What does it matter!

No I'm not asking the question "What does it matter?" as the title of today's post. It's my explanation- "What does it matter!".  Let me back track. It's been a rather nutty morning juggling between being home alone for a couple of days, cat and house sitting, working as a stringer for the local newspaper and trying to finish things up at school. So with all of this I was arriving at school around 9 a.m., an hour later than I wanted but I had everything else off of my list so it has been a productive morning so far (I probably just jinxed that!). Anyway as I made my way down the hallway, I was greeted by a coworker who I see on occasion. I made the mistake on commenting on how nice the hallway floors looked and I was met by 2 minutes of complaining, swearing, more complaining and more swearing about one of their coworkers, all while trying to get my door unlocked and escape the negative tirade! The guy just needed someone to vent to,  (I understand that and we all need an ear at times to vent, bitch and get it out. I do a lot!) I listened and when he finally took a breath, I briefly said that I was sorry his day and situation with the coworker was not going well. That I hoped it got better and again told him how nice the school was looking for all his hard work. I think I caught him off guard with my reply and he mumbled a "thank you" and went on his way. He just needed someone to vent to, however briefly it was. And I was not jumping on his bitching party bus but rather express my feelings that things were going that way BUT I appreciated and NOTICED what he was doing and how nice it looked. The end! Move on!
I got busy on work in my office and work area and I'd forgotten the conversation and the anger and frustration with the individual, it was typical behavior, unfortunately. We all have our triggers and moments.
It wasn't until I was killing some time sorting and going through some things while waiting for computer  software to finish downloading when I ran across a card from one of my high school dance team girls thanking me for listing and supporting her while she and her younger sister were having issues. And my earlier school greeting of frustration by that coworker came back to me. What does it matter!
I'm sure for the young lady who wrote me the card of thanks several months ago the problems have been resolved, dealt with and forgotten. I'd like to think she learned some life lessons from the experience but right now I know of doubt it. At the time it mattered a great deal to her. And it should have, no one wants or should be bullied. And I'm sure the tirade and venting that I was treated to this morning is long forgotten and I'm betting the individual was probably disappointed by my reaction and lack of band wagon jumping on! But he just needed to uncork his frustrations with a situation and move on....I hope!
We all have our "moments" where we let something that on most days don't even cause us to have a second thought hit us wrong at times. This is normal and this is part of being human. Even the most passive people have a nerve hit at times. And later,  I'd like to think, most of us look back and think "what was that?" or  Why did I let "that" bother and get to me? Hard to say!
But you know what? Life goes on. For some they stew and brew on something that may seem trivial to others but is a major source of irritation and unhappiness for them. Others just deal and move on. And there are those brave few who deal with the source of their unhappiness and frustration-good for them, IF they do it in a non-relationship harming way. Be brave-I am not!
I'm typically a keep my mouth shut and keep moving kind of person. I KNOW I'd feel better if I addressed the source of my frustrations and let it out. I have a heavy duty filter, unlike others who speak then think. But wisdom and experience has taught me to keep my mouth shut, move on and let it go, for the time being and deal with it myself. And there are those very rare times when I have stood up for myself and told someone how I felt. I just did that recently and I stood and still stand alone- without any friend support. I have no support from those around me, but they had not walked in my shoes, they have no idea what I was dealing with. It's a lonely walk and I've dealt with a variety of feelings but the fact that I'm not being walked on and treated as unimportant has made it worth the pain. I walked away from something I was passionate about and worked hard to make successful despite a "friend" who left me out of the loop and often times I was the last to know or be informed. That's not fun. That's not how you work with others-especially when you are working on the same project and cause. We're on the same team here! I'm not sure why some people feel the need to walk all over others. Is it an ego thing? A control factor for them? Or are they so self absorbed that they think only THEY can do it right. Of course people aren't going to do it the way you think they should. But they also aren't going to even attempt to do it the way you think it should be done if you don't tell them everything that it involves-share the information and edcation. I always silently cheer inside when someone goes above and beyond and does a better job, or does things a better way than anyone else thought of. Way to go!
So if you are bothered by something or someone today ask yourself my favorite four questions of: Will it matter in day? Will it matter in a week? Will it matter in a month? Or will it matter in a year? IF it does still bother you in a day, week, month or year, then it is important to you. Deal with it, come to terms and move on. Life is too short.

