Finally noticing

A ritual this summer has developed with my daughter and I, walking, around 3 miles almost daily. Sometimes we walk in the morning, but usually we walk in the evening. We see some and hear some strange things some evenings. And there are times we see some pretty cool things, sunsets, wild flowers and the like! It is interesting to see the world at dusk or at nightfall. And in all honesty we talk about as fast as we walk. We've solved a lot of problems, not worldly but personally. And we've bounced some great ideas off of one another as well. It's life and great to share as well as get some exercise.

There are those nights when there are just some weird things going on. No it's not always a full moon but just a normal night. As we approached home last night I noticed the cool shadows the trees were making on the concrete from the street light above them. What I wonder is how many times I and we had walked through those same shadows and never noticed? And what made me finally notice this last night? Did I have my head down? I don't recall what we were discussing as we were almost at the end of our walking route. But it was one of those things that I turned around, went back and looked at. I stood in those shadows and then I took pictures with my cell phone so I could capture the beauty. I FINALLY noticed!

How many times do we fly by life and things that are one of a kind, and breath takingly beautiful and never even notice because we are so wrapped up in our own lives and problems? A lot!

So whatever made me notice last night, I'm glad I did.

I heard your voice today

A five-year old voice mail recently brought me a whole host of emotions that I was not planning on or ready for. A voice mail to my daughter from my mom wishing her happy birthday was bitter sweet. It made my heart ache and I realized how much I miss my mom each and every day. But it also was wonderful to hear mom's voice once again. I hear that voice in my head every day. My biggest fear-the day I don't hear her voice in my memories any more.

The conversations my mom and I had often come back to me often. Some are good, some are heart touching, some sad, some make me a bit angry (like the time she called me a nincompoop-I was a kid! Or the time she told me the word "crap" was not to be heard in her house again-what? That's crap! Sorry mom!) The jokes we shared, the fun. Mom always had a "lets do it" kind of attitude.
The words of wisdom she shared or favorite phrases or quotes she would say are treasures for me now. My kids now have mom-isms that they say and use quite often! Yes, I could return the favor but I won't.

My whole point is the voice of memories and reason that come back to you are from those who mean the most to you and are wonderful. I can still hear my dad's voice and the last thing he ever said just to me. Precious memories.

Some people flap their lips just because they don't know what else to do or they like the sound of their own voice. And what you say will be remembered but even more is how what you said made people feel. I like to sit and listen when with friends and in groups. It is great for memories and it is amazing what you can learn from and about people when you listen and learn. My dad loved to watch people while my mom would shop. I now understand why.

So I'm grateful for that voice mail and the memories and emotions it brought flooding back. And yes it makes me smile through tears but that is a good thing. I love and miss that voice. So thank you Ashlyn for sharing with me. There is no need to feel badly. It was wonderful to hear that voice once again.

Positive thought of the day: Remember your voice is the soundtrack of a lot of other peoples lives-more people than you probably realize. Value that gift!

I didn't see it coming

I'm not a good sick person. I plug through the best I can but one thing I've learn from being a migraine sufferer for a good majority of my life, and that is to stop and deal with whatever it is I've got.

I was hit with not only a bout of the flu but that would then turn into a bad case of sinus infection and double ear infection. I've never had ear infection. I don't like it.  What the heck? I don't like this inability to hear or only hear myself or hear things that are related to me-like how loud crunchy food is when your ears are shut-from the inside of my head! Or how it sounds on the inside when the water hits your head in the shower-like being under an umbrella. I'm to the point where I know I can not hear anything more than three feet away-frustrating. I'm learning to read lips!

The trip to the doctor was educational. No this is not fun and I didn't realize how sick I was, nor how it was affecting my life. A shot and some double whammy antibiotics are slowly (I think. I hope.) doing what they need to. Yes I can't wait for the day when my ears open. But I'm a bit edgy as I was told not to be surprised if my ear drum or drums burst. WHAT??? Noooo!!

It is natural to not appreciate something or someone until it/they are gone. I remember a conversation my mom and I had once about which sense, hearing or sight, we'd be more able to do without if we were to loose either ability. We discussed the pros and cons of the loss of each. What it would be like to loose either had a lot of negatives and positivies. I know now my mom had hearing loss from probably ear infections in her younger years, which I am dealing with at this time. Gee, I wonder where I got this from, along with a host of other heath related things-thanks mom!! Mom and I both agreed that the loss of hearing would be the better of the two senses to loose. Right now I'm appreciating things like normal hearing a lot more!

We have tons of things we take granted every second of every day. Be it a normal, healthy day or a sense that is compromised right now due to illness. Or a life threatening illness or some other calamity. As I've always said, I'm thankful for quiet, normal days. I find myself appreciating those dull days even more when I hear about someone's misfortune.

So with my dulled ability of hearing I'm appreciating the return to normal health! From the lack of nose blowing or return of energy and to get things done. All of these are small gifts that we take for granted until they are gone or not normal.

And I did not see any of this coming but it did and the timing was by far from great but it is what it is! And with this comes a lesson, a reminder and new appreciation.

