, despite their not knowing this.
Captured on my camera phone but also in my memory and heart are memories and pictures of my beautiful daughter on a swing with the beautiful sunset in the back ground. There are also the images of Ryan and Ranen standing on a picnic table trying to fix a basketball net-working together and then fiercely competing in a pick-up game of one-on-one. Coloring Easter eggs, eating a family meal, mini-golf captures everyone enjoying the opportunity.
As I settled down on the coach to sleep last night with my family all under one roof I had such a feeling of happiness and contentment. I knew it was effort for all three to be there for the weekend. And I so appreciate that. That and the fact that they still don't mind hanging out with their family and parents on occasions is a blessing! But I also know as each one moves on in the world with their careers and personal lives the family times will be less often and shared with others. So as I laid there last night listening and thinking I thanked God for the opportunity of being a parent, for the fantastic children I have been blessed with and the love we all share. If I'd died in my sleep I would have died a very happy person knowing that all three of these people I brought into the world are good people in so many ways and they know how to work, go after and make their dreams come true.
So as we left today I savored the moments with each child and the memories we made in a short time and the pictures both physically the ones we can see and share and those in our memories. And as we went our ways going south, then east and west parting in opposite directions once again, as always, I left a piece of my heart with each of them-see since they are always in my heart and are the only ones who know what my heart sounds like from the inside and they grew under my heart, there is a special bond-whether they realize it or not.
I'm soooo thankful for the great weekend, safe travels, opportunities to make memories, great food, hang out and the pictures we have to remember and the pieces of my heart that goes with each of them each day.

One small positive: I love how each of my kids are unique and talented in a variety of different things and ways. They all have the same parents and brought up the same way but they have went out and became their own persons making the most of their talents! I love them to the moon and back!

Yes, this is how I feel...

Social media. Yes that is what this blog could be considered, along with twitter, facebook, instagram and anything else where you can post what you feel or think-thoughts-photos-just about anything, within reason and in good taste.
Some people hate "social media". Some people are addicted. I can take it or leave it. I decided to do a blog for ME after I've read several other blogs that have made me think, or I've enjoyed or learned from. I am not doing this to be part of social media or put my feelings or opinions out there for everyone to see-read it if you want. Agree or disagree, I don't care. I've always needed the creative outlet, mainly writing for ME. That's what this is- a creative outlet for me. Do I think millions of people would enjoy or wait for each of my blogs-hahahahahaha NO! I hope not but I really don't care. I've written a great deal over the years that many people have read-working in media will do that. These are my thoughts. Good. Bad. Right. Wrong. It's not any different than talking to a group (of any age) and expressing your own feelings, thoughts and how you think things should be done-that's social media in a primitive form. I've written lots of things just in word documents via a computer or handwritten. I've deleted and destroyed most, if not all, because I don't see them as worth saving or sharing-they were just my thoughts and feelings. It is who I am. For some people their "outlet" is running or watching sports or cooking or drinking or painting and a whole array of other things. For me it is writing-plain and simple. I don't think I'm great at it but it is the best way for me to put into words my feelings and how I feel.
At times I find humor in things...we are all weird at time!
There are times where I'm frustrated-we all go through it-people, including myself, are dumb at times.
There are days where I find inspiration in things-something reminds me of a feeling or someone.
And some days I'm trying to be a cheerleader for myself-we all need a pick-me-up.
Or I'm just plain happy and life is going well-the glass is half-full! Yay!
Some days the words flow like water for me....my fingers have a hard time keeping up with my mind. 
But regardless, if you are reading this, for whatever reason, I hope you take something away from my blog. Maybe a brief thought of some kind-did it make you think? I'm not here to inspire. I'm not here to make you angry. I'm not here to put my feelings out to the world, this is just how I best express myself and how I find peace and comfort at times. I try not to write in anger or the heat of a moment. But I'm sure I do. I am human.
So as this blog is titled yes, this is how I feel....no I don't see it as social media as very few, all of two of you read my blog and I'm fine with that! Do I wish more people read it-ehh, not really.
But this is who I am and how I feel!

Positive of the day: Today is my Friday!!! A four-day weekend ahead that I hope will be spent with people I love and includes lots of fun, good food and memories. I just need to remember to take pictures and not just with my mind!