Positive thought of the day: Life is quiet and uneventful, which is a good thing to have!

A new direction

Every time I've sent my kids out the door my heart is always a bit sad to see them go and I look so forward to them coming home! From staying at Grandpa and Grandma's on the other side of the state as little people, to all the first days of school, then heading to college, new jobs and new places. The funny thing is they've usually headed east! East to camp, to college, to a first job. Until today. Ryan is taking his life a new direction so to speak. And this is something that has been on his radar for many months. He's going after a dream and that is wonderful. He's going west!

I've watched as all my kids have went after dreams and worked hard to achieve them. From auditioning for All-Iowa Dance Team to making it to the state track meet to getting a masters degree and hopefully doing something they love. And it is wonderful to watch! To them I say thank you, for being brave, for working hard and getting back up when life has knocked you down and working your butt off! They've kept their dreams alive and continued to dream-I hope they always do.

I remember how sad my mom always looked each time I left home, be it to head back to college, or loading up my three lively kids and going back to my house. I always had mixed emotions with the experience. My heart ached to leave my mom, and then to leave her alone after dad was gone, then to leave her in the care facility where she was living. My heart ached but often times I had  regret for not living closer or anger for her making it so hard to leave! But how lucky I was to have a mom who cared so much and made it hard to leave. I miss her every single day. No I would not have wanted to live with my parents! Nor would I want my kids all living at home as adults-we'd drive each other crazy....how limited their dreams would be if they still were. But how blessed I am to have these three and how much they have taught and continue to teach me and the adventures they take me on!

So today is the start of a new chapter and adventure not just for Ryan but for all of us who love him. For with him he not only takes along as many things as he can fit in his car and his bike on the back. But all of our love, support and prayers for nothing but the best. Even though nine hours seems like a lot, yes I was spoiled when everyone was less than two hours away, but this is not that far and it is not thousands and thousands of miles away. I always miss my kids when they are gone but I am so blessed that they want to go out into the world, explore, learn and live. And that they do come back home.
Love to all three....but I still miss you more than you know. After all you grew under my heart, you know what my heart sounds like from the inside and my heart and love is always with you.

Postivie thought of the day: I am so blessed and I so appreciate that fact! Love you guys!

Life, always changing

It's Sunday, the first day of the week. It's the first day of a new month and summer has finally arrived. But like every day life is constantly changing. People are doing something new or different, new projects, new hair style, new jobs, new cities, new book, new shoes, new glasses, new classes, new anything.

Birthdays come and go and with each one you are blessed enough to mark another year on this earth. Because if you look at life from the viewpoint of you are dying every day it is kind of sad. But looking at life as you will never again be as  young as you are right now, well it makes you appreciate the time, the moment and the blessing of being alive, who you are, where you are at and all that you are blessed with.

With this month ahead we have not only three birthdays in our house but changes coming with a new job, new location and life taking not just one of us but all of us some place new. When one family member moves and goes to a new city, state or country with them a part of the rest of the family goes too. No, I'm not planning on all of us moving but visiting is definitely in the plans. The new opportunities to see new places, go some place where we've never been before is exciting and fun. But more than that is the excitement of seeing your child work, go after and reach goals they've dreamed of and wanted.

So despite a dreaded milestone birthday coming up I'm excited to see what is ahead for as I titled this blog, life is always changing. And when you are a family and one person makes a change it is a change for everyone who knows and loves that person. It may seem at times that life is dull and boring, day in and day out we plug away because we loose track and don't notice the little changes, the seasons come and go and we continue. So with life changes, big, small or whatever the size embrace them and enjoy.

Positive thought of the day: My kids who still come home to visit and see us. Maybe I didn't screw up as much as I think I have! They are really great adults who regardless where they live, what they do and how often or little they come home to visit will always be my greatest accomplishment, my mark on the world! They will never realize how much I love them until they have kids of their own!