An open letter...

Dear high school senior parent(s),
What an exciting time in your child's life their senior year is. This is the beginning of the end of a chapter for you and your child as they journey through their senior year. It is a year of a lot of decisions and growing up and changes. Things will never be the same after this year. Your child will either go off to college next year, or hopefully get a job if they don't continue their education or they will be living in your basement. College and full time work is a big change from high school as your child will find out in less than a year. A BIG change. They will be a very, very small fish in a big, big pond.

Senior year is an expensive year, from start to finish. If you have not figured this out yet, you will soon. But this year will seem cheap compared to college or your child being out on their own paying for an apartment and insurance and food. This is life.

But my purpose in writing this letter is to let you know that if your child is not chosen for the homecoming court or as king or queen of something it does not matter. It won't matter in a week, a month or a year. It's not a deal breaker if they are not chosen. It's life. Not everyone is chosen or wins at everything or gets a trophy or a crown. No one has ever gotten into college because they were homecoming queen or on the court or because they had perfect attendance for seven years straight...no one cares.

I've had the pleasure of watching high school seniors campaign their hearts out, thinking no one was noticing or wise to their actions and behavior over the years for a spot on the homecoming court or chosen as king or queen. Trust me we notice, and find great humor in it! If a young lady who has spent most of her time being snotty and mean for the past three years is all of a sudden friends with everyone, there is a reason. I've watched parents cry because their child was not "chosen" for homecoming court or something else-big deal. I've also watched parents because a real "piece" when their child was chosen or crowned....big deal. This does not gauge whether or not you are a good or successful parent. Raising a good, kind, hardworking citizens is a gauge of how you did. Not a trophy or a crown.

So enjoy this year of lasts and the memories that come with it. Your child is about to "leave the nest" and things won't be the same after this year. And it will probably take until next year before your child realizes that all the silly high school stuff does not matter because they will be on to bigger and better. Only a handful of kids still come back or care who is chosen or voted for what. They are still living their high school days and need to "put down the yearbook" and grow up.

And a final thought to the kids who let the "not being chosen" put a big old chip on their shoulder and bother them..this does not define you. But if it really bothers that much, then maybe you need to take a long hard look in the mirror and how YOU treat people. Your classmates and friends are not stupid, they have eyes and ears too and see how things are.

Positive thought of the day: It's nice to see that 99.9% of the people grow up and move on from high school...and the 1% that does not gives us entertainment by their stupidity, usually posted to social media! As they say, "you can't fix stupid" but it is fun to watch and laugh at!

Dislike!

I dislike being cold. Read that again carefully. I dislike being cold. It does not read I dislike the cold but I dislike being cold! With warmer temps the AC is cranked at home and at school. At home I can regulate it and make it comfortable! But at school it's another story. After they cleaned the carpeting in my library over the summer they turned the AC down to get things dry. Well they've never turned things back up. I've thought about saying something but it is easier to wear a jacket or long sleeves than try to cool off. So most days I run out to the hallway between classes to warm up my hands, feet and nose! I know, life it rough. But I'd rather be a bit cool than smell sweaty, stinky kids!!

We are heading into my most favorite time of year-FALL!!!! I'm pretty sure I developed the love for this season because it was my dad's favorite season as well. Fall harvest is the best. Comfortable days and cool nights! YES! Not to mention the beautiful colors! I love it.

Now going back to my "I dislike being cold" this does not mean I don't like the cold, it's not my favorite thing but we can't control nature and the weather and seasons. (hint, hint-people please stop complaining about the weather!) I like winter and the snow and the beauty of it all, just like every other season. I like the jeans, sweaters and boots kind of thing. PLUS when working with kids, they smell less during the winter because they are not sweating as much!!! I know it's all a smell factor!!

So that is my two-cents worth as we enjoy warm weather but fall is heading our way...and I can't wait. So stay cool or warm or whatever it is you like!!

Positive thought of the day: Every season has it's good and bad aspects but the fact that we are here to enjoy it is a gift. Enjoy each day and find the good in it!

A smaller table

Okay, I have a confession to make...I don't make my dining room table smaller when there is only two of us around here. I'd like to say it's because I use it for a variety of things like...folding laundry, sorting my kids mail and such, painting (or my attempt at painting!) and a variety of other reasons. But in truth whenever I walk into the dining room and the table is out as far as it can go I think that my family will all be home soon. We will all be gathered around to eat, play games, talk, laugh and make memories.

This was the case this weekend. We gathered around that table, all stretched out since the last time all three kids were home....last December, and we all ate together. And the the additional blessing was the extra people we now add to our family, soon to be spouses, a grandparent and good friend. We were missing one. But I realized this morning as I was up before anyone else that the table has not been "small" for months. And I like it that way.