Dorks!

Why are some kids or people dorks? Is it because they want attention? Is it because they are bored? Or just are clueless that they are being dorks?

I have a student today who could not be quiet if his life depended on it. I'm not sure what the deal is? The weather? He's making noise of all kinds-from sucking on his pen so he sounds like a slobbering pig at the trough to guzzling all the water and air out of his water bottle so the plastic crinkles and makes noise! Then wants to go fill it up. I don't think so.

I don't expect complete silence but come on, listen to yourself kid! Especially when everyone else is quiet and working!!!!

And one more thing....if you ask to go to the restroom before the period starts and again during the period, I really don't want nor need to hear a detailed explanation of what has or is going to come out of your body. You just better make sure you need to go if you are going again less than 15 minutes later. We are not in elementary school, get a little control over things.

Ahhh, the joys of working with high school kids who someday, I hope, will look back and think about what dorks they were.
Yes, I said dorks!

Snow in April!

Some much needed rain fell over the weekend. After a balmy and warm, dry Saturday lots of thunder, lightning and winds finally brought rain on Sunday-all-day-long. Then Mother Nature decided to have a little fun and add some strong winds to the rain and drop the temps to make things a bit more interesting. So if you thoroughly enjoy the warmth of Saturday then Sunday was a reality check and a reminder that we are not in control of the weather. And Monday was a cold, cruel slap in the face! And despite that we never have been nor will ever be in control of the weather some people just complain and make a fuss over the weather! It's too cold. It's too winding. It's too hot. Walking up to the ground white with snow and temps in the 20's quickly reminded me that appreciating what you have is a must. The fact that the furnace was keeping the house warm and snow will melt within a 24-hour time frame-all things to be grateful for.

This sounds like an odd observation but I watched people this morning (on purpose) to see how much the weather affected their moods and behavior. The first thing I tried to be aware of was what the mood and attitude people had with winter-like weather making a reappearance in mid-April. For the most part people took it in stride-yes there was complaining but to a minimum. Granted it has been the winter that does not seem to want to end....it keeps going and going. The usual Monday morning blahs and "I'm tired" seemed to be at it's usual levels, nothing extreme. I also took note of the attire of people. Those who seemed to let the snow, cold, gloom affect their wardrobe-winter-like with layers and dark colors. And there were those rebels who refused to let the weather tell them what to wear. Spring colors and short sleeves won out for some. I love sitting back and watching and observing. How quickly you can figure out people if you watch and listen! Read them like a book if you look close enough and watch.

Have you ever listened to how people walk? Some walk heavy like they have the weight of the world or they want to be noticed. I try to tread lightly without anyone noticing. I remember the sound and weight of my mom's foot steps...you could tell when she was tired or not happy! Or in a hurry. Otherwise she always walked lightly. I think how people walk tells a lot about their attitude and personality, but is subject to change quite often depending on how their day is going or how tired they may be!

So with snow still on the ground it is almost noon the chances of it being gone by the end of the day is not looking so great, but with warmer temps back in the forecast spring and then summer will some day soon arrive for good and stay. Surely we can't have snow in June....at least I hope not!! Maybe spring will arrive with heavy footsteps so we hear it's arrival and know it's finally here and plans to stay. I don't care how it gets here, just so it stays!

Positive thought of the day-It's a four-day week. Well now it's 3-1/2 days, we can do this!!! And having a four-day weekend is always something to look forward to!! Bring on Easter/spring break!

Is it Friday yet?!?!

Ever have one of those weeks? How often do we hear that asked?
Or the thoughts it conjures up when you hear it?
Has it been a wild, crazy, busy week?
A nothing has gone right kind of week?
A I can't take any more week?
Maybe it was a this was a great kind of week?
Or nothing has happened, boring kind of week?
Regardless we seem to work for Friday and the weekend as soon as Monday mornings hit, if not before. We are always in a hurry to get to the end of a week so we can enjoy, relax and celebrate life and not have it so stressed and dictated by work, school and other commitments. Life is suppose to slow down a bit on the weekend or it is because we have time for our selves to do what we want? Some times we have control over how our week goes, other times not so much.