Positive thought of the day: Listen to all that is happening around you. Stop and sit in silence for a few minutes. It is amazing to just listen to all that is going on around you. 

Looking for inspiration

I'm always looking for inspiration, be it an idea for a meal, a new recipe, what to do with my hair, garden, house, wardrobe, anything, I'm looking, watching and researching constantly it seems. It is just my nature. And I hate being stuck in a rut. I always remember my mom saying to me that she would make a lousy old person. She did not make a lousy old person and I honestly think she thought as long as she kept a young, positive mindset she would live on. Unfortunately she did not live on, the mind was willing but the body was not able. But her mind was young even when she was not. I remember my mom and I playing with my two nieces-physically playing outside, while my sister in-law, my nieces mom, just sat and watched. It was a sad statement about my sister in-law then and still holds true now. She certainly is not young at heart. But we are all different.

I have a love hate relationship with change. Yes it's hard. Some people love and embrace it. Some resist change, fighting it tooth and nail. But regardless if you love or hate it, it happens. I like change on my terms...you should be laughing now as we are seldom, if ever in charge of how things go or happen in our lives. I love to try new things, and change things up. But when you are always met with a negative response sooner or later that will dies...this is the case with me and my house. I only choose changes and projects that I know I can do on my own. Trying or every thinking about suggesting to try new things and always having a "negative Nancy" poop on my ideas gets really, really old after while. I hope I'm not one of those people. I know we all are at time or another but I try to be willing to look at, try something new.

But back to the inspiration. Yes I'm always looking for new ideas. My guilty pleasure right now is Pinterest, it has been for quite some time. I can't recommend this website enough but don't join!! I'm kidding here! When I need a quick creative break from life I go to pinterest. When I need a recipe for a mean I go to pinterest. When I have a certain colored top or pants I want to put together an outfit for, you guessed it, I go to pinterest! I have the app on my phone and I jump on there occasionally when on my laptop, but not as much. It give me so much inspiration! 

I was recently cleaning up from out musical production and about to throw out old barn boards... when what do I do but jump on Pinterest to see if there is any thing cool to do with that old barn wood. Sure enough I find a project where basement steps are re-done with old barn boards. It looks pretty cool. I love power tools and things just looks like some measuring and getting things to fit. I can't wait. The old nails are pulled out of the old boards now all I need to do is start to measure (twice) cut (once) and figure out the best way to get this attached to the existing steps. I think I will look pretty cool when all is said and done. When will it get done, well that remains to be seen. I'd like to start working on it after school, but so far my after school time has not been my own. But soon I hope. Otherwise it will be on the top of my summer vacation list.

I also love to pin crochet patterns and stitches on Pinterest. My mom tried to teach me how to crochet but my friend Nancy mastered it quickly and correctly. I was a lost cause. But I've since then, thanks to Pinterest and youtube, gotten a handle on crocheting and a variety of crochet stitches. It is a challenge and fun. I never have the correct yarn on hand but I mess around and try with the yarn I do have. I enjoy it! And I think my mom would be pleased with my accomplishments!! I'm trying.

So no matter what you are looking for inspiration for or where you are looking for it, as long as you are looking and trying and challenging yourself you are putting yourself out there and you are making a difference. Even if it is just in your little world and a small part. Enjoy the inspiration, it's what keeps us alive.

Positive thought of the day: Spring time rains. I love the smell of rain!

The one not chosen

I was a preemie and an opps baby! There was 16 years age difference between my oldest sister and I and 6 years (almost 7 years) between my next sibling. So my experience with the outside world during the first five years of my life was very limited. I was home all day, everyday with my mom. Babysitters were my older siblings and life was very protective and simple.
So going to kindergarten was a traumatic experience for me. I was a shy and quiet little person. I lacked self confidence. In addition my red hair brought me a lot of unwanted attention.
And as I progressed through my school years I lacked confidence and the know-how when it came to PE or teams at recess. I was always one of the last, if not the last one, chosen when it came to teams. It did bother me a bit but not like it probably would most kids.

And then along about my sophomore year in high school I made a new friend. Someone who loved life and loved to laugh. One of my best friends I'd have for life, Shelly was and is a sweet person. Hanging out with her made me feel good. She taught me to have confidence and I'm sure she kept me on the right track with making good choices in high school while many of our classmates chose alcohol, sex and drugs -we chose to have simple fun-eating and playing tennis or at worse driving around on Friday or Saturday nights. This fun gave me confidence. Shelly was a farm girl, just like me. She was number 13 out of 14 kids in her family. She wasn't very athletic but yet she would get out there and participate in PE-which motivated me. But more than anything Shelly taught me how to not care what others thought or said about me. I grew in high school to have confidence and make right choices because of one of my best friends.

Shelly and I became a force in PE! Those farm skills helped make us a team in the various PE activities! We could hold our own with the male members of our class and it was fun to compete. I was no longer the last one chosen. Often times Shelly or I were chosen to be team captain-and as long as we were together we worked together, competed and had a blast. Yes I went on to get A's in PE (while other girls who stood around and watched did not)!!