As my kids leave one by one today and I keep moving or I find myself missing them way too much and in disbelief that three days can go that fast-yes I'd planned and worked for the past couple of weeks for this long weekend-I could not wait! But I will leave the table "big". Because the next time we are all gathered together will be the next weekend or event that they all or any of my kids will come home-always great!  And for today, as they all leave I have the "next time" in the back of my mind and will plan for the next two months when we will all be together again and gathered around that table. And to be honest, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Yes they are all adults. And yes they are all living their own lives. And I'm fiercely proud of each one of them and their significant others. They are all good people. But plain and simple I love to have them home and I am so very blessed to be their mom!

As the next couple of months roll by and we occasionally use the dining room table for a variety of things, mostly an organizational place for "stuff," in the back of my mind I am envisioning the next time we are all home together and gathered around the table for whatever reason and thinking back on the hundreds of other memories and family and friends who have joined us around that table. I am so blessed and can't wait for the next time.

So the table will stay big and wait! But for now I have more great memories of having my family home and under the same roof and more memories made around the table...I am so blessed!

What a difference a year makes....or more

Every time I hear about or see pictures from the first day of school I think back to my kid's first days of school. I was one of those mom's who took the pictures-alone, with their siblings-the whole ball of wax. There is something about that first day that seems like such a milestone.

Last year at this time I was cheering on child number 2 as she entered her last semester of classes while working on her masters. She did it! Now she is about to embark on her "first real grown up job" (as she calls it) as a school counselor. She's excited, nervous and missing the people who she's been around daily for the past eight months. Living alone is always an adjustment. But this is her dream.

Child number 3 is on his first, last day of school/classes as he finishes up his degree in education. He's worked hard as well and will student teach in the spring, I'm sure that will be here before we know it too. Next year his first day of school will be as the teacher, not as a student, for the fist time in his life! Yay! What a difference a year will make for him, next year.

I remember taking child number 1 to his first day of kindergarten. This was it. Two years of pre-school was kind of a practice run for us. This was the real deal. He did better than I did and was off and playing as I was heading out the door hiding tears behind my sunglasses (thank goodness for those).

Child #2 was out of the car before I hardly got the car in park as she to headed to her first day of kindergarten, waving and calling "bye mom!". She thought she could take herself in...um, no! She was off and running shortly after we got to the classroom. No first day of school jitters there! She was, in fact,  sitting on her bed at 6:30 a.m., dressed in the little jumper I'd stayed up late making! She was excited and sure of herself. She still is!

Child #3 hung back a little bit when I took him to the first day of kindergarten. He and I had spent some time together when the two older siblings were off to school. I'd often pick him up from the babysitter and we'd have a lunch "date" before I dropped him off for preschool. But he warmed up and was off as I once again, like I did with all three kids, headed out the door wearing sunglasses as the tears stung my eyes. Yes I'm sentimental and I truly realized at that time that that was the end of one chapter and the start of another in their young lives, the first of many. I would no longer be the most important adult in their lives. They would be spending more of their day with their teacher than me. It's a tough pill to swallow, for any parent, after doing the job for the first five-plus years of their lives. But that's life and I would not want it any other way. I count my blessing every time I see a parent with a child of special needs who does not get those "normal" moments or those who can't have children and who just plain won't ever get those moments.

As I started my first day of school (again!) yesterday I found myself thinking about all the changes that had happened over the past year. I had to work with a senior girl who wants nothing but to be done regarding her senior year...."this is it," I told her, "next year will be completely different." She stopped the negative banter and I think she realized that I was right. Things were never going to be the same. Life ahead was a big bundle of changes and surprises. She left with a little different attitude, if even for a short time.

So looking back over the past year there have been a lot of changes. A LOT!! They are good and bad. No one knows where they will be in a year and that's okay. That's life, it happens. And no matter how much you plan, organize and try to control life, things just have a way of happening, and usually it is how we least expect it to go!

Positive thought of the day: Appreciate where you are at. If you are not experiencing changes then you are stuck in a rut. Keep moving, on and forward! That's life.

Stop doing for others what they wouldn't do for you

The title of this blog is tough love. Tough love for me. A lesson I have got to learn to live, practice and remember. I have got to stop doing for those who would not do the same for me. This ranges from helping to caring and loving.
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you" is a saying I grew up hearing, a way of life, live by, and still do. But I must admit I'm to the point with life and people where I think I'm done. Why bust my butt, go the extra mile, give of my time, energy, talent when these same people won't do the same for me. Much less utter the words "thank you" or "can I help you?".  I'm tired of this behavior and the treatment. Maybe my new mantra should be "NO". Plain and simple and to the point. And there are some people who are going to hear that word-NO.
I know tomorrow is a new day and I usually go back to old ways and habits. But not this time. If I'm being a b^#(@ or unchristian, well then I guess I will be. But at some point something has to give. And I'm tired.

Positive thought of the day: sorry I don't have any, other than tomorrow is a new day.