Regardless the phrase "stop wishing your life away" comes to mind every time I hear the "I wish it was Friday" comment made or "I wish it was the weekend". And yes, I do this too. Life is flying by every second, every minute of every day. As soon as we are born we begin to die. No intention of being morbid or negative-just a fact. But just take the time to stop and look around, slow down and appreciate ALL that we have. We need to appreciate the moments, the time and the life we have been given, regardless of how today is going or how the week has went.

It is Friday. And yes we've made it to the weekend. Be appreciative for all that you have been given from the beautiful weather-including the rain that we are suppose to get, to the roof over your head and the food on the table and freedom to choose what you want to do.

TGIF!

A positive thought: The weather has finally turned to spring!!! Yes!!!!!! And despite the allergies our springtime, dry, weather has brought about we are on to the next season of our year. A season of growth and new life. Enjoy!!

What's in a name?

Working in a school system you run across all kinds of names and the trends that seem to change yearly making things interesting when it comes to giving children their lifelong name and title. The old school names seem to be making a big come back but the unique, non-traditional names are still sticking around. And spelling of any of these names....well that's whole other blog!

When you become a parent and are given the honor of naming your child there are those names that you know you will absolutely never use! Never! Working in education seems to have a strong affect on what names won't be on your family tree-contingent to the behavior or experiences with people/children in the past. But other factors also make or break naming-from childhood bullies or friends to annoying encounters-there are names that will never have a chance! The names that just don't conjure anything good for you. Family-ties may dictate what name is used-family traditions are pretty cool and a nice way to honor people-most of the time!

Looking back now I would maybe change a decision I made regarding my oldest son who was suppose to be named Ryne after the Chicago Cubs shortstop Ryne Sandberg. But I was not so sure about this name. I was looking at the Ryne as in watermelon "rind" (don't ask me why, I going by the sound of the name, not the spelling) and so after 48-hours of labor and two weeks of being miserable and overdue I changed Ryne to Ryan. Hindsight now I wish I would have stuck with my husband's wishes. Ryne would be really unique (but misspelled and mispronounced his whole life, I'm sure) but it would still be unique. Plus being named after a pretty cool baseball player would be cool! Ryan means "little king" which seemed fitting as he was the first born grandson on either side of the family. I still love the name Ryan-except for a couple of bonehead Ryan's I've had over the past years it still brings good thoughts and feelings for me, I'd still used it! (And this is what Ryne means or at least according to nameberry.com "Baseball player Ryne Sandberg's nickname is RYNO. Need we say more?" Actually it also means little king! Oh ya and I'd want my first born nicknamed "Ryno" after a horned animal as in rhino!!) Ryan is the first born so the "king" seems to fit!!

Daughter Ashlyn was another name chosen from the result of being overdue and miserable. Ashley or Aimee were our choices. But I was just never settled or satisfied with either name. The only thing I did know was Marie for a middle name was a must so whatever was the first name it had to go with Marie as a middle name. It is my middle name and my mom's. It was sweltering hot that summer 25-years ago and again baby number two was overdue and July had turned into August-I was one very miserable pregnant person.) The inability to sleep kept me up with a very active baby who would not make his or her appearance in the world and I was going through the baby name book AGAIN to pass my time early two days before the birth day, when I ran across the name Ashlin in the boy section of the book. Something clicked, changes made and now we have Ashlyn Marie-which was unique until the name started to catch on shortly after her birth. The only change I would have made-putting two n's at the end Ashlynn - to be like my Lynn. But hey, it's unique, it fits her and I still love the name. Ashlyn means vision or dream, which fits child number two to a tee!

Finally came child number three-again the challenge of names for either a boy or girl...we found a name that we liked for a boy but just would not work with our last name-so we kept looking. And with a coaching father the names as they would sound while being announced at a football or basketball game were the 'test run' for any male prospects-as was done with the previous two as well! Ranen was found again in the boy section of the name book and means "joyous". Putting William, which was pulled from both sides of the family tree seemed to work. If this baby had been a girl and had had red hair she would have probably been an Amber-maybe! Ranen seems to have a joyous outlook at life from the moment he was born. He takes the world as it is and has a positive outlook. Ranen is often called Will or William by his siblings, a habit that I'm not sure how it came about, but still fun. I still like the name Ranen after almost 22-years.


