A smaller table

Okay, I have a confession to make...I don't make my dining room table smaller when there is only two of us around here. I'd like to say it's because I use it for a variety of things like...folding laundry, sorting my kids mail and such, painting (or my attempt at painting!) and a variety of other reasons. But in truth whenever I walk into the dining room and the table is out as far as it can go I think that my family will all be home soon. We will all be gathered around to eat, play games, talk, laugh and make memories.

This was the case this weekend. We gathered around that table, all stretched out since the last time all three kids were home....last December, and we all ate together. And the the additional blessing was the extra people we now add to our family, soon to be spouses, a grandparent and good friend. We were missing one. But I realized this morning as I was up before anyone else that the table has not been "small" for months. And I like it that way.

As my kids leave one by one today and I keep moving or I find myself missing them way too much and in disbelief that three days can go that fast-yes I'd planned and worked for the past couple of weeks for this long weekend-I could not wait! But I will leave the table "big". Because the next time we are all gathered together will be the next weekend or event that they all or any of my kids will come home-always great!  And for today, as they all leave I have the "next time" in the back of my mind and will plan for the next two months when we will all be together again and gathered around that table. And to be honest, I CAN'T WAIT!!!

Yes they are all adults. And yes they are all living their own lives. And I'm fiercely proud of each one of them and their significant others. They are all good people. But plain and simple I love to have them home and I am so very blessed to be their mom!

As the next couple of months roll by and we occasionally use the dining room table for a variety of things, mostly an organizational place for "stuff," in the back of my mind I am envisioning the next time we are all home together and gathered around the table for whatever reason and thinking back on the hundreds of other memories and family and friends who have joined us around that table. I am so blessed and can't wait for the next time.

So the table will stay big and wait! But for now I have more great memories of having my family home and under the same roof and more memories made around the table...I am so blessed!

What a difference a year makes....or more

Every time I hear about or see pictures from the first day of school I think back to my kid's first days of school. I was one of those mom's who took the pictures-alone, with their siblings-the whole ball of wax. There is something about that first day that seems like such a milestone.

Last year at this time I was cheering on child number 2 as she entered her last semester of classes while working on her masters. She did it! Now she is about to embark on her "first real grown up job" (as she calls it) as a school counselor. She's excited, nervous and missing the people who she's been around daily for the past eight months. Living alone is always an adjustment. But this is her dream.

Child number 3 is on his first, last day of school/classes as he finishes up his degree in education. He's worked hard as well and will student teach in the spring, I'm sure that will be here before we know it too. Next year his first day of school will be as the teacher, not as a student, for the fist time in his life! Yay! What a difference a year will make for him, next year.

I remember taking child number 1 to his first day of kindergarten. This was it. Two years of pre-school was kind of a practice run for us. This was the real deal. He did better than I did and was off and playing as I was heading out the door hiding tears behind my sunglasses (thank goodness for those).

Child #2 was out of the car before I hardly got the car in park as she to headed to her first day of kindergarten, waving and calling "bye mom!". She thought she could take herself in...um, no! She was off and running shortly after we got to the classroom. No first day of school jitters there! She was, in fact,  sitting on her bed at 6:30 a.m., dressed in the little jumper I'd stayed up late making! She was excited and sure of herself. She still is!

Child #3 hung back a little bit when I took him to the first day of kindergarten. He and I had spent some time together when the two older siblings were off to school. I'd often pick him up from the babysitter and we'd have a lunch "date" before I dropped him off for preschool. But he warmed up and was off as I once again, like I did with all three kids, headed out the door wearing sunglasses as the tears stung my eyes. Yes I'm sentimental and I truly realized at that time that that was the end of one chapter and the start of another in their young lives, the first of many. I would no longer be the most important adult in their lives. They would be spending more of their day with their teacher than me. It's a tough pill to swallow, for any parent, after doing the job for the first five-plus years of their lives. But that's life and I would not want it any other way. I count my blessing every time I see a parent with a child of special needs who does not get those "normal" moments or those who can't have children and who just plain won't ever get those moments.

As I started my first day of school (again!) yesterday I found myself thinking about all the changes that had happened over the past year. I had to work with a senior girl who wants nothing but to be done regarding her senior year...."this is it," I told her, "next year will be completely different." She stopped the negative banter and I think she realized that I was right. Things were never going to be the same. Life ahead was a big bundle of changes and surprises. She left with a little different attitude, if even for a short time.

So looking back over the past year there have been a lot of changes. A LOT!! They are good and bad. No one knows where they will be in a year and that's okay. That's life, it happens. And no matter how much you plan, organize and try to control life, things just have a way of happening, and usually it is how we least expect it to go!

Positive thought of the day: Appreciate where you are at. If you are not experiencing changes then you are stuck in a rut. Keep moving, on and forward! That's life.

