Somedays are more of a struggle than others

We all have those days, or parts of our days that are just challenging, a struggle or just plain difficult. And how you deal with those days, moments all depend on you. I'm 99% sure it also depends on a lot of variable from stress levels, to how you are feeling, what is going on emotionally and if you've gotten enough sleep!

Some people let a small moment ruin their whole day. I do this some times or I brood over it. I've been working on trying to let things go, some days I am successful in this, other days not so much. And often I often walk away. And if you want to argue that 1+1=5 have at it. It's not important. It's not important to me. Life is too short to waste it on small trivial things that are not important. Some people insist on always being right. I'm wrong more often than not. I'm very far from perfect. But you know what, in the end it doesn't matter, I tried.

I worked chain gang for a JH game last night, doing the down marker. You have to flip the paddle from 1-4 depending on what down it is and you follow and stay with the ball. I did a pretty good job for the first game of the year. But at one point my down marker got turned around so instead of it being 1st down I had it at 3rd down. I think it was the only time I messed up during the game. Not bad for the first time this year. I tried. I volunteered and it was hot and humid and kind of miserable weather conditions. But today I had a couple of JH football players tell me I messed up that one time. One time. Yep I did. I had the wrong down. At a JH football game. It had no decision in the game. Our team lost-it was their first game and I guess not one of those football players made a mistake. I'm not perfect. I complimented the guys on their game. I asked one how it felt to run the ball in for a touchdown. And you know what they said to me-that I had screwed up....wow. I really want to volunteer to do that again-NOT. Does it bother me-eh not really, what bothers me is the fact that these jerks think they are perfect and were quick to point out that I my mistake. I didn't say "hey way to drop or fumble the ball," or "wow you really got beat bad".

I beat myself up for my mistake last night after the game. Then I had a talk with myself about how it was just a JH football game. There was not a long list of volunteers to do the chain gang. In fact I was the only one to volunteer for quite a while. But really. I was trying to build JH boys confidence. Make them feel good about the positives of the game rather than the negatives and the fact that they lost. It's just a junior high game. Just. A. Junior. High. Game. Not life. I doubt I'll be judged at the end of my life for my mistake with the down marker at that JH game. I volunteered. I showed up. I did the best I could. But I'm not sure I'll be back...there are other places that need volunteers that making a mistake isn't such a big deal. What opened my eyes was my attempts to make them feel good about the good things that happened, not their mistakes and what they said to me about that ONE time. We'll see what the future holds. Volunteers are getting harder and harder to find.

Life is like that. Some times we let one incident define us. Some times one thing is the straw that brakes the camels back. Why am I bothering to volunteer do this? Who wants to set themselves up for that when I could be at home in the AC doing something a lot more fun....somedays are more of struggle. And maybe it's time to move on.

May your struggles today be small and insignificant in the whole picture of life.

Keep fighting the fight

Last night was the ninth Cancer Out/Coaches vs Cancer event that I was part of or headed. It was not the caliber of what I've done in the past but the motivation, and meaning and intentions was there.

I've gotten burnt out over the past couple of years. Kids who I work with, high school age, have gotten busier and/or lazier. It's a lot of fun, for a good cause, but it's a lot of work with very little help.

So after last year, sharing the event with another school group and having even more kids able to help but not getting the help from students I decided I was done. No more. I'd donate to Relay for Life and call it good.

My dance team girls, along with my relay for life rep kept asking if we were going to do another events. My girls saying they'd help and my rep being the supportive person she always is offering new ideas, trying to give me a renewed energy and fresh approach. No! I've had enough.

But in early December I found the thought of not doing an event weighing heavy on my mind. I found a little voice telling me "you need to do this" stronger than the thoughts of I've had enough, no more,  and I'm tired of doing most of the work. So I agreed to doing another round.

A week or two later the news of another close family member being diagnosed with cancer was a punch in the gut. THAT was the reason, the voice telling me to keep going, keep fighting.

Last night was our Cancer Out event. And as in past years it was a lot of work. I didn't let the stress of what needed to be done or what wasn't like past years bother me. And by the end of the night I knew I had done the best I could with the time, weather and working with a bunch of high school girls. It was a success, regardless of how much money was collected and raised. Every penny counts and it all is for one goal, working towards a day when no one will every have to hear the words "you have cancer" will ever be heard again.

So I'll keep fighting the fight.