There always has to be the "last one chosen" but how you deal with it or how you let it affect you says a lot about your character. My character as an elementary student was that of being clueless! I was just doing my own thing. And it took a good friend to teach me that being chosen last or not being the best was okay. She always taught me to do my own thing and be my own person. And I have to say to this day being the "one not chosen" or the last one chosen is God's way of bringing me to much better things! There are better things ahead than being "chosen" for whatever it is going on in your life right now. Just wait and see....

Positive thought of the day: Let go and let God. His plans are so much better than what we think we want or need!

The last time

I love the following poem! As a parent life is so busy and crazy as your children grow up that you often don't notice how things are changing-the "lasts". And even when your kids are adults and they grow farther and farther away you don't realize the "last times" in life.  But this is okay, because if you have the opportunity to look back and reflect and remember those "last times" it means you are truly blessed beyond words-you are a parent and you have been given one of the greatest gifts of all-a child or two or three or more! I have been blessed beyond words and I look back on those "last time" memories from all three children and smile with tears, but smile! I have those "last times," others have not been given such blessings. Love you three!

The Last Time

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms,
you will never be the same.
You might long for the person you were before,
When you have freedom and time,
And nothing in particular to worry about.

You will know tiredness like you never knew it before,
And days will run into days that are exactly the same,
Full of feedings and burping,
Nappy changes and crying,
Whining and fighting,
Naps or a lack of naps,
It might seem like a never-ending cycle.
But don’t forget …
There is a last time for everything.
There will come a time when you will feed
your baby for the very last time.
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child.
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down,
And never pick them up that way again.
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone.
They will hold your hand to cross the road,
Then never reach for it again.
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles,
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this.
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus”
and do all the actions,
Then never sing them that song again.
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate,
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone.
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face.
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times.
And even then, it will take you a while to realize.
So while you are living in these times,
remember there are only so many of them
and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.
-Author Unknown-

Holiday time!

Yep, you read this blog title correct! Today was one of my mom's most favorite days of the year! Besides the fact that it is the day before her birthday, April Fools day was a day where my mom could have fun. I mean good, clean fun. No one was ever embarrassed or anything like that-she just loved to laugh and play innocent, fun jokes. From what she told me she learned this from her dad and her brother Joe and sister, Anna, who also both loved laughter and were as fun loving as my mom. They sounded like a very happy family.

April Fool's day was always a day of laughter. We were never afraid of the pranks, just ready and on guard! Mom would play small innocent pranks on us. Turning on the windshield wipers, radio and such in our car so when we went to school and would turn the key to start the car things would be be blaring and be on in full force! Or one time it was vaseline on the stick shift of our cars. The 7Up bottle would have plain water in it instead of 7Up! A surprise when you are expecting the sweet taste of soda pop!  Or it was cold coffee in the Pepsi bottle-that one got my brother. This was back in the day when we had glass bottles of half open pop, with the lid on them to keep the fizz, sitting in our fridge! Mom once made liver in brown gravy over mashed potatoes-this looked and smelled exactly like her minute steaks! Yum!! Not a fun discovery but still all done in good humor. If you didn't like liver it was not as much fun, if you did you enjoyed the meal! I too loved the simple jokes of April Fool's day. But having willing participants makes or breaks this holiday.

Never were my mom or my April Fool's day pranks done to be mean or with harm. It was good clean humor....vaseline on your car door handle-yep, did that one to my brother! It was simple fun!

But as I said willing people or those who didn't get upset by these innocent pranks makes or breaks the holiday each year. I can't honestly remember the last time I played an April Fool's day prank on someone. My heart just is not in it any more. But I do remember my mom fondly every year on April 1st and do this with a smile and remember all her fun and how she liked to laugh.

Mom would be 90 years young tomorrow!! I'm so glad four years ago I road tripped over to see her. I took her out for Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza-her favorite. We had ice cream, another one of her favorites and we spent time together, talking, laughing and enjoy and celebrating her day-it still makes me smile. Three years ago I also road tripped over to spend mom's birthday with her-her last one here on earth. We stayed in her room. She slept a lot. I went and got the Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza and there was ice cream as well. As in past years all her birthday cards were hung so she could see them all and enjoy them. I am sooo glad I took the time and spent mom's special day with her-many of them. She loved to celebrate her birthday and April 2 holds nothing but great memories for me. I made my first communion on mom's birthday, which also happened to be Easter that year too. It was a big celebration for us! I know she is celebrating her birthday in heaven tomorrow with all those she loves. And I try to celebrate here on earth, just as she did for 87 years. But heaven help you today as I'm sure she is still playing her innocent pranks because today is her birthday eve....April Fool's day!

So enjoy the laughter and humor in today or at least laugh and find humor in something today. And tomorrow I will celebrate the life of my mom, who I miss daily, learned a ton of things from and love.

Happy April 1st :) and Happy Birthday in heaven tomorrow mom-love you and miss you!

Positive thought of the day: Laugh at the funny things in life, at yourself and because it is good for you. Laughter they say is the best medicine.