Stop doing for others what they wouldn't do for you

The title of this blog is tough love. Tough love for me. A lesson I have got to learn to live, practice and remember. I have got to stop doing for those who would not do the same for me. This ranges from helping to caring and loving.
"Do unto others as you would have done unto you" is a saying I grew up hearing, a way of life, live by, and still do. But I must admit I'm to the point with life and people where I think I'm done. Why bust my butt, go the extra mile, give of my time, energy, talent when these same people won't do the same for me. Much less utter the words "thank you" or "can I help you?".  I'm tired of this behavior and the treatment. Maybe my new mantra should be "NO". Plain and simple and to the point. And there are some people who are going to hear that word-NO.
I know tomorrow is a new day and I usually go back to old ways and habits. But not this time. If I'm being a b^#(@ or unchristian, well then I guess I will be. But at some point something has to give. And I'm tired.

Positive thought of the day: sorry I don't have any, other than tomorrow is a new day.

Do no harm, take no s^!#

There is a fine line between standing up for yourself and being a b!#ch. There also is a wise-ness of picking your battles. There are people who think they've gotten the best of me or a situation or have "won" because I've walked away or said nothing. But they are very wrong. Some things or people just aren't worth my time and energy. And I'm finding more and more people and situations are not worth my time as life goes on.

But one thing I won't ever get or understand is mean people. Why? Is it something you learned at home? Are or were your parents mean and nasty people? Why?

I don't get or understand the people who set up, make, watch and take great joy in watching people fail. They do everything they can to make it happen. Why? What is wrong with you? What makes these kinds of people so mean, nasty and vindictive? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I keep going back to "it was how they were raised" and blaming their parent/parents or lack there of. Their 'home" life must be pretty awful. Plus this is what must being taught at home-well they learning it some place, I'm just saying.

We've all had or been a witness to the "friend who is absolutely nothing but trouble". I think most people have had one or two during their life-a wrong choice. These are friends who do nothing but bring out the bad in us, teach us bad things and make us do bad things. I've witnesses these kinds of friends with my own kids over the years. You keep a close eye. Watch carefully and pray-a lot. You can't say anything because you know it will come back and smack you in the face and it usually just propels them towards the wrong person even more. So you just wait, and watch. And sooner or later, for good or bad, people come to their senses-usually. But what is left behind is usually not good. Either bad habits are learned and repeated. Or there is the aftermath of these so called friendships-relationships damaged or changed forever. It's life. A lesson.

I remember my mom coming right out and telling me that she didn't like a friend I had in junior high school. Mom said my current friend at the time, Christy, was not a good friend nor did she make good choices. I was hurt but it didn't stop me from being friends with Christie-one of my few rebel moments of life I guess. Mom kept close tab on my "phone time" with Christie at home and I think I got to have her over once but was never allowed to go to her house. But mom could not control our time together or behavior at school. I got in trouble for small things in class a few times because of Christie and then I started to realize what my mom meant. My friendship with Christie was short lived and she finally transferred to public school and got pregnant in high school and from there I have no idea what happened to her. Mom was right and I innocently learned how to make better choices in friends. I have no idea how or why Christie and I because friends in the first place. But I learned how to make better choices and how not to be one of "those" friends in life.

Unfortunately in life, work and family you get the mean and bully kind of people who do no good and are bad news all the way around. You can't avoid them when they are members of your family, a coworker or a neighbor. You deal. You avoid. And you keep moving along. Unfortunately, these mean bullies often times seem hell bent on being jerks-its their way of life, they know no other way. My goal has always been to avoid these people, protect myself and those I love or mean a great deal to me and eliminate the negativity of these people. And another thing I've learned is if you get rid of one of these kinds of people there is always another one just like them, right behind them to take their place. Life is filled with mean people. How you react or if you do fuels their fire and gives them power.

So I guess my stand on those who are hell bent on making someones life hell or causing problems is to do exactly as this blog is titled: Do no harm, take no shit. I will stand up for the under dog, or for someone who needs my help or support against the bully or mean behavior. I always have and I hope I always will take a stand and support regardless if it is an adult friend or a student. I did it as a kid and as an adult, and I will continue to do so BUT....I will not do it in a mean manner. I will not stoop to the level of those who are being mean and a bully. If we don't help each other we are letting the bullies win. There is power in numbers.

I guess the phrase "do no harm, take no shit" is a good way to look at and deal with life. It is a positive way to deal with the ups and downs in life. It is a positive way to turn around a negative situation! There are no winners or losers in this thing called life...in the end we all die. The best legacy we can leave behind is good memories and the ability to make people smile when they think of us. Do no harm, take no shit.

Positive thought of the day: May your day be bully free! But remember to "Do no harm, take no shit"!

Finally noticing

A ritual this summer has developed with my daughter and I, walking, around 3 miles almost daily. Sometimes we walk in the morning, but usually we walk in the evening. We see some and hear some strange things some evenings. And there are times we see some pretty cool things, sunsets, wild flowers and the like! It is interesting to see the world at dusk or at nightfall. And in all honesty we talk about as fast as we walk. We've solved a lot of problems, not worldly but personally. And we've bounced some great ideas off of one another as well. It's life and great to share as well as get some exercise.