Do no harm, take no s^!#

There is a fine line between standing up for yourself and being a b!#ch. There also is a wise-ness of picking your battles. There are people who think they've gotten the best of me or a situation or have "won" because I've walked away or said nothing. But they are very wrong. Some things or people just aren't worth my time and energy. And I'm finding more and more people and situations are not worth my time as life goes on.

But one thing I won't ever get or understand is mean people. Why? Is it something you learned at home? Are or were your parents mean and nasty people? Why?

I don't get or understand the people who set up, make, watch and take great joy in watching people fail. They do everything they can to make it happen. Why? What is wrong with you? What makes these kinds of people so mean, nasty and vindictive? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I keep going back to "it was how they were raised" and blaming their parent/parents or lack there of. Their 'home" life must be pretty awful. Plus this is what must being taught at home-well they learning it some place, I'm just saying.

We've all had or been a witness to the "friend who is absolutely nothing but trouble". I think most people have had one or two during their life-a wrong choice. These are friends who do nothing but bring out the bad in us, teach us bad things and make us do bad things. I've witnesses these kinds of friends with my own kids over the years. You keep a close eye. Watch carefully and pray-a lot. You can't say anything because you know it will come back and smack you in the face and it usually just propels them towards the wrong person even more. So you just wait, and watch. And sooner or later, for good or bad, people come to their senses-usually. But what is left behind is usually not good. Either bad habits are learned and repeated. Or there is the aftermath of these so called friendships-relationships damaged or changed forever. It's life. A lesson.

I remember my mom coming right out and telling me that she didn't like a friend I had in junior high school. Mom said my current friend at the time, Christy, was not a good friend nor did she make good choices. I was hurt but it didn't stop me from being friends with Christie-one of my few rebel moments of life I guess. Mom kept close tab on my "phone time" with Christie at home and I think I got to have her over once but was never allowed to go to her house. But mom could not control our time together or behavior at school. I got in trouble for small things in class a few times because of Christie and then I started to realize what my mom meant. My friendship with Christie was short lived and she finally transferred to public school and got pregnant in high school and from there I have no idea what happened to her. Mom was right and I innocently learned how to make better choices in friends. I have no idea how or why Christie and I because friends in the first place. But I learned how to make better choices and how not to be one of "those" friends in life.

Unfortunately in life, work and family you get the mean and bully kind of people who do no good and are bad news all the way around. You can't avoid them when they are members of your family, a coworker or a neighbor. You deal. You avoid. And you keep moving along. Unfortunately, these mean bullies often times seem hell bent on being jerks-its their way of life, they know no other way. My goal has always been to avoid these people, protect myself and those I love or mean a great deal to me and eliminate the negativity of these people. And another thing I've learned is if you get rid of one of these kinds of people there is always another one just like them, right behind them to take their place. Life is filled with mean people. How you react or if you do fuels their fire and gives them power.

So I guess my stand on those who are hell bent on making someones life hell or causing problems is to do exactly as this blog is titled: Do no harm, take no shit. I will stand up for the under dog, or for someone who needs my help or support against the bully or mean behavior. I always have and I hope I always will take a stand and support regardless if it is an adult friend or a student. I did it as a kid and as an adult, and I will continue to do so BUT....I will not do it in a mean manner. I will not stoop to the level of those who are being mean and a bully. If we don't help each other we are letting the bullies win. There is power in numbers.

I guess the phrase "do no harm, take no shit" is a good way to look at and deal with life. It is a positive way to deal with the ups and downs in life. It is a positive way to turn around a negative situation! There are no winners or losers in this thing called life...in the end we all die. The best legacy we can leave behind is good memories and the ability to make people smile when they think of us. Do no harm, take no shit.

Positive thought of the day: May your day be bully free! But remember to "Do no harm, take no shit"!

Finally noticing

A ritual this summer has developed with my daughter and I, walking, around 3 miles almost daily. Sometimes we walk in the morning, but usually we walk in the evening. We see some and hear some strange things some evenings. And there are times we see some pretty cool things, sunsets, wild flowers and the like! It is interesting to see the world at dusk or at nightfall. And in all honesty we talk about as fast as we walk. We've solved a lot of problems, not worldly but personally. And we've bounced some great ideas off of one another as well. It's life and great to share as well as get some exercise.

There are those nights when there are just some weird things going on. No it's not always a full moon but just a normal night. As we approached home last night I noticed the cool shadows the trees were making on the concrete from the street light above them. What I wonder is how many times I and we had walked through those same shadows and never noticed? And what made me finally notice this last night? Did I have my head down? I don't recall what we were discussing as we were almost at the end of our walking route. But it was one of those things that I turned around, went back and looked at. I stood in those shadows and then I took pictures with my cell phone so I could capture the beauty. I FINALLY noticed!

How many times do we fly by life and things that are one of a kind, and breath takingly beautiful and never even notice because we are so wrapped up in our own lives and problems? A lot!

So whatever made me notice last night, I'm glad I did.