Finding items with my children's names on them has always been a challenge except Ryan, but if I'd went with Ryne his would have been as impossible as Ashlyn and Ranen. I had a teacher ask one of my kids once if all his siblings had strange names...really, that spoke volumes about the maturity of that person. Who says that to a kid? But I now don't care (at the time I wanted to tell that teacher to grow up) I like each child's name and their meanings seem to fit each one and their personality!

How we got the name we have may or may not have a story with it but it is what makes us who we are and are known by!

Positive thought of the day: All the people, good/bad/happy/sad I've met/enountered over my lifetime whatever their names are. You have passed through my life for a reason!

Monday, a fresh start!

Believe it or not but not everyone dreads or dislikes Monday. I have a young lady, Megan, that I coach who absolutely loves Mondays. She is always excited at Sunday practices for Monday to get here. She enjoys flipping the page in her planner to a new week and all that lies ahead. While I'm sure most of her team mates and I looked at her like she had things growing out of the top of her head when she first announced her way of looking at Monday's this past fall I've come to try to embrace Monday's with the same attitude. I call it my Monday Morning Megan Attitude or Megan Monday's!

Looking at the week as a fresh new start is not an original way of looking at things. Being positive is the first step to making any day, week or month good. It's a step in the right direction. Everybody likes new. Clean and fresh gives you positive way of looking at life. How YOU deal with each day and what comes your way is YOUR choice, regardless of what happens.

Megan Monday's are my new, fun way of dealing with a not-so-enjoyable work place and the people who come with it-the negative attitudes-the I'm pretty important people-the students who are trying and the ones who are not. It's just life.

I've found that having successful Megan Monday's depend a great deal on how prepared I am for Monday or the entire week. If I'm not ready to roll I'm setting myself up for a not-so-great start to my day or week. But regardless my attitude and outlook make a world of difference.

So having my calendar in order, my lunch packed, clothes laid out and whatever else I need to take care of on Monday or any day makes life go a while lot better. I'm more prepared to deal with the negative and the people don't look at Monday's as great!

Having a Megan way of looking at life, not just Monday's, makes life a while lot happier. I'm sure Megan will be successful where every she goes in life as long as she keeps her attitude of Monday's, or any day, as a fresh start and clean slate! The lessons you learn from kids, who knew!

A positive thought: RAIN! It may be a dreary, wet, rainy Monday but the sound of the rain coming down and the thoughts of the green that will come after the rain stops and the sun comes out makes me smile. New life, new day, new week!

Taking a stand.

Standing up for a cause or something you feel strongly about is commendable but uncomfortable. If more people stood up for what was right maybe there would be more good than bad going on in this country and the world. But we seem to be in a trend right now that the immoral and under educated are running their mouths and those with values, morals, character and education are swept under the rug and ignored.

But it takes guts to stand up for something. And even more guts to stand up for yourself. To finally say "I've had enough." You're looked at as being full of drama or all about yourself. Heaven forbid you take a stand or say enough. But what does it take to stand up for YOU?

Is there a breaking point or fine line? It is different I'm sure for everyone. And there are those people who never stand up for themselves or anything. They go with the flow, they agree with whatever everyone says or does or believes. If they are happy or not, who knows.

I don't know what it takes or what pushes me to the point of no return. Some times it depends on the day. Or maybe even more so the person.

I finally stood up, put as politely as I could my feelings (although it was a very watered down version) and walked away from a BS situation. For the first 24-hours after I did this I had a whole gamut of emotions and feelings-beating myself up and taking the blame. Hurt, sadness, frustration were the key feelings. But then the feelings of why had I allowed myself to be treated like this, and dealt with the BS and garbage for over two years? Because it was for a good cause and something I believed in. But then it came to me as I was being talked AT instead of TO that regardless of the cause and the good it was intended this was NOT good for me-this is NOT how a positive situation should go. The person talking at me was doing what she was doing because she a) can't help herself and has a control problem b) she likes to be in charge and finally c) loves to be seen as a martyr-poor me I do all the work and people see me as a great person. Well heck, this was not a good or healthy thing for me to be around or near.