There are those nights when there are just some weird things going on. No it's not always a full moon but just a normal night. As we approached home last night I noticed the cool shadows the trees were making on the concrete from the street light above them. What I wonder is how many times I and we had walked through those same shadows and never noticed? And what made me finally notice this last night? Did I have my head down? I don't recall what we were discussing as we were almost at the end of our walking route. But it was one of those things that I turned around, went back and looked at. I stood in those shadows and then I took pictures with my cell phone so I could capture the beauty. I FINALLY noticed!

How many times do we fly by life and things that are one of a kind, and breath takingly beautiful and never even notice because we are so wrapped up in our own lives and problems? A lot!

So whatever made me notice last night, I'm glad I did.

I heard your voice today

A five-year old voice mail recently brought me a whole host of emotions that I was not planning on or ready for. A voice mail to my daughter from my mom wishing her happy birthday was bitter sweet. It made my heart ache and I realized how much I miss my mom each and every day. But it also was wonderful to hear mom's voice once again. I hear that voice in my head every day. My biggest fear-the day I don't hear her voice in my memories any more.

The conversations my mom and I had often come back to me often. Some are good, some are heart touching, some sad, some make me a bit angry (like the time she called me a nincompoop-I was a kid! Or the time she told me the word "crap" was not to be heard in her house again-what? That's crap! Sorry mom!) The jokes we shared, the fun. Mom always had a "lets do it" kind of attitude.
The words of wisdom she shared or favorite phrases or quotes she would say are treasures for me now. My kids now have mom-isms that they say and use quite often! Yes, I could return the favor but I won't.

My whole point is the voice of memories and reason that come back to you are from those who mean the most to you and are wonderful. I can still hear my dad's voice and the last thing he ever said just to me. Precious memories.

Some people flap their lips just because they don't know what else to do or they like the sound of their own voice. And what you say will be remembered but even more is how what you said made people feel. I like to sit and listen when with friends and in groups. It is great for memories and it is amazing what you can learn from and about people when you listen and learn. My dad loved to watch people while my mom would shop. I now understand why.

So I'm grateful for that voice mail and the memories and emotions it brought flooding back. And yes it makes me smile through tears but that is a good thing. I love and miss that voice. So thank you Ashlyn for sharing with me. There is no need to feel badly. It was wonderful to hear that voice once again.

Positive thought of the day: Remember your voice is the soundtrack of a lot of other peoples lives-more people than you probably realize. Value that gift!

I didn't see it coming

I'm not a good sick person. I plug through the best I can but one thing I've learn from being a migraine sufferer for a good majority of my life, and that is to stop and deal with whatever it is I've got.

I was hit with not only a bout of the flu but that would then turn into a bad case of sinus infection and double ear infection. I've never had ear infection. I don't like it.  What the heck? I don't like this inability to hear or only hear myself or hear things that are related to me-like how loud crunchy food is when your ears are shut-from the inside of my head! Or how it sounds on the inside when the water hits your head in the shower-like being under an umbrella. I'm to the point where I know I can not hear anything more than three feet away-frustrating. I'm learning to read lips!

The trip to the doctor was educational. No this is not fun and I didn't realize how sick I was, nor how it was affecting my life. A shot and some double whammy antibiotics are slowly (I think. I hope.) doing what they need to. Yes I can't wait for the day when my ears open. But I'm a bit edgy as I was told not to be surprised if my ear drum or drums burst. WHAT??? Noooo!!

It is natural to not appreciate something or someone until it/they are gone. I remember a conversation my mom and I had once about which sense, hearing or sight, we'd be more able to do without if we were to loose either ability. We discussed the pros and cons of the loss of each. What it would be like to loose either had a lot of negatives and positivies. I know now my mom had hearing loss from probably ear infections in her younger years, which I am dealing with at this time. Gee, I wonder where I got this from, along with a host of other heath related things-thanks mom!! Mom and I both agreed that the loss of hearing would be the better of the two senses to loose. Right now I'm appreciating things like normal hearing a lot more!

We have tons of things we take granted every second of every day. Be it a normal, healthy day or a sense that is compromised right now due to illness. Or a life threatening illness or some other calamity. As I've always said, I'm thankful for quiet, normal days. I find myself appreciating those dull days even more when I hear about someone's misfortune.

So with my dulled ability of hearing I'm appreciating the return to normal health! From the lack of nose blowing or return of energy and to get things done. All of these are small gifts that we take for granted until they are gone or not normal.

And I did not see any of this coming but it did and the timing was by far from great but it is what it is! And with this comes a lesson, a reminder and new appreciation.

Positive thought of the day: Listen to all that is happening around you. Stop and sit in silence for a few minutes. It is amazing to just listen to all that is going on around you.