So as they say, I put on my big girl panties today and I'm sticking to my guns, good, bad, right or wrong. This is not how you do something that is suppose to be a positive and good cause. You make every part of the team, not just you or the "select" that you choose or deem worthy. That's NOT a team.

I'm sure there are more stupid feels that will creep into my idle brain but as long as I believe in me, and making things more positive I'm moving on and forward.

Positive thought of the day: You don't need someone to make you happy or feel valued. You need to be happy with yourself and see your worth of yourself for yourself. Until you do no one else is going to value you and you certainly will never find happiness if you are looking for it every where else but from you, inside you! Life is too short to let someone else drive and decide where YOU are going. Unless it's God!

Lessons from mom

Everyone, well most everyone, thinks their mom is pretty great! Small children depend on their mothers for everything, and mom is their everything. As kids get older and become more independent they view their moms in a variety of ways, from over-protective to embarrassing to dumb because mom knows nothing. I went through these stages of growing up in a very mild, watered-down version. I usually got along well with mom. She was very over protective-to a fault at time, but she had a sheltered life and did not know what she was missing out on or how to change with the times. But I survived and lived to tell! Self taught is a big part of my life.

Mom worked hard. As a farm wife she worked every bit as hard as my dad did. What she accomplished in a day would put most people to shame in this day and age. When she went to bed at the end of each day she was tired from hard work. She was a very smart and talented woman who could figure out and do what she put her mind to. Her husband and family came first.

My mom taught me the basis of life like cooking, cleaning, baking, how to work hard, be responsible, treat others with kindness and put those you love first. I thought most of her meals were delicious, except for tuna noodle casserole made with doritos and when she hid liver- making it look like minute steak in gravy. Or the organ meats she tried to hid in a variety of ways!
I have nothing but fond, happy memories of my mom, except for two times...the time she called me a "nincompoop" for accidentally stepping on the hay rope and dumping a fork full of bales as they went up the side of the barn to the hay mow (it still hurt my feelings) and the time she chewed me out for saying "crap". As in "this is a bunch of crap." Yes that's what I said, oh boy was I chewed out and I was afraid to use the word for a long, long time!)

I used to have my moments of embarrassment because my parents were older when they had me and the fact that I was an "opps baby". Yes I feel gypped because I lost my parents while in my 30s and 40s while my siblings were in the 50s and 60s. They got all that extra time. But over the years,  especially when I because pregnant with my daughter when my son was just over six months old, I've learned to appreciate these surprises in life.  I'm now proud of being a "opps!" I'd read some place a response to the people who would ask if my baby was planned and I used it all throughout my pregnancy with her, "yes, GOD planned it!" I know that is what my parents felt and thought. That what I was for my parents and that is what my daughter (and both boys) are for me. (People are just plain rude some times.)

But I had so many advantages that my siblings missed out on with coming along later in my parents lives. Yes by siblings told me, and still do, every chance they can that I was spoiled. Yes I got to do things that they did not because by the time I came along my parents had been at the parenting gig for 16+ years. I had to be drug along to things because a) no one was at home to babysit me or b) no one wanted to stay home and babysit me. I spent many, many evenings at the homes of my parents friends read, watching tv or just plain bored out of my mind. This taught me patience and how to occupy my time. I also had to learn a variety of farm duties and house hold tasks because no one else was around to help or do it. I've witnessed the good with the bad. Yes I was spoiled because I got to spend time, do things and got things the rest of my siblings did not. But the best part was that I was spoiled in the aspect that I had mom and dad all to myself! I have so very, very many fun, happy memories of both mom and dad. I am truely blessed.

April Fools day was one of my moms favorite days of the year. She played her tricks all in fun, no one was hurt or embarrassed. I can only imagine she was having great fun in heaven yesterday. And today she is enjoying the day she entered this world. Her birthday was always a big celebration for her and all those around her. I'm sure strawberries and  ice cream are part of the menu. So to my mom on this her special day, she knows I miss her every day, but thank you for being my mom, for all you taught me, for the discipline, the life lessons, teaching me how to be independent, for spending time with me but most of all the unconditional love.

Positive of the day: Letting go and putting it in Gods hands. Despite those who bring nothing but negative to my life and all those around them,  I am done letting you rain on my day. Go pee in someone else's cereal! This is a day of celebration! I think strawberries are on the menu!